A/N: I know this story has been told many times but it just came to me and I couldn't stop writing. This is what I love about fanfiction, you can do what ifs and also change those things you didn't like in the story. That is what I did here, I never bought that Edward had that much control with the woman he loved throwing herself at him. Please, he is a vampire stuck in a 17 y/o body. Also, I think Bella let Edward off way to easy when he came back. I'm still working on The Dark Secret and chapter 2 will be up Friday. My goal is to post a chapter every Friday. I'm not one to beg for reviews because I know we are all busy but if you do have time I would appreciate it because this story wasn't betaread. My beta is MIA and I haven't had any luck finding another. So reviews good or bad would be helpful and if there is anyone out there interested in betareading for me please PM me.
I don't own any of this Steph Meyer does. Also words in italics are from New Moon.
Love Through It All
Six Weeks before Edward Leaves
It was the beginning of August, Edward and I were in our meadow on a warm sunny day. I enjoyed those days because I got Edward all to myself because he enjoyed spending days like that in our meadow; he enjoyed the sun as much as I did.
We were lying on a blanket in each other arms as we had done countless times before but that day something was different. Our kisses had started out simple but then turned more passionate, we were pushing past Edward's self imposed limits. I didn't mind to me his boundaries we ridiculous.
Edward began to trace my back with his hand, going up and down farther each time until he reached my bottom. He cupped my checks and pulled me closer and on top of him as his kisses became deeper. He licked my lower lip trying to gain entrance into my mouth which I gave to him willingly. Our tongues met in a passionate way that caused chills to run down my back and butterflies to fill my stomach. I didn't know what had come over Edward but I wasn't going to say anything afraid that it would bring Edward to his senses and I didn't want him go there, I liked him being reckless.
In one swift movement, Edward was on top of me. He began to kiss me down my chin toward my neck. When he reached my main vein he lingered there inhaling my scent that was so intoxicating to him. I then felt long wet stokes as he licked me in his favorite spot that was as much taste as he dared take. He moved one hand to my side and began to stroke me there slowly moving it up until he reached my breast where he began to knead it ever so gently. Our breathing became labored as we adjusted to this new sensation, no one had ever touched me like this before and I was happy that Edward was the first to explore my uncharted territory.
Before I had a chance to adjust, Edward had his hand under my shirt kneading my breast over my bra. I laid their still because I knew if I made a sudden move that all this could stop and I didn't want it to stop. I wanted him to explore every inch of my body. Then as if he could read my mind his hand slip under my bra and he was gently stroking my nipple as it began to harden with the excitement my body was feeling.
Edward slowly sat me up as he kneeled in front of me. He removed his shirt and then I willing let him remove mine. With in no time, Edward had my bra off and he pulled me close to him. Our lips and bare chests met as we kissed deep and fervently, this was way past Edward's boundaries and I was thoroughly enjoying it. He gently laid us back down on the blanket and he proceeded to kiss my down my neck toward my breast. When he reached my cleavage Edward inhaled my scent and then placed soft kisses on the top of my mounds until he reach my nipple. His cold tongue felt amazing as he gently flicked my nipple that I let a small moan.
I never knew my body could be so on fire like it was that day and when I thought it couldn't get any better, Edward began kissing my down my stomach until he reached the top of my pants. At this point he finally spoke and asked me if I wanted him to stop. His eyes were black and I knew he was burning with desire so there was no way I could deny him nor did I want to when I wanted this as much as he did. He unbuttoned my pants and carefully removed them along with my panties. I laid there completely naked in front of Edward as he removed his own pants and boxers. This was the first time I had ever seen a man completely naked and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. As I looked at him, I became nervous at his size I knew it was going to hurt but I still wanted him deep inside of me.
Edward positioned himself over me so as to not put too much of his weight on me and began to kiss me again. I wrapped my legs around his trying to trap him in case he had second thoughts. He lifted himself up so he could look into my eyes as he told me that the scent of my arousal was almost as intoxicating as my blood and he asked me could he taste me. At this point I couldn't deny Edward anything so I said yes. He began kissing my down my body lingering at his favorite places until he reached where I really wanted him to be when he reached my hair Edward stopped and inhaled deeply. Continuing down with cold kisses he reached my folds and then gained entrance with his tongue by making long strokes. This sent me over the edge and I couldn't control my moans and my body felt like it was on fire.
