Written in love and sorrow...
I can't imagine Glee without Finn, a boy and young man who evoked a lot of feelings in me.
This is a meek thank you to Cory Monteith, for impressing me by how he portrayed Finn, and for all his talent.
I can't stand the thought of the first episodes of season 5 right now, and I wanted so much good for Finn, thus the artistic grip I do in this.
Rest in peace, Cory!
Kurt can't feel the weight or the sharp edge against his shoulder, as he grips a handle of Finn's coffin tightly, carrying it slowly outside to his brother's final place of rest, along with Burt, Carole, Puck, Hiram and Blaine. LeRoy is holding his distraught daughter, steadying her along the path right behind them.
As he watches the coffin being lowered into the ground, tears blur his vision. He hardly notices Blaine's hand in his, and can't account for who's clinging to whom. Instead, his mind is providing him with vivid pictures from the last 15 years.
As a young teenager, Kurt had played scenarios in his mind of his future. They were of longing, hopes, dreams and ambitions. Some of the scenarios came true, some didn't. Some ended up better than his vivid imagination had been able to conjure back then. And some were better off forgotten.
There was one scenario in particular that had gone awry, and it was the best fail in Kurt's life. Back when he introduced Burt to Carole, he had been scheming to get a boyfriend. Instead, he got a brother. The best brother he could never have asked for, because he hadn't realized how badly he wanted and needed one.
It's almost like a morally correct movie plot, how Finn turned from tormentor to friend, from bully to protector. Sure, it was rocky in the beginning, with some initial awkwardness. But Finn had a sudden morale spurt in high school, and put aside his homophobic tendencies, his immaturity, and some of his naivety, and he bid some of his complexes goodbye. He developed from insecure lanky teenager looking for acknowledgement, verification, assurances and popularity, to a mature young man who stepped up as a leader figure for the outcasts in New Direction and a protector of the underdog.
The first year after high school had been difficult for the brothers. They had both completed high school with rejection and shattered dreams, and were faced with the challenge to re-establish themselves, their dreams, their goals, their ambitions, and their futures. It was a year of soul searching, and Kurt had lucked out with his internship at , while Finn had to go through some try and err before he became Mr. Shue's right hand and best man.
Despite how hard it had been, coping with crucial heart ache atop of their borderline identity crisis, they remained as close as they could with geography challenging the still young brotherly bond. But they were there for each other, through phone calls, Skype, texts and both planned and spontaneous visits to New York and Ohio. They were there for the other, offering their particular perspective, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and words of support, encouragement and love.
Some were surprised when Finn announced he was moving to Pittsburgh the summer after Kurt's first year in New York. But Kurt knew, because he had been there all the way through the thought process, talking Finn through his confusion, fears and options. Finn had decided on Pittsburgh, because it had a really good university, and would be almost halfway between his loved ones in Lima and his loved ones in New York. Kurt also knew that Rachel was included in Finn's NY-family, even though their relationship was still strained and a sore spot. But it was no point in trying again as of yet. Finn needed to find himself before he could consider being anything for Rachel. To be honest, Kurt also thought Rachel needed to learn how to stand on her own two feet, after having spent most of high school in a relationship with or swooning over Finn, and then spent most of her first year at NYADA with Brody.
Finn wasn't quite sure if he wanted to be a teacher like Will or a councillor like Emma, but he knew that he wanted to help and have an impact on struggling teens in high school. One really late Friday night, so late it was almost early Saturday, he'd called Kurt, drunk beyond belief, and sobbingly apologized for the bullying and hardship he'd given Kurt the first years back at McKinley. Kurt had drowsily let him rant, Blaine wrapped up around him, and listened to the upset boy. When it sounded as if Finn had apologized himself to sleep, Kurt softly bid him goodnight, and called him later in the afternoon to make sure he was okay. After that, they never talked about it. It was no point to it. They had both moved on from their dark past.
When it came to their marriage, there was nobody else Kurt could imagine asking for his best man. Not Mercedes, not Rachel, not Christine he befriended and grew close to in his year at NYADA, not Chandler he one day stumbled upon again in a record store in New York (quelle ironie) and developed a pleasant, easy and laidback friendship with based on snark, sass and a lot of oral exclamation marks. No, it had to be Finn.
