helllooooo (the spelling correction for this was h**lhole) citizens of ffn. my name is NixBlossom and this is my first fan fiction.I shall not regale you with tales of my life till at least my second story.

I wrote this story while listening to piano music and I'm pretty OK with this finished product. it may jump a little but it's not really bad. the next chapter will have smut. (only problem is that I will need help from someone that's done yaoi smut). I can read the stuff all day but I can't seem to write it properly. so if you are interested please PM me. :D

DISCLAIMER: sadly I do not own Kuroshitsuji or its characters. Julie is mine though

WARNING: temporary heartbreak, 2 boys kissing...

It had been five years, five amazing years since they had first met, and four since they started dating. Ciel definitely couldn't have been happier. Sebastian always seemed to be teasing him but Ciel knew it was just his way of showing his affection and he loved it. Like any normal couple they had their fights, they had good times and bad times, and other times that they needed to lean on each other for support. When they were separated for a year because Sebastian's parents were needed else where it was hard on both men. They emailed each other almost every night and Sebastian had graduated from the high school where he was staying.

When they did finally meet again this past fall, Sebastian had gotten a girlfriend and Ciel didn't know what to think at the time. Yeah, he was mature for his age but sometimes he just lost it like a child. He didn't show his pain in front of the couple, Sebastian seemed happy and Ciel didn't want to ruin that just yet. In all their emails back and forth the older male had never once mentioned expressing an interest in anyone, let alone a female.

Ciel was shattered as he listened to his best friend, now ex, talking about things they hadn't shared in emails and about how he came to meet the girl he is currently with, how he planned to go to college with her. The girl was cute, long brown hair, slender waist, nice curves, and she dressed well. Ciel's sapphire eyes were glazed over as he continued feigning interest and giving them cute smiles and asking a question here or there.

If his father had taught him anything real useful besides business it was how to show interest when you were no longer interested. Ciel looked at the watch on his wrist, a gift from Sebastian, and made a polite motion to interrupt the happy couple before him.

"Its getting late and I have to be getting home soon, please enjoy the cake and coffee its on me" Ciel smiled as he took out his wallet and paid the waiter before turning back and smiling not at the couple but at Sebastian. It was a brilliant smile that left Sebastian speechless and reminded him he'd only seen that smile a few times. He thought Ciel didn't even realize he smiled like that and he would be right. The boy didn't know he did it. He had done it at his parents funeral, which Sebastian had attended with him to give him support, he had done it again at his aunts funeral, and the last one was when a good friend had taken his own life without even talking to Ciel. This brilliant smile was only made when he was in pain and shattered. Sebastian had always been there to heal Ciel's broken heart but now he was on the receiving end of this beautiful smile and his only thought was that he had now shattered his precious friends heart, maybe even his soul, and he didn't know how.

Amber eyes watched a small boy walk away from the cafe and he didn't know what to do. It was his girlfriend who brought him back to reality with a poke and said she was ready to go. In that moment he couldn't help thinking she was just a bit insensitive. Couldn't she see that Ciel was hurting? no, of course she couldn't. She hadn't known him as long as he had, she hadn't been there for him the way he had, she wouldn't know because he was just an acquaintance to her now.

"We can go" Sebastian told her as he stood up from his chair and held his hand out to her.

"I'm glad I got to meet your friend. We should do a double date sometime, does he have a girlfriend?" she questioned Sebastian as they got into his car and drove to his parents house. He didn't answer her until he got to the drive way in front of his parents home.

"I don't know if he has a girlfriend now or not. He hasn't told me anything. Lets go inside" Sebastian led his girlfriend into the house where his parents greeted him warmly and then stared at his girlfriend before saying hello.

"Your parents seem awkward around me" the girl whispered as they sat on a couch while his parents made dinner.

"They just met you..." he was cutoff as he heard a knock at the door. He got up to answer it and his eyes went wide. "Hello again" Sebastian let a pleasant smile fall across his face as he looked at the young male standing outside his parents door. The sentiment was clearly not returned.

"I came to return something I borrowed a while ago" Ciel said in an even tone as he handed over a leather bound book to the older male. "I didn't get to return it before you had left last year and now that I know you're back, I thought I should return it".

Sebastian stared at the book in disbelief recognizing it as one he had given to the slate haired male as a present but didn't say anything about it. "would you like to stay for dinner? I know how you hate cook..." Ciel cut him off with a shake of his head.

"I've gotten pretty descent at cooking since you left. and I have my servants to keep me company" he told him and then his demeanor changed a bit to slightly excited "you will tell your parents I said 'hi', won't you?" there it was again, that damned smile that screamed I'm in pain but this time it's your fault.

