La Vie en rose
"There are only two places in the world we can live happy: at home and in Paris."
- Ernest Hemingway
Chapter One
The first time that Delia had mentioned Gateways Club, Patsy's stomach had knotted wretchedly and she hadn't even heard of the place before.
They were sitting in the Hope & Anchor on the corner of West Ferry Road, both drinking pints of bitter, and attracting no attention whatsoever from the other patrons of the small pub.
"We could go there and be completely ourselves." Delia said. "No one would look twice at us there."
Patsy lit a cigarette and looked at Delia. She didn't say anything for a long moment, but took a long drag of her cigarette instead. Delia sipped her beer and waited for Patsy to respond.
"I don't really think it's my kind of place." Patsy said finally.
"But you like drinking and dancing. It would be fun." Delia's voice was soft, her hand inching across the table to where Patsy's hand was resting beside the ashtray. "We could be happy there, Pats."
"What makes you think I am not happy here?" Patsy snapped, heat and colour suddenly rising in her face as anger flared within her. But as suddenly as the anger had risen, it ebbed, and was replaced by sadness and fear.
"You're not happy are you, Delia?" Patsy stubbed out her unfinished cigarette, and hurriedly gulped down the last of her beer in an effort to stop tears from falling.
"Pats…" Delia watched her sadly and reached for her hand again, but Patsy pulled away.
"Just tell me the truth, Delia. Do you want more than this?" Patsy lowered her voice to almost a whisper. "More than me? Because I don't think I have any more to give."
Delia thought for a moment, watching Patsy sadly. "Of course I want you, Pats. But I want us to be a little bit more open."
"More open?" Patsy couldn't hide her confusion. "Delia, I can't be any more open with you. You know everything about me. You're the only one that does!""I know, Pats. That's not what I meant. I meant more openly affectionate."
"More openly affectionate?" Patsy hissed incredulously. "You know how much trouble we could get into! It's bad enough as it is with the amount of risks we already take. Have you lost your mind?"
"Maybe I have…" Delia looked hurt. "Or maybe I'm just tired of hiding and sneaking around."
"And you think I'm not?" Patsy whispered.
"Maybe I'm tired of you pulling away when I try to touch your hand." Delia's voice wobbled with pent up emotion. "And how much you protest to even the smallest kiss on the cheek."
"Delia, we cannot do those things in public!"
"Exactly!" Delia almost shouted. "That's why I want us to go to Gateways!"
Patsy said nothing, but hurriedly stood up from her seat.
"Where are you going?" Delia asked, frowning.
"To get another drink!" Patsy said curtly, leaving Delia alone at the table as she headed to the bar.
It wasn't that Patsy didn't want to hold Delia's hand, kiss her, dance with her. She wanted to, more than anything, but lately Patsy had been growing concerned about how the relationship between her and Delia looked to others. Of course she was constantly worried that someone would burst in and discover them kissing or sharing a bed… but really she was afraid that even without these things being seen, people would still have enough evidence to suspect them; a lingering touch of hands, an embrace that lasted a bit too long, a dance that was a bit too intimate, sitting too close together on the sofa…
No matter how hard she tried, Patsy could not shake the fear she felt at the thought of being exposed, and the repercussions it would have for both of them. Patsy ordered another pint of bitter, then returned to the table in the corner, saddened to find that Delia had gone.
Patsy felt bad for days after her argument with Delia, and to make matters worse they had barely seen one another. Women in labour had kept Patsy out until the small hours for three nights in a row. By the time she returned to Nonnatus, and gently knocked on Delia's bedroom door, Delia was either fast asleep or had already left for her shift at the London. Patsy didn't have the heart to wake her when she seemed to be sleeping peacefully.
"I'm glad one of us can sleep," Patsy thought as she lay awake in her own bed, thoughts running a mile a minute through her mind.
On her way back from Cubs the next evening, Patsy stopped at a flower shop and bought a bunch of daffodils.
She hurried back to Nonnatus and up to Delia's room, only pausing to remove her coat and hat. She knocked on the door and was delighted to hear Delia call. "Come in."
"Hello Deels." Patsy held the flowers behind her back as she entered the room, closing the door behind her. "I'm glad you're here."
"Hello Pats." Delia looked up from Trixie's copy of Vogue magazine.
"Delia, about the other day…" Patsy approached the bed. "I wanted to say sorry. I was too hot-headed."
Delia smiled knowingly, sitting up and patting the space on the bed beside her. Patsy sighed with relief and pulled the flowers from behind her back.
