The 'Cute' Affair
unlocking click
door opening
door slamming
door opening
door closing softly
"Just shut up."
"I had not even said anything yet."
"Maybe not, but that's a pretty loud smirk you're sporting there, partner."
"I cannot say that I see your problem with it."
"Oh, fun-nee. Using my own words back at me."
"You were the one that was implying that it was flattering when it was applied to me."
"Flattering? She was talking about me like - like I was a puppy. Or worse -"
"A younger brother?"
. . . . .
"Is it truly that hard for you to concede that I perhaps had a point?"
"No, not really. I will now freely admit that when a women treats you as cute - it stinks."
"Treats? Ah, I see - so that has been our disconnect on this subject. You have been called cute by a woman when she was flirting with you, but have not had one respond to you as if you were merely cute."
"Well, not since my great-aunt Agnes. And as she was both a relative and over seventy, it didn't bother me that she thought I was cute. I don't suppose it even really occurred to me that there was a world of difference between the two."
"I did warn you that you would not like it, my friend."
"That you did, chum."
"Trust me, few things are more chilling than when a woman that you are attracted to decides to act as an older sister. Or mother. It does not help in my case that I apparently come across as younger than my actual years."
"Well, I suppose you could try to look older."
"Why?"
"To evade the 'cute' effect."
"I have no problems with who I am or what I look like, Napoleon. If I must alter myself to have a woman, then I consider that she is not a woman I would care to have."
"Not even for a night?"
. . . . .
"Illya?"
"I - I may occasionally settle for a single night, but such is never my goal. I would rather do without."
"But you - I mean, don't you get - uhmm?"
"Are you possibly looking for the word lonely or frustrated?"
"Either, I suppose. Not that they're interchangeable."
"No, they are not. Though in this instance, the answer to both words happens to be the same. Of course I do."
"Then why not?"
"Why not what? Indulge? Napoleon? Did you just blush slightly?"
"Nonsense. You must need new glasses."
"I will see about getting new ones after I complete my Christmas shopping."
"I didn't think you shopped for - oh."
soft thud
"Books do not make good projectiles. Especially paperbacks."
"So I see. I also note that you still haven't answered me."
"Napoleon -"
sigh
"Alright. You know some of how I grew up. You saw part of it. I was forced to live off of scraps then. Now that it is not an issue of survival, I would prefer to go hungry for a time and wait for an actual meal. I do not want to settle for scraps in a relationship any more than in food."
"Hm. Perhaps we just need to rearrange your thought process, tovarich."
"Pardon?"
"You like desserts, right?'
"That is in the line of a silly question as you already know that answer. I love desserts. Especially chocolate ones."
"And you don't mind the occasional snack?"
"Again - silly question. How often do I turn down food?"
"So, just stop thinking about occasional overnight companions as scraps. Think of them as a snack to hold you over until your next meal. Or as a nice decadent dessert."
. . . . .
"Well?"
"You are very likely a bad influence on me, Napoleon. I am also now hungry."
"You're cute when you pout."
thud
"Ow! I thought you said paperbacks are lousy projectiles?"
"It is all in the wrist action. Plus, it was either that or the paperweight."
"In that case, the paperback's preferable. Let's go get you something to snack on."
"You do realize that, thanks to you, I am never going to visualize those words in the same way ever again?"
chuckle
"I guess I really am a bad influence on you, partner mine."
"An influence at any rate. Are you over with being annoyed at being considered cute?"
"Not really, but I'll live. If I see her again, I'll stand closer to you to show her the difference."
. . . . .
"Illya? Put the paperweight back down. Come on - I'm buying."