Shippuuden – I'll Win My Enemy's Heart, It's My Way of the Ninja!

By Unborn
Fandom: Naruto
Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke
Rating: PG16
Spoilers Warning: Shippuuden Manga roughly up to date.

Introductory Notes: Faced with every NaruSasu cliché there is in fanfiction, will the Naruto series find a happy ending recovering their teammate Sasuke? Will canon be destroyed by silly sexy jokes? Will sexual tension make us eternally pissed off? Yes, I'm afraid I have finally surrendered to the Naruto fandom, but this will be the first and possible last time, I swear. The manga is coming out every week so expect I might make a few blunders along the way.

Japanese terms notes: Sometimes I'll translate the words into credible alternatives. Otherwise: Jutsu technique; Ninjutsu seal-created technique; Taijutsu hand to hand combat technique; Genjutsu illusion technique. -chan, -kun, -sama, -sensei and such remain the same. shinobi male or generic ninja / kunoichi female ninja

I'll usually opt to use the original Japanese for recurrent words in the original manga, such as –teme (scumbag) and dobe (asshole or looser), and Usuratonkachi (dumbfool/blockhead or looser, when it should be King of Loosers).

CHAPTER 1-- Start

"You will regret it..."

----

Is Kakashi-sense for real? Use Naruto-kun as bait to get to Itachi… It's true that they are after Naruto and we will have to fight Akatsuki after all, and it did work to convince Sasuke-kun to help but… Sasuke-kun, what he said...

"Alright, but I'm not bound to rescue Naruto later. That's your job, not mine."

Sasuke-kun… Naruto…

----

"So, you see, it's beneficial for both parties," explained Kakashi in his usual half-hearted drawl. Naruto jumped into speech as cheerfully as always, "So, what do you way, Sasuke? We'll bring them out easily and all I've got to do is wait out in the open."

"But, Naruto…" Sakura complained. "Hey, no problem," he retorted with a foxy smile. "It'll be because they are all understandably after my sexy, extraordinary hot body."

To account for what he just said, Naruto posed an intended "sexy" pose which failed miserably in its intent. Sai, by his side, clapped happily.

"So that's how you plan to lure then out," drawled back Sasuke with half his face covered in marks. "As expected of a plan from the best of Konoha's clowns: Naruto and his clan. But it's unlike you, Kakashi. Aren't you worried I'll try to take Naruto by myself?"

"Oh?" asked Kakashi, the spare no-Sharingan eye open slightly in surprise. "I didn't know you were into Naruto's sexy, extraordinary hot body, too."

Sasuke's serious expression didn't change one bit – quite the disappointment, I know. "Quit fooling around, Kakashi."

Kakashi wore a more serious expression. "Of course, since Itachi is your target, you would inevitably end up protecting Naruto so you'd help us. Think of us as mere escorts for this mission, it'll be back to normal in no time. A temporary alliance."

However, Sasuke responded brattily, "I don't need escorts."

Kakashi's tone converted into conciliatory. "Mah. I think it's better than tailing Naruto from the shadows." ( Naruto: "eh??")

Sasuke lowered his head and tsk-laughed. "Wouldn't it?"

Raising his head back up, Sasuke stared deep into the eyes of the confused-looking Naruto, a helpless victim among them all. His eyes were shinning red. With the power in these eyes, I'll be able to tell what you really plan with me, Naruto.

Sharingan!

A pit-back bottom of the eyes transformed rapidly into images, to the imaginary performance of a ceremony and Naruto's mind-Naruto was dressed in long, white robes.

"HAHAHAHAH!" laughed imaginary Hokage Naruto. "Now I'm Hokage, you must do everything I say!" A crowd of ANBU members chorused, "SIR! YES, SIR!"

"Alright! That Sasuke will follow my orders now! HAHAHAH!"

– Scene switches to Naruto's Mind Sasuke cleaning Naruto's toilet while Naruto nods, "That's right! And you can use your Sharingan to brush off even the last spot!" ( Naruto: doesn't know how Sharingan works)

– Next scene it's Naruto's Mind Sasuke giving Naruto a back massage, "A bit to the right, a bit to the right. Ah This is life!"