Sebastian nodded "I'll let them know. Um...can we talk later?"

Ciel just stared at him and sighed exasperated "fine" was his curt reply as he turned and left to the manor across the street then yelled back "you know how to get in!"

"Who was that, honey?" Sebastian's parents came out of the kitchen to see who had been at the door.

"Ciel..." he got cutoff.

"Oh my gosh. That cutie, we haven't seen him in so long! Did you invite him to dinner?" his mom seemed excited.

"I did but he said he was fine" Sebastian shut the door and walked over to place the book on the side table and pick up his girlfriend for dinner.

He held his girlfriends hand and they walked into the dining room together.

"So Julie, tell us about yourself" His mom started. The girl started prattling on about herself and then jumped tracks to her relationship with Sebastian and how they planned to go to college together and a million other topics. Sebastian tried to stay focused but all he could think about was Ciel. That smile had him on edge and he didn't like that. his head quickly snapped back to the conversation when he saw that the maid was cleaning the table and his parents had been trying to ask him a question.

"I'm sorry, Could you repeat that please?" Sebastian looked down in slight embarrassment at his actions. His parents just chuckled in amusement.

"We were asking if you had made arrangements for Julies stay" his father said to him and Sebastian had to think about that for a moment.

"I guess we forgot to talk about staying arrangements before we left, can we stay here?" the dark haired male put his sincere smile on his face and his parents quickly nodded their heads.

"You can show her to the guest room?" it was more of a question.

"I can. Are you going to bed?"

"Yeah" they gave their son loving hugs and kisses and said goodnight to each other.

"Sebastian, I like your parents. they're very kind. But do I really have to sleep in the guest bedroom? they do know that we have slept together, right?" Julie questioned and Sebastian just shrugged his shoulders.

"Their house, their rules. This way" Sebastian motioned as he grabbed her bags from the living room and they made their way up a flight of stairs and down a hall. "here is the guest room, and if you need me my room is the fifth door down" he pointed and then opened the door to her temporary room.

"Well good night then" Julie said as she stood on her toes to give Sebastian a good night kiss. He kissed her and then stepped out of the door way.

"I have to go return something to Ciel. I'll be back"

Ciel had been in his room since he had gotten back from giving the book back to Sebastian. It had been one of his favorites but now it was only a reminder of his current pain. He'd been lied to and used a lot in his seventeen years of life but he had always had Sebastian to make things better. Now he didn't even feel he had that anymore.

A knock on his door let him know that his maid was there with his dinner, he got up from his bed and opened the door to get it from her with a small "thank you" he closed the door once again. He ate in silence watching the time tick by at an agonizingly slow pace waiting to see if Sebastian would really show his face.

It was nearing eleven P.m. now and Ciel's mood really wasn't the best. He had been sitting on his bed for what felt to him like eternity. The boy couldn't stand the feeling of betrayal weighing on his heart at the moment and it made him think about the past, the pain may have been different but it was still pain of the heart. He thought back to how his parents had died, how his aunt had been murdered, and how one of his dearest friends, cousin, took his own life. Ciel felt the hot tears run down his face thinking about all of that and his memories of everyone, the good and the bad.

The young man walked to his bathroom to see his reflection and he looked horrible. His hair was a complete mess, he had tear tracks and puffy eyes. His hands were shaking and a fresh round of tears fell down his face as he touched his mirror hand. "why?" he spoke through a choked sob as he pounded his fist against the glass and watched it shatter. the next minute he was seeing red dripping down his pale hand. There was a sick fascination in his eyes as he watched the blood flow out of his hand and on to the sink and then he did the same thing to his other hand and watched as the rest of his mirror fell to the sink and his bathroom floor in pieces.

He laughed maniacally as he pulled his hands away from the wall where the mirror had once been and smiled through his tears. The bathroom door opened suddenly to reveal a frantic looking Sebastian and Ciel's sapphire eyes widened to saucers.

"W...what are you doing here?" Ciel panicked.

"You said we could talk. I'm sorry It took so long for me to get here. But what are you doing?" Sebastian had grabbed Ciel's hand in his and examined them before pushing his way into the bathroom dragging the boy to sit on his toilet lid.

"Ciel, what's wrong?" the older male was concerned and showed it in the way he started cleaning up Ciel's hands.

"Why do you care?" Ciel bit back harshly.

"Because I'm your friend. Again I ask, What is wrong?"

"Do you really wanna know? Cuz I'm sure you can already guess the answer" Ciel looked down at Sebastian kneeling before him and gave him a maniacal look. "What did you wanna talk about?" Ciel slid his foot up slowly against the nineteen year old's thigh. "I would think with all of the emails we had exchanged you'd know how much I missed you. but you seemed to be getting along just fine without me. Why do you wanna talk anyway?"