I could hear Edward inhaling my scent as his tongue penetrated my entrance. He swirled his tongue as he ingested my flavor and I could have sworn I heard him moan. Edward then licked me up to my clit where he then took it into lips and began to gently suck on it; I was in heaven. I then felt his cold finger begin to stroke my entrance and barely gain entrance but it was enough to push me over the edge. I had never had that feeling before a feeling of pure bliss. My head tilted back and my eyes closed Edward didn't stop until I came down from my high.
As soon as my breathing steadied, Edward was kissing my lips and asking me if I was sure this was okay. I told him I was ready. I felt his tip at my entrance as he slowly gained entrance; he stopped to let me adjust to the intrusion. As soon as he was sure I was okay he entered a little further, the pain was uncomfortable buy not unbearable. Edward then went deeper, entering me completely, I made a small moan of discomfort but quickly reassured him I was okay and to please continue. He then pulled back to only thrust back into me until he found a rhythm that was pleasant to both of us. Both of us were breathing hard and I began to move my hips to meet his thrust. Edward moved his hand between us and began making circular movements with his finger over my clit. Not long after that I felt my walls tighten around him and I began to experience that most enjoyable natural high. Edward let out a moan as he enjoyed his own release inside of me. He laid there on top of me while we both regulated our breathing and then he rolled off of me taking my in his arms. Edwards's kisses were gentle on my head as he asked me if I was okay and did he hurt to me to bad. I told him I was in pure bliss and he said he was as well. Edward told me he loved me and I smiled and told him I loved him. We laid there in our meadow the entire day enjoying each other while we made love several more times.
The morning of the day Edward leaves
I couldn't believe I was sitting in the bathroom floor worshiping at the porcelain throne. Never in my life had I been that sick. The stick in my hand only made the situation worse, 2 pink strips, I was pregnant. How was I going to tell Edward, Charlie and even worse Renee?
Ever since the incident with Jasper on my birthday, Edward had been distant. We needed to talk about my birthday and now about this. I couldn't move I just stayed there on the floor trying to get my thoughts and my feelings together. How did this happen? This was supposed to be impossible, but yet there I was pregnant. The ringing of my phone brought me out of my deep thoughts, it was Edward and he was worried because I wasn't at school yet. I told him I was sick and was staying home. He of course wanted to come and check on me but I convinced to stay at school but to come and see my afterwards because we needed to talk. After I got off the phone with Edward, I went back to bed and sleep until 2pm. When I got up I went to the post office to mail Renee some pictures, how was I going to tell Renee? She was going to kill me.
Shortly after I got home Edward was at my house.
"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.
I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.
But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through and let him know I was pregnant.
We reached the trail behind my house and Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.
"Do you want to go first or should I?" It sounded braver than it felt.
He took a deep breath.
"Bella, we're leaving."
I liked this idea; maybe we could leave before I had to tell Charlie and Renee. But I still had to ask.
"Why now? Another year-"
"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and hi's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."
His answer confused me. Why did his family have to leave if we were leaving? I then realized what he meant.
"When you say we-," I whispered.
He was staring at me coldly. "I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."
"You can't, Bella. Wee we're going…It's not the right place for you."
"Where you are is the right place for me."
"I'm no good for you, Bella."
"Don't be ridiculous."I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."
"My world is not for you," he said grimly.
"Edward, I belong where ever you belong."
He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder - like the liquid gold had frozen solid.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.
I was shaking my head in disbelief.
"You…don't…want me?" I had to say it aloud in order to believe it.
"No."
I stared into his eyes not comprehending what had just happened. He stared back without apology. I couldn't see any contradiction to the word he'd spoken. I knew then I would never tell him that I was pregnant.
"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded.
"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way…"
"Stop it! I don't want to hear it." I just wanted to get away from him so I could figure out what had just happen.
"Don't worry. You're human –your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
"And your memories?"
"Well"-he hesitated for a short second-"I won't forget. But my kind…we're easily distracted. That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."
Little did he know, I would never be able to forget him and a piece of him would always be with me in the form of the baby that I carried in my womb.
"Goodbye, Bella."
"Wait!" His cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.
"Take care of yourself." When I opened my eyes he was gone.
