Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Naruto. What happens to the characters below has not happened to anyone that I know of.

Note: Trying my best to use only canon-characters in this A/U, so everyone can be found on Naruto Wiki. Also trying very hard to have their ages canon-compatible. English used unless I'm trying to convey a relationship or particular tone with suffixes, or if using English is too long and awkward.

Question: When is being up at two a.m. correcting calculus homework fun?

Hana squeezed her eyes shut and stared harder at the paper. "When you're not the one doing it…?" Groaning, she grabbed the paper cup on the desk and tipped it back. Half a minute passed before she gave up trying to imagine coffee was pouring out of the empty cup into her mouth. The crumpled cup sailed over her shoulder and just made it into the small trash bin against the wall.

She gave the homework another go, trying to read the student's cramped handwriting. It didn't translate into nonsensical questions anymore, but neither did it translate into anything but arrows – correction, vectors – and formulas with far too many letters. Her eyelids slid shut. Slowly, gently, her head started to droop –

Dadadadadadundundadadun - !

That ringtone was assigned to exactly one person: her younger brother. Yawning, she dug a vibrating cell phone from under a pile of wrinkled papers and held it to her ear. "Hey, Kiba. Have you eaten your dinner yet?"

"Neesan, it's two-f – ing-a.m." The male voice on the other line sounded both indignant and resigned.

Hana stretched in her seat, tipping the chair back at a dangerous angle. "Point. Let's try this question – why are you up?"

"I got locked out of the apartment again. I kind of left my stuff in there. Spare uniform, keys…"

"Spare key?"

"That, too. I left it inside the house after last time. And we got the window fixed last weekend so I can't get in without breaking it."

"Why does it have to be now?"

"Was that a rhetorical question?"

Hana struggled to her feet, feeling more like a ninety-year-old arthritic granny than a nineteen-year-old college student. "Sorry if I'm a little slow. I've been trying to make sense of math homework answers for the last two hours after writing the final draft of a seventeen-page essay."

"You're the one who signed up to be a TA, you know," said Kiba. As far as academic trials went, his sympathy left something to be desired. If she'd told him she was feeling smashed after a night out, she would have earned more compassion. "How fast do you think you can get here?"

"You're being awfully short, otouto…"

"Ah, sorry. But how fast can you…?" She heard an epic sneeze transmit as digital fuzz. "It's gotten pretty cold."

She had to laugh.

"Neesan, you're mean." His hoarser voice quelled Hana's amusement.

"I was thinking of how you'd never admit to discomfort after a brawl, but you can't take the weather… anyway, I'll get there as soon as possible, but the shuttle won't be reliable so I'm riding my bicycle over." She thrust one arm into the sleeve of her pale grey coat while keeping the phone by her ear.

"That's five miles!"

"Relax! I'll be there in ten." The phone went into her pocket, as did her keychain and wallet. She shouldered open the door while tugging on the coat. Luckily, Hana's roommate was even more of a night owl than she was and wasn't around to complain when Hana knocked over the recycle bin by the door. Empty energy drink cans thudded onto the rough carpet, clanging whenever they struck each other. Hana kicked a would-be escapee back inside the room and ran down the corridor for the stairs.

At this hour, sporadic street lights kept the campus from being pitch-black. Even so, Hana generally relied on her sense of smell instead, having learned to navigate by the aroma of ramen around the corner. Ichiraku stayed open 24/7, catering mainly to college students. As Hana left the dorm building, the familiar scent of beef, seaweed, chicken, and pork ramen slapped her stomach out of its sullen dormancy.

"Damn opportunistic eateries, making me so hungry…" She tugged the collar of her coat up. Kiba had not exaggerated; her breath was visible in the faint glow of the street lamp. Hurrying as she was with her head down, Hana walked her bike right up to another pedestrian.

The handle slammed into the other person's arm. Hana looked up, at first with bleary puzzlement, then with embarrassed dismay. "Oh, excuse me! Does it hurt? I'm so sorry."

The victim of her carelessness might have answered, except that the elongated lump draped over his left side was pulling on his trench coat. Hana blinked. The second person had not even registered on her awareness the first time around. Her eyes, adjusting to the dark, distinguished the vague contours of a woman in knee-length dress and cropped pea-coat. She was looking more familiar by the minute."Hey, handsome, are we there yet?" she slurred.

Sight and sound suddenly clicked. "Kohada!" Hana's grip on the bike handles tightened. "What happened?"