Finn was honoured, to say the least, and promised to do a better job than he did for Will. At least he didn't think he'd kiss Kurt's fiancé shortly before the wedding.
Blaine was thorn whether to ask Wes or David, and in the end decided to ask his brother as well. They'd grown much closer after the whole escapade at McKinley back in the days, and family would always hold great importance to Blaine. He loved Wes and David as the combined adoptive parents and new brothers they had been at Dalton, saving him when he was at his lowest. Nick and Jeff were also an alternative, the couple still going strong, and they did their best to meet up as often as possible. Sam would also be an alternative, after their legendary senior year at McKinley, and they still stayed in touch. But it wasn't the close relationship they once had; they were far down on each other's ICE-lists. Picking Cooper meant he didn't have to break up a twosome for one best man, he didn't have to worry about hurting any feelings, he didn't have to let his friends know which one he considered the closest, and he didn't have to make an impossible choice. Yes, Blaine was still worried about what people would think, and bending backwards with his insecurities and people pleasing-tendencies.
In hindsight, making Finn and Cooper best men may have been reckless and naïve, considering what their brothers planned and acted out for them.
Because Blaine and Kurt had a lot of the same friends, their brothers decided to co-host and synchronize their bachelor parties. It included two kidnappings by two sets of the Village People, picnic with mimosas in Hyde Park who developed into some tag with cowboy hats, feather headbands, and a beer keg Puck came dragging with, naming it The Fruity Saloon for the occasion. Then, a dare to see who could first break in and belt out Defying Gravity on stage at the Gershwin theatre (Kurt won, and he could still hit the high F), followed with champagne in the lobby (Cooper had used his connections to get a permission for the break-in).
Then it was off to the party location, with even more friends present, ready to celebrate the last weeks of the young men's freedom. To make it less awkward, Cooper and Finn had hired two male strippers (one in a cheerleading outfit, for Blaine who'd never been able to hide how much he regretted never getting to watch Kurt in one of his epic elements, and one in a vampire outfit with fangs and all, because you do not get to put "relations with Taylor Lautner" on your bucket list without repercussions). Kurt had been mortified, announcing he wouldn't talk to Finn for the next 48 hours, while Blaine far down in a wine bottle had cracked up in hysterical laughter.
When the stripping cheerleader had offered Blaine a lap dance, Kurt had swiftly snatched up Blaine and pulled him to a corner of the room, and sloppily made out with him while the girls and gay men present enjoyed the strippers' encore. Kurt had simply flipped them off when theirs friends catcalled and called them spoilsports and party poopers (yes, the maturity level was impressive). Finn didn't even bat an eye when he got the dance meant for Blaine, and found himself laughing with a handful of firm ass, and pompoms wrapped around his neck.
Sunday was old before Kurt and Blaine got out of bed after a spectacular bachelor party, and even though they couldn't remember all of it, there were enough marks on their bodies to reveal that their drunken sex had been amazing. Numerous pictures on their iPhones and some embarrassing tags on Facebook were also cues as to how the night had been. Best. Bachelor. Party. Ever!
Finn continued to prove that he's the best brother Kurt didn't know he wanted, and early Monday morning he showed up on their door with Cooper in tow, announcing neither had to worry about their classes. Finn and Cooper had excused them to their teachers – which meant among others Carmen Tibideaux and Cassandra July. It spoke volumes of Kurt and Blaine's gleaming reputation at NYADA, that they both had been given a day off for something as insignificant as a follow up of their bachelor parties.
Cooper had made plans for Blaine and him, while Finn took Kurt for some serious pampering. Facials, manicures, pedicures, the whole shebang. Kurt will never forget Finn suffering through leg waxing, inventing a whole new language of colourful expressions, and apologizing to any girl he'd ever dated for not appreciating their efforts better.
A week before the wedding ceremony, it was Kurt who drunk dialled Finn. He sat in a bar in Flushing, because it was as far from NYADA and the apartment in Bushwick he'd been able to walk. In school, he'd overheard some of the freshman students talking about the excitement of being in a new city, and exploring sights and dating, living and experiencing before they grew old and settled down with someone special enough some time in the future. If happily ever after didn't exist, at least they had the happy here and now from their college days to live and thrive on.
