It was a usual Saturday morning, Kurt was writing an essay, and Santana was playing Angry Birds. Kurt sighed peacefully and looked out the window fondly. Rachel however interrupted the peace, stomping into the kitchen, and viciously pouring coffee into a mug, muttering a string of very unladylike profanities.

Kurt looked up from his computer uncertainly, watching her slam the mug down on the coffee table.

"Rachel?" He asked tentatively.

"What?" She snapped harshly, she sighed, looking slightly guilty. "Sorry, what?"

He closed his laptop,

"Are you okay?"

Rachel gritted her teeth. "No I'm fucking not! I'm bleeding like a shot deer and I feel just as bad!" She said, her voice straining slightly.

Kurt stood up, pouting sympathetically, walking over to her. "Awe, that time of the month?" Rachel nodded, and whimpered in pain, clutching her stomach, earning a coo of 'Oh sweetie.' from Kurt.

"Here, Rachel, sit down and drink your coffee." Kurt said, clamoring onto the couch on his knees and patting the area in front of him. Rachel complied, grabbing her coffee and sitting down.

Kurt then rested his hands on her upper back and began massaging it. Rachel let out a little moan right as Brody walked in, looking shocked.

"Uhh..."

"Mm... Hey Brody." Rachel murmured, smiling as Kurt worked at a knot in her back.

"Hi..." He replied awkwardly, watching Rachel's eyes flutter shut as Kurt apparently hit a particularly tense spot on her back. He narrowed his eyes, watching Kurt warily as he poured his coffee. Kurt didn't seem to notice though, but Santana did. She grinned, setting down her phone and slinking over to Brody.

"Are you jealous?" She asked quietly. Brody blinked, and scoffed, blushing. "Pfft, no."

Santana smirked knowingly, "Chill out Muscles McGee, Lady Hummel isn't going to steal your girlfriend." She said, turning her head back to watch the scene play out.

Rachel's head had lolled back onto Kurt's chest, her eyes closed and lips parted slightly. Kurt had his head tilted so he could talk to her about something or the other as he massaged her back, Rachel began making noises verging on pornographic and apparently Kurt didn't seem to care.

Damn, Santana needed to get a back rub from him sometime.

Finally Brody snapped. "Oh for god's sake Rachel are you getting a back massage or receiving oral!?" He cried.

Kurt and Rachel froze, their eyes wide in shock.

Santana held her hand to her mouth, stifling laughter at their expressions.

"B-Brody what the hell!?" Rachel said, standing up.

Santana grinned, not only was Rachel angry, but she was swirl of hormones and grumpiness right now. This was going to be interesting.

Brody sighed running a hand through his hair. "I-I'm sorry that was rude, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't have other guys massage you!" He replied.

Rachel stared at him, completely flabbergasted. "Kurt is my best friend!"

"I know but he's also a guy!" Brody said in exasperation.

"You know I'm right here, right?" Kurt asked dryly from the couch. "And a very astute observation Brody."

"Kurt, please stay out of this!" Brody snapped.

Rachel's nostrils flared and she advanced toward Brody. "How dare you speak so disrespectfully to him just because you're irrationally jealous of his magical massage hands!" She shouted.

"If his hands are so magical then why don't you marry them and have little half-human-half-hand babies!?" Brody retorted angrily.

"Maybe I will!" Rachel snarled.

Santana snickered, going to the kitchen closet and grabbing a pack of popcorn. Man, she was so glad she moved in.