Well what do you know? I'm back. I'm sorry, I know it's been like forever since I've posted anything substantial but school...wow it sucks! OK I hope you like this, if you do let me know and I'm going to try to post more often again. Thank you :)

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for all the feels destroying associated with this book because I don't own it.

Every minute I sit here feels like an hour. Every minute might be the last minute of my beloved Hazel Graces' life and I can't be with her. Her Mom tells me this has happened before and they always fix it but that this time is worse. I can't loose her just yet, I just started loving her. We may not have forever but this can't be it for our little infinity. It just can't.

I hear the click-clacking of my Moms heels. This better not be another lecture. She gave me one this morning at breakfast but I left half way through. I don't care what she thinks, I love Hazel Grace and that's that.

She sits down beside me on one of the hard plastic chairs that I spend my days on now "Hey Gus baby."

"Mom I am not a baby and I know that tone, you will not get around me. I love her and that is that. When are you going to get the message?"

"Gus b- I am just trying to protect you. I don't want you to get hurt." She just doesn't understand, does she?

"That's the thing. I'm already in too far. No matter what happens now I get hurt. I love her Mom, when are you going to understand that?"

"Are you sure you don't just think you're in love?"

"I know you worry but you don't understand. She doesn't look at me like I am sick or have been sick. She doesn't try to give me cancer perks. She looks at me like a person not like a charity case who she can try and fix. She loves me and I love her."

"But what happens if she dies? Or what happens to her if you die?"

"I don't know that but what I do know is that we want to spend every second we can together while we can because there aren't that many people on this earth who you find that love you just as much as you love them and when these people come along you have to cherish every second with them."

"I don't think this is a good-"

"Mom I don't care what you think, I love Hazel Grace Lancaster. This isn't a phase or whatever you want to call it, she's different, she's different to Caroline. She makes me want to be a better person. I am dying inside thinking of her in that room, dying, all on her own. I want every good thing in the world for her but I can't give it to her and I hate that. But what I can give her is me. It might not be forever but I've accepted that. I have accepted that we don't have as long as other couples but I am not breaking up with her just because she is dying."

"You really do care about her."

"I don't just care, I love her so much, you have to understand that. I am not leaving her because she is sick. I don't care how much it hurts. End of story." By the time I finish there are tears in my eyes. It occurs to me more now than ever that I can't loose her.

"Do you mind if I just sit with you?" I can't speak or I will burst into tears so I just nod.

We just sit there in silence. After a couple of minutes my Mom starts rubbing circles on my back to try and comfort me.

Then Mrs Lancaster comes out of the ICU and I stand up immediately. "Mrs-"

"Augustus, relax, she is O.K. She's awake and she wants to see you. Do you want to...?" Then the tears race quickly down my cheeks now. I can't stop them.

"She's O.K?"

"She is O.K"