*** This chapter is more of a diary in Amy's POV. The rest will be dialogue and thoughts and the average story telling way. Thanks for any reviews (: ***
The flashbacks. Oh, the flashbacks. The never ending flashbacks. I hated them. I don't know why God bestowed them on me, but he did. I, Amy Juergens, have had a terrible life. A terrible life indeed. My parents were both drug addicts. They barely paid me any attention. Only the necessities were provided. A home, a very shitty home if I might add, food, and clothes. The first time my dad's friend, or "Uncle Charlie" as he liked me to call him, raped me, I told no one. Not a single soul. I had had no one to tell. I was alone in this world. Friendless. Alone. The second time, still no one had knowledge of it. The third time was the last straw. I told my dad. Worst mistake I'd ever made. I told my own father that I was being molested by his best friend, and he took his side. In his eyes, I was a liar. Nothing but. After many fights and some more failed attempts to convince my dad, he beat me up. The first punch was like a rock being thrown in my face. I've never really been sure where my mother was during all this, I assumed she was out "at work." I really wouldn't consider it a job. If it was, then she was a professional whore. You get the picture? When I was seven years old, I was placed into the glamorous world of foster care. My foster parents, Margret and Shakur, were awfully nice. They were always accepting new children into their home. When I arrived there I was the fourth child in the home at the time. I was lucky, when I was first tossed into foster care; I wasn't given any of the dreadful, unpleasant families. Margret and Shakur's house was my first real family.
It was not a very humdrum family either. It was constantly changing. The week after my 9th birthday, Margret had talked Shakur into taking in a girl that was just my age. It was a coincidence as far as I know. But she was very nice. Her name was Grace. Grace's life wasn't half as bad as mine. Her mother had her when she was young, and had recognized that she couldn't take care of her. So, her mother's parents raised her. When they both died, she was left in the open arms of social services, and thus into my world. Shortly after, we became very close and are now best friends.
The year before I turned twelve, my foster parents took in two boys, one mine and Grace's age, and one a year older. Ben was the younger one, and Ricky the older. Soon, Margaret and Shakur realized that there were now four preteens residing in their home, and that fights were bound to explode. So Margaret got us all in a room and "counseled" us. It was not a counseling session. All we did was go around in a circle, and shared how our childhood had gone. The one good thing that came out of that was I learned that Ricky and I had both been from abusive homes. His father physically and sexually abused him. My father physically abused me, but he wasn't the one to sexually hurt me. That was left up to my "uncle."
That was when our friendship began. I was in sixth grade and he was in seventh. I guess being able to relate to each other really helped our relationship. By the time I was in eighth grade, I was in love with him. And determined to make him see that I was his soul mate, too. I'm now writing this the beginning of summer before 9th grade. A few things have happened. Ricky and I are still best friends, as I am with Grace. But, I'm now officially Ben's girlfriend. I guess I was too busy with my attraction to Ricky, to even pay attention to Ben and how he might like me. But, he's okay, I guess. I probably should just stay with him as long as possible, because I'm slowly learning that Ricky is not the marrying type. Hell, he's not even the boyfriend type. You wanna know what type he is? The one-night-stand. That's what he is. Last year, when Grace, Ben and I were in eighth grade, Ricky tried to seduce Grace. It definitely wasn't out of his character. Having sex was a normal, everyday thing for him. He didn't care who with. Thankfully, Grace stood as a true friend to me, and said no to his offer of sex.
When I asked my mom, Margaret, why she thinks he does the things he does, she said it was because of his dad, and what he did to him. This got me very upset. I was hurt physically. I was used as a sex toy to satisfy a man's fucking, dirty, disgusting needs. DO YOU SEE ME GOING AROUND HAVING SEX WITH RANDOM PEOPLE? NOO. So why does he do it? I don't even think about doing anything like that. There is only one person I've ever thought about having sex with, and that's Ricky. But then I think, sex with Ricky? Ricky does NOT have sex with people. He molests people. He uses other people to fulfill his needs, as my father's friend did to me, and as his father did to him. But I can't help it, I'm just still so in love with him.
Today, I learned that our mother wants us to go to counseling together. My initial reaction was "Why? We're not a couple." But my mother says he needs counseling and that'll be easier for him if I'm there, someone he's close with and can relate to. Ben is not happy that I'd be spending time alone with Ricky. He already hates Ricky. He sees him as a womanizer, which I guess he kind of is. But, usually when I hang out with Ricky, Grace's there. But Ben's just gonna have to get over it, and if he can't accept my friends and trust me around them, then maybe we shouldn't be together. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Well, why didn't you tell him that?" and the answer is, I did. Usually he'd continue fighting with me until one of us won. But after I said that, he just walked away. Actually, he didn't just walk away, he drove away. He drove all the way to the beach.
Nobody knows where he is except for me. I know because he always tells me about the stories of when his mom and dad would fight, and he would take a solo trip to the beach. Both of his parents were killed in a car crash by a drunk driver. They were drunk also. Drunk and fighting. Ben was in the back seat, but managed to survive. He soon noticed that there was a beach nearby and ran towards it. When the police came, they didn't know anything about a little boy. And Ben was left with no relatives to report him missing. So when my mother found him, she reported him to social services and asked if it was possible for him to be put in our home. Which it was and well, here he is.
I know he's at the beach because serious fights (like the one we were having) really set him off. Raise his blood pressure. Make him angry. So he leaves. He says I remind him of his mom, and when we fight, it's like when his parents would fight. I decided not to inform anyone of my knowledge because I knew what would happen. And then, I wouldn't have my chance. Grace, my mom, and my dad went looking for him. And Ricky, well Ricky stayed home. Ricky's really tried to be Ben's friend. They've gone to movies and hung out, but Ben refuses to be nice to him. He just hates him. I know I probably should've went to look with them because well I am Ben's girlfriend, but I felt this as a perfect opportunity to be alone with Ricky.