Title: Endless Circle
Disclaimer: Obviously not mine. Although I could fancy having Tezuka (or Yukimura or Ryôma, I'm not difficult) for myself. I wrote to Santa but I guess it was too much to ask for…
Characters: Ryôma, Fuji, Tezuka (sort of)
Warning: Yaoi
Notes: Hi. Well, it's my first fic in English and I'm not very confident. I'm French so excuse me for the bad grammar. I have no beta (If someone's got the time, I would be elated…).
I would like to thank sempai for it's because of her I wrote this fic.
It's Ryo/Fuji although Tezu/Fuji is my OTP. I still don't know why but I couldn't help thinking about that while watching the anime.
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Endless Circle
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'He is so close yet so far,' you painfully think watching your captain.
Even if you try to come closer to him, you will only get to see his back. You will never be able to walk by his side. And you are aware of this fact. That's why you smile when he turns towards you, more unreachable than before.
No way you would ever let Tezuka know how pathetic you are…
But you ignore that somebody watches you the same way you watch your captain. You can't notice the sadness in his eyes. You just feel that someone stares and stop contemplating Tezuka. It's already too late. All that you can see is Echizen's cocky smirk.
"Wanna play, Fuji-sempai?" he asks, wanting your attention.
You chuckle and follow him when he moves away not bothering to add a word.
No way he would ever let you know he is even more pathetic than you are…
-
You are exhausted and sweating but you smile. You do really smile. The rain trickles down your neck, your shirt is totally wet but you don't care. You play hard, without holding back and yet, your opponent sends back every ball. You must admit he is skilled. You shake your head when you catch yourself thinking it's a poor euphemism. Echizen has almost sealed your Higuma Otoshi, after all…
"What do you think playing in the rain?" you hear Ryûsaki-sensei shouting.
You stop looking at each other and turn away, noticing only at this very moment which state you are in. You close your eyes, you hide yourself behind your false smile again and you go away.
You meet Tezuka a few minutes later. You would almost thank Echizen because he is the perfect topic to discuss. You wonder absent-mindedly if you will succeed in getting a sentence of more than seven words from your captain but somehow you doubt it.
You don't even notice that Echizen listens to you while smiling. Not his usual cocky smirk but a genuine one…
-
Echizen doesn't know exactly what he feels about Tezuka's departure. Of course, he is relieved, not to have to see you stupidly awed by him anymore. He has never understood why so many people, included you, treat him like the eighth wonder of the world…
However, the pain you try to hide behind your smile is worse than all. Everyone can say you miss Tezuka. He spent too many time watching you not to understand…
Echizen hates even more Tezuka than before because seeing the pain burning in you eyes is way more unbearable than looking at you worshipping the ground Tezuka treads on.
Although he will never let you know that…
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You watch him playing. You wouldn't know how to explain it but he captivates you. He grins as his opponent loses his self-confidence. He is so irritatingly cocky… It annoys you as much as it thrills you…
When he wins – seven games to six, Seigaku wins the Kanto tournament – your smile can barely conceals the emotion overcoming you. You couldn't care less about Seigaku or even victory, since the only thing existing for you is the gleam in his eyes, almost the same as the one burning formerly in hazel eyes. You hate to acknowledge it but Eiji is right. He does look like Tezuka.
They are both left-handed, they have both the same stare, the same will, the same love for tennis… You are aware that if Echizen interests you that much, it is only because you see Tezuka through him.
However, while Tezuka hides his passionate nature behind his stoic demeanor, Echizen uses his arrogance to protect himself. Tezuka is perfect whereas Echizen is just a human being.
That is exactly the reason why it is unfair to compare them but you can't help…
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The locker room is empty, except for you. You take your time, relishing the – so rare – silence.
"Fuji-sempai?"
You turn around, putting back your lying smile.
"Oh, you were here, Echizen? Sorry, I was lost in thought."
"Can I ask you something?" he inquires and you notice his voice is faltering, which surprises you, but you nod nonetheless. "Do you miss him that much?"
Now you're even more surprised. You don't know if it's better not to answer or to play dumb. Anyways, you choose the former.
"We all miss him, I guess…"
"Fuji-sempai," he sighs. "I dare you to tell me you don't love him."
What…? You are lost. How can he know…? Then you understand.
"You too? I'm sorry, Echizen. I mean no offense, but he doesn't even think about either of us this way. We're just good tennis players, at best his teammates. And that's all. But if you ever succeed, I'll be on your side as far as you make him happy. You can trust me, I'll keep my word."
Echizen smiles sadly and comes closer.
"Mada mada dane, Fuji-sempai. For someone called a tensai, there are a lot of things you don't understand. But I just have to show you, right?"
And he kisses you.
Before you can only react, he is already at the door.
"By the way, Fuji-sempai, I love you."
-
"Aaah, more!" you moan helplessly.
You are on your hands and knees, spreading shamelessly your legs for him to go deeper, oh yes, deeper. Everybody, anybody could come in the locker room and would see you, would see the great Seigaku's tensai being fucked from behind. It would be so humiliating, although it is you who asked for that. After all, you always refuse to do that more properly.
It is neither the first time, oh no, – you lost the count a long time ago – nor the last time, if you have something to say. You prefer it this way, when you can't see him, when you just have to close you eyes and pretend it is someone else thrusting into you.
"Harder, faster, please, oh please…" you beg, and it's so good, and I'm almost there, and I'm gonna, oh Tezuka, I'm gonna…
And you come screaming Tezuka's name.
But the post-coital fog soon lifts and you realize you nearly believed in your own lie. You know it's a lie since Tezuka is the sort of person making love, not fucking. That's the reason why you love him, because he is so righteous, because he would despise you if he knew how you use Echizen for your twisted needs.
Then you cry. You can't help but crying because of Tezuka, because of Echizen, because of yourself.
Suddenly, you feel arms around you.
"Hush, Fuji-sempai. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Don't cry, Fuji-sempai, it's my fault…" he whispers, holding you tight.
You smile for him. He is so nice to you, way nicer than you deserve.
"No, it's mine, Ryôma."
-
As soon as you see your captain, you are relieved. He came back from Germany, which means he is utterly healed. Everything is going to be alright now, for Seigaku as for you.
Nothing has changed, Tezuka has not changed. He is always so cold, so handsome, he is always himself and you forget all but him. You forget the pain, you forget the tears, you even forget you let Echizen fuck you time and time again.
You smile, you truly smile for the first time since he left. You don't care if he thinks of you only like a teammate as far as you can be by his side.
You can see Echizen is hurt by your behaviour, although it's not your concern anymore, is it? Now that Tezuka is here, you don't need Echizen any longer.
Nevertheless, when Tezuka goes away, you are alone again. Of course, you knew from the very beginning he would never be yours but you can't help craving for love. You want someone to hold you, to make you forget that Tezuka does not love you.
"Echizen?" you call, knowing very well it's not right.
"Yes, Fuji-sempai?"
"Can you come with me? I've something to tell you."
You hate yourself for using him but it is too late, now.
"Mada mada dane, Fuji-sempai." he smiles bitterly but he follows you all the same.
You realize then you were wrong. Something has changed, after all. But it's not Tezuka, it's you…
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Thank you for reading this.
Please point me my mistakes so I could improve.