I didn't know what to do so I took off running like I actually believed I could catch him. If I could catch him what would I say to him? I didn't want him to stay out of guilt and that would have been the only thing keeping him here. So I stopped and fell to the ground and began to cry. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore so I just laid there I couldn't will myself to move. I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness. I don't know how long I laid there on the cold wet ground if I had a choice I would have never left. But I didn't have a choice; Sam Uley found me there and carried me back to Charlie.
One week later.
Renee tried to make me leave and go back with her to Jacksonville but I put up a fight. I wasn't leaving Forks, I wanted my baby to know where his parents had met and fallen in love. What if his father came back looking for us? The day Renee left, I decided I had to face the world. I got out of bed and went downstairs to eat breakfast; I needed to keep my strength up for the baby even I didn't want too. This was also the day I decided to tell Charlie. Charlie took the news better than I expected, I believed he was more upset with Edward than at me even though I tried to reassure him that I never told Edward. What Charlie did next surprised me, he agreed to tell Renee for me and to let me stay in Forks with him. Charlie took the full brunt of Renee's anger and refused to let her talk to me until she calmed down.
The next day, I went back to school. I dreaded being the center of all the gossip. I knew I would be because of my break up with Edward so I decided to not tell anyone about my pregnancy until I had to.
December
Charlie couldn't have been any better to me; he took me to all my doctor appointments and never made me feel guilty about the situation I was in. He was the only one I talked too; I just about severed all ties to my friends. It wasn't in me to be social because I was so dead inside. Jessica, Angela and Mike tried to draw me out but I wouldn't budge. I know it was hard on Charlie especially at the beginning when I would have my nightmares. He would run into my room to make sure I was okay. I always assured him I was and that there was no reason to check me so eventually he quit.
During the fourth month of my pregnancy is when I fully realized this wasn't a normal pregnancy. This happened during my sonar, it wasn't able to penetrate the placenta. The doctor didn't know what to make of this, but I did and I couldn't tell anyone that the father of my baby was a vampire.
February
It was inevitable; I had to tell everyone I was pregnant. I still couldn't believe I had life growing inside of me when I felt so dead. The baby was the only reason I got up every day and faced the world. If it had been up to me I would have crawled up into a ball and died. I didn't know how I was going to continue but I had no choice this baby depended on me.
I managed to hide my pregnancy by wearing big clothes but I will never forget the day Lauren asked me if I was gaining weight. That is the day I knew I had to tell everyone. I invited Jessica to dinner and this is when I told her. She was shocked and upset with me because I hadn't told earlier. I knew if I told Jessica that everyone would know by in the morning. When I went back to school on Monday, I was the center of all the gossip again just where I hated to be. Everyone just stared and whispered behind my back. I was that girl, that stupid girl who gets pregnant her senior year and doesn't get to go to college.
Of all my supposed friends only Angela didn't judge me. The only thing she said about the situation was that she wished I could have trusted her because she would have been there for me. Angela was a good friend she started spending every afternoon with me. At first I was uncomfortable but then it just became easy to talk to her about my pain and my fears. I never would be able to tell her the entire truth about Edward. Angela began to pull me out of my darkness.
Since I had told Jessica about my pregnancy, I let Charlie begin to spread the good news of him becoming a grandpa. He couldn't have been prouder. That's when Billy and Jacob Black started coming around more often and becoming very interested in my pregnancy. I couldn't figure out why it was of so much interest them.
Spring Break
Jacob had brought me home from Harry Clearwater's; I still couldn't believe he was dead. Charlie stayed with Sue, Harry's wife, trying to help out with the funeral arrangements. Harry was one of Charlie's best friends. When we turned down my street that was when I saw it, a Mercedes S55 AMG. My heart stopped.
Jacob stopped in my driveway but wouldn't let me out. He said if wasn't safe but I reassured him that it was. I told him that I knew that car and that it was either Carlisle or Esme. So I got out of the car and ran into the house.
I wasn't prepared for who I saw. It was Alice and I was so happy to see her. I ran and jumped into her arms.
"Alice what are you doing here? I've missed you so much."
She took one look at me. "What's going Bella?"
I told her everything. "I told him this was a bad idea," she said.
Alice was on the phone immediately. "Alice don't call him, I don't want him to know," I said.
"Carlisle, you need to come to Forks immediately, it's an emergency… I will tell you all about it as soon as you get her… Okay, I'll see you in a few hours."
