I would like to say a BIG thank you and SORRY so late to Camy, ocean and theicemenace for there reviews of Standing Still. I was late in replying and the system would not let me do so after the fact.

Would also like to apologize to asugar because I told her I was going to have this done long ago, therefore here's to you. Not my best, hope you don't mine. *g*

I do not own these characters they belong to TPTB and MGM…if I did we would still have SGA.

Holding On

Teyla never knew victory could taste so bitter or that she could feel so cold. Standing on the balcony of Atlantis surrounded by her friends, her extended family over looking the beauty of this planet known as Earth, she felt lost…so very alone.

"Oh, so this is where everyone went, huh?" John swaggers to my side with what appears to be his usual ease to all except myself.

Rodney pulls Jennifer closer. Amelia subconsciously leans her body toward Ronon. Even Mr. Woolsey and Carson share a comfort of sort in the space between them. John stands next to me, his stance mimics mine, arms wrapped tightly across his chest and I wonder at the distance between us.

This past year our relationship has been tested in ways that neither would have expected and although we still remain friends, things *have* changed such as the ease and closeness we once took for granted. The choices have been made, the past can not be rewritten and in truth it is perhaps the way it should be, had to be. Regret never made anything right nor would it now. Cold…I feel so very cold and wrap my arms tighter, turn and force a smile because I can not stay – I can not.

"It is a bit chilly and it has been a long day. If you will all excuse me I think I will take my leave."

Nodding in his direction I can see it in his eyes…his apology, his need to fix this for me. He knows like they all know the real reason for my leaving, but it does not matter.

"Teyla"

I knew he would follow yet I had hoped he would not. I can not hide my discomfort or the agitated sigh, turning toward John knowing the smile I send his way will do little to alleviate his concern or his care.

"John"

"Listen, you know you don't need to worry. I'll make sure you…"

"I know John, I know."

And before I am aware of it I'm heading down the hall at a pace just short of running although it is what I desperately want to do. He watches I know and he cares, regardless of the distance that is now between us.

Atlantis is empty except for the few scientists and military needed for this mission. My head tilts in acknowledgment, an empty gesture because I yearn only for the isolation of my quarters and my steps quicken as they move away.

Stepping inside my hand goes to my mouth for I can not hold back the anguish I feel. The tears flow freely now the need to be strong being pushed aside by lost.

Light reflects off of metal as it hits the beautiful framed picture sitting on my desk. Moving toward it I pick it up rubbing my fingers gently across the smooth cool glass. The bright toothless grin and beaming eyes of my son, Torren smiles back at me. I hold him and the joy on my own face is only a mere glimpse of the relief and joy I had felt at the time. Rodney had taken the picture after Michael had invaded Atlantis. I had almost lost Torren then, now to think of losing him again to honor and duty is almost more than I can bear.

Leaving Torren with Kanaan to fight with the team was what I needed to do, wanted to do. My dear son you deserve a future free of the Wraith and this world and its people are still the best hope for that future. And Atlantis is as much our home and your inheritance as the Lateans and they too are *our* people and I fight for what is mine.

Atlantis is now Earth's only protection from the Ori and the Wraith getting her back to Pegasus will be difficult. John *will* try to get me home just as he promised, but the Powers that Be will not make it easy for him.

I run my fingers gently across the frame again tracing the curve of his cheek and smile amidst the tears. Moving toward my bed I kiss his sweet face, the knowledge of knowing that the choices I made were made for him long before he came into my life and they will always be.

"I will be home soon Torren, I promise."

Lying down on the bed I wrap my body around the frame and I do what I do best, what I have always done…hold on.