It had freaked Kurt out, and for once he hadn't known what to do or who to turn to. Burt and Carole, along with Mr. Anderson, had spent a lot of money, doing their damndest to make their dream wedding come true. Kurt simply didn't know who he could turn to and tell he had to call off the wedding, to give Blaine the freedom he deserved to live life to the fullest. Blaine, who hadn't ever dated anyone but Kurt, not counting the unfortunate hook up his senior year at McKinley and the innocent coffee dates with Jeremiah back at Dalton. Blaine, who didn't know who was out there. Blaine, who hadn't had a chance to test if the grass might for once be greener on the other side of the fence. Blaine, who hadn't lived in New York as single, and been able to bloom in a way that Ohio hadn't allowed them.
Kurt knew what he wanted, and had lived both with and without Blaine enough to be certain about his commitment and future. But Kurt would rather let Blaine go now, than having to go through a surprising and heartbreaking divorce two years down the road. Blaine had always been a bit slower on the uptake, and it would probably take him that amount of time before he realized he hadn't tasted life before settling down and growing boring with Kurt.
Kurt obviously knew this would cause bigger drama than when Emma ran out on Will, and did not look forward telling anyone the point of wisdom and insight he'd reached. So he had turned to a bar for some liquid courage, almost crying at the thought of how poignant courage had been in their relationship.
When he no longer could account for the number of shots he'd inhaled, he thought it a good idea to call Finn. Finn, who was his brother and best man, he should know about this, so he could stop worrying about the speech Kurt knew he'd been trying to write ever since Kurt asked him to do the honour.
Kurt doesn't remember anything from the phone conversation, but allegedly Finn had asked Kurt to hand the phone to the bartender, so he could be informed about Kurt's whereabouts and make sure he kept an eye on him until he picked him up. By chance, Finn was only a mere 100 miles away, in Philadelphia to see a concert with some of his class mates. He made it to the bar in 70 minutes, and swiftly swept Kurt up, taking him to the closest hotel, were he booked them a room and ordered a whole lot of coffee. The next thing he did, was checking Kurt's phone to see who he'd called and texted that night, and what kind of damage control Finn would have to do. Fortunately, Kurt had only called Finn, and he'd texted Blaine saying he was at a sleepover at Christine's place.
The night was spent crouched by the porcelain bowl, or in bed crying and listening to the heart shattered to a thousand pieces. Finn had listened patiently, wiped his mouth, fed him coffee, water and salt crackers, washed his sweaty forehead, helped him undress and tucked him under the covers. He held him through the rest of the night and morning, and didn't try to talk rationally and reasonably with Kurt until he was properly sobered up, fed and calmed down. It took a lot of non fat lattes at the closest coffee joint – a Starbucks, even though Kurt tried to stay away from them and rather support the cosier, independent places – to talk some sense into Kurt. Finn used pleading, yelling, guilt blaming, love, reason and blackmail. But in the end, Kurt realized how stupid he was being, and went home to Blaine.
To this day, he's never mentioned anything about that night to Blaine, it's a secret Finn and he are taking to their graves. Fortunately, Kurt was wrong. Despite of marrying before 21, Blaine still hasn't filed for divorce or packed his bags, ten years later. And considering Blaine was the one to initiate The Conversation, Kurt is confident Blaine is in it for the long haul, and in five weeks their son will be born. His name will be Christopher Finnegan Hummel-Anderson.
Their wedding was indescribable. Kurt had been keeping tight control of the planning and execution, but still it managed to exceed his imaginations, leaving them looking like something shamefully immature, and their friends and family had managed to weave in several surprises. The amount of love colouring the entire day was overwhelming, and it was truly special to be able to and legally allowed to celebrate the love Blaine and he share.
Before the ceremony, Finn took Kurt to the side just to check how he was doing, and offered him an extra pair of socks in case he got cold feet again. They had almost been able to laugh at it. Almost.
Then came the speech Kurt very well knew Finn had agonized over. He was nervous on his behalf, but trusted Finn would pull it off. He had an ability to be charming through stuttering and awkwardness, and he was in a room with all of their loved ones. Kurt had a fleeting glimpse on his retinas of their parents' wedding, and the speech Finn had given Kurt then. He hadn't thought Finn could top it, but he was wrong.
