Chapter One
Sometimes I think I remember another life
Its strange. Sitting here in the barracks with the others, it all feels hauntingly familiar to me, yet I don't know why. If I could remember yesterday it might help but I can't remember.
I don't quite understand why I'm here, just that I am. I don't know how I got here but they inform me I've been here all my life. I'm flawed they tell me, somewhere mother nature goofed up.
This moring I asked one of the others why they had a barcode on the back of their neck, they asked me the same thing and I spent a good hour trying to figure out why.
I asked a nurse who came in with our meds and she said it was to keep track of us. I guess I have no choice but to believe her.
Every day its the same thing. They work us relentlessly. Training they call it, for what I still don't know. I find comfort in it because oddly enough it is the only thing that I do remember. And it comes to me so easily, like maybe I knew it before.
At the end of the day I lie awake because try as I might I just can't sleep, the doctors think it has something to do with the imbalence of seratonin in my brain. Facts like that I do remember, cold hard facts are what keep me from losing it completely, not that I already haven't.
When I'm lying awake in bed things come back to me, things that make me wonder if they are wrong. I remember faces mostly, and sometimes I remember places, but they are only brief flashs and I have to believe that they didn't really happen because if they did then the doctor's would be lying to me.
In the morning though after breakfast things become hazy again. And I don't remember anything but that I remembered something. Its getting harder to stay patient and not question every drug they give me, not wonder if maybe they are wrong about me. If I could only remember then I have a feeling that I'd understand everything. But I can't remember.
Its strange. Sitting here in the barracks with the others, it all feels so familiar, like I've been in a place like this before. But why would I have been in a place like this before, why am I here now. I don't remember anything really, just a few facts here and there. Things like tying my shoe and reading.
I don't know how I got here but I'm told I've been here all my life...
She's been gone for six months but still the day they took her plays out in my mind.
She was looking for Joshua, afraid that the sector police would get to him first, wanting only to sneak him out of the city and hopefully find some place that wasn't out to crucify every transgenic in sight. When she got there he was gone and Max knew that he hadn't made it out by himself. They'd taken him.
I was still in bed when she arrived at my place broken down. I offered her what comfort I could by inviting her into my arms.
To my surprise she didn't resist, merely climbed on the bed and collapsed by my side shaking.
She told me she'd nearly gotten caught on her way over, anti-transgenic sentiment was high, everyday citzens were scared. My blood ran cold when she informed me they were checking for barcodes.
A month earlier a group of trangenics had stolen some food from a local conveince store, things had turned sour when the owner tried to prevent them from leaving, the owner ended up dead and a few of the group ended up caught and killed mercilessly in front of a mob of angry citizens. Things had escalated when a group of transgenics sought revenge for their fallen comrades. Aparently Max wasn't the only Manticorian with strong ties to the others.
Despite Eyes Only's insistance that these transgenics were not out to kill, the citzens of Seattle would not buy it. Hate crime after hate crime rang out until in a move to prove dominace the sector police started rounding up stray transgenics and torturing them into submission.
Despite Seattles blantant dislike of the sector police when the transgenics bombed one of their headquarters it was all over and Seattle started down an inescapable path toward destruction.
No longer were there random checks for barcodes at checkpoints, they became mandatory, forcing Max to find other ways around.
No transgenic was safe on the street, at any moment anyone could and would be stopped on the street and asked to bear their neck, refusing to do so would land you in jail for the night if you didn't have a barcode, and killed or shipped away to a military complex if you did have one.
Still Max had not left Seattle. We'd both pretended it would blow over. That things couldn't last.
But when an attempt was made on the president's life, the broken country that we lived in followed Seattle into hell and no one was left uneffected.
The night before she was taken they'd started knocking on doors and checking for barcodes. Soon word spread that the sector police were barging down doors and looking for some transgenics that had engineered a virus targeted to human DNA. These transgenics had every intention of killing mankind off and turning the world into their personal playground.
That had sent Max running to Joshua, the rumors were obviously greatly exaggerated but Max had not been able to dismiss them completely. She'd spent the rest of the night running and had finally made it to my place that morning, hours after she started out.
We both knew that our time was limited, hours at best, minutes more likely. But I had not wanted to belive it. I couldn't lose her. She had to know that i couldn't lose her.
