Disclaimer: I own nothing, cheers J.K.
This is my first fic that isn't Draco-centric, so keep that in mind when you're
thinking that is sucks.
I wrote this for my friend's birthday because she's an avid Ron/Hermione shipper. This if for you Rach, hope you like it. :D
Harry hardly spoke anymore. Even in the days leading
up to the last showdown between him and Voldemort he had been more talkative,
almost chipper. He had been on an adrenaline rush for the past year and it
seemed now, he was finally coming down. He had come down; he had fallen
hard. He never smiled or laughed; his face had taken on a kind of detached
personality that wasn't Harry at all. He seemed to be lost in the spell that
had shot from the tip of his wand and hit Voldemort directly in the heart, lost
in the blindingly green light that had filled the space around him.
You'd think after nearly 7 years of being hunted, watched, of constantly
looking over his shoulder, he'd be glad it was all over. But for some reason,
unknown to everyone, even his closest friends, he had shut himself off from
everyone he'd ever cared for.
He seemed to be consumed by the casualties of war. It was as if he felt
responsible for every single person who had ever died at the hands of Voldemort
and his followers, like everything was his fault, his fault they died.
When in truth he saved a world from a fate worse than death and yet he still
doesn't seem to understand why people show him gratitude, doesn't understand
the reasons he's placed on a pedestal by most of the Wizarding World.
He didn't want any of it though. He didn't want the fame, he didn't want the
responsibility, the fate of the entire Wizarding World rested upon his
shoulders and frankly the expectations placed on him from such a young age were
almost unbearable. And yet he put up with it all and in the end he won...but at
what cost?
Ron and Hermione tried, tried so hard to make him talk, make him do anything
and yet every time it seemed like a pointless endeavour that seemed to go round
and round in circles.
"We've got to keep trying Ron, he's our best friend." Hermione said one day,
months after Voldemort's defeat and looking at Ron's face twist in anguish as
Harry blew them off again to go to the Quidditch Pitch. But neither of
them could blame him for anything he did. They just wanted their best friend
back.
"I know," Ron said, sounding helpless. "It's just hard when you get no response
from him. It's kind of like he's devoid of everything that used to be him, you
can see him, but inside he just seems empty."
Hermione could have smiled at Ron's philosophical statement if she hadn't been
so concerned about Harry. In the past few months Ron had turned very
philosophical, it was as if he was forced to because really, it was the only
way to look upon Harry's situation and really understand.
She had to commend Ron on the way he as handling it. He was the ever-supportive
best friend, the ever-present figure you could fall back on and she had to admire
the strength of character he showed. Admiration and adoration were very similar
things. She frequently pondered this late at night when books and classes
weren't there to distract her. She was at a loss with the situation with Harry.
She desperately wanted to help him; she just didn't know how and she felt most
avenues had been thoroughly exhausted.
They had tried talking to him, not worrying if it was just them talking at
him. They tried coercing him to talk. They had tried numerous ways to cheer him
up; even invited the twins for a weekend at Hogwarts. They even tried leaving
him alone, and while that didn't change his mood or behaviour, it almost seemed
that that's what he wanted. Hermione couldn't help feeling like she was
neglecting him every time he'd slouch out of the Great Hall unaccompanied after
every meal, if he ever turned up for meals at all.
One thing that did change for the better was the bond between Ron and Hermione
seemed to grow in Harry's absence. They spent most of their time together and
they had given up squabbling over petty things, it just wasn't worth fighting
between themselves when it felt like they had already lost their best friend.
They both felt the void Harry had left in them and it seemed only when they
were together that the void wasn't as deep.
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" Hermione asked Ron one day, months
after Voldemort's defeat when she found him sitting out by the lake, staring
out at the water. She sat down beside him and stared absently out over the
lake, watching the ripples on the surface glinting in the light, wondering why
Harry was smothered by this accursed feeling of guilt and why it couldn't be
lifted and why their best friend just wouldn't return into their open
arms.
