The walk from Mr. Nolan's office was quiet, frigid, and all too fast. Vermont's bone-chilling snow practically froze Meeks's hands, yet he felt anything but the cold nipping at his fingers.
Winter had brought an onslaught of problems that seemed to occupy every corner of his mind. But one took center-stage: Loss.
Neil's wake had been two days ago and he had initially felt the onset of tears. Now he wondered what Neil would want him to do— what Charlie would order him to do. What would happen to Mr. Keating? What had he done?
All his anxieties refused to stop as he climbed those once joyous stairs. He hears Knox and Todd's doors open in the corridor of the junior dorm as he enters with Hager. A small part of him wanted to wait in the hall after Hager had gone with Knox. Go to Todd's door and tell him that one day it wouldn't hurt so bad. Alas, he crept inside his room.
Pitts sat on the edge of his own bed staring out their cool, foggy window, deep in thought. He barely acknowledged Meeks. He's barely acknowledged anyone these past few days. His engaged gaze was now hazy. He kept his eyes down and back slouched. Now that he thought of it none of the Poets were themselves, especially Todd.
"Meeks?" Anderson's soft voice had been nothing but a whisper.
"Go away. I have to study." An excuse.
"What happened to Nuwanda?"
"Expelled." The word stabbed at his throat.
"What'd you say to them?"
"Nothing they didn't already know." The finality in his voice ended the conversation.
Meeks' bed let out a high-pitched creek under him. He stared at his low-hanging ceiling, and, in an instant, it seemed worlds away.
God dammit, he thought. He didn't know who to blame Mr. Perry was the first person that came to mind. Cameron was a close second. But Nolan, Nolan brought down the hammer that pinned them to the wall that Keating freed them from.
Hearing that Neil's death was no one's fault was as disheartening as hearing Brian's death was a long time coming. Neither were true, he believed.
How he wished for the days of study group and weekend cave meetings. When all he had to worry over were his grades, his friends, and his little gadget of a radio. When he was ever so content with what he had. Now he isn't so sure what he has. He held a desire to turn back time. When death seemed a bit less complicated.