Disclaimer: I own nothing of Make It or Break It. Everything belongs to ABC Family.

AN: I came up with this idea on a huge whim. I don't know how since I'm buried in school work and everything else. I'm not really making this up as I go per say, but I'm taking it one chapter at a time. I know generally where I want to go with this, but I have no idea about specifics. So if you want please read and review and let me know what you guys think. Yes before I forget if you haven't checked out my other stories: His Life or A Gymnastics Legacy I encourage you to go check it out!

I left because I was trying to find a way to be with her properly without the obstacles and politics of the sport getting in the way. I don't know why I told them I didn't belong at The Rock or in their lives anymore, when in all actuality my place is here in Boulder, here at The Rock, and here with her. I'm not sure why I'm leaving really, but I know I have to in order to protect my gymnasts from the most harmful thing to them: me. Emily got arrested, Lauren has family issues, and Kaylie has a life threatening disease. I should have been watching out for them instead of fighting with the NGO and Steve Tanner. I let all of them down...I let her down.

Thinking of her makes my heart burn with emotions I shouldn't have. The feelings I'm feeling for her I've felt once before when I was just sixteen, but this time is different, stronger, and real. I know that the person I love now has everything I'm willing to give, even if I'm giving it to her in a distance; even if she doesn't know it. I shake my head to clear all thoughts of her out of my mind. I glance back at the place I've had the honor of calling home for the past year and smile sadly. No one knows I'm literally leaving for her. There was no other way for her to achieve her dreams. It was either me stay and her never get her shot at being the beautiful, brave, Olympian I know she can be or leave and let her fly. Me being a selfless person only when it comes to her chose to bow out and let her fly.

As I climb into my truck I cringe when I imagine her reaction to my absence. I know that she will be angry and hurt and maybe even resentful, but I drive ahead with the image of her beautiful face lit up by the lights of the London Arena and the gold medal dangling around her neck in 2012. I know deep down she can do anything she puts her mind to. I selfishly wish I could share that with her. I wish I could be the one coaching her every day and telling her how to make herself better, but I can't coach her because of me and my damn emotions. My heart wasn't in this coaching thing at first, but then she came running out begging me to stay. She said that they needed me...said that she needed me. Like a fool I chose to stay and grow attached to the one person I couldn't have.

I try to pinpoint the moment when everything changed for us. Was it the late night practices? Was it the talks we've shared? Was it the ballet? Or was it the infamous kiss? I sigh and try to think, but it all seemed to come naturally...even the kiss. When I chose to stay only when she asked, I thought it was me going soft for the sport, but the more I think about it the more I think it wasn't the sport or the request. It was the person making the request. I know deep down that if anyone else would have asked me to stay, I would have climbed back in the car and went right back to Cambria forgetting all about The Rock and all of it's great assets. No one did and I didn't. I knew from the beginning that she was the only reason I was staying, but chose to ignore it for the sake of my gymnasts and even for the sake of myself. I knew that if I was ever to get involved with her, there would be no turning back. Really even now with me just admitting my feelings to myself is an absolute resolution.

As I drive through Boulder and move onto the highway memories that we've shared during late night practices wash over me like a tidal wave. I remember watching her do her floor routine over and over again until she could probably do it in her sleep. I remember the talks we've shared about anything and everything in between each apparatus she worked on. I remember hovering protectively near the uneven bars during her routines so she wouldn't fall to the cold mats if and when she fell. Instead she would land safely in my arms with me holding her close. The idea of holding her close makes me think of how truly beautiful she is, which leads to memories of the ballet. I tell everyone it was to open her eyes to artistry and show her that you can be beautiful and graceful, but powerful and fearless at the same time. I know it was just an excuse to be with her for once outside of practice and the confines the gym presented.

I wish I could go back in time and savior every moment and relive every second with her. Unfortunately I can't go back and I can't be with her. As I pull up on a red light I pull my visor down. I curse as something falls from underneath it. I reach down to pick it up and realize that it's a picture. As I turn it over my breathing stops for a short second when I realize it not just any picture. It's a picture of her at the ballet. She's smiling brightly at the person next to her. I sigh when I stare at myself in the picture. In the photo I'm leaning casually on the wall with her just an inch or two away from me. I do a good job at hiding the glances I'm taking at her in the photo. I stroke the image of her face gently with my calloused fingers and set the picture beside me on the passenger seat. I jump when I hear an aggressive driver honking relentlessly behind me. I scowl and notice the light has changed. I push forward in my mission to get as far away from Boulder as I possibly can. Putting distance between me and the person I love is a mission I will take and accomplish if it's protecting her from a person like me.

She can do better than me. Hell, she deserves better than me. I have nothing to give her. The only thing I could possibly give her is humiliation at being with someone she shouldn't be with and pain and regret in the long run. She may like me, may even love me, but she would eventually hate me for making her life a scandalous affair. I am no Marty Walsh nor am I similar to MJ Martin. I will not turn her world upside down and give her promises I can't keep, even if I try my hardest to keep every single one of them. I grip the steering wheel so tightly I fear I may break it. I will not, under any circumstances cause her any pain or regret or heartbreak concerning me.

I relax only slightly as I drive past the city limit sign. I continue on in my mission with a heavy heart knowing and believing that what I'm doing is really for the best. I know I'm not leaving for any gymnasts besides her any more. I've come to accept that fact and honestly I can sleep a little easier now, knowing that she's going to be okay. She's strong and she will pull through without me because that's who she is. She doesn't need me to be there for her, because she's a champion that can withstand almost anything.

As the sun sinks into the sky and the moon makes it's appearance I grow restless and decide I've driven enough for one day. I pull into a small motel a little after ten to at least get a few hours of sleep before I make the drive back to California. After checking in I go to my small room and toss my overnight bag beside the bed and place my phone on the small table. Without changing I recline on the bed and settle in for an uncomfortable night of sleep. I close my eyes and drift off to a dreamless sleep only to be woken up by my cell phone blaring in my ear. I blindly reach out for the device to shut it off, but stop when I see the name displayed on the screen. I glance at the clock and notice it's just after midnight. My breathing stops and my heart skips a beat when I put two and two together. If Kim Keeler is calling me in the middle of the night than something is not right. Taking a deep breath I answer the phone.

"Hello." My voice is scratchy and heavy laden with sleep.

"Sasha?" Her voice is strangled and uncertain.

I swallow roughly because I know what's coming. "Yea Kim. What's the matter?"

I hear her shaky breathing and she only confirmed my worst fear. "Sasha you need to come back to Boulder. I don't know how far away you are, but wherever you are you need to come back...she needs you."

I breath deeply and try to talk some sense into her. "Kim, I can't. I'm not doing anyone any good by staying. I-"

She cuts me off with only a few words. "There's been an accident Sasha. You need to come back. She's going to need you to help her through this."

My heart stops and everything fades away. For a split second I think I'm dreaming, but shake myself before I nod, but then realize she can't see me. "I'll be there as soon as I can Kim."

Without any more thoughts I grab my keys and jacket and head towards my truck. As I speed towards Boulder my thoughts are going to the worst scenarios. What if she can't do gymnastics? What if she- I vigorously shake my head to stop myself from going to that thought. I can't imagine life with out her in it. I refuse to believe that she could die. I decide that maybe my mission to protect her is pointless. If she's getting hurt when I'm away and getting hurt when I'm around then it's inevitable. Pain and suffering are two things that are a major part of life. No matter how much I want to shelter her from it I can't. I realize as I pull up to Boulder Medical Center that my mission has just became impossible.