A/N: This one's for my buddy Junking. It's another old piece I'm bringing back from the dead. Stay strong, my friend!
Downfall
Another nightmare roused her in the darkness.
Every night had followed the same pattern for some time: lay under the sheets, go to sleep, and wake up in a cold sweat. The dreams would come in a variety of flavors: blurred, chopped and distorted like something out of an old 1960's horror flick. She'd fall face first for what seemed like forever, unable to see, unable to grasp anything but the violent rush of air pushing against her. Asuka kept telling herself they were just dreams, but dreams shouldn't leave you with an intense dread that quickened your pulse and spurred you to take deep breaths.
Sleeping didn't sound like a good idea anymore.
She sat on her bedside, hands at her thighs as she gazed out the window at the nocturnal hustle and bustle below. The streetlights cast an artificial glow on the passersby and she winced. What she wouldn't give for some morning light right about now, to see the sky unfurl into a replenishing orange-blue contrast. Dawn was hours away from reaching her, yet there was no telling what sensations it'd bring. She wasn't sure if she wanted to find out this time.
It occurred to her that something was off, and her eyes stung with angry tears when everything came flooding back: Feng Wei's blows, a sudden loss of balance, and her body collapsing helplessly onto cold, cold ground. It had been a fight. Of course, fight was too loose a term. Asuka considered it a brawl, Feng Wei a waste of time. She gave him everything she had and even that wasn't enough. Wasn't good supposed to triumph over evil? Shouldn't heart prevail over brute strength?
It sickened her to have been conquered by someone who enacted his selfish whims at the expense of others—most particularly her father. Oto-san was doing better nowadays, but the flame of vengeance still burned inside of her, craving justice.
She liked to pretend her failure never happened, that it was all a dream she could brush off and leave behind like all things irrelevant. But truth overcame delusion and brought her back down to ground level; her father remained unavenged, shame engulfed the Kazama name, and she could do nothing but retreat into the shadows and lick her wounds like a beaten animal.
Sometimes, she'd vent on an old punching in effort to draw the pain to her fists and her spirit back into her veins; others, she'd pedal hard and fast, shredding up trails and taking herself distances from it all. But she couldn't get away. She'd been ensnared by her own misery and forced to pay the price.
Down below, she could sense the world falling into chaos again, one misdeed at a time. She used to be so good at keeping trouble in line, at making people fear what she could become when pushed too far. Looking on, she no longer saw the need to interfere.
Before she could go any further, a sound disrupted her brooding: the soft rustling of bed sheets. Asuka felt a slight shift in the mattress to confirm what she'd suspected. Everything was quiet again, and Asuka was still. The bedside lamp pierced through the gathering melancholy and she braced herself.
A pair of arms encircled her from behind and a golden head of hair claimed a spot on her sagging shoulder. The touch and smell registered with her, but she couldn't bring herself to react.
"Why is my bird up so late? Bad dream?"
Her face turned to the voice, confronted by a warm smile. Asuka only answered with silence. When their gazes met, the best look Asuka could afford her was one of apathy. Pretense wouldn't do her any favors. Walls of bravado and false courage could only hold up for so long before they gave way and crumbled to dust.
This defeat wasn't an easy weight to lift off limbs as meager as hers. After struggling for so long and yielding the same result, it seemed much easier to let herself buckle and be crushed. Resistance was but a futile endeavor in the end, and she was too tired to see it any other way.
"Why are you up?" Asuka's voice came out as a hollow, listless note.
"I was cold."
"But you were under the blankets."
"I didn't feel you beside me." A trace of sadness lined Lili's voice and Asuka felt even more rotten. "Are you thinking about that match?"
Asuka paused for a second too long. "No."
Unconvinced, Lili pressed herself closer to her. "It's all right to be vulnerable once in a while," she murmured
Vulnerable.
Asuka never liked the word nor did she want to be associated with it. Just hearing it made her blood run hot with the tears she wanted to cry, tears she wouldn't let Lili see.
If she had the strength, she would've shaken Lili off and told her otherwise. Perhaps it would've provided some temporary relief to assert she wasn't weak, that she was just as in control of things as she made herself out to be. But lies existed to sooth, not mend, and lashing out at another just to feel strong was the mark of a coward.
