Now, when I was doing this I was having trouble deciding whether or not to have Roy promoted, or if it should be his birthday. For a promotion, I would make references to his additional work; for his birthday I would tease him for his age. In the end, the only reason I picked a promotion is because Ed never celebrated his birthday before this. This will be a relatively long fic, over 20k is my hopes. This is also my first fic on this account; I lost my old password. And so while I am not a new writer, I would highly appreciate constructive reviews. I shall use all anti RoyEd flames to toast my marshmallows. Please, read and review! And if I get at least 10 reviews, I'll try to update before the end of the week. (Well, I'll try anyway) Either way, I definitely plan to finish this. Also, the half-naked Breda is in reference to the FMA Chibi party; look it up on YouTube it's HILARIOUS!

Rating: T; for Ed's mouth (duh) and anything that works its way in

Pairing: RoyXEd

Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, then this wouldn't be called a FANfiction, would it?

Warning: slight randomness (only for now I hope), Drunk Breda and Havoc, Roy Ed smoochiness

Neko: Okay, so ON WITH THE SHOW!

Ed: *pssst!* Hey! Don't read this crap! Stop wasting your time and go do something productive! Like get this sucky author OFF OF THIS SITE!

Roy: Aww, Fullmetal, you don't want to spent more time with me? What a shame!

Neko: SHUT UP ALREADY AND LET ME FREAKING TYPE!

Roy/Ed: *grumble grumble*

UPDATE: I made a few minor changes to make the next chapter flow more.

Edward smirked as walked down the familiar white hallways, clutching a small blue bag in his hand. He paused at the corner to the outer office, where he could already hear Havoc snorting with laughter and the click of Fuery's camera as he took pictures of the half-naked drunken Breda. The blonde teen took a deep breath of the slightly musky air, enjoying the scent of the coffee as he went over the taunts in his head. Ed had it all planned out in his head; the slightly confused look on that Colonel Bastard's face as he would pull out the contents of the gift bag, the sarcastic comment he'd make in order to fluster the teen and through him into some berserker rage, that smug look on his face ad he would smirk down at him, and then Ed would forget all about his calculated speech that would leave that Colonel, well…speechless. And Gate DAMMIT he had to remember that the Bastard had just been promoted, hence the party. Great, now the Colonel's—DAMMIT BRIGADIER GENERAL'S—already over-inflated ego would swell to ridiculous proportions, maybe so much that his pretty little face he loves so much would swell up and he would float way away to the north, wear Major General Armstrong could kick is—

"Hey, Fullmetal, are you gonna stand there all day? We don't bite." Ed jumped slightly as his train of though was interrupted, and Colo—BRIGADIER EFFING GENERAL BASTARD MUSTANG smirked at his startled expression. "No need to be star struck; I'm the same as before. The brass just finally realized how amazing I am is all. I hope my higher rank doesn't make you overly aware of your own shortcomings in the military ranks." Ed snarled furiously leaping up so he and the bastard were eye to eye, his pure rage somehow keeping him elevated in midair. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO MICROSCO….damn…." Ed landed back on his feet, his face twisted into a furious scowl. The Colo…Brigadier General had gotten the better of him. Flame, one; Fullmetal, Zero...

Mustang looked somewhat surprised at his sudden temper control, but quickly hid his momentary lapse in his cool façade with the trademark I'm-A-Sexy-Bastard-And-I-Know-It smirk. "If you're done ogling, you can join the party." Turning around as if he didn't give a damn, he strolled—or maybe glided, yes glided seems to fit him better—into the outer office, where (as he had suspected) Breda was prancing around in his whitey tighties (though technically they were red). Falman shuffled somewhat awkwardly in the corner, Havoc snorted with laughter, Fuery's camera flashed at an absurd rate, and Riza sighed , cocking her gun as the drunken Breda got a bit too….well….With an exasperated huff, Ed stomped after him.

Glancing over, Jean gave a happy wave. "Heyyah Chief!" He cried out, swaying over to him. "You look thirsty! Wanna hafa duriiiiiiiiiiiiink?" As he neared the alarmed boy, Ed caught a strong whiff of alcohol and sweat. Eww. If that's what I'll smell like when I get older, I think I'll skip the parties….he thought to himself. He hurriedly stepped back, holding out his gloved hands in defense as Havoc held out a dark glass, splashing the whiskey on his beloved red coat in the process.

