Shades of Grey and Torment
Rachel Edwards turned thirty years old on November 1, 2012. Her husband was on a business trip in Japan, and her ten year old daughter Grace made her a birthday card with a portrait of their family. A small smile of nostalgia tugged on her lips. This was the kind of card Grace would give to Danny, her ex-husband, on every holiday. In the present portrait, however, Rachel was holding her infant son Charles. Stan was beside them, putting his arm around both of them. Although Danny had ranted that "Step-Stan" was an unemotional human being, Stan loved his son very much. And her. Rachel's smile faded as she realized who was holding Grace. Danny was holding her. The drawing of Grace was smiling, as was Danny. Although her ex-husband didn't wear a tie anymore and his animosity toward Hawaii had faded, his love for his only child had not diminished. It had grown. Rachel's love to her firstborn child had also grown every day, but Grace didn't realize it – or maybe she didn't care anymore. Rachel still vividly remembered Grace crying when she told her that she and her family would be moving to Las Vegas. "I won't see Danno!" Rachel's heart had cracked. She had held her daughter as she cried. Now Grace was living with Danny, who was more than happy to have her as his own. Rachel didn't speak to Grace often, but whenever they did, she seemed happy – happier than she had been when Rachel and Danny were married.
Rachel had married Danny Williams when she was nineteen years old. He was twenty-five. They had both been naïve and deeply in love back then. As Grace was about to be born nine months later, Danny's partner – not the one who had kidnapped Grace – Nathan had called to tell the young soon-to-be mother that her husband had been shot. He explained that the bullet only nicked his temple, and that he was okay. But despite that, forgotten and tormented memories had returned to Rachel's mind that day of her daughter's birth. Her own father had been shot as a rookie officer when she was only eight years old. His gun, the policemen had told her grieving mother, had locked and he was unable to defend himself when the criminal shot him in the head. It had been eighteen years since that day, and Rachel hadn't forgotten the torment and grief she and her mother had endured since Charles White's death. Even now she remembered the numb days and the confusion. As Grace was being born, Rachel thought, What if our daughter is brought up without her father, killed by some thug as mine was? She wouldn't be able to survive my grief. But Danny had come, and Rachel had held his hand until he gasped – not because of the pain, but because she wouldn't have been able to let him go. "I promise to never scare you like that ever again," he had promised her.
He broke that promise four times. He had been shot two more times during the course of five years, one almost fatal when Grace was six. Danny had also taken part in deadly raids when he didn't have to, even though he had a wife and a young daughter waiting for him at home. The other times he had stayed late, so late Rachel woke at dawn to her his keys turning to knob to enter their house. It was then that she knew that something had to change. Rachel's love for Danny had been reduced to waving goodbye to him as he drove from the driveway in their bedroom, or a cold breakfast half-uneaten. It hurt Rachel to see Danny delve more into his work as the years went by. It was hurting Grace too, she could see. Rachel had to explain to her seven year old daughter why her father wouldn't come to kiss her goodnight anymore. The memory of her father's death still haunted Rachel as she telephoned her mother to talk to her. She had to know what she had to do, as Danny made no attempt to save their marriage. "Leave him," her mother had stated hotly, "your daughter will be spared from more of your fighting." Rachel had winced from her mother's coarse words. She and Danny had fought many times during the months before their divorce. She had told him that he didn't care enough about his daughter to not get shot or killed. He had said that she didn't understand his line of work, that he worked for the good and safety of the people, and that she was a selfish bitch. Danny's words still echoed in her ears three years after their divorce. Rachel had married Stanley Edwards, confident that her heart and her daughter's heart would not be broken, just as her family's had when she was a child. She had been wrong, and had fallen in love with Danny again.
She hadn't expected to rekindle her romance with Danny. She still loved him, despite his duty to his job. Sometimes in the present day she wondered if she had been trying to illusion herself with the fact that Danny was different kind of cop, and that Hawaii was safer than the mainland. The feelings locked inside her heart had blossomed anew despite her hesitation, and she hadn't thought about the consequences. Rachel had been ready to leave Stan and to live with her reunited family again. That was before she had found out. Even if Danny was safe with the protection of Steve McGarrett, his former military partner, that didn't guarantee that he wouldn't be safe – Chin Ho had a bomb strapped to his chest and Steve's sister was kidnapped. The list had now grown even longer two years later. How could that or something worse, not happen to Detective Danny Williams? Rachel remembered the grief, sorrow, and torment she had even years after her father's death. She couldn't do that to Grace, or to the unborn child inside her. She had to protect her children's father the best she could- and that was by breaking his heart again, making him wary to the world around him.
Do you still regret it? "No," Rachel said out loud to the voice inside her head. "Danny is safe." For the first time since this morning, Rachel genuinely smiled.