"Carlisle is on his way. We were visiting the Denali coven while on Spring break. I got a vision and I had to come and check on you. I'm sorry Bella, I know he told you we would leave you alone but this just came to me. I wasn't trying to see your future."
"What was your vision?"
"Actually it was a vision of Charlie, he was standing over your grave and it was dated May 11, 2006. I had to come and find out why would die."
"Alice that's my due date."
"Carlisle will be here soon."
Sure enough Carlisle and Esme were there in less than 2 hours. Carlisle was most surprised when he saw my condition and found out who the father was. He apologized saying he would have warned Edward if had thought my pregnancy was even remotely possible. The three of them wanted to call Edward but I told them no and that I didn't want his pity.
The next day, Carlisle went to see my OB/GYN to get my medical records. He also informed the doctor that he would be taking over the care of my pregnancy. I was relieved that Carlisle was doing this because he knew the entire situation. He gave me a complete exam and determined the reason the sonar couldn't see the baby was because the placenta was made of a substance similar to vampire skin. Carlisle also made another startling discovery. My doctor could never really hear the baby's heartbeat but with Carlisle's vampire hearing he was able to hear two heart beats. Yes, I was pregnant with twins.
Charlie had his hands full with Harry's funeral so I informed him that Carlisle was in Forks on vacation and that I would be staying with them for a few days. This did not make Charlie happy at all until I informed him that Edward was not there, and then he was happy I had someone to look after me while he took care of Sue.
Later the evening Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett came back to Forks and they were just as shocked as everyone else. The weird thing though was how nice Rosalie was to me. I figured she would be even nastier than ever but she wasn't. But I later found out that Rosalie wanted a child more than anything and she saw my pregnancy as the next best thing, her becoming an aunt.
As happy as I was to see everyone, I have to say these vampires wore me out. There was so much going on. Of course Alice had to go shopping because my oversize sweat shirts and pants weren't good enough. So the third day that they all were back, Alice and Rosalie hauled me off to Seattle on a shopping trip. I swear they made me try on every single maternity item at this over priced boutique and then bought more clothes than I would ever wear. But I was so happy to have them home that I didn't complain. If that wasn't bad enough, I think they bought out Babies R Us.
If those two weren't enough to drive me crazy, then there was Esme. As sweet as she is, she insisted on redecorating a guest room into a nursery. I tried to tell her that it wasn't necessary because I was going to live with Charlie. This seemed to hurt her but I told her that Charlie had been so good to me during those first months that I couldn't just leave him. So I agreed to live with Charlie but the babies could stay with Esme, Alice and Rosalie while I was still in school. This seemed to make her happy.
Then Carlisle insisted on checking me out every day. I was like give me a break. But it seemed to make him happy so I didn't complain.
I didn't see much of Jasper and Emmett because Carlisle had them doing research of the ancient legends trying to figure out what to expect of the delivery and the babies themselves. I really wanted some time alone with Jasper so we could talk and I could tell him that I didn't blame him for all that had happen. So the last day I was there before I had to go home, I went to Jasper to talk to him. I could tell he was uncomfortable so I made it quick and told him what I needed to tell him. He seemed to appreciate it.
The middle of April
The last month was the happiest I had been since Edward left even though I was as big as a whale. I felt as though I had my family back. I spent half my time with the Cullens and the other half with Charlie. Everyone was so busy getting ready for the twins. Esme decorated the most beautiful nursery I had ever seen. Half was pink and the other half was blue and of course Alice insisted on having a closet twice the size of the room, to hold all their clothes. Charlie bought two cribs that we managed to get into my room.
Alice went back to Forks High School and between her and Angela, no one whispered behind my back. These two became my personal body guards. One day after school, I was visiting Alice, Rosalie and Esme and we were discussing names. I told them I had a girl's and boy's name picked out. If one was a girl, I was going to name her Carlie Marie Swann after Carlisle and Charlie and Marie was a family name. If one was a boy, I was naming him Mason Edward Swann. After I said this Carlisle came in to see me. He wanted to speak to me about the delivery but he also wanted to talk to me about giving the babies the last name Cullen. I hadn't considered it but it wasn't something that I was against. The Cullens had been so good to me that I agreed to give the babies the last name Cullen.
That was the easy part of our conversation. Carlisle had bad news for me. From all the research that Jasper and Emmett had done it seemed that the mothers didn't survive. Since the placenta was similar to vampire skin nothing could penetrate it except vampire teeth, so Carlisle had an idea that could save my life. He felt it was the best solution and had the highest chance of me surviving the delivery. The bad part was that I would never be able to have any children.
