Phil was asleep on the sofa, curled up and pressed against the back of it. It was 3 am, and he'd been waiting for Dan, his boyfriend, to get home for well over four hours. He jumped slightly when he heard the door unlock, Dan staggering inside, almost loosing his footing. Phil could tell the was drunk. Immensely drunk. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to make it seem like he was still asleep. He really didn't want to talk to Dan. Not when he was intoxicated. Dan had promised Phil he wouldn't drink anymore, for it was getting to be a problem. Videos late, sometimes even abusive to Phil, but Phil had stuck around through that. He buried his face more into the cushion when he heard Dan walking over to him.
As Dan approached the sofa he stared at the sleeping figure of his boyfriend. he then lost his footing and feel to his knees, now on a level with Phil. even in his drunken state he realized Phil sleeping on the couch was not normal, why was he sleeping here? he stared at Phil, his drunken mind couldn't make sense of this situation at all
Phil brought his legs closer to his stomach, hoping not to move to quickly, accidentally giving away that he was awake. He realized he had been holding his breath, so he let it out, but it was louder than he intended. He tensed up, not daring to move.
The loud breath broke Dan away from his train of thought, he looked at Phil, carefully studying him, trying to work out if he was awake or not. he moved his flimsy hand and touch Phil's soft hair. he loved Phil's hair, it was pretty, just like he was
Phil bit his lip, not sure what Dan was going to do. Some nights, when he came home, he'd be gentle and end up falling asleep without bother Phil much until the next morning, but some, he was So angry, and took it out on Phil. His thoughts went to the one time he had to call the police because he was afraid of Dan actually hurting him. He cringed, moving away from Dan, becoming a bit scared.
Dan noticed the movement, he just thought Phil must be dreaming. but why would he move away? maybe he was having a bad dream?, or maybe he was awake and knew Dan was drunk. He knew he had hurt him before when he was drunk, but he still loved him, he didn't mean to get so angry at Phil and hurt him, Phil knew that...right? Dan shook his head of these thoughts, trying again to make contact with Phil. He yet again set his hand on Phil's hair this time running his hand through Phil's perfectly soft hair
Phil shook his head slightly, cautiously turning to face Dan. "..Hello," he said quietly, his voice cracking, slight fear very apparent in his tone.
Dan looked at him surprised, he was awake. "Hi" he replied back as he began to think about why Phil would pretend to be asleep. his drunken mind just told him to ask Phil, he was right in front of why wouldn't he. he decided he should probably ask why he was sleeping on the sofa first because his mind still could not make sense of that. he attempted to give Phil a comforting smile, but in his drunken condition it could like a psychotic smile. he blinked a few times trying to form the words he wanted to do "Phil...why, you...sleeping on the, sofa" he managed to slur out, cringing slightly at how drunk he really sounded
Phil's eyes widened slightly, "I was... waiting for you." he added, looking everywhere but in Dan's direction. "You promised you wouldn't drink anymore." He frowned, slight rage bubbling inside him.
Dan looked down, that's right, he said he would stop, but he didn't, why?. he couldn't even remember why he had started drinking today. the last thing he remembered was sitting in a local pub having a large pint of beer. why had he felt he needed to drink? he wanted to know why but he just couldn't remember. he began to feel dizzy, all this thinking was hurting his head, he brought a hand up to his hand and held it there. he closed his eyes momentarily opened them again still looking at the floor "m' sorry" he mumbled
Phil clenched his fists, trying to calm himself down. Dan did sound genuinely sorry, but this was the third night this week he's came home heavily intoxicated. "It's four am!" Phil shouted, sitting up.
Dan looked up startled, he looked at the anger in his Phil's eyes. it made his heart break. he wanted to hold Phil in his arms and tell him it was okay and he wouldn't drink again, but he couldn't. he couldn't promise that. he knew he couldn't stop drinking, he just, couldn't. it was like an addiction. but he wasn't an alcoholic, no way, he couldn't be, he didn't need to go to these shitty help groups. he was fine, him and Phil would be fine...right? he looked up at Phil again, generally feeling his hearting breaking in two, he hated seeing Phil unhappy. he slowly reached for one of Phil's hands lightly taking it into his. "im sorry, baby" he managed to pronounce as clearly as he could.
Phil looked down at his hand. He sighed, running his free hand through his hair, standing up. He turned on his heels towards his room, opening the door without a word, keeping his head down. He didn't know what he was feeling, but he didn't like it. At all. He wanted to deal with it himself, to be alone for a while. At least Dan was home, was safe, he thought, shrugging.
Dan lay his head in his hands as Phil left the room. why did he always do this? he hurt Phil just so he could forget his own pain, he was being selfish, he knew he was. he took deep breath then attempted to stand up, wobbling slightly, he managed to just get past the living room door before he collapsed against the wall. he needed to stop this. he couldn't even fucking walk straight. why had he started drinking again, why?. he was fed up by this point. anger, sadness, fear, every emotion he was feeling came together and it formed a horrible feeling in his chest. he managed to make it to Phil's bedroom door before he lost his footing again. he fell to the floor, managing to stay on his knees. he was determined he would sort things with Phil, he loved him, he would tell him that, then everything would be okay, they'd be happy again, he hoped. he lightly knocked on the door "Phil, open the door, please" he said as he ran his ringers through his messy hair
Phil glanced back, hearing the knock. He decided to ignore it. He collapsed on the bed, hugging one of his pillows tightly. He stared down at it, before closing his eyes and hugging at again, imagining it was Dan. Old Dan. The Dan that never hurt him. That would rather spend his time with him rather than drinking. He smiled, only to re-open his eyes to see his limp pillow. He broke down, crying hard into it. He tried to muffle the loud sobs, but gave up after a while. He resulted to throwing the pillow across the room, knocking numerous things over. He wiped his tear stained face only to have more coming down. Walking over to the area, he noticed broken glass sprawled over the floor. He bent down, picking up a photo frame that had broken. Turning it over, he saw himself and Dan. Laughing, smiling.. they were happy. He shook his head, taking the photo out carefully so he wouldn't cut himself. He gave it one more good look before ripping it up into pieces. He collapsed onto the floor, hugging his knees tightly.
