A/N: This is pretty much what I think Elphaba would have been thinking and feeling after she died. This is my first Wicked fic, so please no harsh comments. :)
Disclaimer: Wicked belongs to Gregory Maguire, not me. :(
After the Pain
Pain. Unbearable pain surrounded the Witch. Physical pain like she'd never felt in her life. Then nothing. Just numbness.
She could see the faces swirling in her vision. Her friends, family. Those who lived on and those whose lives had ended. She knew then that she had a soul. That she had had one all along, just buried deep within her.
The Witch saw the fires and felt the waters that engulfed her. Then she felt hands reaching through and cradling her. She looked up at the Goddess of Gifts, now crooning words to her, but she was too weak to say anything, and the words were lost. She felt the darkness closing around her and the Witch knew this was the end.
"I'm sorry." She thought as she closed her eyes and let the darkness envelope her.
All around her was dark and quiet. It had a peaceful calmness to it. Elphaba lay there, enjoying the sensation. If this was what it was like to be dead, she should have died long ago. She lay still, listening for any sounds, but none came. She sighed. Perhaps she wasn't dead, but was still lying on the floor back a Kiamo Ko. After all, she could still breathe and feel, so how could she be dead?
Elphaba lay there, letting her thoughts run wild in her head, not really caring anymore. She had stopped truly caring long, long ago, but now she really didn't see any point. Suddenly, she felt hands on her, grabbing and shaking her gently. She tried to shoo them away, but she didn't have enough strength. "How ironic." She thought. "Normally I have more strength than most people in more ways than one, yet now can't even get a pair of hands off me."
"Elphaba."
Elphaba paused and listened. It was the first sound she had heard, and it sounded painfully familiar.
"Elphie-Fabala-Fae. Wake up." The voice said again. Elphaba still just lay there shocked that she was hearing this voice after all this time.
"Fae, wake up! You're okay now, you're safe."
"Safe." she thought wryly. "I am never safe."
Still, nonetheless, she slowly opened her eyes. Blue diamonds swam in her vision. She blinked several times until she could see clearly. Fiyero knelt above her, looking down with love and warmth in his brown eyes.
"Fiyero?" she asked, her voice shaky. Elphaba tentatively reached up a hand and stroked his cheek, reveling in the feel of his skin on hers after so many years. Fiyero smiled lovingly at her and brushed some stray hair out of her face.
"My beautiful Fae. You're here at last." He whispered, bending down to gently kiss her. Elphaba smiled, but sighed and shook her head.
"Now I know I'm not dead." She said. Fiyero looked at her and raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"If I were dead, you would not be here. I would be in hell, enduring more suffering. This must be a dream." She explained to both herself and Fiyero. She was surprised to hear him laugh after a moment.
"Elphaba, you're not dreaming!" he said. "You are dead," he paused and glanced at her uncertainly before continuing. "But you're not in hell. You're here, with us." He motioned with his hand, and for the first time, Elphaba noticed her surroundings. Everything was white. She saw her mother and Nessarose standing several feet away watching. Sarima was there too, as well as Irji, Manek, and all the sisters. Turtle Heart stood nearby smiling at her. Ama Clutch was there as well. Elphaba's eyes traveled over all these people and stopped on one figure that stood out from the crowd. Dr. Dillamond was there, his smile soft.
Elphaba turned to look back at Fiyero, her face still showing her shock. Fiyero half smiled and shrugged. "You're home." He said simply.
Elphaba looked over everyone again, and shook her head. "No." she almost whispered. "This can't be true. I was, am a bad person!" she cried. "I didn't even believe in the Unnamed God, how can I be here?!" She looked at Fiyero, but he just shook his head. "Not everyone thought you were a bad person Elphie, just you."
She shook her head again, and turned as someone else spoke.
"Perhaps you believed in the Unnamed God all along, but were just too stubborn to admit it." Nessa ventured, a teasing light in her eyes as she looked at her sister.
Elphaba closed her eyes and shook her head harder. "No, no, no!" she cried, bringing her knees to her chest. "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be here."
Fiyero wrapped his arms around her and tried to comfort her. "Fae, you have just as much right to be here as any of the rest of us. You deserve to be here." He said firmly. Murmurs of agreement issued from the crowd of spirits that surrounded the green woman. Elphaba just continued shaking her head and sobbing into her lover's strong arms. After several moments of crying, she felt another hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see Melena standing next to her.
"Fabala," she grimaced, for she had never liked to use the nickname. "It's okay. You're here, and you'll never leave." She said. What was meant to be a way of comforting her first daughter only made Elphaba sob harder.
She didn't want to be here forever. Every time she looked into one of the faces around her, she was reminded of her failures. She buried her head into Fiyero's chest and continued to let the tears flow. She found that they did not burn her skin as they had before. She kept crying, and would have continued, but a firm yet gentle set of hands took her face, making her look up. She glanced at Fiyero and almost smiled. If she was going to be here forever, at least she had him. As if reading her thoughts, Fiyero smiled and murmured into her hair, "We'll never be apart again."
Elphaba smiled at this and leaned up to lay her forehead against his, breathing in his scent. When they broke apart, Fiyero stood up and offered her a hand. She took it blushing, as if they were back in the Emerald City all those years ago. Elphaba stood up, and with Fiyero's arm around her waist, went to see everyone she thought she'd lost.
After seeing everyone and talking to them for a good amount of time, Fiyero led her a little ways off to the side. Right before their eyes, a forest appeared. Elphaba stared and took a few tentative steps in. Fiyero came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.
"So, do you like it here Fae?" he asked after a moment of silence. Elphaba bit her lower lip, unsure how to answer. After a minute, she turned around in his arms and draped hers around his neck.
"After all the pain I had to endure during my life, I never thought I'd be happy again." She paused smiling and leaned her head up. "I guess I was wrong about that too." She whispered before pressing her lips against his in a long awaited, well deserved kiss.
Hope you liked it. Reviews make my day! :)