"Still"

By: Yoru

Summary: The five senses as explored by a lovely silver-haired man.

Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own the hotness that is Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. That right belongs to someone much more creative than I.

Warnings: Love of the M/M variety, masturbation to said love, incest, and possible spoilers.

I want you.

I've wanted you since I first knew you were alive. Deep in a womb of viscous, eerily aqua liquid with Mother's voice in our heads, whispering everything we needed to know, all the things that would help us complete our mission.

I knew of Sephiroth, knew somehow that it would be he who was chosen and that one of us was just a shell for his rebirth. After all, we were merely bodies of thought. But it was Kadaj who would ultimately be Sephiroth's vessel, the two so uncannily similar in both appearance and insanity that I often wondered if Kadaj was how Sephiroth had been in his own youth.

And of course, there was you. So perfect, almost a clone yourself, I think each of us had to do a double take. But it turned out you were hardly like us at all. You were the sun to our moon and that gravity was what first drew me in.

There was pain, of course, but there had always been pain. However, this was a new sort of pain, a new sort of aliveness. It always began in my chest then slithered down to coil itself in my groin. And always with a sigh, I knew how to relieve it.

I touch myself when I think of you.

Kadaj had always liked to touch me. When he'd find me hunched over, hand working furiously, and your name a prayer on my lips, he'd sigh and smile softly at me before his hand replaced my own and his name became my mantra as I came.

I see you in the darkness.

It was always you that I saw, your eyes two spheres of electric blue divinity, hair like spun gold in a halo about your head, soft skin and rough hands. I imagined what those hands could do to me, the sounds they could evoke, the feelings they could elicit. And it was enough to send me over the edge.

I scent you in the wind.

Spice and Mako, and I knew you were coming. All for the children or so you said. They were like us now: stronger, faster, dangerous. Kadaj filled their heads with lovely fairytale fancies, and they drank thinking they'd be healed. You were so beautiful in the ensuing fight: graceful, powerful, deadly. All that I could ever want.

I hear the way you move.

The rustle of clothes against your skin, the clang of steel against steel, the roar of your motorbike. Gunshots in the wind and you avoided them all. My bullets only struck once, and even in the end, that was the only mark from any of us that marred your perfection. Not even Kadaj's skilled Souba could pierce your defenses. I hoped you could feel me.

I taste the death, the regret, the hope.

In the end, the death was what saved us all. A ghosted caress of nectar on my lips and then I knew euphoria. Even if you weren't aware, it was your love that ultimately redeemed us and made us worthy for our true Mother. Even if it hadn't been intended, I fell in love with you. Even if you hadn't meant to, you fell in love with me.

And I want you still.