The Many rants of the Naruto Gang
Here is a rant brought to you by the me. They asked me to do this I swear
Naruto: We did.
Author: well First off is Pein.
Pein: I don see why we all have to share a rant. We all have different issues to address ,We all need our own rants.
Author: It's this or nothing dude.
Pein: Damn...well I am the leader of the Akatsuki and my real name is none of your damn business. I am NOT Naruto's dad, anyone's dad, the mouse from 'pinky and the brain" or anyone else for that matter. I am a completely new character. All of your stupid theories were wrong. Get over yourselves and shut the hell up.
Author: next up is Itachi Uchiha
Itachi: Thank you author for having me
Author: Okay yeah just do it dude
Itachi: Well I will start by saying that YOU KNOW DAMN WELL who I am. Also to shut those fan girls up I am not GAY. I will never and I repeat NEVER love my brother, Naruto, that pink haired bitch, Kisame, Anyone in the Akatsuki ( but I will say Konan is hot though. that's it.)
10 hours later....
Itachi: the Easter bunny, You as OC, your OC or anyone else I forgot. I am a cold motherfucker. respect it bitches
author: Next up is Kisame
Kisame: Yeah I'm Kisame. I am in no way related to jaws, flipper, free willy, Nessie or any other famous see creatures. I am NOT from Atlantis and I can't talk to fish. Leave that shit to Aquafag. I am not Suigetsu's dad and am not half shark. I just look like that. Also I am not gay. I don't like Itachi and I don't keep plushies of him under my bed....I swear
Author:......okay then next here is Deidara.
Deidara: thanks dude. Okay to clear this mess about me..... I AM NOT A GIRL, I'M NOT THE AKATSUKI'S SEX SLAVE AND I DON'T GIVE MYSELF A BLOWJOB WITH THE MOUTHS ON MY HANDS.
and for you fan girls out there I DON'T LIKE SASORI..YA GOT THAT?!?!........What..I don't.....I'm done here
Author: That was short....well next up is Sasori.
Sasori: Much appreciated author....Let me start this with my issue with the certain Disney character. Seriously enough with the Pinocchio jokes already, I'll admit it was funny the first few times but now it's just sad. Also to those fan girl hoes I just want to point out that I AM NOT GAY!?!?!? I don't like Deidara so just back off with that. Also that pink haired bitch who ended my life. Yeah she can just die somewhere.......
.......you can go away now.
Author: Next is our very own Tobi
Tobi: um I am Tobi and I'm a good boy um---uuhhhh.....uhhh I forgot why I am even here............I LIKE PANCAKES :D....oh and I think I should wear goggle instead of a mask.
Author:.......that Tobi....Well anyway next up is Kakuzu
Kakuzu: Am I getting paid for this?
Author: Yes Kakuzu I promise.
Kakuzu: Good. first off I don't whore myself out for money, I don't use my tentacles to do any perverted crap. Also to those yaoi fan hoes I don't like that foulmouth Hidan or any of the Akatsuki. I will also go ahead and crush your hopes right now by saying I am married to a beautiful wife and three wonderful kids. They have full time jobs you know....and if any of you say "good cover" I will rip your heart out and sell it on ebay. that is all.
Author: okay next up is Hidan, I warn you the following has explicit and gratuitious use of the F-bomb
Hidan: Yeah yeah yeah Shut the fuck up. They get it. I am a sailor mouth. So the fuck what.
Author; what ever ass hole get on with it.
Hidan: Okay first off...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE.I AM NOT FUCKING GAY YOU BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKING SHITHEADS. I SWEAR YOU FAN GIRLS YOU KEEP THAT SHIT UP AND JASHIN HELP ME I WILL RIP YOU APART LIMB FROM FUCKING LIMB. Fuck...bunch is dumb mother fuckers up in here.
Author:......good ol' Hidan next up is Konan.