"I don't think I'm ever not thinking about him. I was so used to having
him by my side, always having him there to talk to, to hang around with, and
now..." He trailed off, thinking it pointless to state the obvious. Hermione
reached for his pale, lightly freckled hand, taking it in hers in the only
comforting gesture she thought she could offer, as she knew words would never
suffice.
This was what she lived for nowadays, this closeness with the one person that
seemed to be a constant in her life and yet somehow she felt guilty because
Harry wasn't there to share it with them. He was off, caught up in his own
thoughts and feelings, a thick cloud pulled over him, full of grief and agony
so powerful that she doubted anyone else had the ability to understand nor
comprehend.
She yearned for the days when they were all together; The Trio always laughing
and joking. She had sometimes dismissed Ron and Harry's humour, thinking it
immature but now she wanted nothing more than to hear them talking about
Snape's big nose, or his greasy hair. In fact, she thought she might laugh for
days if just once Harry would lean over in Potions and crack that cheeky
smile, his eyes alight with silent laughter after having thrown scrunched up
parchment into Malfoy's cauldron.
And yet he doesn't speak in classes unless he's called upon. He doesn't speak
at all, anywhere, unless it's absolutely necessary. His schoolwork isn't being
neglected, one thing she's grateful for but she wouldn't mind doing his essays
and taking extra notes for him if only he would just talk, smile, laugh, anything.
She didn't know how Ron coped. Harry and him had been infinitely closer than
she had been with Harry. Ron was Harry's best friend, his first ever friend and
Ron would walk over hot coals if Harry asked him too. He'd take Avada Kedavra
for him, even if it was inevitably cast on Harry minutes later, Ron would jump
in the way, just to give Harry those few extra minutes of life.
That's how it was with those two, no ifs and buts; it was just unconditional
friendship and trust, that's the way it had to be. When you were best friends
with The-Boy-Who-Lived things like that were expected. Not consciously of
course. Harry never asked for the kind of potent trust and loyalty Ron gave
him, he just got it and neither of them questioned it. It just simply was.
Was. It was no longer seen. No longer experienced. It was still there, Hermione
never doubted it but she hadn't seen it in such a long time she just wished
Harry would pull out his wand and point if firmly into Malfoy's chest so Ron
would jump to his side immediately, without a second thought, wand drawn, ready
to jump in front of Harry if anything too nasty came out of Malfoy's wand.
Wishful thinking never served one well; she knew this, yet she could hardly
stop herself.
"You've still got to write your Charms essay." Hermione told Ron softly one
day, months after Voldemort's defeat as they sat in the Common Room, the flames
of the fire flickering gently, painting long, drawn-out shadows over the walls.
"I know, I just..." Ron sighed heavily, leaning further back into the couch.
"It's not due until next week anyway." He argued feebly. "I'm too distracted to
write it tonight." Hermione didn't question why he was distracted, there was no
need, it was the same reason he was always distracted. "I just want him
back." He said sadly, sinking even further into the couch, letting his head
fall to the side to rest on Hermione's shoulder.
Hermione could have argued, told him it's best to get the essay done now,
instead of later, always later, but she didn't. She couldn't. She couldn't
bring herself to nag him when his best friend seemed to be lost inside himself.
And frankly, it was too nice curled up on the couch with him to move, so she
didn't.
And then the fire burnt low and the room was steeped in darkness and they both
reluctantly retreated to their rooms, knowing what awaited them on the other
side of wakefulness was neither wanted nor pleasurable; it was the shell of
Harry.
A shell, he looked like Harry but nothing else was the same. That shell of
sleek muscles, mussy hair, round glasses and those green eyes that no longer
held that glint that was so inherently Harry and that alone was
disturbing. Disturbing in a sense that when you looked into them you couldn't
find him anywhere, you could search and search for hours, as Ron had so
desperately tried, but he wasn't to be found. He had to be in there, just
hidden so deep inside of himself that he seemed to have shrunk away from his
eyes.
