Aj: So I had this up before but deleted it and decided to post it up by itself so here is my rendition of when Fang comes back in Nevermore, sans out of character Max baking a cake. Because we're not in the '50's.
"You left."
He had snuck up behind me in the forest I had surrounded myself in. The original intent had been to be alone, but he had never seemed to care about what I wanted. When Dylan's head had popped up, horrorstricken, and Nudge had squealed in delight, screaming his name over and over again in a maddening chant, I had taken that as my cue to leave.
"I came back."
I still faced away from him, my back resting against the rough bark of a tree. I chose to ignore him, closing my eyes and basking in the few rays of sunlight filtering through the overhead of the dense forest. I didn't trust myself to answer him immediately. I knew I would either start screaming or break down. Both options were emotions I didn't want to share with him.
Not after seventy two days of abandonment.
"After you left." My voice was flat, cold enough to bring an early winter. He shuffled behind me, crunching leaves and twigs in the process.
"Max, I didn't mean to—"
I burst up like a rocket, anger coursing through my veins as I finally turned to face him, my fists balled and my eyes screaming murder.
"You didn't mean to?" I scoffed, taking a step closer to him. "What, did you suddenly just inherit a voice inside your head that mind controlled you to fly off and buddy up with my clone, then come back, act like nothing happened, and expect me to be okay with it, only to leave again right after Angel…after we lost Angel? No, that was all you!" Looks like I chose the path of yelling.
I watched as his impassive face morphed into a sympathetic gaze for a moment before turning into an expression of anger. In other circumstances I would have compared him to a transformer.
"I didn't have a choice! I had a target on my back, which meant a target would be on the flock's back! On yours! I wasn't about to sit around and watch you die because of me!" He defended, his voice rising with every syllable. If we weren't miles away from the house the flock had been staying in, I knew five mutant bird kids who would think we were going to kill each other. Hell, it was still likely.
"Are you new to the game or are you just stupid? We've had a target on our backs since the day we were born. The only reason we've stayed alive this long is because we've stayed together. Or did you forget that when you were traipsing around with my clone—"
"Her names Maya," Fang growled, more feral than I had ever seen, "And she's dead."
What, did he expect me to feel guilty? I held my resolve, my arms crossed firmly as I stared him down. I wasn't about to apologize for my replacement. I wasn't about to forgive him for putting me through so much crap and not giving me a say in any of it.
No, he couldn't make me.
"Is that why you're back then?" I asked after a long pause, "My replacement got wasted so you decided to give up the hero game and come crawling back?"
My biting remark sparked a fury in his eyes I had only seen before at the school when he would stare down White Coats who tried to take me or Iggy.
Now it was directed at me.
"When are you going to get it through your thick skull that she wasn't your replacement?"
"When it starts being true."
He came closer to me, taking wide strides that made me uncomfortable. His wings were still tucked in, shrouded by his windbreaker, but I could still imagine the angel of death coming to collect.
"Maya was never your replacement because nobody could replace you. Who else but you could drive me this mad?"
I don't get it. Was he trying to be sweet or insulting?
"So irreplaceable that you had to leave and not even say goodbye?" I lifted my chin up, setting my eyes in stone, before looking up at him. He left me and treated me like garbage with only a note to show for it. I'll be damned if he saw even a flicker of weakness.
Because I'm Maximum Ride. I'm never weak.
"If I had I wouldn't have been able to leave." His voice had softened slightly. I hoped he was dying inside from guilt.
"You mean three times? Once after Ari, once after leaving a crappy note, and then another after the little girl I practically raised died."
It was the first time I had said the 'd' word. For seventy two days I had refused to acknowledge my failure to protect my baby. For one thousand seven hundred and twenty eight hours I had made it my main priority to find her and make whoever was responsible for taking her pay. Now, six million two hundred and twenty eight thousand seconds later, I felt like crap.
"I should have stayed with you then." He consented, lowering his gaze as his eyes grew twenty shades darker.
"So why didn't you?" My scathing tone had withered away, now soft and weary.
"You had Dylan. I figured you didn't need me." I gaped at him, shocked and frustrated and angry beyond belief at him consistently choosing the worst possible moments to be an insecure baby.
"Are you crazy?! If you even think about blaming this on Dylan I will rip your throat out and make you swallow it! How many times do I have to tell you that he didn't matter?"
"Is that why you…how would you put it? 'Sucked face' with him?" There was a triumphant superiority in his voice, but he wasn't smiling. His eyes were dark, filled with pain and the poison of his own regrets.
I nearly choked on thin air.
"You weren't exactly discreet about it, Max." He answered my unspoken question, not even attempting to mask his murderously jealous demeanor. I glared at him, remembering that day in Paris where I had finally given in to Dylan's constant pestering. And then later screamed into my pillow for what could have been a year from all my pent up frustration at the world.
"I'm not going to say sorry." After what seemed like hours of silence, that was the best I could come up with.
I breathed in, "You left and without warning you waltzed right back in with a group of replacements that you spared no time in collecting, one being my clone! This happens to be shortly after the flock kicked me to the curb. So you know what, I'm not sorry. It's not like I sold my soul. I was hurt and angry and hell, even vulnerable. If someone had told me to dip my arm in acid I would have considered it!"
Birds flapped away overhead, startled by my outburst. I longed to join them at this moment and get away from yelling at my best friend turned boyfriend turned abandoner turned…I don't even know who he was anymore.