Konan:but I don't have anything...i mean I wish I could complain about being abused.....I just want to be loved..it that so much to ask? *sniffle*............I better be a girl damn it....and No Yuri....I am not a lesbian..I like guys...and I have a big bust....DD's ..So Fuck you and those strawberry panic bitches or what have you......Yeah that's right I m calling you out bunch a-
Author: hokay..that's enough...next up is Zetsu....and his plant thing.
Zetsu: You people are sick you know that?
Yeah you wanna see a real freak look in mirror.
Zetsu: That's it for me so where do we eat?
The same place we eat every night. VEGAS..
Yeah....Vegas What happens in vegas..
Stays in Vegas
Author: I would just to point out that the following views and opinions expressed here do not reflect the view I have. How ever I don't agree with some of your fetishes but I am not one to judge. Next up is Orochimaru.
Orochimaru: Hello there my loyal fans. I am here to talk about some things about that have been circulating the fandom community. You see it has recently come to my attention that some of you guys out there have been seeing me as child molester. Why some you you even nicknamed me the "Michael Jackson" of Anime. So... All I have to say is....WHAT THE HECK PEOPLE. talk about quick to judge. I mean what makes you guys think such things about me? I am just a simple evil villain that wants Sasuke body and..
Author: *snicker* -.......XD
Orochimaru: What...what's so funny Author?
Author: Nothing dude..........
Orochimaru: oh oh oh..I get what it is now....No no I get his game now. Well you don't have any evidence to support your evidence at all do you?....didn't think so. your just a bunch of fuckheads that can't keep their minds out of the gutter..Well you know what..Fuck you...Fuck the lot of you....I don't need this crap.....Kabuto bring around the hummer...We are leaving.
Kabuto: Yes Lord Orochimaru.
(a purse is seen on a table.)
Orochimaru; Forgot my purse.. *hmph*
Author:..........anyway next up is our very own Naruto Uzumaki. Your on dude
Naruto: Mic check testing 1 2 1 2. are we on
Author: yes it works now do it.
Naruto: *ahem* Greeting folks, Naruto Uzumaki here. After discovering that Orochimaru had given a rant or two, I just thought I would ask the author to let me do one too. Unlike Orochimaru who was rambling on about being an accused Pedo (Which is really true I mean seriously) I actually have some solid complaints about some issues that I deem necessary to talk about. So first and for most
for the fan girls out there I have this to say about you:.....YOU SICKOS. Let me make this clear to you creeps. .IIIII AAAAM NNNOT GAAAY?!??!?
Seriously just cause you like Yaoi doesn't mean you have to be ignorant. Can you NOT see that I like Sakura? Can you NOT see that I am a future pervert in training. And don't even THINK about pulling the " aww but you kissed Saskay-kun" Card on me. I am 100% straight.. that was a fucking accident. So back the fuck off...Jeez..... My second thing is that It would just be wonderful if you would stop pairing me with girls that I hardly know......and that includes and I have always wanted to say this. THAT INCLUDES HINATA . I mean I hardly know the girl. Also me with Shikamaru's mom and Sakura's mom, I MEAN REALLY GUYS YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER LET ALONE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. besides with the whole NaruHina thing it's not gonna happen, I mean she is cute but this is a shounen manga, Not some cheesy romance comic. So stop it.
Fox: Don't forget about me you twerp.
Naruto: oh yeah the fox has this beef that HE would like to address. first of all. HE is not a girl. HE does not make ME go into heat and fuck every sentient being in the Leaf village and He does NOT I repeat does NOT make me pregnant. YA GOT IT?? COMPRENDE!?!?!?!...... It's called anatomy. Go to school and ask about it you morons.
Sasuke:Of course It doesn't silly that's why I have this potion just for you.
Naruto: SASUKE WHAT THE FUCK MAN, And NO that's not gonna work either
Sasuke:B-but how will you help me revive my clan? D:
Naruto.....I am going to haul ass right now. (runs like his life depended on it.)
Sasuke: wait Naruto you have to bare my children
Naruto: FUCK OFF YOU!?!?!
Sasuke: not without you
Author:that was odd....okay then next is Sakura Haruno....
