Warm hands and bitten nails
Eyes closed in softly folding butterfly wings
Laughing
15
Immortal
Mine

One day we walked down to the lake at midnight
Just us
He said he had a secret
A secret too good to share with the others
The moon was just a Cheshire cat smile
A million dreams away
The wind was cold
And the grass was wet
We sat on a flat rock
Close
Close
Close
Shoulder
Shoulder
Hip
Hip
A funhouse mirror image of each other
His eyes shone in the darkness
The grey brown green blue reflecting the moonlight
And the water
He was shivering
Without a cloak
I wrapped mine around us both
Making a cocoon
What would we metamorphose into?
He smiled
Thin lipped
Nervous as he had never been
Never before me
I reached out
Took his hand as we had done when we were children
Telling ghost stories in the full moon light
Before we learned about Moony
Our Moony
He smiled again
Thankful
He whispered
'I'm scared, Pads'
'Of what?' I whispered back
Afraid now, too
Afraid of anything that would change us
Anything that would take him away
Because Moony was my brother
And Pete was my friend
But James Prongs James
He was my world
He didn't know
Or at least
I had never told him
What if he knew?
What if…?
'That you'll leave me'
He sounded so small
'I would never leave you, James'
I sounded like stones falling
Like ice shattering
Sharp and fast and broken
'Don't say that, not yet, not yet'
He was huddling in closer to himself
Clinging to my hand
We could be like this
We could be children
Girls
Idiots
Together
We were safe
Together
Apart we were the Marauders
Dangerous
Dashing
Debonair
'Padfoot… Pads… Sirius, look at me'
I brought my eyes to his
My dull pewter to his earth water sky shine
His eyes
Shining now with more than just moonlight
He whispered
Butterfly wings in China
'I'm an idiot'
I leaned in closer
'No… no… Prongs… James, you're not an idiot
What's wrong?'
'Everything
I'm about to mess everything up
Everything
And you'll leave'
Saltwater was polishing my pewter eyes
Shining
Stinging
Blurring the lines of his face
'I love you'
He said
I sat very still
Not wanting to break the dream
The soap bubble fantasy
He started to pull away
Stand
'I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry'
Sorry Sorry Sorry
A mantra of unrest
Of hurt
He tried to pull his hand from mine
My grip tightened
Pulling back
Sneakers slipping on stone
Falling
He landed awkwardly
Long legs and elbows and an overall tangle of cloak
He was cradled in my arms
He had fallen
And I had caught him
Tear streaked
Petrified
Deer in the headlights
But mine
My James
Safe
His eyelashes made clumpy triangle shadows on his cheeks
I leaned down
Brushed my lips
My bitten and bleeding lovers' palms
Against his warm salt cheek
His breath was on my ear
A hot rustling whisper
Burning love notes
I kissed him again
And again
All across his cheeks
Finding at last his lips
As chewed and chapped as mine
But perfect
Perfect
Perfect
I kissed him
He kissed me
We kissed
Sharing breath
Spirit
God
He brushed his tongue along my bottom lip
Parting them gently
Our tongues and lips dancing
Speaking
Professing
As we could not
He was perfect
The night was perfect
My James