His plan was to give me a hysterectomy a few days before my due date, my uterus was still human tissue. While he would be taking care of me, another vampire would need to remove the babies. Carlisle pleaded with me to allow him to contact Edward because he felt Edward was the most qualified of the others to help him. I said no. I still didn't want Edward there, I knew he would want to stay out of guilt. I didn't want that. So, Rosalie volunteered to remove the babies.
Delivery Day
We decided that it would be best to not tell Charlie of our plan. May 8th was the big day, it was a Friday so Alice and I skipped school. I was so nervous but I knew I was in good hands. Alice was going to stay and help Carlisle and Rosalie while everyone else felt it best to go hunting. All I remember of that day is going to sleep and then waking up with Alice and Rosalie hovering over me holding my beautiful children, Mason Edward and Carlie Marie Cullen. Looking into their beautiful faces erased all the darkness I had inside me, it was like I was coming alive again. I loved these two children more than I had thought possible.
I took both of my children into my arms and just held them. Mason looked so much like Edward he even had emerald green eyes and bronze hair. Carlie had my brown eyes and hair. Carlisle came to my bedside to tell me everything went as planned and that I should be able to get up and move around by Sunday and I could go back to school in a week or two if I was careful. I would have to let others drive me around for next month, but I didn't care I had my beautiful children. Carlisle also informed me that my children seemed to be more human than vampire. The only thing he could tell that was vampire about them was their skin, nothing would penetrate it and also they had teeth that were as sharp as his. So breast feeding was out. He also said they seemed to be very intelligent. I asked how he could tell and he informed me of Carlie's gift. He put her hand on my face and I saw every thought she had ever had. It was amazing. Carlisle also suspected that Mason could read minds like his father but that we would have to wait until he was older to find out for sure.
Carlisle informed Charlie that he had to do an emergency c-section on me and that I would need to stay with them for a while. Carlisle wanted to call Edward but I still refused. Charlie was okay with me staying with the Cullens as long as he was able to visit me and his grandchildren.
Every one spoiled those children, it was wonderful to see them so loved. I was up and moving around within a week and the next week I was allowed to go to school in order to graduate. Because the Cullens had completed high school so many times, I wasn't behind in school in fact I think I was ahead and in real shape to graduate.
One month later
Over the last month I spent so much time with the Cullens trying to recuperate that it felt so good to sleep in my own bed at Charlie's. Graduation was finally over and it was time to start a new chapter in my life. Alice wanted to have a party but everyone talked her out of it and instead we all went out to eat with Charlie at a nice restaurant in Port Angeles, well they pretended to eat. I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do, Carlisle told me I could go to school where ever I wanted and the he and others would go with me so I wouldn't have to raise the twins by myself. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't ready to make any big decisions.
The night of graduation I decided that the twins and I would stay with Charlie. I woke up in the middle of the night to a silhouette I would know anywhere standing over the twins.
"Edward?" And in an instant he was beside me. "What are you doing here?" I said with a sleepy voice.
"Bella, I've come to beg you back. I made the biggest mistake of my existence when I left you." He said sincerely and lovingly.
"What are you talking about?" I asked quizzically.
"Bella, I love you. I never stopped." I could see the desperation on his face.
"You said you didn't want me. So why are you here?" I said angrily.
"I told you, I'm here to beg you back. I will get on my hands and knees if that is what it takes." I could tell he was serious.
"Please don't. I don't have the strength to do this right now. The twins are about to wake up and I'm going to have to feed them." I begged him.
"Am I the father?" He asked quizzically
"I thought that was impossible." I said adamantly.
"So did I but the boy has my hair and human eyes." He said with confusion in his voice.
"Maybe you're not the only bronze hair green eyed man I ever been with." I said adamantly.
"Bella, don't do this. Just tell me if I'm the father." He said sternly.
"Is that why your back? Because you think your father?" I had so much anger in my voice.
"I just found out today about the twins when I saw them at your graduation." He was getting angry with me but I didn't care. Who did he think he was coming here after all those months.
"Yes Edward, you are the father. Are you happy now? Will you please leave before we wake them up" I said with so much animosity.
"Why didn't you tell me?" And with that Carlie woke up. I got up to go to her but Edward beat me to her.