Sharingan off.

Sasuke was staring down at Naruto as if he had tasted something sour.

----

The group of five traveled though the threes at a moderate speed and Naruto had picked up the lead since the beginning. Sakura and Sai came behind while Sasuke moved as if he wasn't making the least of efforts, close-by to Kakashi who was, at all times, watching him move.

"Naruto! Don't rush that far!" called out Sakura from behind, slowly loosing pace with him. Naruto responded in his cheerful self, "Heh! Sorry!"

Naruto was having a hard time containing his excitement. He was having a good feeling about this. He told himself out loud, "This time, I'll for sure bring you with me, Sasuke!"

Purr…

'Eh? What was that?' Naruto thought. He stopped on his tracks and placed a hand in his stomach. 'Funny, it felt like my stomach was purring…'

His expression changed into shock and sweat. 'Oh crap! Don't tell me it's diarrhea again?!'

Purrrrrr!

'Craaaaaaaap!'

He held onto his stomach dancing on tiptoes. Next you know, it was Naruto running to disappear in a cloud of smoke rising from his track.

----

"Sasuke," Kakashi had lost no time in silence once they started moving, but he was having a bit of troubles catching up to Sasuke even at this speed. Having now his attention, he considered it should make him slow his pace. "I must ask you, what do you plan to do after you defeat Itachi?"

Sasuke smiled sardonically. "Hn. What you are asking is if I'll return to Konoha."

"Ah," acknowledged Kakashi. "That's my question exactly."

In his previous, immovable bratty behavior, he retorted, "I'm not planning to do that."

"Is that so? I was thinking, after you finish this business up, you'd preoccupy yourself with, ah, the Uchiha clan's issue."

Sasuke turned his head at him at last, "Hn?"

It turns up, Kakashi was wrong: this made the pursuing no easier than before. They had even passed-by Naruto, who he knew to have picked the lead earlier on.

Kakashi offered a little smile behind his face-cover cloth, "That is, repopulate the clan."

They travel a couple of seconds in silence before Sasuke responds, impassible, "In the first place, 'if I survive the battle' should be the question."

Kakashi's expression turns serious, "Are you planning to die fighting?"

"Yes," Sasuke said without a second of hesitation. "Even if I was strong to win and survive, I've no reason to keep on living. I've said it before; I have no present or future."

"Mmh… ah well." Kakashi let that small monosyllabic input linger, as if only to attract Sasuke's attention before he spoke,

"If you don't mind the lack of descendants, you wouldn't mind having somebody as Naruto as lover. Or is it because of having Naruto that you don't care for the clan's future?" he finished, his eyes smiling.

At that, Kakashi finally managed to stop Sasuke in his tracks successfully, the latter stopping that same instant.

"What is that about?" Kakashi was surprised: Sasuke even appeared to almost stammer these words. "To think I had such a high opinion of you and you say such a dumb thing in such a moment of tension. Has Naruto rubbed that bad on you?"

Unpreoccupied and with a smile, Kakashi-sensei said, "You think? Ah, maybe it was a little silly after all."

"TOILEEEEEEEEEEET!" passed by them the running figure of Naruto holding his sides.

----

They traveled like that approaching Konoha's Territory, trying to round the Hidden Village of the Waterfall. Sasuke had not said a word to Sakura or Naruto, though it wasn't like Naruto was trying…

"I wasn't diarrhea after all, it was a false alarm," was Naruto saying, coming back from where he had strayed. "I wonder what that had been, it was all weird."

He readjusted his backpack and came back to the group, but was left behind, aka, right behind Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei.

"Naruto!" called Sakura from the front, "Where had you gone? I told you not to go off on your own!"

"Yeah, sorry about that!" he called with a goofy smile. "I had to go have a pee but now I'm back!"

"Baka! I needn't know that!" surfaced irritable inner!Sakura.

Naruto laughed nervously. He had said he was fine, but in fact the feeling had just returned. Tough luck…

Mh? He thought suddenly. Mmh… smells good! I think I'm getting hungry because I can smell somebody cooking ramen!

