Yo,
I really have absolutely no idea how to introduce myself, I just woke up at 4:30 am and wrote this, this is my first time writing a fanfiction, so I dont havemuch experience in it (although I do read a lot of fanfics), Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as muchas I enjoyed writing it, and I'd love some reviews to help me get a better understanding of how to write stories.
Criticism is much appreciated as long as you make it clear what was wrong and what was right, since I won't be able to improve without knowing what my mistakes were.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
He's runnin'.
It was all going just fine, the caravans were traveling at a solid pace, the navigator said they were bound to reach the city by today, around noon more or less. They'd go in, trade the goods and get their payment.
So much for that.
He'd been part of a trading caravan on its to Shurima. Folks say the city just rose back mysteriously one day. People immediately swarmed the area and the city. Some looking to find information about what happened to the lost city, some just there because they couldn't believe their ears.
He...? Just in it for the money.
They said some people never came back from there, went on a journey to bask in the city's magnificence and whoosh... Their trail lost in the sandstorms... Not a single clue what happened to them.
He had a pretty decent one now.
They thought they'd hit a gold mine, and they might've too bad they'll never know... A new city, thousands of tourists, supplies would be highly sought out for, and not just supplies, trinkets from Bilgewater, weapons, survival kits... Everything really.
A real shame.
They can almost see it now. Behind a gigantic golden dune, not so far from them. The blazing sun bears on their bodies and he wishes he didn't need all these clothes he was wearing.
Too bad.
None of them expects it. The sudden ear - splittin' shrill shriek that sends shivers down their spines and makes their camels go crazy. He manages to get a small glimpse of it by nearly snapping his neck. Ain't never seen anythin' like it, its all colored purple n' blue, propped up on two sets of small le-. It dives into the ground, bringing the force of its entire upper torso on the sands.
The earth shakes.
He don't look back no more.
The camels go into overdrive like some defected pilty machinery. His entire crew is terrified, but he already knows he has to make it to the city, he's riding alone at the back. Good because nothing weighs him down, bad because well...
He's easy food, why do you think?
He breaks out from his crew, and swears to himself that if he makes it out and lives on, He'll remember their names. None of them had a family, so he doesn't have to worry about that.
He's at the dune. Pretty far away and ahead of his group, riding alone on his camel gave him the speed to maybe, only maybe make it out alive. He hastily gets off the camel and sends it off, starts climbing when the sounds reach him. He freezes for a moment, yet he doesn't dare lay his eyes on the monster.
Boy do they scream.
They scream for help, they scream out apologizes and they just scream, but that wont change their fate. The guilt piles up on him as each voice he knows is cut off shortly. He recognizes each voice as he pleads for forgiveness in his mind, should he have died with them? He wonders. He ignores the homicidal thoughts, they're just not healthy for a man, you know?
He's nearly there, at the end of dune, hope fills his heart as he nearly reaches there when-
He slips.
Nah, I'm just messing with you.
He finally climbs up the dune when he hears it again, that terrifying voice, but he's nearly there, it can't reach him that fast right?
He's runnin', nearly there, he lays his eyes on the titanic doors which lead into the city, he doubts the monster will follow him into the city, a small crack is all he can see between the two doors, but thats more than enough for him.
Can't say the same about the beast.
The earth rumbles beneath him and the sands sweep him off his dirty sandals. He lands on his rear as the beast finally reveals itself. It emerges from the sand with a leap.
End of the line.
Its bulky and big, built like a scorpion, yet unlike a scorpion it's plated tail stood straight instead of angled upwards, the thing he mistook for a fin on its back looked like it could probably be able to skewer him, covered by some sort of plate - like armor, along with most of its body, it has two sets of scorpion like - legs and one set of arms, equipped with long sharp, ebony colored claws on its hand.
It had no visible eyes, the plates covering most of its head. Its mouth was unlike he'd ever witnessed, its upper gum was bare for him to see the purple sturdy flesh with only 4 dagger- like teeth. It had no lower jaw, simply 2 protrusions from the sides of its face with lethal looking spikes angled upwards connected to them.
Thats it.
It let out a peculiar voice as it raised its hands to smash him.
He doesn't close his eyes nor does he scream.