He needed to come back; Hermione knew that with every tiny section of her heart
and Merlin how she longed for it. She wanted to see that amazing sparkle in his
bright, vivid green eyes. No one had eyes like Harry and she missed them
terribly.
She could gaze into Ron's eyes
as much as she liked now. He wouldn't question her like he usually would, he
wouldn't get self-conscious because she was staring at him, he'd just look back
at her occasionally and sometimes a small smile would pull at his lips before
he'd look away, going back to whatever he was doing. It was like he knew why
she had to look at him, knew it was a comfort to know he was there and that
he'd be there for as long as she needed him and in these moments she could
almost be happy, almost. Then an image of Harry would flash through her
mind and her heart would sink to her feet and her stomach knot with frustration
and loss and she'd admonish herself for ever feeling so content.
She wasn't content; she knew that. Neither was Ron. And Harry was far from
being anything even related to content.
"Do you think there's anything else we can try?" Hermione asked Ron one day,
months after Voldemort's defeat in another vein attempt to get Harry back. Ron
looked up and shook his head feebly.
"I don't know Hermione. I don't want to say he's a lost cause but we've tried
everything, except for grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him until he
snaps out of it." He moved across the empty Common Room to stand beside her as
she looked down at her homework on the table.
"I don't think it's going to be that easy." Hermione said, dragging her eyes
away from the book she was staring through and loving the feeling of comfort
washing over her as she looked into endless depths of blue, wishing she could
just lose herself in those perfect eyes.
"It could be." Ron shrugged dismissively. "We've never tried anything that
simple. He might just need something that simple." And Hermione nearly
threw herself into his arms for that gleam of hope that shone through him, even
if he didn't really believe it, she knew it was for her benefit and that didn't
bother her at all, she was flattered he tried.
"If it goes on much longer I'm not sure what will happen with him. He can't
live the rest of his life like this," Her chest heaved and a sob caught in her
throat. "He just can't! And yet I don't know what to do, there isn't anything
we can do to fix it. I've even read up on human psychology but none of it
helps. Nothing!" Silent tears stained her fair cheeks, her teary eyes searching
for deep blue orbs. Strong arms wrapped around her waist and she was pulled
snugly against a warm, solid body.
This was her breaking point, she had not yet lost faith and she had never
broken down like this, not in front of Ron, yet, he didn't seem phased by it at
all.
"Shh Hermione, we'll think of something. I know we will." He held her close to
him, his hand rubbing small circles over her lower back in an attempt to
comfort her; it definitely had the desired affect. She manoeuvred herself in
his hold so she could gaze up at him.
"That's just it, I don't know if we can." She looked almost defeated and Ron
reached up and brushed a stray tear away from her cheek, his eyes locked with
hers. It was now that Hermione allowed herself to get lost in his blue eyes.
Eyes laced with concern, worry, fear and she knew in that moment that this was
who she needed, this was what she had needed for 7 years and she ever so
tentatively cupped his cheek with her hand, bringing his face down to hers and
placing a soft kiss on his lips.
The portrait hole swung shut with a bang and Ron and Hermione jerked away from
each other, Ron's arms still lingering around her waist and they both looked up
to find green eyes staring intently at them.
Harry's face was unreadable as he watched them in complete silence, his arms
hanging loosely by his sides, ink-black hair nicely mussed. And then something
changed in his expression; something they hadn't seen for a very long time and
his guarded visage was suddenly gone.
"Well it's about bloody time." He said simply, his eyes somehow flickering
wildly as he gazed straight at them. His mouth twitched at the corners, his
endless green orbs sparkling before his whole face erupted into a grin, a so
typically Harry grin, that Hermione let a sob of relief escape her.
Ron's face broke into a mirror image of Harry's so suddenly resurfaced smile
and they stare at each other in silent appreciation of Harry's return, each
knowing that now he was back, they'd never let him go again.
End.