"For many years, I was an only child, and so was Kurt. It was obvious that we wouldn't get any siblings. But like with so many other things in life, Kurt has an ability to surprise and organize in his favour, finding solutions not anyone else had envisioned. So through his meddling, we ended up as a big family, and I got a brother in law."
Kurt had winced at that, looking quickly at his true brother-in-law Cooper, who was merely grinning, saluting him.
"When you marry someone, you enter a legally binding contract," Finn had continued unphased, not looking at his sighing mom, but keeping his eyes fixed on Kurt and Blaine. "so when my mom and Kurt's dad married, I got a brother. A brother in law, when not by blood. I love you, man, and you're the best older little brother I could ever ask for."
There had been some appropriate ooh'ing and aaw'ing at that, and Kurt had definitely not had to wipe a tear from the corner of his eyes at that. Just like during graduation, Blaine had offered him a handkerchief, but Kurt had not needed it. Nuhu.
"As some of you know, I can be somewhat of a protective brother, and I've had The Talk with Blaine to treat my brother as he deserves. I'm sure Coop has done the same to Kurt," he says as in afterthought. "Though, the problem with Blaine is that he's so darn likeable, and he's also my friend. So I didn't really enjoy having to do that brotherly commitment. And to make up for it, I'm going to order Kurt in front of all of you – and yes, I know nobody orders Kurt to anything, but this is the exception," he said, earning himself a rich round of laughter from the party guests. "Kurt, you have to promise me to give Blaine the love and life he deserves." At that he'd looked pointedly at him, and Kurt had been unable to look away, not to mention blink. "So, back in high school, if we had made bets on who most likely to this and that, everyone would have put their money on Kurt and Blaine to live happily ever after together. It won't give me a lot of money with that kind of odds, but I'm really glad to be here and see Blaine and Kurt becoming Klaine, our true endgame, and I can't wait to see you enter the next stage of your life together. I love you both, and I love your love. I propose a toast for Mr. and Mr. Hummel-Anderson!"
Clichés over all clichés, Finn and Rachel had hooked up after the wedding. Again. Over breakfast, they managed to have a mature and serious conversation, which lasted through both lunch and dinner. But in the end, it was painfully obvious. They were meant to be together, they had both spent enough time separated to know themselves and what they wanted for their futures. Luckily, they both wanted the same, and Finn could see his life continuing in New York. He'd always miss and even long a bit back to Lima. But he was ready for greater things now. College had boosted his confidence, drive and ambitions, and he finally truly believed he was good enough for New York, despite of his small town-background and values. Maybe New York needed a serving of down to earth, level headed, appreciating the smaller things-Hudson. New York was a big city, he was bound to find plenty of teenagers in need of his advice, support and passion as soon as he graduated.
Less than a year later, Finn transferred from Pittsburgh, to complete his education in New York. They were sick and tired – and pretty broke – from all the travelling in between. He instantly moved in with Rachel, and Kurt was thrilled to see his brother so unconditionally happy, settling down with a less dramatic and more mature Rachel, Sure, she was still artistic; she was a NYADA graduate after all. But ironically, the years apart had developed them and changed them in directions closer to the other, and they were an even better fit now than in high school.
It was great having his brother living in New York. They had already been close, but now it was easier, and they could be the brothers they wanted to be, without having to schedule in time for the other. The two couples would have dinner at least once a week, and the three of them would always go together when the fourth had a premiere or an important performance. But Kurt and Finn also spent time just the two of them, talking about nothing and everything, tackling the big issues in life like watching your parents growing old, or complaining over the lack of proper dark nights in New York. Finn developed a taste for coffee, and patience for Kurt's impulsive shopping streaks if they passed a tempting window display. Kurt developed patience, period.
When Finn was 24, he made Kurt an uncle. Rachel gave birth to a healthy, lively and long daughter. Puck yet again suggested Finnessa as a name, this time in all playfulness. They named her Louisa Berry Hudson. Kurt had cried a little when Finn answered his question the name was the closest they came to naming their child after Kurt. At least Louisa had been one of Kurt's siblings in Sound of Music.
Rachel huffed and blushed when she was faced with her teenage notion of waiting with kids until she had been awarded her first Tony. She was talented and ambitious, but not even Rachel Berry has everything lined up for her, and it took time and hard work to reach the top. But she was getting there.