Sakura:Hey now I wouldn't call this a rant just a chance to voice my opinion on some-
Author; would you just get ON WITH IT?!?!?!
Sakura: *hmph* rude anyway yes I am Sakura haruno and I would like to speak out about some things about how I am portrayed around the Fandom Community. Ill start by asking this
:C WHY..WHY DO ALL HATE ME SO MUCH?
If it's about me being mean to Naruto or me and Sasuke or being too weak, I'm not anymore I swear. I mean I am SO over Sasuke. And I am not a bitch....I 'll admit I was mean to Naruto.....but that's it. I actually am less selfish than before. I promise. Lesse ... oh yeah... NO pairng me with every single character in the series.....I mean half of them don't make sense. I mean Kakashi sensei for example I mean I know he's a pervert but he's not a Pedophile. That crap you talk to Orochimaru about. And those pervert Yuri Fanpeople ( I include you girl too damn it) the pairing of me and Ino...I mean your sick really, I am not one of those sluts you see on girls gone wild. also no pairing me with borderline Psychotics that have tried to kill me in the past. Like Gaara
Gaara: I am not that desperate for love....No way pal not me
Sakura: Itachi
Itachi: I'd rather shoot myself
Sakura: And Sasori
Sasori: YOU FUCKING HOE!?!?!?!? YOUR THE ONE WHO KILLED ME YOU JEZEBEL.
Sakura: and above all this rambling don't I mean DON'T even pair me with Lee in your sick and twisted SasuNaru fanfics. I mean for real do you think how UGLY our kids would like? I mean DAMN. *sigh* I guess that leaves me With Naruto.. I am sorry to say this I don't see him that wa-
Naruto: either finish up or give me back my pants Sakura?!?!?!
Sakura: O_O".......eh...I uh.....heheheh I should be going now eh?
Author: yes you should..thanks again Sakura...and last but not least the hyuuga girl her self Hinata Hyuuga. Okay girl your up.
Hinata. uhh h-hello there everybody....I am Hinata hyuuga and I uhh..I.....oh I don't want to talk to these sickos. :(. I mean seriously you guys call ME a stalker yet you are the one drawn porn of Me and Naruto (Though I did enjoy it ^ ^) you guys are such perverts. I don't want to be rude but you guys really need to go see a shrink. And all those pairings of yours? Seriously is that Necessary? Don get me wrong I understand (and eternally am thankful for) the NaruHina thing, I even can get KibaHina or ShinoHina since they are my teammates (I don't really see them that way thought. they both know about my crush on Naruto.) But pairing me with every guy I have never even met, every member of the Akatsuki. Tsunade (Gross) My relatives (incest is a sin you jerks). you as Oc's ( Not being rude! I am sure their are some nice people but I am A fictional Character....I don't exist and even if I did I would still be faithful to Naruto) and a fucking damn dog?(That's bestiality you perverts). YOU PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS...End of story....to my true fan thank you for rooting for me to be my best and helping me get Naruto To see me as a woman.
Also your fanfics.....Please a monkey with a laptop could write better than the crap you guys write..... (except the NaruHina one's...the GOOD one's). I mean half of them make me out to be some sleazy skank. and you call yourselves my fans. So once again to my loyal TRUE fan's thank you for everything...But just them... The rest of you guys need to grow up and get out more often. Also don't make a silver medal Sakura replacement that Naruto uses for sex.
Naruto: hey Hinata you done here?
Hinata: (blushing).......MEEP* (plops to the floor)
Naruto:..okaaaaayy *freak*
author: well that's it...... And Now to end this thing Naruto!
Naruto:....OKay then you guys ready?
everyone else; READY!!
Everyone at the same time: GET A DAMN LIFE YOU OTAKU'S.
Author: I would like to say that view that were expressed here do not I repeat DO NOT reflect my own. I just decided to let them speak out (This is based on a comic I read and the credit for this rant goes to Novanator and the parties affialted with him)
Well now that this is out of the way I am gonna watch cloverfield on my lappy....PACE OUT?!?!?!?!