Hello FanFiction! Let me introduce myself. ImNotSupposedtoBeHere. Wonderful, now that we're all acquainted, shall we get started?
So yes, this is my first fanfiction, but that's no reason to go easy on me, as this is certainly not my first time writing. This isn't even first ever fanfiction, just the first to ever be put out there, ya know? Where people can actually see it and criticize it and whatnot.
This is, what one would call, a "character study" of the Joker. So please, do not blame me if it does not make sense and is hard to follow. After all this is the Joker's mind, the old noodle of a very much insane individual, who would ever expect anything different? And just so you know, the person speaking in the very first line is actually the Batman himself. He might sound a bit out of character, but hey, don't question the epiphany I had back then around two years ago when I wrote this. DO NOT QUESTION.
Anyway, off you go! Enjoy the story! And just so you know, I am not guaranteeing that everyone who reads this will come back unscarred for life or even sane. Okay, enough rattling, toodles!
"It would be such a pity if I'd stopped laughing, wouldn't it?"
No, actually. It would've been release, just to hear them stop. Laughing and laughing, never stopping, all these voices in my head. Laughing, about their happy lives, the one I could never have.
And yet I crave it. To hear their laughter, to see their smiling faces. Just one more time before they're gone from this world and into the ether. And it makes me laugh, it does. So damn ironic, isn't it, that they die laughing like everything's jolly good, but on the inside they're just begging for the pain to stop...
It's just so damn funny...
When I see them smile, and laugh, I want to kill them. Make them suffer my pain and see who's laughing then... And look who's laughing, the both of us, as your guts spill out on the dusty floor and you laugh as if you'd just heard the funniest joke ever, and you did, it's called life. On the inside you cry, you don't think it's funny at all... But that just adds to the hilarity of it all.
I'm always laughing, mocking happiness. I'm laughing because its ironic really, that I swore I'd never be able to laugh again after what happened. And yet I'm laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, laughing because I thought I'd never laugh again. A never-ending cycle... It's the reason why I always have a reason to laugh.
I know perfectly well that this makes no sense at all, that my mind works in the strangest of ways, and I embrace it. If life's not going to be fair, why should I? If life's going to be a mush of utter nonsense, then why shouldn't I?
My smile is my mask, hiding my pain and confusion and letting insanity come to light. I haven't relinquished this masquerade since that fateful day, when I turned into this. The person I truly was on the inside. A clown. Lips red as blood, face white as snow. I could've been Snow White, had my hair been black as night and not green as grass. And that was the first time I laughed, and the never-ending cycle had begun.
You have a mask, too, one you always hide behind. You hide pain and suffering rather well, almost as well as me. Becoming detached, learning the cruelty of the world all too soon; yes, you and I have so much in common. And I ask you all the time, couldn't we settle this over a cup of tea? Because I'm just so lonely, I've got no one who understands.
Understands that laughter is something I can't stand, happiness is cruel, children aren't innocent, for how could they be if they cause so much pain? Everyone reacts differently to it. I started laughing, like it was my drug, painful yet satisfying all at once. Yet you chose a more sensible way, choosing never to laugh at all. I don't think I've ever even seen you once smile. I will have to remedy that, oh yes...
My face is always scrunched up into this insane grimace, and it's burning agony to keep it this way. Whenever I laugh it sears my throat as if a small match had been lit with the fires of hell and dropped down my throat, after I recently drank a whole bottle of alcohol. But like a bottle of alcohol, I know it isn't good for me and yet I can't ever seem to stop. I want to stop, oh how I want to...
And yet I'm still laughing, and it pains me to do so, which just causes another round of chuckles. Yes, I know I'm insane. But if I'm crazy, then what are you?
Bruce?