The Unimaginable Part 1/5

Pairing: Goku x Chi-Chi

Words: 1307

AU Divergence Point: Gohan dies against Cell, instead of Goku

A/N: Goes along with / inspired by my own video which you can find on my youtube channel (Reda1417) under the same name

- I changed a little detail, namely, took out Goku traveling to New Namek for a new Guardian; aka: no Dende, so yeah, the Earth is left without dragon balls, therefore death is more permanent because they no longer have their wishes..

- I am planning to update and focus on the High School AU as soon as I finish posting these chapters. I am writing up the final chapter now so it really only took my attention for about a week. It was something I had to do while the inspiration was fresh. Never turn down inspiration. So yeah. For those waiting. High School AU will be the next focus.

~!~

The forest was quiet. No matter how much wildlife filled the air, it was still so quiet. Quieter than he ever remembered it being. Well, no, that was a lie. He could remember another time when everything sounded so distant and empty in the forest. One other time. When he'd awakened as a child to see devastation all around him, when his grandpa had died and left him alone.

Grief was no stranger to him. It had hit him multiple times in his life. All thanks to the death of someone he cared for – from his grandfather to Krillin and everyone in between. He'd usually had something else to focus on, a battle to fight, to keep his thoughts from hitting him too hard, and then there were always the dragon balls. Ever since the dragon balls it had been easier to brush aside that pain. They had wishes. They could be brought back to life. Death wasn't the end of the world anymore.

Until there were no more dragon balls. Until Piccolo fused with Kami and left the Earth without a Namekian Guardian. No more dragon balls. No more dragon. No more wishes.

Now as he let his special cloud take him flying over the forest, Goku replayed the terrifying moment in his mind. The moment when he'd realized his mistake, when he'd been too late to step in, when Cell had taken his son from him. The cries calling for him without saying a coherent word. Piccolo yelling at him for being too prideful, for misreading his own son, for...

He shouldn't have taken the risk. He shouldn't have brought Gohan to the fight with Cell. He should've promised Chi-Chi that he wouldn't let Gohan fight and been done with it.

But…

He'd been so sure. So certain that Gohan's latent abilities would break into the next level. After all, he had spent a year training with Gohan alone. He'd seen his son's power; he'd known better than any of them what Gohan was capable of.

And yet…

Goku slouched as he sat on the Nimbus. Frowned as he stared at a familiar old branch far above a familiar waterfall. If he squinted against the reflecting sunlight, he could almost see a young Gohan clinging to the branch and wailing his heart out as he called for his daddy to help him. Goku closed his eyes from the memory.

Grief was no stranger to him. He'd dealt with it so many times throughout his life, but there was always hope. There was always something to promise a brighter outcome, a better day, a wish to erase all the pain.

Now he had nothing. Nothing but memories to keep him company. Memories of the son he had lost because of his own failure to realize the truth until it was too late. Now he was faced with something he didn't know how to handle, and he was falling apart.

~!~

He wasted his days away from the house, only returning when the sky started changing colors. Though his friends assumed he would throw himself into training, the opposite proved to be true. He could barely handle a simple workout without thinking of Gohan and feeling the ever present ache grow at each memory. Instead, he wandered the wilderness, but he still found his way to places that triggered memories. Escaping the pain was impossible.

When he came home, Chi-Chi would have dinner ready as she always did. She threw herself into her cooking, creating large meals whether or not the two of them could handle the amount alone. Goku certainly couldn't eat as much as before, but he did whatever he could to eat everything she handed him when she didn't force him into serving himself. Sometimes she ate with him, but those were rare occasions. Most of the time, she took her food to the bedroom and shut him out.

She never said a word to him.

The silence in the house was worse than the silence in the forest, part of the reason he rarely spent any time at home. He left Chi-Chi alone. As much as he wanted to hold her and work through the grief together, facing her was near impossible now. Her eyes killed him every time. It wasn't so much that she hated him for what had happened, but she did blame him so the hurt and betrayal was always there when she looked at him. He couldn't face it, even though he blamed himself, too.

They spent the nights in awkward silence, neither one facing the other. Sometimes it would suffocate him and he would leave the room to sleep on the couch or outside the house if it was bad enough. On rare occasions, Chi-Chi would roll over in bed and press her face against him as she cried until sleep could take her. On those nights, Goku would let her cling as he rubbed her back and tried to comfort without saying a word. It was one of the few things he could do for her.

When her pregnancy became obvious, he had to wonder how long she had known. At one point, he braved asking. When was she due? Had she contacted a midwife yet? Had she told anyone else?

She glared at him and ignored every question, shuffling away to continue her work. Goku didn't have the heart to push her for answers, but he was still worried about her. He ended up calling Chi-Chi's father and got all the answers and information he needed. Ox-King had been a little bitter toward him at first, but as the weeks and months passed he, at least, let the grudge go, though there was always an air of heated disappointment to his conversations.

Still, Goku learned when the baby was due and he turned his new focus to watching Chi-Chi. He remembered her first pregnancy far too clearly, and accepted all the pain those memories brought with them. But he held the ache inside and watched over his wife every step of the way, whether or not she wanted his attention.

When the baby was born, Goku felt his emotions break down piece by piece with each agonizing moment. No matter how much he worried over Chi-Chi, she still refused to acknowledge him. He was barely allowed to hold his second son when the time came, feeling awkward and unwanted even as he stared down at the boy with the hair that mimicked his own. He wanted to share in the joy and pride of having another child, but holding the little bundle brought back far too many memories for him to work through on his own.

Flashes of seeing Gohan for the first time.

Of Chi-Chi looking up and smiling at him as she pointed out the tail.

Of Chi-Chi leaning against his arm as he sat next to her, holding their son so she could rest.

Of Gohan staring at him with wide-eyed amazement and trust and…

None of which was present this time. His second son didn't have a tail. Chi-Chi didn't smile. They didn't sit next to each other. The boy didn't even look up at him – he just cried, ate, and then fell asleep without a second glance.

Tears hit his eyes when he handed the baby back to his wife, wondering if he was going to be involved in naming their child this time or not. More memories assaulted him at the thought and he was forced to slowly retire to the corner of the room, trying to push everything away as Ox-King stayed by Chi-Chi's bedside instead of him. Squatting down against the wall, alone in the dark and separated from the event that was meant to be joyous and exciting, Goku clenched his hands and very quietly fell apart.