"I know. Otherwise he'd be lying in a ditch somewhere." He was only half joking, that I could tell.
"What are you doing here, Fang?"
Until now, I had been too blinded by anger to really look at him. His unkempt black hair was longer, almost as long as it was before the makeover in New York what seemed like ages ago. There were scuff marks along his clothes, so discolored with dirt that they no longer looked black. Besides being thinner, not much had changed.
Although with proper leadership (Ahem, me) he wouldn't look like a second rate hobo.
"I came back. You're right, we need each other. Now more than ever."
"No."
My abrupt refusal surprised him, his eyebrows drawing up in confusion.
"No, I'm not going to let you back into my—our lives just so you can leave again. Three times is more than enough." I was verging on hysterics, though I refused to cry. He wasn't worth my tears.
"I'm not going to leave. Never again, I promise." His voice was earnest, full of conviction. Too bad I was too far gone to believe him.
"Sorry, but your promises aren't exactly reliable."
It was my murderous gaze that kept him from attempting to step closer, even though once or twice I had seen him attempt to reach for my hand, only to draw back at the last second.
"Then let me prove it. You can hate me, you can ignore me, you can push me off a cliff with my wings tucked in and I still won't leave. Not unless you ask me to." I bit my lip, looking up into his obsidian orbs, shining bright with hope. I hated him. I hated him for not making me hate him.
"Are you giving me permission to push you off a cliff?" I guess I have a habit of ruining moments. I never was good with that stuff. Must be why I always ran away when Fang kissed me.
"Do you ever shut up?" He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. To prove his point, I was about to reply before he stopped me by looking me dead in the eye.
"Remember what I told you in my letter? I would wait twenty years and more for you. There was never any chance of me replacing you or forgetting you because I still love you and I'm never going to stop loving you."
I now knew why Fang had never shown emotion. He had been storing it all up throughout the years, waiting for this moment to pour it all into his declaration of love.
Officially he had never told me he loved me. I had never counted when he wrote it in the letter because that was a piece of crap.
A few months ago if he had said that to me I would have happily said it back. I might not have even run away at first. It would be happy and magical and there would probably be freaking doves because why not. Now…everything had changed. To survive and stay strong, to hold it all together for the flock I had had to build up my walls, bottle up my emotions, and trap away my heart in a cage of iron. He had aroused a plethora of trust issues that just couldn't be solved with a heartfelt speech. No, it just wouldn't work.
"Yeah," I began, "Well I don't love you."
And I meant it.
"I know."
And he meant it.
"But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to stop fighting. I'm here to stay and that means I have a lot of time to work on cheesy mix tapes and sappy apologies. That is, if I'm allowed."
I fought back a smile. I was still mad at him, still reminded of all the suffering he had put me through, but at the same time the dream I had been having for the last seventy two days was a reality and that made me happy.
"As absolutely revolting as that sounds, it's not up to me." I shot back, sticking my hands in the warm pockets of my jeans. He raised his eyebrow, silently asking why.
"Ever since you left and the flock reunited, I've been attempting to be less of a dictator. It's not as fun, but that means the flock gets to vote on whether we let your sorry ass back in or we kick you out on the streets. Nudge would let you in no problem. The same goes for Gazzy. Iggy, on the other hand…you're going to have to work hard for his vote." I smirked, only beginning to imagine the punishment Iggy would put him through. Not only had Iggy lost the closest he had to a friend and a brother his age, Iggy had taken up residence in Fang's old room and he would hold on to that place kicking and screaming.
"I suppose Dylan wouldn't vote for me." Fang stated snarkily, most likely imagining Dylan opting for the 'off with his head' route.
"Luckily for you, Dylan doesn't get a vote. He refused to go through the flock initiation process after Iggy and Gazzy were going to force him to eat my cooking."
"Oh, so that leaves you. Luckily, I already know your answer." He smirked, for the first time in what felt like a century using the special smirk he had reserved just for me.
"Is that so? And tell me, oh wise one, what's my answer?" My voice was dripping with sarcasm as I leaned slightly forward. There was a fire in my eyes that hadn't existed for a long time.
"Oh you'll say yes." He said it so knowingly, so self assured, that I couldn't hold back a scoff.
"Why is that?" I crossed my arms, challenging him like I always had. Ever since we were kids.
"Because even though things are bad, I still know one thing that will never change," The serious expression on his face turned into a smirk before my eyes, "You looooooove me this much."
He held his arms out wide, as I gaped, not sure whether to scream or punch him. Could I do both?
"I can't believe you spent so much time away from us and you still came back an asshole!" I screamed, my face heating up as my blood boiled. I rounded on him, prepared to draw blood.
He backed up a little, smiling openly. I would kill him and then have him stuffed so that I could punch him for all of eternity.
"Whoa, relax. You know I have my pocketknife with me. I could still carve our initials into a tree." He wiggled his eyebrows, hands still outstretched in case I decided to attack in the near future. Smart boy.
"Yeah, you do that." I retorted, "In the meantime, I'm going back inside to let the flock know I haven't killed you. Yet. If you really are planning on sticking around, I'm letting you know now that I'm not going to forgive and forget. I'm prepared to make your life a living hell."
My threat seemed to completely unaffect him. He only stood there, staring at me with a small, genuine smile on his lips. His only response was, "As you wish."