"Get out of my way Edward, I need to take care of our children." With that I picked up Carlie and went downstairs to heat up two bottles because I knew it was a matter of moments before Mason work up. And true to form by the time I got back to my room Mason was awake.
"Here, make yourself useful," I said as I handed Edward a bottle. "Pick up Mason and feed him while I feed Carlie, it's not complicated. You won't hurt him I'm more fragile than he is." I was annoyed by this point.
Edward picked up Mason and began to feed him. At first he was timid but eventually I saw joy spread across his face. Although this was a tender moment that touched my heart I was still anger with him and not sure that I wanted to forgive him because I didn't know why he was truly there.
After the twins were feed they went right back to sleep. I told Edward that I was exhausted and didn't have it in me to finish our conversation. He asked if he could stay and I told him to do whatever he wanted to as long as it meant leaving me alone.
The next morning when I woke up I jumped straight out of the bed, the sun was shining and I didn't do the twins second feeding. I was so afraid I sleep through it. Once I regained my composer I saw Edward feeding Carlie. "You were sleeping so I took care of them. It was nice to spend some time with them. Carlie's gift is amazing. She knows who I am and she has shown me all her memories from the day she born. It's amazing."
"Carlisle believes that Mason can read minds like you."
"He can. I saw it in his thoughts. Bella, I'm sorry."
"Edward, please don't. Let me get woke up and see if Rosalie will keep the twins and then we can talk."
"Rosalie?" He asked quizzically.
"Yes, she is amazing with the twins. In fact everyone is. Carlisle and Esme both are thrilled to be grandparents. And Emmett couldn't be happier to an uncle. You know Alice, the twins just give her more reasons to shop."
I went and called Rosalie who was more than happy to take care of the twins for day. Then I ate breakfast, took a shower and got dressed. Rosalie and Esme were there to get the twins by the time I was done getting ready.
I didn't want to have this conversation but I knew it was necessary. I had to be strong, I still loved this man but I couldn't let him hurt me again, I had my children to think of and they didn't need a basket case for a mother.
"Why did you come back Edward?"
"I told you I came to beg you back." He said matter of factly.
"I don't believe you. I believe you only came back because you found out about the twins."
"Bella, I promise you I didn't know about the twins until I saw them yesterday."
"Why did you tell me that you didn't want me?"
"I'm a good liar, I have to be. I needed you to believe that I had moved on so that you could. So you could have a chance at a normal human life. It was selfish of me to enter your life I should have just loved you from afar. But I wasn't strong enough to stay away."
"What are you saying Edward?" I was so confused.
"Bella, I love you. I never stopped and I'm sorry that I spued the very blackest kind of blasphemy and that is what it was when I told you that I didn't want you." I could see the desperation in eyes, he truly wanted me to believe him.
"Edward why are you telling me this now?"
"Bella please forgive."
"I don't know if I can. I can't help but believe you are only here because of the twins and I don't want you back if that is the only reason you are here. I will let you be a part of their lives because they need father but I don't know about you and me."
"Bella I want to ask you something and you need to tell me the truth. Did you know that day that you were pregnant?"
I bowed my head and nodded.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
I looked him in the eyes, "I was going to, but you told me you didn't want me and I knew if I told you would have stayed. I didn't want you to stay only because I was pregnant."
"Bella if it takes me forever I will prove to you I love you and convince you to forgive me."
I said nothing. I didn't trust my words.
I decided that it would be easier to stay at Charlie's in the afternoons and the Cullen's the rest of the time. With all the help I had it wasn't hard to continue to take care of Charlie and I really didn't mind doing it in fact I rather enjoyed it. He was there for me when it seemed no one else was also this seemed to be the only time I could get time alone. That first day when it was time to go to Charlie's I started to put the twins in my truck for the drive over but Edward about had fit. He said it was bad enough I rode around in that undependable vehicle but he couldn't let his children ride in it so he gave me the keys to his Volvo and asked if I would use it instead. I had to admit it was easier getting the twins in and out so I agreed.
While I was at Charlie's and the twins would nap, I would have time to think about what I was going to do about my life. I had so many decisions and I didn't know where to begin. Finally, I decided to start with college. Really that was an easy one, there was a local community college that I decided to attend so I could stay close to Charlie and I could afford it. I didn't know how I felt about the Cullens going with me but down deep I knew I would need them because I had no idea how much the twins would be like vampires. So the where was decided now I only had to decide when, either spring or next fall; I was leaning more toward next fall.