Her roommate tilted her face towards her and gave her a good-natured, oblivious grin. "Aah, Hana-chan! What brings you out here? Why don't you come up with us?" She tried to pat her escort's arm, but ended up slapping his chest. "My darling won't mind…"

Whoever Kohada's new boy-toy was should never have let her get so wasted. Hana rallied on the strength of her profound annoyance. She turned to him, narrowing her eyes to discern his features in the dark. "Excuse me, but who are you?"

"A bystander whom this woman mistook for someone interested." The man had a cold, quiet sort of voice, although he sounded young enough to also be college-age. "I asked her if there was anyone she could call, but she insisted on my bringing her to her dorm."

Hana breathed out hard through her nostrils. Trust Kohada to do something halfway sensible for the wrong reasons. "In that case, thank you. I'll take her from here – I'm her roommate." The man passed Kohada's limp weight to her, waiting until the other girl's arm was secure around Hana's neck before stepping back. The strong odor of cheap vodka wafted to Hana's nose. Belatedly, she wondered how she was going to assist Kohada up the stairs and walk her bike at the same time.

She glanced at the young man. The dim lighting hid his expression, but he had yet to leave, so… "Excuse me. Sorry, but do you…would you be willing to…"

"Do you want me to carry her?" he asked tonelessly.

Up to their room?

"Ah. Um, no, no thanks, that's not it." Hana braced herself more firmly against Kohada's weight. "But my bike…"

As soon as she said it, she wanted to take it back. Who was this person anyway? Why would she trust a complete stranger with her bicycle?

"Never mind," concluded Hana.

"I'm not going to steal your bicycle," the stranger drawled.

"That's not what I was thinking at all!" The unhappy progeny of a laugh and a cough burbled at the back of her throat.

"Of course." He sounded vaguely condescending now. "It's what any sensible person would think. But I have my own car. I don't need your bike."

Hana shifted her feet, genuinely torn. "Who are you? Are you a student here?"

"No. Freshman at Akatsuki U."

That was a bit better than "random young man." Akatsuki University was fairly prestigious and in the locale.

She wavered.

Dadadadadadun! Her phone was ringing again.

"Screw this," she hissed to herself. "Could you –"

"I'll look after your bicycle while you take her upstairs."

"Yes. Okay. Thanks!" Keeping a firm grip on Kohada's arm, Hana half dragged, half carried her back to the dorm.

She hoped Kiba wouldn't freeze to death before she got there.

"And so, the only way to prove this theorem is to expand everything into coordinate notation."

"You must be kidding…"

Nara Yoshino rounded on the student who had dared to grumble. "What's this laziness doing in my classroom, eh? Would you all feel more comfortable with more problem sets?"

"No, ma'am," "No, professor," chorused her cowed audience.

Nara glanced at the clock. "That's it for today, everyone."

The light clack of binder rings snapping shut, the sound of pencil bags being zipped up, and the footsteps of students flooding out of the lecture hall jarred Hana out of her meditative stupor in the back row. She rubbed the side of her face – a bit too hot and dry, symptoms of falling asleep – and looked for the pile of homework she had collected from the students at the start of their class. Sometime during her spontaneous nap, she had struck all the papers to the floor.

Seeing as she only had seven minutes to get to her own class, she got up and knelt to gather the scholarly debris around her. Why wasn't Nara-sensei giving her a pointed look for dozing off and not setting an example as the TA? Her admonishing stare had usually bored through Hana's skull by now.

A soft murmur of voices from the front of the room explained it – the professor was talking with a student. Papers tucked into her bag and coat buttoned, Hana made her way down the rows to the exit at the front. Biking madly last night - or should it be this morning? – had not done her thigh muscles any favors. Hana almost tripped on the last step on her way down.

A hand reached out, steadying her before she hit anything.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She raised her head. That person! What was he doing in Konoha College if he went to Akatsuki?

The professor was wrapping up her discussion. "Come by during office hours today, and we'll see if we can arrange something that works for your schedule. Inuzuka, do you need anything?"

Hana shook her head. "Have a good day, ma'am."

"Likewise, Inuzuka." Nara nodded to both Hana and the young man and walked out of the lecture hall.

Hana shot him a curious look. Under this much brighter lighting, he appeared less disreputable compared to her first impression. His eyes were an indeterminate color, and the shadows cast by his black lashes certainly did not help in solving that mystery. He had two creases under his eyes, where dark smudges corroborated, if not proved, his claim of attending college. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Your roommate?"

She could tell he was asking after Kohada to be polite. "She's all right, thanks for asking." Hung over and recovering from massive vomiting. It was nothing new. "And thank you for your help last night." The question in her mind fought its way out. "I'm just a little confused – you are from Akatsuki University?"