But I had lost her, the sector police had come and barged down my door stealing away the only light in my dark little world.
I'd sat alone for a long time after not able to do anything but remember her eyes thanking me for lying like a coward. Remembering the moment when she had unguardedly told me she loved me.
Some good it did us.
They've rounded up most if not all of the escappees now, it is still amazing to me that despite the state of the economy, despite the lack of resources, the job was finished so quickly.
I don't know if she's out there still. For awhile they were killing them off publicly, pay for a ticket and you could not only save this charitable orgainization or that but you could see the transgenic that killed your father, die. Not that your father was actually killed by a transgenic.
I don't want to connvince myself that she is still out there. There were far worse things then death.
It's easier with her dead.
If she's dead I don't have to worry about her being in any more pain. I don't have to worry about the things that they'd do to her. (I'd done my far share of reasearch and none of it was pretty)
Sometimes I think I remember another life, one where she and I are happy, where we are together. It's then that I remember it was only a dream I had. Its easier for her just to be a dream. Easier then having her dead.
Funny thing is it doesn't matter how hard I try, I still can't shake the image of her eyes.
Or the feelings that it's my fault.
I should have gone with her; I should have stood by her till the end. Even if she had asked me not to. Even if I had promised.
Looking back I wonder if I would have done things differently if given another chance.
Logically we'd done the only thing we could, I was of far more use out here then I ever could be dead. I knew this and so did she. Still my heart wanted no part of logic.
They say hindsight is twenty-twenty. I don't know if I believe it. Six months later, I still can't seem to sort it all out. Six months later, I still don't know if I did the right thing.
I don't know if I'd do it again.
I don't know if I could.
I tell myself that I wouldn't be able to lie to the sector cops, that she means too much to me. But I know that it is far more likely my logical side would win out and cling to the hope that one day things will be better.
Besides she'd asked me to lie for her and I had promised. Somehow I don't think I could have denied her that one last wish.
You guys are lucky my muse has been kind lately. You know the drill. Please tell me what you think. I honestly don't know when or if chapter 2 is coming. Sorry about grammer and spelling problems, I usually have a spell check to run it on in addition but not anymore.
Sometimes I think I remember another life
Its strange. Sitting here in the barracks with the others, it all feels hauntingly familiar to me, yet I don't know why. If I could remember yesterday it might help but I can't remember.
I don't quite understand why I'm here, just that I am. I don't know how I got here but they inform me I've been here all my life. I'm flawed they tell me, somewhere mother nature goofed up.
This moring I asked one of the others why they had a barcode on the back of their neck, they asked me the same thing and I spent a good hour trying to figure out why.
I asked a nurse who came in with our meds and she said it was to keep track of us. I guess I have no choice but to believe her.
Every day its the same thing. They work us relentlessly. Training they call it, for what I still don't know. I find comfort in it because oddly enough it is the only thing that I do remember. And it comes to me so easily, like maybe I knew it before.
At the end of the day I lie awake because try as I might I just can't sleep, the doctors think it has something to do with the imbalence of seratonin in my brain. Facts like that I do remember, cold hard facts are what keep me from losing it completely, not that I already haven't.
When I'm lying awake in bed things come back to me, things that make me wonder if they are wrong. I remember faces mostly, and sometimes I remember places, but they are only brief flashs and I have to believe that they didn't really happen because if they did then the doctor's would be lying to me.
In the morning though after breakfast things become hazy again. And I don't remember anything but that I remembered something. Its getting harder to stay patient and not question every drug they give me, not wonder if maybe they are wrong about me. If I could only remember then I have a feeling that I'd understand everything. But I can't remember.
Its strange. Sitting here in the barracks with the others, it all feels so familiar, like I've been in a place like this before. But why would I have been in a place like this before, why am I here now. I don't remember anything really, just a few facts here and there. Things like tying my shoe and reading.
I don't know how I got here but I'm told I've been here all my life...
She's been gone for six months but still the day they took her plays out in my mind.
She was looking for Joshua, afraid that the sector police would get to him first, wanting only to sneak him out of the city and hopefully find some place that wasn't out to crucify every transgenic in sight. When she got there he was gone and Max knew that he hadn't made it out by himself. They'd taken him.
I was still in bed when she arrived at my place broken down. I offered her what comfort I could by inviting her into my arms.
