Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of CSI.
A/N: This is my first attempt at a Catherine/Gil pairing, I welcome all constructive criticism.
COLOUR
THE WIND
AND SEARCH DEEP WITHIN
AND BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON
LIGHT OF THE MOON
LIGHT OF THE MOON
WE'LL BEGIN AGAIN
(Pretenders; Light of the Moon)
Stargazing.
"I miss the stars," she whispers.
It's a quiet night at the lab. A rare occurrence that allows Catherine and Gil to enjoy a few unhurried moments in each others company. Sitting in the area reserved for smokers they try unsuccessfully to find the stars behind the glare and pollution cast by Las Vegas.
The coolness of night brings a welcome relief from the blistering heat of the desert. The moon has both taken center stage as the sole visible celestial body, as well as a supporting role. It resembles a giant spotlight shining brightly on two old friends who have been too long apart. Catherine and Gil sit close together on the ancient wooden bench so that they can speak quietly. The urgent need to be near each other seems to have cast a spell that either one is loathe to break with anything more boisterous then low voices.
"When I lived in Montana and the fighting between Mom and Dad got real bad me and sis would sneak out of the house and lay in the fields. We would stare at the stars and I would tell her the stories of the constellations. Sometimes we'd make up our own stories. The sky was so clear it seemed as if we could see forever. All things were possible."
"And now?" This is a rare thing to have Catherine both sitting so close to him that he can feel her body heat and have her share something from her past. On a rare occasion he got one or the other and Gil always secretly reveled in these moments. He just wishes he was brave enough to share something with her. But he has always thought of himself as a coward by nature especially when it came to opening himself emotionally, and specifically when it came his best friend.
"Now I can't see the stars and I feel boxed in. My family, this job, Ecklie, Sara, even you Gil, you all box me in - stifling me. Sometimes I just want to run away and never turn back.."
A look of confusion comes over his face as he digests her words. Taking her hands in his, Gil forces her to look him in eye.
"I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?"
"No, not really" she answers with a sad shake of the head. "It's just...everybody wants me to be everything all the time, at the same time and they want it perfect. I can't do perfect, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I'm only human and ...sometimes I think you forget that. You expect me to be a copy of you. That's not me."
"If I wanted a carbon copy I'd be out here with Sara. I like that we're opposites. I just worry. I want you to be safe, and dating those jerks is not being safe."
She sighs and stares at their joined hands resisting the urge to bring his hands to her lips and kiss them gently. Catherine may be an extrovert in most areas but when it comes to this man sitting next to her, she too could be a bit of coward. How do you explain in a rational manner that all he has to do is give her one reason to drop those losers and she would in a heartbeat.
"And what would you have me do instead? Sit at home doing crossword puzzles and watching the Discovery channel?"
"No, I...want...I...wish...Why can't you come to me? Am I really that bad a person that a quiet afternoon with me is so abhorrent?"
Sighing in resignation he gets up and tries to walk away. He's said too much and can't even bring himself to look her in the eyes. He can only imagine the disgust or worse the pity that will seen in them.
It takes him a couple of seconds to realize that he isn't getting anywhere. Looking down he can see that their hands are still joined together. Giving a tug she encourages him to sit back down. Taking the initiative she encircles him in a gentle but firm hug.
"There's nothing wrong with you, nothing at all. I would love to spend quiet afternoons with you, I just didn't think you'd be interested in spending time with me."
He returns her hug for several seconds before he can answer.
"There's no one else I'd rather spend time with."
Holding each other the stars are forgotten. Catherine no longer misses them or needs to see them in order to have possibilities.
Grissom doesn't need to look to the sky for stars either because he is holding one in his arms and she is brighter and warmer than anything the heavens could offer.
THE END
