Happy birthday, kissman!
Captain Janeway sat in the conference room with most of her senior staff, waiting to begin the briefing. Chakotay was on an away mission with Neelix and Seven of Nine, but the Doctor's absence was unexplained.
"It's not like him to be late," B'Elanna Torres remarked.
The Captain was about to ask the computer for the Doctor's whereabouts when the door slid open and Voyager's EMH entered the room, looking more than usually pleased with himself. In his hands he held a tiny black and white kitten. When he took his seat, he set the animal free to roam around on the table.
"What's this?" the Captain asked.
"It's my new holo-kitten," the Doctor explained proudly. "I designed her myself."
Captain Janeway raised an eyebrow.
B'Elanna turned up her nose. "Ugh. I hate cats."
"It's holographic, of course, so there's no need to worry about her soiling the table or causing any allergic reactions," the Doctor assured her, but she was not convinced.
"No, thank you."
Tom Paris looked at her in surprise. "You really hate them, B'Elanna? I'll admit I like dogs a little better, but I always got along fine with my sister's cats."
"Then I'm sure you noticed the anxiety-reducing characteristics of cats," the Doctor put in.
"Not really," Tom answered. "But I never thought about it much."
"You should, Mr. Paris," the Doctor told him. "It's a scientifically proven fact that spending time with a cat reduces blood pressure and improves mood."
Captain Janeway noticed that the kitten had singled out Tuvok as her companion, much to the Vulcan's dismay. She sat on the PADD on the table in front of him. "Don't tell me you're afraid of cats, Tuvok," the Captain teased, though she knew very well he wasn't.
"No, I am not," he replied calmly. "But I do not like… pets."
"I don't think the feeling is mutual!" Harry Kim commented, trying not to laugh, as the officers watched the tiny kitten climb up Tuvok's chest and onto his shoulder.
Tuvok frowned, slightly irritated by the creature's behavior and by his colleagues' amusement. His frown deepened when she rubbed her chin against his ear, tickling him with her whiskers.
"I'm sure once you get used to her presence, you'll enjoy her company, Mr. Tuvok," the Doctor remarked, still obviously very proud of his newest creation.
Tuvok looked skeptical. "Doctor, it might be a wise precaution to remove the claws from this cat."
"I'm sure that's not necessary," the Doctor argued. "She has been programmed never to behave aggressively."
"I'm sure that is true, Doctor," replied Tuvok. "I have no concerns about my safety. However, this animal appears to use its claws in a non-aggressive manner." He fingered some loose threads on the shoulder of his uniform.
"It seems that even holographic claws will snag a Starfleet uniform," the Captain concluded.
The Doctor was perturbed. "Perhaps I can train her not to-"
But Captain Janeway was having none of it. "Delete the claws, Doctor," she ordered firmly, though she couldn't quite hide her smirk. She had found the whole conversation rather entertaining.
"How did you manage to bring her here, Doctor?" B'Elanna wanted to know. "Without a mobile emitter, she should only be able to exist in sickbay and on the holodeck."
"I have programmed her as an extension of myself," he explained. "She can exist on her own in sickbay and the holodeck, and she can visit other parts of the ship, as long as I am present."
Harry spoke up. "Does your holo-kitten have a name, Doctor?"
"Ah, the name, yes. I was hoping for everyone's input on this. I have narrowed it down to three choices."
B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "And we're going to hear about them all, at great length," she muttered. Tom snickered.
The Doctor chose to ignore them. "First, I considered calling her 'Delta,' for obvious reasons."
Tom nodded. "That sounds good. What else have you got?"
"The second choice is to simply call her 'Cat,' following my own example."
"Both rather clever ideas," Captain Janeway remarked. "And there's one more?"
"Indeed there is, Captain. The last potential name is EFH, short for 'Emergency Feline Hologram.'"
At this, everyone present - save Tuvok - laughed aloud. The Vulcan, who had managed to extricate himself from the clutches of the as yet unnamed holo-kitten asked the question in everyone's mind. "Emergency Feline Hologram? I fail to see how the creature could be of any assistance in an emergency, no matter how much it might benefit a patient's general health."
"Use a little imagination, Mr. Tuvok," the Doctor suggested. "I think this cat might surprise you." Tuvok looked thoroughly unconvinced.
The Captain, however amusing she thought this exchange, was ready to get down to business. "Congratulations, Doctor," she said briskly. "We'll talk about it later. It's time to get on with the briefing."
The staff present heeded her instruction to focus on the day ahead and were soon dismissed. She did, however, hold the Doctor behind when the others had left, to recommend that he poll the crew about the kitten's name if he wished to find out what his shipmates thought. He left the room, gratified by her suggestion and speculating on which name would be the most popular. Captain Janeway watched him go, a smile on her face. She looked forward to Chakotay's return from his mission. She had a feeling he would enjoy the story of the Doctor's presentation of his new pet to Voyager's senior officers. She only wished she were more proficient at imitating Tuvok. His expressions were surely the most comical part of the meeting.
The end.