By all means possible, I am still not able to say that EVA belongs to me. nor the RX8 standing outside my house...which doesn't belong to me either.
Ahem.
This is something my mind regurgitated in the middle of the night. Some strong oocness and weirdness occours. If you like it, leave a review. If not, leave a review. if anyone wants, I might update. With enough encouragement.
Now to our featured presentation;
Henry V prductions shamefacedly presents:
*#EVANGELION#*
*#Rejuiced#*
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Shinji stared at the phone. It had told him to get the fuck outta there. Literally.
He continued to stare at it as a huge green thing came around the mountain. Ash he heard the thing, he noticed a tune being hummed. It was quite catchy, and he happened to remember the song..
She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, she'll be coming 'round the mountains when she comes….
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Gendo sat, staring at quite a different electronic device. This device was the pinnacle of human technology. Thousands of people had pooled recources and time into the creation of it, and drawn on technology that had been lost to humanity for countless years.
After some time, he hit three buttons.
CTRl ALT DEL….
No effect. The startup screen was still there, mocking his genius with its unrelenting dumbness.
Slightly annoyed, he hit it again.
CTRL ALT DEL…
CTRL ALT DEL CTRL ALT DEL CTRL ALT DEL….
„Fucking windows ME"
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Shinji was still humming the tune absentmindedly as Sachiel continued to advance upon the city, flattening several petshops and coffe shops as it wreaked hell upon sons and daughters of surviving grandparents.
Then a red Mazda rx8 came hurtling down the street, pulling into a drift which quickly turned into a spin. Shinji saw it and then screamed, finally letting his mind catch up with current events. He was pushed into the car and they sped away from the green thing.
He of course, had several minutes of screaming to catch up with. This hindered the purple haired woman in conducting her initial interrogation as the kid's scream kept her questions confined to a quite small space around her mouth.
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Ritsuko heaved a sigh as she heaved something else out of the lcl pool around the EVA. Namely the body of a twenty odd- year old technician that forgot about the catwalk as he'd been focused at her... ass...ets...
As she pulled the coughing tech out, a voice accompanied by some other noise drifted to her ears.
"Hey, Rits, Misato-chan's here. You wanna chew her out or what?"
Groaning in embarrassment, she forgot all about the guy and ran into the lift, hitting the apropriat floor. Meanwhile, the struggling tech had managed to pull himself nearly out of the lcl, and flung his hand out at the crucial moment to grab a hand...
Which wasn't there anymore...
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A pale figure with earplugs turned up on a street, slightly disturbing the bum that sat in the corner drinking a toast to the green gennleman coming his way. It wasn't the looks. Her pale skin was nigh ingnorable, and her blue hair, albeit a bit strange, was commonplace in the street scene. No, what surprised him were the words he heard...
"I'm the sexy girl, I like when- hey! where the fuck am I?"
She disappeared, much to the bum's relief. Then a giant green foot squished him.
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Shinji was no longer screaming. The duct tape across his face kinda hindered freedom of speech. The irony was not lost there...
His father turned up, and his scream of fear turned to a scream of confusion.
"It's been a while"
The two women debated wether to send unit One out or not. Considering that Zero was frozen like an ice posickle and One was ready to go to town on the green schmuck topside made any other options unconceivable.
"You will pilot. You can choose. Say no if you don't wanna."
He screamed no, but duct tape was still inhibiting his verbal repetoir.
"Right, that's decided then! Let's get cracking!"
The purple amazon grabbed the struggling child and flung him into the entry plug.
"Umm... okay. Hey dudes and dudettes! The top secret purple thing from cage four is gonna go fuck up the green thing upside, so if you're in front of it's bonnet, get the hell outta the way!"
A distorted scream tore through the com system. The kid had finally figured out that he could tear the tape off. After nearly half an hour.
Oh well.
Gendo Ikari returned to his project.
The screen was still there.
He then decided to do something only the ballsyiest man on earth could do.
He decided to wait and see if it worked if he left it alone for a while.
Striking his usual pose, he sat down in his chair and continued to stare at the screen. Nothing could outwit NERV's commander. Nothing.
Misato turned her attention from the seriously hot looking guy at the front to the insanely large screen in front of her. In it, she saw the angel kick the EVA's ass into the next building.
"Tell me, why did we have to use him? Rei coulda done it, no problem."
Ritsuko stopped doing what ever the hell she does during angel attacks, along with the entire command crew who turned to face her.
Slightly stuttering, sheanswered; "D-do YOU want to go get her?"
Misato gulped, and waved her hands disarmingly.
"Yeah, okay stupid idea"
You did NOT disturb Rei while listening to music. Not even if third impact was knocking on the door. Or even if third impact was currently taking tea serenely in your kitchen. NEVER. EVER.
Meanwhile, unnoticed to the crew, shinji was made dead and then alive again as the eva began to get ticked off because the angel scratched the armour plating.
It screamed in rage as it noticed the broken arm.
"RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! YOUSE GANNA PAY FOR DAT!"
Needless to say, the angel learned the meaning of fear. It chose death over fighting another second with this oversized car owner.
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Meanwhile, Rei Ayanami had teleported back to her room, deep inside the nerv HQ. She pulled her plugs out and noticed the earthquacke of the angel's passing. She stared a the ceiling for a few seconds.
"Shit just got real, dude. One serious muther fucker"
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Kaji felt trapped. Caged in. Shackled. Betrayed by his friends, his superiors, as well as his subordinates. Here he was suffering for the sake of mankind, under the terrible dictatorship of his worst assignment ever.
"Would you like some tea?" the squeaky voice asked. He was sweating heavily. Next... the..the.. OH GOD NO!
"Cookie?"
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH"
He bolted and ran.
Asuka looked seriously disappointed. The teapot in the fingers of her little dolly never slipped as she stared at the departed guardian. The child-sized stool spun to a stop, and she looked over to the stuffed animals around her. Her lip trembled and she just managed to set the pot down before breaking into tears.
"Waaahhhh! Why can't I have my tea party with him! Not fair!"
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Shinji woke amid soft, warm sheets. And as he was still sleepy, he turned away from the light. And a certain... other moring nuisance manifested itself. After seven minutes of denial, he did what had become quite a morning ritual...
"Yo, dude. You want me ta help?"
He squealed, drawing together and rolled away from the voice. Unfortunately, he ran out of bed.
Rei leaned over the bed. "Fuck, man. You okay?"
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Gendo was still staring. The blasted screen had blinked once. This had to bee it. After hours and hours, his waiting had paid off. The desktop appeared...
Then nothing. Black screen. Black office.
"Fuck"
There. The most obvious mistakes fixed.
Any other typos should be intentional. or at least, so it seems.
Well, I'll be working on a sequal. No promise on quick updates, this was a real fling in the dark. (Turned out well, though;)