Ed gave an exasperated snarl, holding back a fit. It can be fixed; It can be fixed…."I'm underaged, remember?" He ground out through his teeth. He felt his annoyance rise when he noticed Mustang quietly laughing into his hand as Edward fended off a drunken Havoc. THAT DAMNED BASTARD!WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM….."No Ed, don't lose you're cool now…." He muttered to himself. If he did, Mustang would win, and even if he lied to himself and said that Mustang never won, he did. Every time. EVERY. SINGLE. EFFING. TIME. And Ed wanted to win. BADLY.

Thankfully, Breda saved him from being assaulted by Jean as he sang off-key "PUUREZZZENT TEEEIIME! PUUREZZZENT TEEEIIME! I LUUUURVE PUUREZZZENT TIEIEIEIEIEIIIIIIIIME!" While Riza face-palmed herself in the corner, Roy glided over with a smirk. "Oh, for me? You shouldn't have!" Ed snorted at the false modesty. "We really shouldn't have…" he muttered. Glancing toward the middle of the room, he wondered briefly how much money the enormous pile of presents had cost. Its size rivaled the mountains in Briggs, and as he began to mentally do some calculations about the size ratio between the two, the Lieutenant Colonel arrived.

Or, more accurately, Hughes burst into the room and slammed the door into the wall so hard it probably left a hole. He had a ridiculous grin plastered on his face and a monstrously enormous box balanced on top of his head. "ROOOY! BUDDY O' MINE! LOOK AT WHAT I GOT YOU! IT'S THE GREATEST PRESENT THIS WORLD HA—Gah!" The (still grinning) man tripped over the prone body of Jean Havoc, who had collapsed just moments before. Suddenly his face twisted into one filled with horror as the box bounced off of one of its corners, flying open in the process. "NOOO! ELYSIA! GRACIA!" Everything seemed to slow down as they all watched what seemed like thousands of photos (in reality it was 62,947,618,237,856 pictures) and a glass sculpture of Mrs. Hughes and her daughter sail through the air. The startled Breda leapt back, bumping into a previously unnoticed ice sculpture. Ed mentally snorted with laughter. An Ice Sculpture for the Flame Alchemist?! Both sculptures flew through the air and smashed into each other, and Ed clapped his hands together and slammed them into the floor, forming a wall to protect anyone from flying shards of glass and ice.

As everything settled into silence, Fuery sat up weakly and straitened his glasses. His uniform was rumpled and a bit dusty, but Ed's wall had been successful. "So…no presents?" Roy burst into laughter at that, clapping his startled subordinate on the back. "Sorry Fuery, no presents." Everyone laughed shakily at that, still electrified by the adrenaline rush. They surveyed the damage with wide eyes; the teen had reacted quickly, and the wall he had created was almost like a dome and surrounded the disaster in the center of the office. It had created an almost moat-like intent around it several feet deep though, and as they all calmed down, Havoc gave a yelp of shock as he tumbled into it. Ed gave a small sigh, ignoring him; after all that planning, he wouldn't be able to give the Brigadier General Bastard his new present. He stood up, the blue bag still clutched in his automail hand.

As he turned to leave, Mustang waved for him to stop. Lieutenant Hawkeye, can you escort my met to their homes? Borrow Hughes's car; it should fit him, Havoc, and Breda with you." He shot Hughes a furious glare as he tried to argue. "And you, Fullmetal…Clean up this mess and then see me in my office. Now." With that, Roy stepped out of the office, muttering in annoyance to himself. Ed nodded, doing a mental dance of victory. Yes! It's not too late to give him it!" Ed nodded again, stepping around the destruction and mentally wincing at the huge disaster he had made of the office. Wincing again, he clapped his hands together and pressed them to the alchemized wall he had created. With a bright blue flash, the array he imagined activated , fixing the floor. Ed gave a snort of laughter at the sight before him. The class sculpture and frozen Roy had smashed and fused together, with Roy's smirking face attached to Elysia's shoulders. He tiptoed around the shard of melting ice and glass as he made his way to his superior's inner office. Kicking open the door, he stepped in and slammed it behind him. With a bored sigh, he crashed down onto the black leather couch and tossed the bag onto the coffee table. Hearing the door quietly click open, Ed turned to see Mustang closing the door behind him. "So, Fullmetal, what's in the bag?"