Next on the agenda of things to think about, how was I going to Charlie that Edward was back? I decided that it would easier to decide what I was going to do about Edward before I let Charlie know. Charlie didn't need more to worry about.
I had no doubt that I loved Edward but was love enough; I still wasn't convinced he was back for us but instead because of the twins. So, I just sat there on my bed and had a good cry; it felt good to finally allow all my pain come to the surface. I had stuffed it down to hide it for so long.
At 8pm I left to go to the Cullen's I explained to Charlie that they had a bigger house and I didn't want the twins waking him up in the middle of the night. He seemed to accept this idea. As soon as I pulled into the garage, I was met by six vampires; Carlisle must have been at the hospital. I was eventually going to have to deal them I just didn't have it in me. I was the twin's mother I was the one that was supposed to do for them but with six vampires I had no hope. They had the twins out of the car and in the house before I could unbuckle my seat beat. I really did appreciate everything they did for me it was just a bit much sometimes.
Shortly after I went to bed in a room that Esme decorated for me, I heard a knock and I knew who it was so I told Edward to come on in. He sat down on the bed and turned away from him. This became our nightly ritual. Every night he would tell me loved me and how sorry he was for leaving me. He would tell me how the twins were changing everyday and how fascinating it was to hear their thoughts. He told me how much they loved me. With Carlies's gift she told me this every day. He would also tell me what a wonderful mother he thought I was and there was no other woman he would have wanted to be the mother of his children. Edward would sometimes tell me about what he did while he was gone. When he was telling me these stories I would just stare at him in disbelief. I believed he was going mad with grief while he was away. I never spoke to him during these nights.
A week had gone by since we began our nightly ritual and Edward was beginning his usual speeches but as soon as he said "I love you" he just broke down into sobs.
"Do you even listen to what I say? Please talk to me Bella. I just want to hear your voice talk to me."
"Edward, I hear everything you say. I just don't know what to say back."
"Bella, how can I fix this?"
"I don't know that you can." And with that I turned over and went to sleep.
The next night he didn't come and that is when I realized I couldn't go another day without him, we had to find a way to fix this. So, I got up to find him and when I opened my door there he was sitting there sobbing. I knelt down beside him and took him in my arms to comfort him. We were both hurting. After a long while I convinced him to come into my room so we could talk.
"Edward, I still don't know if we can fix this. How can you say you love me when you don't trust me? I don't need your protection I need to be your partner. That is what two people who are in love are, a team. You made a life altering decision that affected both us and you didn't even bother to talk to me about it because you didn't trust me. You don't treat someone you love like a child. And to make matters worse you disrespected our love by lying to me about our love."
He was quiet for a long while but I could see him thinking about what I had just said. "What about you Bella? Didn't you make a life altering decision that day that affected us without talking to me?"
"What do you mean?"
"You didn't tell me you were pregnant."
"If you didn't want me, I didn't want you to stay only because of the twins."
"Bella, you're correct about one thing, I would have stayed but not just for the twins. I would have stayed because I loved you. I still love you and I don't know how to fix us. I can't do this without you. Please tell me what to do." He said this in between sobs.
At this point I was in tears. "Edward, I don't know what to do. You hurt him worse than any physical pain has ever caused me. I don't know how to get past it." with that Edward came to me and put his arms around me. It felt so right to hold him that I just held him as tight as I could. I felt the familiar electricity course between us. That is when I knew we could work through this.
Edward was still holding me tight into his chest, "Bella, I do trust you. I've just realized I don't know all the answers; my way isn't always the best way. I need you more than anything. I can't survive without you."
I let Edward hold me that night while I slept. He hummed my lullaby and that was the most restful night sleep that I'd had in over nine months. We weren't healed but that was the first night of our healing process.
We had many more nights of long talks. Sometimes we would just hold each other while we cried. Eventually, I told him I him that I loved him and that was the first night we made love to each other since his return.
Two months after that first talk we were healed and adjusting to our new lives as parents. That is when Edward asked me to marry him and I couldn't say yes fast enough. A month later we had a small ceremony with just our family and for a wedding present Esme gave us a beautiful cottage just over the brook from where the Cullens family lived. And that is where we lived and raised our children for many years.