"These are for you." She handed the flowers to Delia and sat down beside her, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek.
"Thank you. You really are a sweetheart when you think I'm cross with you." Delia smirked.
Patsy pouted.
"I really am sorry Deels. I was afraid. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. I'll do anything to make sure you forgive me."
"You're already forgiven, silly." Delia leaned up and kissed the corner of Patsy's mouth quickly. "It's alright to be afraid. I was hot-headed too and I shouldn't have said what I did. You're plenty affectionate, and of course we need to be careful." Delia stroked Patsy's hair. "There is something you can do for me though…"
"You name it!"
Delia stood up and walked to the radio, laying the daffodils beside it. She switched the radio on and soft music began to play. Delia turned back to Patsy, a grin on her face and an inviting hand outstretched.
"Pats, come here."
Patsy stood and went over to her. Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy's shoulders.
"We may not be able to be any more open out and about, but we can still do what we like behind closed doors."
"Yes we can." Patsy smiled, wrapping her arms around Delia's waist and pulling her close, starting to sway to the music.
Delia was taken aback as Patsy suddenly started to back her towards the door, until she was pressed against it. Patsy leaned in close, placed a kiss to Delia's neck, and whispered, "But you, Nurse Busby, can be far too reckless and insouciant."
She reached behind Delia's waist and turned the key in the door.
Patsy knew that they shouldn't really have the door locked; it implied impropriety as much as it helped conceal it. But Patsy was too caught up in Delia's fingertips tangling in her hair as they kissed, Delia still trapped between Patsy and the vexing locked door.
Patsy's head snapped up, her heart pounding in her chest, as she heard a floorboard creak in the corridor outside the door.
Delia shook her head and leaned up to continue to kiss Patsy.
"Don't worry, Pats." She whispered between quick kisses. "Trixie's at her art history class, and Barbara's on call. No one will miss us tonight."
The tone in Delia's voice was undeniable, and Patsy closed her eyes and kissed Delia deeply, pressing her further into the door.
"Hypocrite." Hissed a voice in the back of Patsy's mind. "Arguing about taking risks one minute, kissing with doors locked the next…"
Patsy's yearning was now getting difficult to subdue, and as Delia's hands moved from Patsy's hair to her back, grasping at her shirt desperately, Patsy couldn't fight it any longer. Delia had to bite back a delighted shriek as Patsy lifted her up in one quick movement. Delia wrapped her legs around Patsy's waist as the taller woman carried her over to the bed. Delia adored it when Patsy -her strong, restrained Patsy - lost control, even if it was only for the briefest time.
Patsy gently pressed Delia down onto the bed and stared at her for a long moment. Delia had rarely seen Patsy's eyes that colour before; they were dark blue with longing, and seemed to sparkle in the dim light of the room. Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy's neck and pulled her down on top of her, hugging her tighter than before.
"I love you, Pats." She whispered, repeating it over and over again as she peppered delicate kisses all over Patsy's face.
"I love you too." Patsy's voice was thick with emotion, and she caught Delia's lips again before Delia moved on to kiss her neck. "Delia…d-don't leave a mark." Patsy whispered, tenderly letting her hands roam over Delia's body, and up under her blouse.
"Can we just stay here forever?" Delia asked, snuggling against Patsy on the small bed.
Patsy smiled and hugged Delia close to her. "I wish."
After a long, comforting silence, Delia stood up and held out a hand to Patsy. Patsy frowned, intrigued. She acquiesced, giving her hand to Delia, who gripped it tight and pulled her to her feet. Delia was remarkably strong for her size.
"Follow me." Delia whispered. She unlocked the door, checked the coast was clear and led the way out of the room, tiptoeing down to the kitchen.
In the kitchen, Delia made the tea while Patsy raided the biscuit tin.
"I hope there are some jam creams left." Patsy said, reaching up to take down the tin from the shelf. "They're my favouri…"
She was interrupted as a pair of arms wrapped around her waist from behind. Delia leaned her forehead against Patsy's shoulder blade and held her tightly. Patsy recovered quickly from the surprise, and placed her hands over Delia's. Delia felt Patsy squeeze her hands firmly, and she dropped a gentle kiss to Patsy's shoulder. Despite the flannel of her shirt, Patsy felt the soft kiss like a static shock. She let go of Delia's hands and turned to face her. Delia's eyes were shining, and at once Patsy drew her into a tight hug. Patsy kissed the side of Delia's head and whispered in her ear. "You are wonderful, Deels."
A/N: My first Pupcake fic, so please be gentle! There's more Pupcake on the way... and Gateways, and Paris!