Kurt loved being an uncle, surprising himself as he'd never been that interested in toddlers or children before. But it was actually quite nice, and he could see what the fuss was all about. He didn't say anything about it to Blaine, because when they painted their shared future back in high school, kids had never been a part of the picture. So Kurt didn't want to risk airing something that might be the cause of a conflict between them. He didn't want to risk losing Blaine over some assumption that Kurt now had to have a baby in his life. He simply wondered how Blaine felt about it.
Once again, Finn was a perceptive one, wondering what was wrong and why Kurt was acting so weird when Blaine was around the baby, while relaxing and being a silly uncle if he was alone with Louisa. And Finn to the rescue had asked Blaine bluntly during their next weekly dinner while Blaine bounced the half year old on his knee.
"So, do you want one of your own?"
Blaine had smiled wistfully, but not leaving his eyes and attention from Louisa, talking in a soft tone to her (and Kurt was crazy about Blaine for not speaking in some silly baby language. The baby needs to learn English, so why teach it nonsense?).
"We're still young, busy establishing our careers and saving up money for a bigger home. But yeah, one day I'd like to extend our family. I guess we'll have a big fight about whether it'll be a kitten or a puppy. Maybe a parrot would be safer. Or a baby," he'd shrugged nonchalantly, glancing over at Kurt. He may have played it cool, but Kurt knew Blaine, and he could see his feelings about a baby were anything but casual. It provided Kurt with calm and a warm heart. But it was Blaine who four years later dared to address if maybe they were ready to become parents.
After graduation, Finn landed a potato position in a high school not far from where Rachel and he lived. In the beginning, it was mostly subbing wherever he was needed, and he said it was cool. It'd be boring to teach only biology or math all week. But eventually a devoted principal had a conversation with Finn, figuring out what the young man wanted in life and if the school could provide it for him. Finn had elaborated on why he became a teacher, with a minor in psychology, telling the principal about how important Emma and Will had been during his stints in high school.
Thus a plan was hatched, and Finn got a part time position as a student councillor, he took over the Glee club when the teacher there retired, and for the last 25 per cent he helped out with PE and the football team. It was truly a perfect solution for him, and he bloomed and thrived in his job. Sure, it was difficult, but with each challenge came the reward of happier teenagers. Remembering how the hierarchies worked at McKinley, Finn preferred to spend time in the hallways, out in the school yard, in the locker rooms, and other places were bullying, teasing and other unwanted behaviour could be played out. He wanted to observe to be able to nib anything at the bud, and he wanted to be visible and approachable for the kids.
He obviously couldn't be everywhere, and he couldn't perform miracles. But he could ask the kid who sat alone during lunch for the third day in a row if she was okay, chat about some extracurricular activities to help her crawl out of her shell, remember to keep an eye on her after she shyly finished their conversation, and make sure she came back after she dared to sit in on a Glee practice to see what it was all about. He could observe if the jocks were honestly friendly with the nerdy looking boy, or if he was being tormented. Finn was suspicious for a while, but it turned out they were honest friends.
At 27 came the time for a new wedding, and this time Kurt was the best man and Finn was the groom. It had actually been a topic of much discussion and fighting, because both Rachel and Finn had wanted him as their best man. Kurt had giggled about being man enough for the both of them during a weekly dinner. Hiram and LeRoy were in town, and had offered to babysit Louisa to give the kids a chance to unwind. A glass or two too much of wine had enabled Kurt's rather rowdy comment, at least compared to his usual level. Blaine had fairly amused excused themselves and pulled Kurt home, leaving Finn and Rachel to figure out the best man-question.
In the end, Rachel had relented, and instantly decided to ask Santana. Despite of everything, they had grown close during the time they lived together, and Rachel stated she wasn't afraid of making bold decisions. She was grateful for Quinn's promise to keep Santana in check, though. It was obvious this couple would have separate bachelor parties, and who knew what Santana would be able to?
Because Kurt never does anything halfheartedly, he spent a long time preparing and organizing Finn's party. He wanted to give him something in return for being an amazing brother. He wanted to make sure Finn felt as pampered and special as he deserved. So it started with a limousine pulling up in front of Finn's school. Kurt had schemed with Finn's closest colleagues, and they made sure Finn was brought to the parking lot under the rouse of checking a car with engine problems.