He let himself be guided by that scent. Bah… it's a bit different, but I don't think it comes from my backpack. But it's close by… it feels so close, so close

And at that, he bumped into the back of somebody in the front.

… A somebody who stared back with piercing, bloodline red eyes—"WHA!"

From surprise, Naruto slipped into the branch and fell on his butt on it, to finally fall to the floor though leaves and bushes.

"Really…" commented Uchiha staring down from the top of the tree; to his side, Kakashi leaned in to check on the fallen member of the team, and void of ill-natured intentions, called, "Naruto, what are you doing?"

"Stop fooling around, dobe!" called Uchiha, coldly.

And down at the floor, called Naruto shaking his fist, "Baka! Do you think I fell on purpose!"

----

A mere minute later, Naruto was back at pace, pouting silently as they traveled, by the side of Kakashi and Sasuke. The later had not spared as much as a look at Naruto since they started moving again, and that seemed to compel Naruto to stare with resentment even more.

To make matters worse, that smell started to feel like it was mixing with Uchiha's own quite strongly, and that annoying feeling from his stomach felt like he was carrying a working truck in his insides.

Annoyed now in ways he didn't think possible, Naruto resolved very maturely, and in a way even feeling it unavoidable, trying to go faster than Sasuke to lead before him. If he did that, the smell of him would disappear. Sasuke, who looked indifferent for the most part, picked Naruto's intentions nonetheless and with a mere gesture returned to the lead with that amazing speed for his. It was so small, the effort, Sasuke might as well have done that out of instinctive reflex than to even acknowledge Naruto's challenge.

Which pissed Naruto even more.

He picked up some speed again. Sasuke returned the motion with minimal effort. Naruto went for the lead, and now Sasuke was leading again, surpassing Naruto this time. So Naruto burned some chakra and tried hard even more (at this time, they passed though Sai and Sakura, who looked at them both in wonder) and Sasuke was starting to look like he knew what he was doing alright.

Naruto grr-ed at Sasuke. Sasuke returned the gesture with a glare. Even with his Sharingan-eyes, it came out the most he had in all this time looked like the old Sasuke.

"Alright, boys! That's enough."

Kakashi was before them with a serious expression and his hands up, blocking his way – Sasuke stopped on his tracks at once but Naruto couldn't stop and slammed face first into a tree. Kakashi regarded the moaning, fallen figure of Naruto again.

"Dear Hokage… listen, boys, I understand you are happy to see each other –" Sasuke hn-ed, Naruto was still moaning, "– but don't stray away from the group again, alright?"

Only now it became evident just how much Kakashi was panting.

Author's Notes:
--Explained O-MAKE-CHIBIS Naru & Sasu Style!--

NARU: Hey! How came—what did you just do? Did you really read my mind?!

SASU: Tsk. Dumbass. What comes close to that would be what Kakashi-sensei said: when the blades of two first-rated shinobi clash together, they know instinctively how the other will move and attack. (looks cool)

NARU: Eh?? (points Sasuke with his fingers) Is that so? What I'm thinking right now?

SASU: (open one eye solemnly) You are thinking that Neji Hyuuga must use too much hair conditioner.

NARU: WOAH! You are good!

SASU: I know.

NARU: Umm… (thinks hard) But that doesn't yet explains what happened up there. (picks Sasuke's uncomfortable silence) (frowns suspiciously) Whaaaat?!

SASU: Maybe what we should say is that, in that episode AN: He is meaning Shippuuden here, I somehow had a connection to your mind though your eyes alone with my evolutional Sharingan.

NARU: (nodsnods) AN: Naruto: looks as if he understands

SASU: (solemnly) Then the author gave herself a bit of creative license to speculate the extensive reach of the new Sharingan, to have that small piece of humor you just witnessed.

NARU: Ah! (shocked pose) So she invented it all!

SASU: (only one eye open) Since there's not much told about the Sharingan, that usually leads to such abuses from the authoress.

NARU: (nods, nods attempting to be solemn) I knew it - Eh, Gaara, what are you doing?

Chibi style-GAARA: (monotonous tone) I'm making a Sand Castle.

-

KA CHIN!