Title: Hurting
Author: Jane McCartney
Feedback: Don't make me beg for it. Oh hell, whatever: pleeeease? Pretty please? It'll take just a sec from ya!
Acknowledgments: Every beloved reviewer, and my beloved Theo. My fics is practically his work too. But probably not half as good as his own fics.
Summary: A short vignette. Xander's POV while seeing Buffy's body.
***
Silence. No noise. Muffled sobs against my chest. Stammering, pained cries. Those are Anya's hot tears, too hot.
I can feel them staining my shirt, drenching it gently, slowly. But they can't reach my heart, just like the tears won't reach my eyes and stain my face. I don't know why. I wish I did.
She's hurt. I'm hurt. Buffy's not hurt though.
Buffy's dead. She's dead. Oh my God, she's dead. Nuh-uh. Can't be.
Her limp body's lying immobile, and I can't feel the Slayer strength radiating from her body anymore.
Move, Buffy.
That's what I've always thought was her true beauty, her soul - and now, it's gone. The fire's gone. The hope's gone. She's gone. Forever gone.
C'mon, Buff, move. It's not funny anymore.
And also, there's no blood. There should be. Blood's life, isn't it? There should be blood. There should be hope.
Pain. Savage, overwhelming pain. Too much of it. I don't think I can handle it a second longer. Buffy's dead. She can't be. I hate the word forever. It's unbearable.
But Buffy's dead forever. Oh God, I can't breathe. No breathing. I wanna die too.
It's almost too unbearable. No, it's just too intolerable. God, it hurts. It hurts so much.
I've got to get the hell out of here. I've gotta snap out of this nightmare. I've got to... I just have to. Be anywhere. Anywhere but here. Anytime but now.
I need to breathe. I need to cry. I need to yell.
I need so much right now, but the only thing I truly need is my Buffy. I'd exchange my breath for my Buffy. I'd exchange my special collector's edition of the first Spider Man comic book for my Buffy. Hell, I'd exchange my goddamned life just to have my Buffy back for one fleeting second longer.
To tell her I'm sorry for not being able to save her. To tell her I won't fail Dawn. To tell her how much I admire her, and how much I hate her for not being selfish and sending the world to Hell so she could be here with us.
To tell her I love her. To tell her I can't imagine how I'll live without her. To tell her I'm scared to death just to hypothesize a second without her by my side.
Move, Buffy. Please, it's just not funny anymore. I've got to breathe. That was an unfunny cruel joke on us, but it's not time for clowning around now.
Please, Buff. Don't make me beg. I've got to breathe.
I need you. I need my hero. I need hope.
I need my Buffy.
***
Author: Jane McCartney
Feedback: Don't make me beg for it. Oh hell, whatever: pleeeease? Pretty please? It'll take just a sec from ya!
Acknowledgments: Every beloved reviewer, and my beloved Theo. My fics is practically his work too. But probably not half as good as his own fics.
Summary: A short vignette. Xander's POV while seeing Buffy's body.
***
Silence. No noise. Muffled sobs against my chest. Stammering, pained cries. Those are Anya's hot tears, too hot.
I can feel them staining my shirt, drenching it gently, slowly. But they can't reach my heart, just like the tears won't reach my eyes and stain my face. I don't know why. I wish I did.
She's hurt. I'm hurt. Buffy's not hurt though.
Buffy's dead. She's dead. Oh my God, she's dead. Nuh-uh. Can't be.
Her limp body's lying immobile, and I can't feel the Slayer strength radiating from her body anymore.
Move, Buffy.
That's what I've always thought was her true beauty, her soul - and now, it's gone. The fire's gone. The hope's gone. She's gone. Forever gone.
C'mon, Buff, move. It's not funny anymore.
And also, there's no blood. There should be. Blood's life, isn't it? There should be blood. There should be hope.
Pain. Savage, overwhelming pain. Too much of it. I don't think I can handle it a second longer. Buffy's dead. She can't be. I hate the word forever. It's unbearable.
But Buffy's dead forever. Oh God, I can't breathe. No breathing. I wanna die too.
It's almost too unbearable. No, it's just too intolerable. God, it hurts. It hurts so much.
I've got to get the hell out of here. I've gotta snap out of this nightmare. I've got to... I just have to. Be anywhere. Anywhere but here. Anytime but now.
I need to breathe. I need to cry. I need to yell.
I need so much right now, but the only thing I truly need is my Buffy. I'd exchange my breath for my Buffy. I'd exchange my special collector's edition of the first Spider Man comic book for my Buffy. Hell, I'd exchange my goddamned life just to have my Buffy back for one fleeting second longer.
To tell her I'm sorry for not being able to save her. To tell her I won't fail Dawn. To tell her how much I admire her, and how much I hate her for not being selfish and sending the world to Hell so she could be here with us.
To tell her I love her. To tell her I can't imagine how I'll live without her. To tell her I'm scared to death just to hypothesize a second without her by my side.
Move, Buffy. Please, it's just not funny anymore. I've got to breathe. That was an unfunny cruel joke on us, but it's not time for clowning around now.
Please, Buff. Don't make me beg. I've got to breathe.
I need you. I need my hero. I need hope.
I need my Buffy.
***