In the limousine, Finn found Blaine, Kurt, Puck and his roommate from Pittsburgh; Steven. The five young men soon arrived at their first destination. Kurt had been adamant to do this first. It may not be the funniest post on their program, but it was the one that required a certain amount of soberness and synchronized skills. Blindfolded, Finn was led to an elevator and then up 17 floors to a dance studio. They had quickly dismissed the idea of having Finn stumble and crawl up all those stairs. There he was surprised by the presence of all the guys from Glee. His closest work colleagues had managed to get there before them, thanks to the limo cruising slowly down the New York streets. Finn's friends from his days at Pittsburgh were also there. In the middle of the floor stood Mike with an amused smirk. He'd been able to borrow the dance studio from a fellow alumnus. Despite of working as a choreographer and dancer all the way over in LA, he was still close to the old New Direction-guys. Just like he readily came to help Finn with Grease after their senior year, he just as easily came to NY for this bachelor party. It was a token of how well respected and treasured Finn had been as their front man and friend that everybody had made it a priority to show up.
"You're still an awful dancer," Kurt had said bluntly. "So we're here to see if Mike can help you land a stellar first dance and waltz with Rachel on your big day. Good luck, Mr. Chang," Kurt had grinned, shoving Finn towards their old friend.
After an hour of flat toes, sore feet and some dizzy heads, they called it a night. They had done what they could. The party continued in the big limousine to a go cart-centre, letting the young men let out their inner boys and drive like maniacs in the fast vehicles. If it was due to skills, or a fixed race, is left unspoken, but Finn won, and per tradition, they shared a bottle of champagne around the winner's podium.
From there the party continued with endless amounts of laughter, a fair amount of alcohol, a pizza eating contest which Puck won, a private room in a club Isabelle had helped Kurt land, and the mandatory stripper – albeit a classy one, because Kurt Hummel's bachelor party planner services does it with style, after all.
Even though Finn was brought back home to Rachel early next morning, the girl was bubbling with excitement. She couldn't wait to tell Finn they were expecting another baby, and the news quickly sobered Finn up. He cried and laughed and kissed his fiancée, and Santana suddenly had to change her plans for Rachel's upcoming bachelorette party.
The wedding was glamorous and beautiful, just like Rachel, but with a comfortable and homey atmosphere from Finn's input in the planning. And their first dance didn't break any toes.
Kurt thought he was intelligent, witty and articulated enough to come up with a good best man-speech, but it turned out being the most difficult task he'd ever approached. He ended up with some improvising, some planned paragraphs, a lot of laughter, a lot of crying, and smiles through tears as he congratulated his brother and his best friend, and later sending them off together on their honey moon and the rest of their future.
Six months later, William Berry Hudson was born. William and Emma were god parents, along with Kurt and Blaine.
When Rachel landed the leading role in a brand new play, Hiram and LeRoy decided to spend their retirement in New York as granddads and nannies. Carole and Burt lived mostly in Washington, where he was a popular congressional representative. But they kept the house in Lima, where all of the family members gathered for holidays, vacations and family occasions. Carole had quit her position in the hospital, but was writing on a new text book for nursing grad school. Kurt was a little out of the loop on the details, as he was more used to saving clothes than people, but Finn was dedicated to his mom's budding authorship. He even asked one of the English teachers in his school to help her proof read the book.
A youth centre in Finn's neighbourhood became his calling, and he committed to volunteer work two nights a week. He'd teach and tutor teenagers with rough backgrounds and poor families, to help them through high school, and even motivate some of them to take the SAT test and apply for support scholarships for further education. He founded an á capella choir, composing various arrangements from the current hit charts for them. Blaine had a lot of fun reminiscing his Warblers days by helping Finn in the process.
Finn loved working there, and he easily admitted it gave him even more than his paid job did. He devoted himself to the kids, and would often spend time at home researching scholarships and alternative possibilities, prepare lectures, work on the kids' papers, and help them find free classes to learn more about how to use the internet and other important basic knowledge they missed out on because of their social status and economic challenges.
Even though he was committed to helping others, it didn't lead to any neglect of his own family. He was Rachel's biggest fan, and would randomly google her name for new reviews of her performances, and giggle with pride that she was his wife. They made sure to spend time together, both as a couple and with their children. The weekly dinner with Kurt and Blaine were also a sacred tradition, although they sometimes had to make it brunch or late wine and cheese-nights to work around their different and varying schedules.