Dan felt silent tears drip down his face as he heard Phil's cries. he was unhappy because of him, how could he have let this happen! he banged against the door, as loud as he could, he wasn't thinking straight anymore all he wanted was to hold Phil, his Phil in his arms, he didn't care about anything else "Phil, open the door!" he tried to shout but it came out in a kind of strangled cry, the tears were pouring down his face now, he hadn't cried in years, it wasn't like him to cry. he knew he was only crying because we was in danger of losing the most important person in the world to him "please Phil...please open the door" he sobbed loudly.
Phil stood up, grabbing the pillow, and holding it tightly against his chest. Unlocking the door, he opened it slowly, glancing down at Dan. He stayed still for a few seconds before diving down, wrapping his arms around Dan's neck tightly, tossing the pillow carelessly beside him.
Dan wrapped his arms around Phil as tightly as he could as he continued to cry, he couldn't stop crying, he was shaking, he felt sick. the only comfort he felt was that Phil was in his arms again. he clung tightly to Phil never wanting to let go again.
"P-Please stop drinking, Dan.." he mumbled, kissing his cheek. He would kiss his lips, but he absolutely hated the smell, and the taste of beer.
Dan continued to sob as he nodded, with a shaking hand he lightly touched Phil's cheek as he looked into those beautiful blue eyes, his vision blurred as more tears fell. damnit. he attempted to speak but only a strange strangled sob noise came out. He looked back into Phil's eyes hoping his eyes showed how he felt since he couldn't rely on his throat
Phil smiled weakly, starting to cry again. He wiped some of Dan's tears off his face, his throat tightening up.
Dan managed a small smile, he took a small shallow breath, his throat actually giving signs of being able to create sound. "Phil, I l-love y-you" he managed to get out as he attempted to get his breathing back to normal. he took a deep breathe taking Phil into his arms again, hugging him tightly. "I love you and I'll never let you. you're the most important person in the world to me a-and im so s-sorry" he stuttered, he felt those tears stinging his eyes again but he managed to keep them back "I'll stop...I promise I will" he said a begging look in his eyes as he grabbed Phil's hands softly "I I'll need your help but...I...I think i can do it"
"Thank you," Phil sighed, hugging back just as tightly, if not tighter. He loosed his grip, "Just... don't hurt me anymore, okay?" He asked quietly, bracing himself for Dan's reaction, getting ready to run if it was needed.
"I'll never hurt you again, I love you" Dan answered softly, a slightly hurt look on his face. he truly never meant to hurt Phil, physically or mentally.
Phil relaxed, pulling Dan back into the hug. "I love you, too. So much.." he whispered, rocking back and forth slightly
Dan smiled and hugged Phil back, resting his head on Phil's shoulder "I love you too, im so sorry any of this happened, I've been the worst boyfriend ever"
Phil tilted his head onto Dan's, sighing shakily. "It's okay, really.." he reassured, moving slightly, trying to get comfortable.
Dan sighed contently. he was so happy right now, he had Phil back in his arms where he belonged. Then suddenly it hit Dan why he had started drinking today, actually why's he'd drank himself under for the last while "...Phil?"
"Hmm?" He asked quietly, pulling away slightly to look into Dan's eyes.
"I've just remembered...why...I've been drinking so much...it's kind of a stupid reason...but..." Dan looked down shyly, a light blush spread across his cheeks as he spoke
Phil shot him a weird look, "Why?"
Dan looked into a Phil's eyes, a dark blush now covering his face "for a while now...I've been building up the courage to...ask you...something, but every time I was about to come home to ask you, I...backed out...I started drinking to distract myself but I...it's all gone to far...I guess now's the perfect chance..."
"What'd you want to ask me?" he asked quietly, flashing Dan a small smile
Dan looked to his pocket then to Phil then back. he signed the carefully pulled a small velvet box out of his pocket, he looked down briefly, then up again, knowing he had to do this now. "I know things have been...bad...for a while now...but, I love you Phil with all my heart, im so sorry I hurt you, your way to good for me, you deserve so much better, but, id never let anyone have you, I'll never ever let you go. he took a deep breath then looked directly into Phil's eyes "so please Phillip Lester, will you please marry me?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly from the nerves.
Phil grinned widely, practically hug-attacking Dan, "Yes!" he agreed, laughing.
Dan was in complete shock. he felt so happy though. Phil would be his forever, he wouldn't need to share him with anyone. he hugged Phil back as tightly as he could "I love you so much Phil"
Phil giggled in response, biting his lip. "..Please tell me you're going to remember this.." he mumbled, realization that Dan was still drunk creeping into his head.
Dan chuckled, kissing Phil lightly on the forehead "well if I don't you have my permission to kick my ass tomorrow" he said jokingly
Phil laughed, "You're adorable. Even if you are plastered," he said, rolling his eyes playfully.
"I am not plastered" he denied as he swayed a little, falling against Phil "okay, maybe just the tiniest, bit drunk" he said smiling at his new fiancé
Phil busted out laughing, pushing Dan's hair away from his eyes.
Dan smiled cheekily and snuggled against Phil "I love you my adorable f-i-a-n-c-e" Dan said as he spelled out the last word playfully.