"Because I missed you. And you gave me that smile earlier. I can't stand seeing that smile on your face but it hurt even more when you directed it to me. What did I do to upset you?"

"What did YOU do?!" the slate haired male yelled at the amber eyed male in front of him. He got up from his seat when he knew Sebastian was finished with his hands and stormed out of his bathroom.

"Yes, Ciel, What did I do?" He questioned calmly as the irritated boy sat on the edge of his bed.

"Come here" Ciel crooked a finger at the raven haired male to come closer, he complied. When he was standing directly in front of Ciel the younger male yanked him down by the tie he was wearing and, without letting go, slapped Sebastian hard across the face. He was stunned for a moment before turning his head back to face Ciel again.

"And what, pray tell, did I do for that?" amber eyes glared into sapphire and Ciel found himself tugging tighter on the tie in his hand like a leash as he crashed his lips to Sebastian's. The kiss was rough and heated with held back emotions trying to force their way to the outside. They both moaned into the heated kiss, tongues battling for dominance but neither winning.

Given their position, Sebastian easily laid Ciel back on his bed gently as though they had done this before. They had. Sebastian took to unbuttoning Ciel's shirt and neither wanted to break the kiss. Lips had become desperate, hands became fumbling, and Ciel finally pulled back to stare into lusty amber eyes.

Tears started flowing, unwanted, from blue eyes and he cried out all his frustrations. "Its because I thought we were together, even while we were separated. We emailed a lot but you never mentioned having a girlfriend or that you were even interested in anyone. You just showed up out of the blue and expected me to listen about your time in a lame town, how you met that girl, how your gonna go to college with her!" he threw an arm over his eyes. He was hysterical and his tears wouldn't stop. Sebastian reached his hand to cup Ciel's cheek and used his other hand to pull his arm over his eyes away.

"Ciel" the older male whispered gently "Ciel, I didn't know we were official. I'm so sorry. We had never said we were official so I didn't think about it." he kissed him on the lips. "I didn't tell you about her cause we never talked about those things. I guess I should have thought about it. The way we were before I left should have been a big clue but I didn't think" He kissed his pale cheek. "Please forgive me, my dear Ciel, I never wanted to hurt you. I always wanted to be the one you could rely on, the one you could run to about anything. Ciel..." he kissed his forehead but didn't pull to far away. "It hurts me to see you this way because of me." he pulled the male into a sitting position and moved himself to sit behind Ciel.

Ciel was calming down and leaned back against Sebastian's warm, broad chest. He reached his hand out in front of him and Sebastian reached his to grab hold of the smaller hand. He brought the pale, bandaged hand toward his lips and gave it a light kiss, the owner of the hand didn't pull away. Sebastian brought the hand to rest on his thigh as he ran his other hand lightly up the younger's torso.

"Ciel?"

"hm?"

"I really do love you, but I never thought you felt the same love for me. You never seemed to show it, except while we had been intimate."

"I didn't think I had to say the words. I figured you could always tell. That maybe you just sort of knew. why else would I have gotten intimate with you at all?" the question came out a bit harsher then intended and Sebastian flinched a little but he didn't stop running his hands soothingly over Ciel's exposed flesh.

"Should I dump her then?"

"why would you do that? are you not happy with her?"

"Honestly, she just keeps getting more annoying. I don't even think my parents like her" he kissed the top of Ciel's head.

"Sebastian" Ciel barely spoke his name but he heard it anyway. "kiss me the way you used to, before you left." Sebastian complied. He tilted Ciel's head a bit for better access and placed a kiss full of his emotions on his lovers lips. It was slow and passionate. Sebastian had managed to switch the position they were in without breaking the kiss. He lifted Ciel and placed him gently in the middle of his king sized bed.

They finally broke apart for breath and Ciel couldn't help the smile on his face. He reached up to touch Sebastian where he had slapped him and whispered his apology.

"I'm sorry. and..." Sebastian put a finger to his lips and shook his head.

"You don't have to say it. I know"

"But I want to say it. I love you, Sebastian. I love you so much it actually hurts" Sebastian started kissing down his neck feverishly to show his acceptance.

"I love you to" and with that they continued...

so that is chapter one. this is only going to be a 2 shot. again as stated at the beginning, I am looking for someone who can write a yaoi smut scene, so if you are still new to writing smut or are already good at it and would like to help me and yourself out, PM me and if you want to do it I will be sure to put your name in the chapter and give you appropriate credit.

well then...until next time all you wonderful readers. :D

OH! and on your way out please review. I could definitely use some feedback to make any future stories even better