Because Blaine had to redo his sophomore year in high school after the Sadie Hawkins-dance, all four of them would be 30 the same year. During one of their dinners-turned-lunch, Finn suggested they all celebrate the big three-oh together. They had a lot of the same friends and family anyway, so it only made sense. Blaine, in his own polite and selfless way, wondered if Finn wouldn't rather make it a double party with his wife. Or his brother? But Finn objected, arguing most people got to celebrate a 60th birthday, but very few could invite their loved ones to a 120-birthday. So that's what they did.
They decided to rent Breadstix in Lima, and make it the cheesiest teenage birthday party ever, hopefully away from most of the paparazzi, who by now had taken great interest in the careers of the three NYADA graduates. A joined birthday party would without doubt garner a lot of curiosity and interest. Their party guests ranged from Lauren Zizes to Neil Patrick Harris; Kurt's co-star and on stage love interest in his latest production.
Yeah, their lives had reached that kind of epic grandness by then.
Even though they were settling down with grown up-routines and responsibilities, their lives were anything but boring. Rachel had gotten her Tony nomination, and even though she didn't get the award, she was still considered a young and promising actress with a lot more to offer on the stage. Finn loved his work, both of his commitments, and cried from happiness in Kurt's arms one Wednesday after a timid freshman had come out to Finn and asked for guidance.
Despite his worst expectations back in high school, Kurt managed to land interesting and substantial roles. He'd learned to show off a wide range of his qualifications. He's so much more than a soaring countertenor. It took hard work and several rejections, but he managed to make a comfortable living of his acting and singing, and that's what counted. Blaine had landed a record deal, and was invited to a small national tour by the time his CD was released. They were there for his first concert, in New York.
Before he went on the road for his first out-of-state-concert, at 28, he initiated The Conversation. The one about becoming daddies. When he was back from his tour, Kurt and he began the process. It took more than a year, but a few months after their 120th birthday, they got the thumbs up from an adoption agency. They didn't particularly care about being blood related; they knew too well how family didn't depend on genetics. Yet a few months later their match was made. A pregnant seventeen years old girl was giving her child up for adoption.
Finn was the first outside the couple who was told. Mainly because he dropped by unannounced with good timing, but he would definitely have been the first Kurt called after his dad. Finn singlehandedly glomped the couple in a bear hug, crying from joy with them, and telling them how much they deserved this, and how he looked forward to becoming an uncle.
The girl was three months pregnant, and the next half year was expected to be busy with redecorating the assigned nursery they so far hadn't done anything with, read up on parenthood for dummies-books, buying everything they'd need and then some, and otherwise prepare. In between, Kurt would have some secret, minor freak outs, clinging to his brother and wondering if they were doing the right thing, and if they were truly ready for this. Finn would calm him down, remind him what a great uncle he was, and assure him that if Finn could manage fatherhood, so could he. At other times, it would be Blaine panicking, needing the same kind of reassurances and emergency help from Finn. He'd simply sit William or Louisa in Blaine's lap, and the man would calm down immediately, grinning bashfully, and murmur sweet words to the child about the cousin they were getting shortly.
Luckily for the expecting daddies, Finn was home a lot in that period. He had been forced to spend some time on a sick leave, after catching pneumonia. He'd tried to work for as long as possible, both in his school and at the youth centre. But Rachel had finally put her foot down, demanding he stay home and take care of his own health and wellbeing for once.
It had been a stubborn lung infection it took time to get rid of. Finn was tired a lot, and had reluctantly agreed that maybe he needed to spend some time doing nothing to recharge his batteries. He was so out of it, Hiram and LeRoy had to step up as baby sitters, as Finn experienced too much fatigue to be a reliable caretaker on his own. Rachel's dads would either take the kids out to do something fun, or they'd stay in their apartment, keeping an eye on both father and children.
The one Sunday Rachel came home from her matinee performance, and found Finn on the couch. Unlike every other day, he didn't sway up from the couch to greet her with a lopsided kiss.
The doctor said it was an aortic aneurysm. The autopsy revealed it was the Marfan syndrome. A genetic disorder he'd been carrying since birth, but which didn't reveal itself until now. Finn had always been healthy, so nobody had suspected anything could be wrong.
