Title: Blame.
Summary: Sometimes she wonders if they've forgotten about her.
Spoilers: 'The Storm' and 'The Eye' but nothing really big I don't think.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine. Only the story line belongs to me.
A/N: I know I should be working on 'A Normal Life' but I was watching 'The Eye' the other day when this plot bunny bit into me and wouldn't let go until I wrote it.
The silence of the holding cell rings in my ears. No noise comes from outside the room my cell is in even though I strain my ears to hear even the slightest sound. Sometimes I wonder if they have forgotten about me, these Atlantians. The four walls that confine me are blank; they taunt me with their emptiness and hopelessness. The loneliness drowns me at times making it hard to breath.
I receive the occasional visit from Sergeant Bates, head of base security or even Dr. Weir on those very rare occasions, but when it comes right down to it I am alone in this prison, with no windows to look out and see the blue sky of day or the bright stars of night. Even the guards watching me to make sure I don't escape stand just out side the room on the other side of the door and the few times they actually are in the room they tend to stay in the shadows, leaving me to my loneliness.
I wish I could do something, anything at all, look at the sky, or run, or even read a book whenever I felt like it, but instead I am trapped in this cell like a caged animal. The minutes, hours, and days, seem to blur together to the point that I can't tell how long I've been here. It feels as though I haven't seen the real world in forever. I yearn to feel the rays of the rising sun on my skin and the breeze through my hair.
There are many things I miss and yet, there is really no one to blame for my being her except myself. I could try and blame it on Commander Kolya – and I have tried – because it was he who changed the mission by trying to take the whole city instead of just taking the C4 explosives, the medical supplies, the Wraith data device and one of the Atlantian ships then leaving. But in the end it was my own stubbornness, and blind raged desire for revenge that led me to this prison.
It's my fault, the loneliness, the hopelessness, everything, it's all my fault and no one else's.
The only person I have to blame is myself.