"Yes." He started for the exit. Hana kept pace with him, determined to have an answer.

"But why did you come to Konoha College today?"

He preceded her through the door and held it until she walked through. "You really don't know?" He lowered the hand carrying his books and paused a foot away. "I've attended this class since first term began."

Hana's mouth opened in an o as he walked off into the shifting mass of students.

Shin scratched the back of his head, messing up his choppy, shoulder-length hair. "Guy who's a bit taller than me, keeps his hair in a ponytail, has these deep lines under his eyes… Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about. He used to live on my floor. Never said anything much, but I got the feeling he could be pretty intense if he wanted. After first semester he transferred somewhere else, I have no idea why, but he's staying to complete the full-year calculus course he enrolled in."

Probably having trouble transferring credits. Hana opened her mouth to say so, but an exaggerated gasp from the pretty, button-nosed girl sitting beside Shin preempted her.

"Hana, if you're referring to who I think you are, I have to say, I'm shocked! You must be clinically blind not to have noticed he was in that class all along. Uchiha Itachi…" She sighed. "He's certainly easy on the eyes."

"Careful, Otoha," Shin warned, "you're in danger of becoming a cradle robber."

"Not to mention, you have a boyfriend," Hana added dryly. She raised an eyebrow at Shin. "Is this true? Am I clinically blind for not noticing this fellow?"

"Well, girls seem to dig him, unfortunately. Even older women –" Otoha's elbow disrupted the remark. Shin coughed into his orange soda. "Ahem. As you can see."

Otoha swatted him on the back of his head for good measure. "I'm only being nice to an insolent freshman like you because Hyou took you on as his kohai."

Hana inspected the lemon shortcake she had added to her lunch tray and figured it looked safe to eat. "I don't know many underclassmen outside of clubs, and he doesn't ask questions during the problem sessions I lead. I don't know if he even goes to them, because I'd definitely notice him there."

"Would you?" said Otoha.

"Almost definitely." Hana swallowed. "This actually tastes quite good."

"I have to try this!"

Hana passed her the fork, and soon the two of them were nodding over the dessert in appreciation. Shin drained his glass and stood up. "Right, I have a class at one. See you around."

Otoha ruffled his hair. "Bye-bye, Shin-kun." Hana laughed at Shin's expression as he bussed his tray. "That kid needs to learn some manners," Otoha pretended to huff. "Anyway, I don't have any classes tomorrow, and I want to go out tonight."

Hana took a napkin from the table dispenser. "Is Hyou free?"

"Stuck inside a lab until eight. What do you think? Yugao says she's getting off work early tonight, and we haven't seen her since she graduated."

Hana scowled as the memory of a prior obligation hit her. "I forgot I had to lead a problem session, actually. Eight-thirty to ten."

The other girl's face fell. "Oh, that does stink. Damn it. I guess it's …" A sly gleam sparked in her chocolate-brown eyes. "Fate. What an opportunity! Now you can see if Itachi actually goes to the problem sessions."

Hana rarely choked on air, but the occasions that she did were spectacular. "Otoha! I'm not sure you know how creepy you're being." Otoha just laughed. "No, seriously."

"Give it a shot, Hana," said the other girl, tucking a loose strand of auburn hair behind one ear. "I don't think you would look that horrible together."

"It begins…" Hana stood up with her tray. "First, it was 'see if he's there.' Now it's 'try dating the underclassman!'"

"Well, matching you with people in the same age group didn't work." Otoha looked more smug than ashamed as she joined Hana en route to the conveyer belt where they left the dishes.

"Housei wanted to copy my homework all the time. For calculus, incidentally."

"…And I've tried upperclassmen…"

"Minoji was an idiot and his best friend happened to be an ass. You've even set me up with a high-schooler before, and I'll never forgive you for that. My brother knew of him. My little brother!"

"I thought he had a nice face."

Hana flashed Otoha a mock-up of a smile. "I thought Sukima had the face of someone who might cheat on his final exams and get caught for incompetence."

Otoha checked her mascara in a pocket mirror. "Would you have liked him more if he had succeeded at cheating? Anyway, at least they were all memorable enough for you to remember their names."

"If only they had returned the favor during the single date I had with each of them." Hana checked her watch. "Listen, I need to return a few books at the library before it fines me for keeping them overtime. I'll talk to you later."

"Damn," mourned Otoha, "You just took away my excuse for skipping Morino's Psych section."

"Go to class!"