He was 31.
Hiram and LeRoy arranged for all of them to go back to Lima as soon as possible, with his coffin. Carole and Burt invited them all to live with them. Frankly, Carole and Burt both wanted and needed their family close in the worst time of their lives.
Rachel went into shock, inconsolable, trapped in her bubble of grief. They all shared the numbing and overwhelming pain, the disbelief from the sudden loss. Kurt refused to believe it, and would calmly leave the room whenever someone talked about the funeral or Finn. They'd find him in Finn's old room, clutching a group picture of New Directions in his hands. Sometimes Rachel would be curled up in Finn's old bed, so Kurt would retreat to his own room instead, cleaning up his outgrown wardrobe or sewing new curtains. Blaine responded with anger at the world in general and the doctors in particular who hadn't known, seen, discovered. Less than 24 hours after they were back in Lima, Cooper and Mr. Anderson showed up on the porch, and it was a strike of genius and brotherly knowledge that made Cooper bring Blaine his boxing gloves and sparring equipment. Their father took charge in the kitchen. Even though they all were more or less paralyzed and immobilized with the shock and grief, they'd need food eventually.
Burt and Carole mourned the loss of a son, but also had to pull it together enough to make the arrangements for the funeral. It felt surreal and bizarre, and the fistful grip this particular part of reality took hold of them, numbed them and delayed the realization of what had really happened.
It surprised everyone when Rachel came out from Finn's room, wearing one of his old Buckeyes t-shirts and plaid flannel shirts. She informed that she needed to sing in the service. Not wanted. Needed.
Later that evening Puck showed up on the door, pale and with red eyes. He hugged them like never before, and for a long time all that could be heard, were sniffing and muffled sobs.
The funeral was… Well, it was difficult for Kurt to describe it as beautiful, because even though they tried to celebrate Finn's life and treasure the memories, his absence was screaming at them. Nothing could replace or fill the void.
The minister had spent a generous amount of time with them to get to know Finn, and be able to give him an honourable eulogy. When he stepped down from the pulpit, Rachel walked up, stopping by Finn's coffin. She kissed her fingers, and pressed them to his picture on top of it, along with a heart shaped floral decoration of red roses from her, Louisa and William. She got into position by the microphone, looking pale and not quite there. She blinked several times, nodded at a solemn Brad by the piano, who began the intro. Her shaking hands clutched at the microphone stand, and her eyes were unfocused, looking far away out of the church.
"You were once my one companion. You were all that mattered. You were once a friend and father. Then my world was shattered."
Tears streamed down her face, and tremors ran through her body. Her dads sat ready to help their devastated daughter if she fell completely apart. Her voice held through, though. Barely.
"Wishing you were somehow here again. Wishing you were somehow near. Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed. Somehow you would be here."
At almost seven, Louisa understood enough, and she managed to sneak out of the pew, her grandparents busy looking worried and tearful at their daughter. She took her little brother's hand in her, and walked up to their sad mom.
"Try to forgive. Teach me to live. Give me the strength to try!"
Rachel's hands fell from the microphone stand, and instantly sought out her kids'.
"Help me say goodbye. Help me say goodbye!"
Mother and children Hudson's went back to sit between the Berry's, and there she crumbled, dissolved in tears and pain. Kurt was shivering in his husband's arms, tears soaking his jacket where his face was hiding.
As Puck had announced, the old team who won Nationals their senior year had prepared something to show their respect and honour Finn as a friend and man. They were all there, with sad faces, no doubt still trying to grasp the too early departure of their friend and fighting against the reality of it all, clinging to that hope of it simply being a nightmare they'd wake up from any minute now.
"One by one. Only the good die young. They're only flying too close to the sun. We'll remember, Forever..."
Their shared passion for music that once connected them and created unbreakable bonds of friendship and love, is once again a source for comfort and a way to express their emotions when words are difficult to come by.
"And now the party must be over. I guess we'll never understand, The sense of your leaving, Was in the way it was planned..."
As they give their last musical homage to their former leader, different memories are running through their minds.
"So we grace another table, And raise our glasses one more time. There's a face at the window, And I ain't never, never saying goodbye..."
Finn is gone. The world has lost a great artist and an even greater human being. To honour his memory, they'll continue to make art, to live, and to love.