Disclaimer: the usual, I own nothing. The title is of the same band by the same name.
A/N: The plot idea is coming from a prompt on norsekink but I altered it on some parts.
Of monsters and men
Chapter 1
They had a childish fight that morning.
Maybe it was adolescence with all the mood swings and uncontrollable tempers but these were no rare spectacles in the last couple of months.
This one went down in smoke and flames because Thor was fire, always fire itself, and the envy got the better of Loki, so in the end it wasn't nice and they said nasty things they regretted already the second the words formed in their heads but they said it nonetheless in a foolish attempt to ease the ache. They were mean to each other; the type of mean that only those so close to one another were capable of.
Neither suspected that the stem of their problem was the same: jealousy.
Loki was jealous of everyone but above all Thor's many friends because his brother seemed to neglect him in favor of the Warrior Three, and Thor from his side was jealous of dusty books and endless parchments and the solitude of Loki's chambers however ridiculous that sounded because Loki seemed to prefer those over his company. It was a vicious circle they weren't even aware of.
Sometimes they passed each other, drifting to the opposite direction like two ships blind in the fog.
Sometimes they should have only been honest.
They had been close brothers but as their interests differed in more and more subjects, they inadvertently started to spend less time together, and it didn't happen without heartache and loud attempts at willing that pain away.
Eventually Thor left Loki's chamber in fuming rage and ventured to another certainly not thought-out adventure with his friends while Loki followed his departure wistfully from the cover of the pillars of his balcony.
He didn't know that this was the moment that would embed itself forever in his memory.
-o-
First he honestly thought his father was teaching him a lesson. Lately he started to show an unexpected penchant for mischief, and more than one occasion it appeared to be more nuisance than merriment for others.
Under the familiar golden dome of the throne room, in stark sunlight and sweet scent, it was all like an absurd dream. The Jötun King seemed like he absorbed the warmth and light of the hall, emitting coldness and the scent of something crisp and raw. This was the first time he encountered one of the monsters' race, and Loki could barely hide how shaken he was by the sight of the Frost Giant.
So when they told him he was one of them, he was no Áss but rather the offspring of monsters he feared all his childhood, he put it down as a tasteless mockery.
And then everything was a blur of blue skin -his skin- and words he didn't want to comprehend –not my son, not my blood, not of Asgard-, and through the fog of numbing shock he slowly started to understand that he was forced to leave everything he knew and loved behind for a realm and father he'd always had courage to speak only in whispers of.
He didn't cry because he was too old for that. He didn't cry because monsters never did.
He hardly felt when Frigga pulled him aside, and only then, in the cover of his mother's body, unseen by the Jötun King he let the cloak of guise slip. It was a childish wish, but he whispered it nonetheless because it felt not unlike those distant nights when he woke with a scream and Frigga was beside him and swept the locks from his sweat-coated forehead with a gentle touch. He wanted to believe she could do the same now, chase off this nightmare just like in the past.
"I don't want to go, mother."
And it was his mother whose eyes, of the same pure color as his son's, his real son's, were tearing. "He is your real father. He came for you to take you home."
Loki wanted to tell that his real father was Odin. His real home was the sunlit lands of Asgard. His real family—
Something struck him with a jolt of heartache, and he barely managed to speak around the lump in his throat.
"Can I stay until Thor comes back? I haven't said goodbye." And this was the moment that threatened him with tears he found trouble to swallow because he knew the answer even before he asked it.
Frigga's fingers were steady around his arms, and Loki realized this was the face he wanted to forever remember: full of love. But full of grief, too.
"I'm afraid King Laufey will not wait."
"Can I come back if I don't like there?" And immediately, a concession: "Can I come back to visit?"
Frigga was silent for a moment. "Maybe."
And Loki's heart sank. He could recognize a lie anytime, and he finally understood they would never meet again.
-o-
Thor came back much after sunset, dirty and sweaty, and he was alarmed to find his father in his chamber. His mother was sitting in the corner, so grey and translucent that Thor first didn't even catch her being there. He thought they would admonish him for coming back so late and in such graceless state but he could sense something heavy in the air.
"Your brother…" Odin murmured, and Thor was rendered stock still. "He went for a walk behind the palace. You know how slippery the rocks are there, and the tide is high now, and he fell."
His mind was unmoving like a rock in his skull but his legs started on their own volition and he was at the doors before the words could pour out of his mouth. "Where is he? At Eir's?"
"No, son."
And it was so simple, just two words, nothing more, and he understood despite the protest of every fiber in his body. His heart knew what was coming.
"We lost him. He is gone. The current took his body."
Thor only stood, and there was only one thought emerging in his mind as the world darkened around him and never really got back its light again, and it made his heart break and his breath catch, and he knew he would never be able to draw a full breath again for this thought would be stuck forever in his chest, not letting him rest, sleep, live and love. And he knew he had no way to mend it, to undo it, and he would die with the guilt and regret forever imprinted in his eyes.
They had a childish fight that morning.