Summary: Sirius kisses Remus and the werewolf questions his motives. A dialogue fic done entirely in the form of questions.
Rating: Teen
Genre: Romance
Words: 674
Disclaimer: The characters were created by J. K. Rowling. I'm simply putting them together in a 'questionable' manner!
Inspiration: The game 'Questions Only' from television's best improvisation show: Whose Line?
Questionable Motives
"Sirius, did you just kiss me?"
"Did it feel like a kiss?"
"What do you mean? What else would it feel like?"
"So why are you asking when you already know?"
"W-Why in the name of Shakespearean insults would you do that?"
"Shakespearean insults…? No, never mind, just - Are you really that dense?"
"Excuse me?"
"What does a bloke have to do to let a werewolf know that he fancies him?"
"You what?"
"Do you need me to repeat myself?"
"You…you really fancy me?"
"For Merlin's sake, Remus, would I joke about something like that?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if I could believe you?"
"Well, why can't you?"
"Isn't it obvious? Why on earth would someone, especially someone like you, fancy…me?"
"You really don't know how perfect you are, do you?"
"What are you talking about? Have you gotten a head injury recently?"
"You know that I'm not too skilled with words, right?"
"How did we go from the topic of Fancying a Werewolf to Making the Understatement of the Year?"
"Never mind, are you prepared for me to explain to you without words how bleeding fantastic I think you are?"
"How do you intend to-?"
"…"
"…"
"Hey, uh, Moony, are you okay?"
"OKAY? How can I possibly be okay when you've lost your mind and made everything so complicated?"
"What's complicated about me fancying you and you fancying me?"
"W-where did you get the idea that I fancied you?"
"You do realise that when one person kisses another, and the second person returns the kiss, that it's assumed that the attraction is mutual?"
"Even if the attraction is mutual, can't you see that this could ruin our friendship?"
"Couldn't it make our relationship better?"
"…"
"Well, couldn't it?"
"Maybe, but is it worth the risk, Padfoot?"
"Which is worse: To risk losing what we have now or risk missing out on what we could have together in the future?"
"…"
"Moony?"
"…What will we tell James and Peter?"
"Do you honestly think they'll be unsupportive or - wait, does this mean we're going to try taking our relationship to a new level?"
"Have I ever been able to tell you 'no?'"
"…"
"Are you still with me, Padfoot? You look dazed; do you need me to bring you to the Hospital Wing?"
"Am I dreaming, or did you really just say that we could be together? As in lovers? Like a real couple that goes on dates, has mind-blowing shags, and picks out dishware?"
"Do you dream about this often? And does the shagging involve the dishware?"
"You're making fun of me, aren't you?"
"Would I ever do that?"
"Not in my fantasies…so this must be real, right? RIGHT?"
"What on earth are you doing, Sirius?"
"Doesn't it look like a 'happy dance' to you?"
"Would you be offended if I said it looked like you were having a seizure after ingesting a botched-up potion prepared by Peter after he's smoked too much gillyweed?"
"Shall I do something else to express my happiness instead?"
"What did you have in mind?"
"…"
"Gods, Padfoot, now what are you doing?"
"What do you think I'm doing?"
"Ah…Are you unbuttoning my shirt?"
"Noticed, have you?"
"Why are you - Oh! - doing this now?"
"Why not now, my darling Moony?"
"Isn't this…moving a bit fast?"
"You want me to stop?"
"Is that what I said?"
"Then what do you want?"
"Could we go somewhere else?"
"What place is better than the middle of a corridor?"
"Gee, Sirius, a bed, maybe?"
"You gonna be able to resist my advances until we find one?"
"…How about we go into that empty classroom across the hall and find a use for the desks that doesn't involve taking notes?"
"Ooh, wherever do you get such devious ideas, Mr. Prefect?"
"Have you met you?"
"Is meeting one's self even possible?"
"Ever hear of time-turners?"
"Do you ever not have an answer for something?"
"Could you give my mouth something different to do?"
"Why, Moony, I thought you'd never ask."
Minerva's Note: Wow, doing this entirely in queries was more challenging than I thought it would be! I'd like to offer an apology to any readers that noticed that the plot of this is similar to one of my other fics; I was so focused on writing in questions that I neglected to concoct a new storyline. Also, I'm aware that the last line isn't a question, but after Remus and Sirius both experience so much uncertainty throughout the tale (After all, they both ask a lot of questions!), I think it's important to end on a clear thought.
Please review to let me know if this fic is acceptable, or if I should avoid attempting something like it in the future.