Notes: Partially inspired by that genius LittleKuriboh and a bit of Blackadder

Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical, or Blackadder for that matter

Sharpay Returns

Ch. 1: The Council Meeting

It was Friday afternoon when school had already been let out. Troy and Gabriella had a date somewhere or other. Everyone else was gathered at the Evans' household.

In a room on the top floor, the named characters were sitting at a large rectangular business table. On the end farthest from the door, a large, cushiony, black chair was turned with the back facing everyone. Just then, the occupant of the chair spoke.

"Welcome, everyone," said the person as they started to turn around.

It was Sharpay, and she was stroking her little dog in her lap.

"I suppose you're all wondering why you're here."

"Not really," replied Chad.

Sharpay shot him a look, but continued.

"I've called you all here so we can do something to put a stop to Gabriella Montez and Troy Bolton. With our combined skills we will get even with them…somehow. Now before we start this evil council, and you start asking dumb questions, we'll take roll. Just say 'here' or something. Sharpay Evans, of course I'm here. Ryan Evans!"

This evil council is fabulous," Ryan replied.

"Yes it is. Chad Danforth!"

"Here I am," Chad spoke up, but then added in a softer voice, "Rock you like a hurricane."

Sharpay rolled eyes and went on.

"Zeke Baylor!"

"I baked you some cookies, sweetheart," Zeke said.

"Finally, someone plans ahead," she said taking one, "Martha Cox!"

"Who, me?" Martha said, having zoned out.

"Yes, you," Shar snapped.

"Oh, okay."

"Where was I? Oh right, Kelsi Nielsen!"

"I like hats," Kelsi stated.

"Thanks for sharing. Jason Cross!"

"Duh…" Jason started to say.

"And finally," Shar said cutting him off, "Um, what was your name again?"

"Taylor McKessie!" she replied in an annoyed tone.

"Right, I knew that. Now let's get down to business."

"Why is this an evil council?" asked Kelsi, "I mean were not trying to take over the world, are we?"

"Not yet," Sharpay replied, if it was jokingly was debatable.

"Well, we're not going to kill Troy and Gabriella are we?"

"Of course not," Shar retorted. The she turned aside to Ryan, "Cross that off the list."

"Then why is it evil?"

"I was willing to break apart your friendships and destroy Troy and Gabriella's relationship for my own self-serving needs. Is that good enough for you?"

Everyone gave her the so-so hand signal.

"Look, it just sounds cooler, okay? If you don't like it you can leave!"

"No, sorry, won't happen again," Kelsi quickly replied.

"Good. Now as I was saying-"

"I've got a question," Taylor spoke up.

Sharpay growled.

"Why are we doing this again?"

"Because those two are too freaking perfect! I'm Troy; I can play every sport invented and still sing in a musical. I'm Gabriella; I so smart I can do anything including solve difficult math problems, be a lifeguard, and sing. They're taking up all the fields. What are we supposed to do? Plus they get way too much screen time."

"What was that last part?" wondered Taylor.

"Nothing, but is that good enough for you?"

"I guess."

"Good, now let's focus. We didn't come here to talk about names."

"I really came because you said there'd be food," Jason said.

"Well there isn't. That was a lie."

"Figures."

"Or at least it was until someone complained," she said looking at Ryan, "So we ordered pizza."

"Hooray!" Jason exclaimed.

"So that's what that smell was," said Martha.

"Ryan, let out my sweet baby," she said setting her dog down on the floor.

Ryan walked over to the door and opened it.

"It's down this hall and first door on your left, Zeke."

"I meant the dog, Mr. Smart-aleck!"

Laughing, Ryan closed the door as the dog exited.

As it went through the house, it made its way to the living room. Mrs. Evans was watching TV while doing yoga. She saw the dog come in.

"Isn't it nice that the children have friends over?" she asked Mr. Evans who was reading the newspaper.

"Yeah, me neither," he replied, obviously only half listening.

Later in the Room

"If everyone's gotten enough, we can proceed," Shar started.

"So what's the plan, sis," asked Ryan, "Are you going to jump her randomly in the hallway and beat her up? Because I'd totally be on board with that."

"Especially if someone tapes it and posts it on the internet," added Chad.

"I'm not beating her up, tempting as that may be. It would be too obvious."

"Too fun more like it," muttered Ryan.

"Drum roll. Kelsi, that means you!"

"Oh, sorry," she replied plugging in her keyboard.

She pressed the button for the drum roll.

"Thank you. I shall...challenge her to a card game!"

Awkward silence.

"That's your plan?" asked a skeptical Ryan.

"Yeah, well...hey!" Shar shouted, "You can stop the drum roll."

"Sorry," replied Kelsi, stopping the noise.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, did I mention this game will take place by a pool?"

"Why?"

"Because when she loses we'll…push her into the pool."

"And?" Ryan questioned.

"Her hair will be soaked. It'll take her hours to get it dry."

"That's the best you could do?"

"Well, how about this? I'll duel her on the roof."

"What roof?"

"Any roof!"

