Chapter 1
I sigh as I stare out of the tour bus window.
Nate comes up behind me. "Shane?"
I turn around. "Yes, Nate?"
He shrugs. "You look sad. Or bored. Or lonely. Or sabordley."
I just sigh again. "All at once. Yeah, I'm sabordley."
"Why?" he says and sits down on the couch next to me.
I shrug and point to the window. "Rain. That's never a good sign."
"Our concerts are indoors," Nate points out.
"I wasn't talking about that," I say sadly.
"Then why are you so sabordley today?"
"I have no idea. I just have this feeling that something horrible is going to happen…"
"Wait. Isn't the election today? Fuck, don't tell me you think McCain's going to win! That would be awful!" Nate exclaims, standing up and getting in a frenzy. "Did he win? Is that why?"
"The election is in a month," I say.
Nate puts his hand on his chest and regulates his breathing. "Oh thank god; I thought for a second there that wrinkly old bastard was president. Fuck, that scared me."
I stand up and head over to the kitchen area. I go into the cabinets and grab a banana. Nate grabs one too.
As we stand there in silence eating our fruit, Nate starts making heavy breathing noises. Don't ask me why, but he is.
"Nate, you cannot make those noises and eat a banana," I tell him.
"What noises?" he asks and continues his heavy breathing.
"Those sex noises!" I exclaim.
"What? Sex noises? What the hell?"
I grab Nate's arm and take his banana, throwing it in the trash. "There!"
He looks slightly hurt. "What the hell was that?!"
"No weird sex noises while eating penis-shaped fruits!" I scold.
He scoffs and crosses his arms across his chest. "Someone's on their period."
I roll my eyes and throw an apple at him. "You can make sex noises with this fruit, but not that one."
"So wait," he starts, "I'm allowed to have sex with apples, but not bananas? Is that what you're telling me?"
I point to the apple. "That, sir, is not penis shaped."
He looks at it. "If you think of it with a dirty mind, it is."
I look at the apple.
Oh god, it does look like a penis.
Suddenly, I hear my phone ringing and I run over to it. I pick it up. New text message from my girlfriend. Well, at least this will bring some happiness into my day. It always brightens my day hearing from Leslie. (We've been dating for six years.)
"Shane – I'm really sorry, but we're going to have to break up. It's not working out. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be at your concert tonight.– Leslie."
Well fuck. That was not the pick-me-up that I needed.
I stare at the screen with my mouth open like a complete retard.
"I'm just waiting for a fly to go right in there," Nate says, jokingly.
After a moment of silence, he walks over to me. "What?" he asks. He comes up behind me.
I look back at Nate. "Fuck!" I scream.
His face softens. "What?"
"Fuck!" I yell again and throw my phone across the bus. "Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck!"
Nate grabs my phone. "Dude, I think you broke it!"
"Fuck!" I exclaim and grab a pillow. I scream into it for a good long twenty seconds.
"Who died?!" Nate exclaims, getting all frantic again like he always does.
I shake my head, feeling tears coming on and go into my bunk. I close the curtain and reach into the pocket by my bed.
I hold the little, velvet, blue box in my hands and open it up, revealing the heart-shaped diamond ring I was going to give Leslie at the concert. I take the ring out and get out of my bunk.
"Seriously dude, what's going on?" Nate asks.
I go over to the window, attempting to open it. "How do you open this?" I ask.
"Shane, what's-"
"God damn it, Nate, how do you open the god damn window?!" I blow up.
Nate opens the window and I go onto the couch, tossing the ring out onto the highway.