Roy strolled into his office and saw the teen glance at the baggie on the dark brown coffee table. It was a royal blue with a black and white flame emblem on the front, and Roy smirked at the now-flustered teen. "Everyone else probably got you a ridiculously extravagant present that would most likely just sit there and collect dust, so I got you something a bit more useful." Roy glided over to the table and picked up the bag in white-gloved hands as Fullmetal continued to ramble. "I mean, with you getting promoted, you're sure to be getting more paperwork, and since and old man like you is already having trouble writing out his own name, I figured this might be useful, y'kow?" Roy ignored him as he reached deep into the bag and pulled out a small silver object. Roy gasped slightly, his eyes widening at the sight of it. "Plus I know Hawkeye will appreciate you being able to work faster—and now you won't have any excuse to work at that snail's pace you have going! Eh, General Bastard?...Bastard!" The blonde gave an annoyed huff, stomping over to Roy and whacking him upside the head with his automail hand.

Roy jumped slightly, the silver shape still clutched in his hand. "Wh-what?" Edward glared up at him furiously. "Did you not hear everything I just said?!" The blonde gave an annoyed sigh. "Whatever, I give up. Bye…!" Ed turned around, waving one arm in fair well. Roy felt a huge grin break onto his face as he stared at the object I his hand. To tell you the truth, Roy was shocked that the Fullmetal kid had done something so thoughtful. It was something he had been trying to get for a while, but it had never met Hawkeye's standards, so the fact that the little blonde had gotten a perfect one for him…well, it made him so happy that he wanted to kiss him! Without thinking, Roy grabbed Fullmetal by the shoulder, spun him around, and slammed his lips into the younger's. Ed's eyes widened and be began to struggle violently. He tried to pull his mouth away from Roy's, but as Roy moved his lips with the younger's, breathing in as Ed breathed out, Edward's body relaxed and he began to respond to the kiss. He pressed his body against Roy's, and he seemed to fit against him like a puzzle piece. Their lips moved against each other in perfect harmony, like two people holding a conversation. Ed's tongue flicked out against the General's lip, asking for entrance. Roy happily obliged, opening his mouth and letting his tongue slide in. Roy noted that the younger tasted of oranges as he mapped out the inside of his mouth with his tongue. They began to battle for dominance, and Edward tugged at Roy's hair, pulling him lower so he could have better access. "Mmm, you're so short that bending over to kiss you is making my back hurt." He murmured into Ed's lips. Ed snarled slightly, tugging uncomfortably at his raven locks—until they both realized what exactly he had said. The two leapt away from each other as if they were on fire. Roy stumbled away, gasping slightly for air. The teen had fallen over backwards onto the couch, golden eyes wide and cheeks flushed. His kiss-swollen lips opened and closed like a fish's mouth, and Roy noted with some embarrassment that he had managed to work Edward's hair out of its customary braid.

The flustered teen scrambled to his feet, breathing heavily. "Wha…What was…ugh…I g-gotta go. Me's expecting Al—I mean Al's expecting me. M' glad you liked the gift….S-see you." With those stuttered words, Ed flew out of the room, and Roy could've sworn that he had seen an after image. Roy sat back heavily at his desk, running a hand through his dark hair. He glanced at the silver and marble object on his desk, the one that started this whole mess. He picked up the intricate object, and looking very closely, he could vaguely see evidence of a transmutation. If he squinted. With a magnifying glass. He was impressed at how well Fullmetal had put it together. But sadly, along with his amazing skill and attention to detail, it had his tacky taste as well. He rolled his eyes at the skulls and dragons that twisted around it, and the almost life-like flames that lapped around the edges. And, on the bottom of the tacky-but-beautiful object, Ed had carved the words Brigadier General Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist. It was flawless, and Riza would have no complaints. He would be able to finish his work in a quarter of the time it normally took. That wasn't what was on his mind though. The thing that had started this whole mess, that had caused him to kiss his subordinate…..was a stamp.

Neko: So that was my first kiss scene, and while it kinda stunk, I thought it was passable for a first time. I would LOVE pointers though! And as I typed this in a couple of hours, I hope that I might be able to update faster than I originally presumed. Yah for Fluffy RoyEdness!

Ed: I hate you

Roy: Why, Fullmetal? Didn't you enjoy yourself? Or was the bliss somewhat shortlived?

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SUBATOMIC SHRIMP THAT IF HE GOT A MOSQUITO BITE HE WOULD DIE OF BLOOD LOSS AND A BOTTLE OF BUG SPRAY LASTS HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE CUZ HE ONLY USES A DROP AT A TIME AND HAS TO USE A MICROPIPETTE TO PUT IT ON?!

Roy: You

ED:WHY YOU!