Okay, this is revised and edited in celebration of the one year anniversary of it's publication (July 29). Unfortunately, I have been away from the wi-fi for awhile and haven't gotten the chance to publish. I do not own Harry Potter.

Hermione's POV

I daydreamed all through Care of Magical Creatures about my hot new boyfriend, the Giant Squid. I thought about his beautiful hue of muddy green, his sexy tentacles that made sexy squelching sounds, his overall sliminess... I could go on forever.

Unfortunately, my day dreams were interrupted by the day's lesson.

"Giant Squids, similar to the one in our lake, are menaces when taken from their natural habitats," Professor Grubbly-Plank began. By then I had tuned her out. I wonder what 'menace' means. I started to raise my hand, until I remember...context clues! Through this method, I decided that menace must mean 'an incredibly sexy and romantic person'. I congratulated myself and went back to my day dreams.

I was in such a great mood that I didn't even boycott my meal for the house elves. I mean, who cares about them when there are giant monsters to date. Viktor Krum asked me out and I soundly refused and then went back to a lovesick grin and humming songs from West Side Story. Such a romantic play! Just like me and Squidy poo. I can't remember how exactly it ends, but I'm sure it was deliriously happy, just like my future with my darling Squid.

Why was I so happy? The Giant Squid had asked me out! That night we would go to Hogsmeade together. It was our second date, but I was hoping for a proposal. I could only imagine the beautiful wedding we would have.

That evening I got into my best clothing and rushed outside. Halfway out I remembered homework. Oh no! I mustn't rush it or skip it! What to do?

I would procrastinate! Oh, the horror!

I was a little late but he didn't mind.

"Squidy dearest!" I trilled, running into his tentacles.

"Squelch, squelch," he squelched. He does have a way with words. So charming! So suave! No wonder he swept me off my feet.

We strolled/squelched through Hogsmeade and had a romantic dinner. It was so cute how he squelched his food down. It was equally cute how he squelched through the streets.

I went back to Hogwarts happy.

The Squid's POV

Squelch! Squelch!

Date with Hermy. Will terrorize Hogsmeade.

Squelch! Squelch!

Madame Rosemerta's POV

I had a quiet day. There were a couple hags and one crazy wizard that Crucio'd his bottle of firewhiskey, so, altogether, same old, same old. I served a few drinks and cleaned up the gentleman's mess once he had agreed that the firewhiskey had learned its lesson. Mostly, though, I read my book, a romance novel about a Veela-Vampire-Mermaid who falls in love with a Leprechaun-Werewolf-Hippogriff. Ah, young love.

Evening was when things started to get interesting, err, bad. A giant octopus thing came squelching through Hogsmeade destroying buildings and flooding the streets. I tried to run but I twisted my ankle. I limped away as best I could, but I was forced to watch as the octupusy thing destroyed my pub and ate everything inside. There was a cooing girl with it. Looked sort of familiar. I'm pretty sure she was from Hogwarts.

Wait! That girl looks exactly like Hermione Granger! Same bushy hair, same complexion...But I've never seen her with that crazed expression. No, she's far to sensible to be doing this.

Oh, Morgana! I hope this never happens again.

Professor McGonagall's POV

I was on my way to dinner when I saw Miss Granger darting through the shadows and "sneaking" around. She usually is a good student and follows the rules, so she isn't as accomplished at this as some other students I might name.

I was about to catch her and ask her where she thought she was going when I heard a squelching noise. I gasped and rounded the corner.

"Miss Granger, what do you think you are-" I said, cut off by the sight of the Giant Squid and Hermione... snogking? Is that the word youngsters use today? No, there wasn't a "k". Ah, yes, they were snogging.

I shot a series of spells at it. The thing glared and swung a tentacle at me. Everything went black.

Hermione's POV

La-di-da-di-da! I am so happy about this date. Squidy poo showed everyone exactly how macho and tough and sexy he was when he destroyed Hogsmeade. Oh, Merlin, he's just so hot!

We went to Honeydukes, too. After he showed off his amazing strength, but also subtle wit, by knocking down the shop, he treated me to all the candy I wanted. Isn't he just so charming?

The one disappointment was the lack of a proposal, but Squidy poo asked me out on another date, and I'm sure he'll propose then. Oh, Morgana, we would look so good in matching vomit green dress robes. As I walked back to Hogwarts I dreamed about the amazing fairytale wedding we would have.

I saw a body on the doorsteps when I walked in. Professor McGonagall? Hmmm, I hope she's okay. I wanted to ask her to be my maid of honor. I would have granted one of my closer friends the great honor, but for some reason, ever since I started dating Squidy poo, they've left. I wonder why they would do that.

Just then, I saw blood trickling down McGonagall's face. Oh well, guess I won't have to do transfiguration homework tonight.

Hope you like it. Please review.