|Episode 1 - Thanksgiving Special - Katherine|
Katherine plopped down onto her couch and gave an exasperated sigh. She couldn't sleep tonight, and nothing good seemed to come on TV at 3 a.m. She fumbled around in the dark for the TV remote, not wanting to turn on the lights in case she would wake up her husband sleeping in another room.
"Aha!" She shout-whispered, fist-pumping the air. She slipped her hand out of the couch cushions with her remote, and turned on her television only for it to be turned all the way up. She quickly - and not very gracefully - turned the volume down, glancing around to make sure her husband hadn't woken. She sighed gratefully when she heard him still snoring in their shared room. She flipped through the channels. She saw infomercials galore, groaning when she found nothing. Lifetime - Paid Programming. E! - Paid Programming. Style - Paid Programming. Did the Gods hate her?
Finally, she came across the Food Network, Good Eats just now coming on, and another episode of it was coming on afterwards until paid programming. She was grateful that she could at least watch a little bit of television before trudging back to bed, attempting to sleep. It was a Friday night anyway. It wouldn't matter.
She laid the remote back down on the cushion next to her and placed her hand on her cheek, resting her elbow on the couch's arm.
"Hello, welcome to Good Eats, this is Alton Brown and today we're making a turkey, perhaps the most classic main course for your Thanksgiving feast."
Katherine glanced at her calendar, noting that today was the 18th. Oh. I guess it is time for those types of shows.
The TV's image flashed to Alton in front of a light pink coloured turkey in a square pan. He was rubbing the side of the turkey, just a little bit too unusually. Katherine shifted a bit uncomfortably in her chair, but proceeded to watch.
"This is the correct way to caress your turkey for a very satisfying meal." Alton said, wiggling his eyebrows into the camera.
Alton then sat down on a green, obviously Christmas-coloured loveseat, and notably took his shirt off. Katherine rubbed her eyes, sure that she was dreaming. Alton took the turkey and rubbed it against his chest, which was very hairy. Katherine shook her head in disgust, thinking that he surely got chest hair on that turkey. She hoped he wasn't going to eat it, but at the same time she did, so maybe some of this would make sense.
"This is the correct way to tenderize your turkey." Alton was saying now, twisting and turning the turkey on his chest while moaning.
Katherine glanced around, suddenly becoming paranoid that someone may be watching her watch something so... vulgar.
Alton then took off his glasses and took his turkey to a room with a bed in it. It looked strangely similar to a hotel room, clean and crisp looking. Katherine suddenly wondered what the hell was going on - this was not the Good Eats she enjoyed watching every once in a while. But she couldn't compel herself to turn away.
Alton pushed the turkey onto the bed and grabbed some seasoner out from under the bed - God knows how it got there - and starting jumping up and down on the bed, seasoning the turkey while doing so. The camera zoomed in on the turkey bouncing around back and forth. When Alton was done - after overseasoning the turkey, Katherine might add - he kneeled down close to the mass of meat and... was he licking it? He was licking the turkey. He also rubbed himself against the turkey, moaning while doing so. The camera zoomed in on them, and Alton starting frenching it while romantic music played in the background. Piano, it sounds like.
Alton suddenly - with his shirt off, mind you - smiled and promptly started unzipping his pants. Katherine lifted her elbow off of her couch and leaned forward intently.
Soon, Alton's pants were off and he was in boxers. He rubbed his thigh against the turkey and moaned even more.
Then he was taking off his boxers. Soon he was opening the side of the turkey that you stuff and you could see Alton's butt on television and oh my God. Katherine snatched up the remote and turned off her television.
She didn't know what the hell that was, but she'll never look at turkey the same way again.