Identity Crisis
Imagine that you and I are sitting on the edge of a cliff, our feet dangling perilously over the edge while we delicately sipped green tea and talked. Then I said, "I still remember the day I met aniki. It was the happiest yet the saddest day of my life."
I think you would laugh and say, "But it can't possibly be both!"
The truth is, it was happy and sad. If I never met aniki, I don't think I would ever have become or an exorcist.
The feeling of my realization could never be expressed in mere words, but later I will try.
My name is Uchiha Sayuri and I live with my nii-san Uchiha Sasuke. I'm not sure if he's really my blood related brother, but that's what he claims. Our house is a small but cosy apartment close to the centre of Konoha. Our neighbours are the Number One Knucklehead Ninja Uzumaki Naruto and his girlfriend's rival, Yamanaka Ino. Her family owned a flower shop, but after the war, they were killed so she inherited it. Even to this day, the scent of the purple hyacinths reminds me of the sorrow we held in our hearts during the heated battle. I was a naïve girl born in Shizukagakure no Sato, known as Shizuka for short. We were constantly attacked by Otogakure – the country of Sound. Shizuka meant Country of Quiet, and so it seemed, as travellers passed through the endless icy plains to try and reach our safe haven at the peak of the mountain. Being brought up in an environment like this, a steep mountain side to me was like a flight of stairs to you. All I remember was living happily and harmoniously with my family, before they were murdered. I still remember Sasuke smiling and always tagging after nii-san Itachi, while I had to stay home and help do laborious jobs. Back then, no one knew about my jutsu so I wasn't allowed to become a ninja.
One night, Itachi grabbed my collar and dragged me into the garden with his wrench-like grip while I struggled with no prevail (I was only 4). Beside me, three other members of the Uchiha family were lying dead – my brother had already tortured them beyond insanity. That scene still lingers, forming the base of frequent nightmares. Scarlet blood, still wet, splattered around the porch. The screams of my relatives slowly turning into echoes… Up until now, I still don't know why Itachi chose to leave me and Sasuke alive. My mother, father and cousin were like pigs being led up to a slaughterhouse. In other words, they were dead. We ventured past our boundaries and into Konoha two days later. For me, it was a completely new experience, like being let out of a cardboard box to see the world. Surely I was an angel, who could spread her wings and fly…just letting the breeze stroke her neck and breathe in fresh air. But with Itachi still around, the cage was locked even more firmly, so Sasuke and I had even less freedom from before. He would always be watching over us in case we said a word to anyone about how our family died, or if we forgot to run an errand. I wish I could break it open, not just unlock but actually destroy and tear it down. I'm not afraid to get hurt so I could take a little risk. But no, pain filters through my soft feathers, blood seeps through each tiny crevice. Aniki scolded me much more often than nii-san for trivial things, like forgetting to dust one corner of the living room, or not folding my clothes properly. Yes, he could cut me, feel my blood gush out through the wounds, but my heart will still be whole. Yes, he could punch me, and feel the scars burst open, but my heart will still be pure. His kunais make me bleed, but I know it's only skin deep. My eyes will remain cold, emotionless, icy orbs. No matter how hard he hit and slashed and thrust, only my body is harmed.
Only one thing could pierce my mind, like fiery vines wrapping around everything. But he knew, of course, and soon, I became immune even to that.
"You useless girl. I told you a hundred times not to do that! What part of my instructions did you not understand? What's your problem?" I tried to stay silent most of the time, but soon my vision would be blurry and glazed as tears brimmed at the edge. "Say something!" His cold hand slapped my cheek so hard that I fell sideways. Usually, I would clutch my face and cry even more. There was no point in speaking when my throat was closed up and I was gasping. Another tear fell and several other warm ones rolled down my face. I blinked really hard to try and make them disappear, but I was fighting a losing battle. Those words, flickering like a dying candle flame, fall from your mouth. To everyone else, his words were as weak as butterflies, but they shattered my heart all the same.
Anyway, enough about these sad moments. Now, they are all memories. One of the best things in my life was when Itachi finally left, telling me that Sasuke would avenge him. Now I was free to do anything I wanted to.