To my surprise she didn't resist, merely climbed on the bed and collapsed by my side shaking.
She told me she'd nearly gotten caught on her way over, anti-transgenic sentiment was high, everyday citzens were scared. My blood ran cold when she informed me they were checking for barcodes.
A month earlier a group of trangenics had stolen some food from a local conveince store, things had turned sour when the owner tried to prevent them from leaving, the owner ended up dead and a few of the group ended up caught and killed mercilessly in front of a mob of angry citizens. Things had escalated when a group of transgenics sought revenge for their fallen comrades. Aparently Max wasn't the only Manticorian with strong ties to the others.
Despite Eyes Only's insistance that these transgenics were not out to kill, the citzens of Seattle would not buy it. Hate crime after hate crime rang out until in a move to prove dominace the sector police started rounding up stray transgenics and torturing them into submission.
Despite Seattles blantant dislike of the sector police when the transgenics bombed one of their headquarters it was all over and Seattle started down an inescapable path toward destruction.
No longer were there random checks for barcodes at checkpoints, they became mandatory, forcing Max to find other ways around.
No transgenic was safe on the street, at any moment anyone could and would be stopped on the street and asked to bear their neck, refusing to do so would land you in jail for the night if you didn't have a barcode, and killed or shipped away to a military complex if you did have one.
Still Max had not left Seattle. We'd both pretended it would blow over. That things couldn't last.
But when an attempt was made on the president's life, the broken country that we lived in followed Seattle into hell and no one was left uneffected.
The night before she was taken they'd started knocking on doors and checking for barcodes. Soon word spread that the sector police were barging down doors and looking for some transgenics that had engineered a virus targeted to human DNA. These transgenics had every intention of killing mankind off and turning the world into their personal playground.
That had sent Max running to Joshua, the rumors were obviously greatly exaggerated but Max had not been able to dismiss them completely. She'd spent the rest of the night running and had finally made it to my place that morning, hours after she started out.
We both knew that our time was limited, hours at best, minutes more likely. But I had not wanted to belive it. I couldn't lose her. She had to know that i couldn't lose her.
But I had lost her, the sector police had come and barged down my door stealing away the only light in my dark little world.
I'd sat alone for a long time after not able to do anything but remember her eyes thanking me for lying like a coward. Remembering the moment when she had unguardedly told me she loved me.
Some good it did us.
They've rounded up most if not all of the escappees now, it is still amazing to me that despite the state of the economy, despite the lack of resources, the job was finished so quickly.
I don't know if she's out there still. For awhile they were killing them off publicly, pay for a ticket and you could not only save this charitable orgainization or that but you could see the transgenic that killed your father, die. Not that your father was actually killed by a transgenic.
I don't want to connvince myself that she is still out there. There were far worse things then death.
It's easier with her dead.
If she's dead I don't have to worry about her being in any more pain. I don't have to worry about the things that they'd do to her. (I'd done my far share of reasearch and none of it was pretty)
Sometimes I think I remember another life, one where she and I are happy, where we are together. It's then that I remember it was only a dream I had. Its easier for her just to be a dream. Easier then having her dead.
Funny thing is it doesn't matter how hard I try, I still can't shake the image of her eyes.
Or the feelings that it's my fault.
I should have gone with her; I should have stood by her till the end. Even if she had asked me not to. Even if I had promised.
Looking back I wonder if I would have done things differently if given another chance.
Logically we'd done the only thing we could, I was of far more use out here then I ever could be dead. I knew this and so did she. Still my heart wanted no part of logic.
They say hindsight is twenty-twenty. I don't know if I believe it. Six months later, I still can't seem to sort it all out. Six months later, I still don't know if I did the right thing.
I don't know if I'd do it again.
I don't know if I could.
I tell myself that I wouldn't be able to lie to the sector cops, that she means too much to me. But I know that it is far more likely my logical side would win out and cling to the hope that one day things will be better.
Besides she'd asked me to lie for her and I had promised. Somehow I don't think I could have denied her that one last wish.
You guys are lucky my muse has been kind lately. You know the drill. Please tell me what you think. I honestly don't know when or if chapter 2 is coming. Sorry about grammer and spelling problems, I usually have a spell check to run it on in addition but not anymore.