"What's the point?"

"When she loses I'll push her off the roof."

"Won't that seriously hurt her?" asked Kelsi.

"Just make sure there are some bushes beneath to break her fall. That way she'll be all dirty, but won't break anything."

"Why do we even need to play the card game?" asked Ryan, "Why not just push her, period."

Sharpay hesitated, "No, the game is essential to the plot. The evil plot. Of which I am the evil mastermind!"

"You're not an evil mastermind," Taylor said.

"Say," Ryan spoke up, "If these are all the people you could get to come, then where are those three girls you were hanging out with at the club?"

"I didn't invite them," Shar replied, "They're just a bunch of nameless dorks."

"Have to agree with you there."

"I have an idea!" Zeke shouted.

"What is it, Zeke?"

"How's about you and me going into the next room for a sweet serving of crème brulée?"

A collective shudder went through most of the room.

"Not now, Zeke," she leaned close to him and whispered, "Maybe later."

She then turned her attention back to the whole group.

"Well, we've been here over an hour and that's the best idea I've heard. Come on, one of you morons must have a good idea!"

"I got an idea," Jason replied.

"Oh good," Shar sarcastically snapped, "The raven-haired air head has an idea. Well, sock it to us."

"Why don't we just break up Troy and Gabriella? Then they won't be able to do anything since they'll be so upset."

"You obviously haven't been paying attention. Y'all tried that last time and it didn't work. Then I tried it and it didn't work. Even going to college in different states didn't work. Therefore that's the dumbest idea ever. Do us a favor and stand in a corner or something."

"Oh, I'm so stupid," Jason said as he got up.

Kelsi grabbed his arm and pulled him back into his chair.

"Leave him alone!" she called to Sharpay.

"What is it, Kelsi? Do you have an idea that doesn't involve singing?"

"Well, actually…"

"No singing!"

"What about a dance contest?" asked Martha.

"No dancing either. It's been done."

"I'm guessing anything school related is out of the question?" questioned Taylor.

"Duh, Taylor! If I'm going to challenge her, it's not going to be at something where she has an advantage."

"What about basketball?" asked Chad.

"No sports of any kind."

"Not even beach volleyball?" asked Zeke.

"No!"

"Dang," he said to himself.

"I've figured it out!" Ryan suddenly exclaimed.

"What is it, Ryan?"

"Well, Shar, I have a cunning plan that can solve this problem."

"Well, forgive me if I don't jump up and down with glee. Your last cunning plan didn't turn out too well."

Flashback

It was one day at school when Sharpay came running to Ryan.

"Help me, Ryan. I want to relax, but Gabriella won't leave me alone."

"Don't worry, sister dear, I have a cunning plan that can solve this problem."

"What is it?"

"Just wear a wig and maybe some sunglasses and she won't recognize you."

Sharpay looked at him like she couldn't believe he said that.

"You're serious?"

"Well," Ryan explained, "It worked for Hannah Montana."

Sharpay massaged her temples and left.

"Might as well," she said mostly to herself.

Later, Sharpay made her way down the hall in a brunette wig and dark sunglasses. She almost made it out, but Gabriella bumped into her.

"Oh, excuse me. Say, are you new here?"

"Um, yes."

"My name's Gabriella. What's yours?"

"Uh…Ashley."

"Well, Ashley, let me show you around. You might want to take off those sunglasses though. I'll get them."

But when she snatched them off Sharpay's face…

"Hey, it's you, Shar. I almost didn't recognize you. Let's hang out together!"

As Gabi dragged her off Sharpay muttered, "I'll get you for this Ryan."

End Flashback

"Which reminds me."

Sharpay smacked Ryan in the back of the head.

"Okay, so that one was bad," Ryan admitted, as he rubbed the sore spot, "But this is a really good one."

"Fine," Shar sighed, "What is it?"

Ryan paused for dramatic emphasis.

"We do nothing."

"Yep, it's another winner," Sharpay replied, "So we go out and do absolutely nothing? What, are we going act like this stupid meeting never happened?"

"What I meant was, if Gabriella or Troy talk to you, then just ignore them. Don't acknowledge their presence whatsoever. Act like they're not even there."

Sharpay looked at him with an unreadable expression.

"That actually sounds like a good idea. It's evil. I like it. You heard it from my brother, everyone. Let us go forth and do nothing! Now then, have you all had your fill?"

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"In that case," she took a breath, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! Meeting adjourned!"

Everybody, sans Ryan and Zeke, ran for the door.

"Call me later, Ryan?" Kelsi whispered.

Ryan nodded. Chad jumped into the driver's seat of his car. Taylor got in the passenger's side, while Kelsi, Jason, and Martha sat in back.

They quickly drove off. Sharpay leaned back in her big chair.

"Ryan, take the rest of these cookies, go to you room, put on some music, and go over your brilliant plan some more."

"Can do, sis," he said walking off with the tray of cookies.

As soon as he exited the room, Sharpay pulled Zeke close.

"Now then, Zeke," she said seductively, "How about that crème brulée ? "