"Why does my bird not speak like she used to? I miss hearing her sing."
"Because she…can't."
"Nonsense. She can." Lili's eyes shone with innocent faith. "She just doesn't try hard enough."
"It's…not as easy as it sounds."
"Not being easy doesn't denote being impossible."
A monosyllabic "mmm" was all Asuka could counter with. Her head remained cloudy and grey. Words were failing her, trapped and fluttering for freedom inside the sinewy confines of her throat. Even trying to think wasn't without a consequence.
"She still has her wings, yes? She can still fly."
"…And if she can't?"
"Then she mustn't let that stop her."
A dull shake of the head beg to differ. "A bird is nothing without its wings."
"But wings can heal. She can heal."
So hopeful was this girl. A privileged life such as hers had known few hardships. It enabled her to see in a light many deemed naïve and unrealistic. She would always set herself up with the potential to be let down. But the beauty of her was she still dreamed, still believed. A little optimism often went a long way, even if it couldn't change things.
How they even happened was beyond her. Water and dirt, the regal and the rebel. None of it made sense, but since when did anything anymore? Everyone was crazy, so they might as well be too just to complete the cycle.
Honor to the men they held dear had brought them to the battleground, to each other and initiated an odd sort of kinship along this vengeful path they'd chosen to tread together. Fighting flowed through their veins as much as the names they'd carry to their graves.
Common ground was supposed to go no further than mutual understanding, but theirs had been different. One kiss and there was no going back for either of them. Lili had smelt so good, seemed so right, and Asuka felt like a fool when she allowed the rest to follow through.
As screwed up as the world could be, having someone to kick around and keep her distracted was one of its higher points. But something so perfect wasn't meant to last. So….
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"-are you still here?"
Lili seemed amused. "Must I need a reason?"
"No, it's just…I dunno." Asuka groaned to herself. "You don't need this."
"And you underestimate me, as always."
She then felt soft, delicate fingers running down her head. Lili smoothed a lock of brown hair away from Asuka's face and planted a kiss near the spot where Feng Wei had left a bruise. "I know how it is. It happened to me too once."
Asuka sighed with pained remembrance.
"And where did that get you?"
"It made me stronger."
"No."
Asuka shook her head, but Lili nodded on solemnly. Silence fell between them, allowing it all to sink in.
"How can you say that?" Asuka snapped, unable to hide her aggravation. "After everything."
"I can because it's true." Lili reached for her arm, but Asuka shrank back.
"But…but I hurt you." Against her will, Asuka could feel the last remnants of her resolve beginning to crack. Damn it, this was too much. Her actions created nothing but ruin and that was that. Unable to stand it anymore, she forced her eyes away, away from Lili, away from the light. She didn't deserve any of it.
A hand cupped her face and gently guided her to look back at Lili. Despite all her protesting, something in those blue eyes comforted her and implored her to listen.
"You helped me," Lili cooed. "I only wish to do the same."
"But it's not your fight."
"But the odds are better when you have someone by your side," Lili said as she cradled Asuka's head in her arms. Asuka looked up, speechless. As much as she thought she was alone, it benefited her greatly to know someone was there to help, that someone cared.
"Let me tell you what you are going to do, Asuka Kazama: you are going to get back up, you are going to march back into the fray, and you are going to fight, just as I did. You will fight, you will survive, and above all, you will fly. Do you understand?"
It was more of a statement than a command.
Something tingled in Asuka's chest, warm and welcoming. It was a start, a hope among hope that things could change. She could never take those lightly.
"Yes."
Asuka saw that look in her eye, one she could replay over and over and never get tired of.
"Come back to bed?"
Hesitating at first, Asuka nodded and followed Lili's lead. Everything was going to be ok, she told herself.
Asuka pulled her legs back in bed and felt the sheets being draped over her. If hearts could speak, hers would have so much to share. It would give a thousand times over and still wouldn't be enough. Although gratitude couldn't be given like that, there were other ways to make it known.
After letting Lili adjust their pillows, Asuka surprised her with an embrace from behind. She buried her face into the nape of Lili's neck, smelled that spring which had brought her so much to look forward to. Their bodies shaped together, and Asuka felt a hand fall on the protective clasp of her own. With the sentiment mutual, Asuka closed her eyes and fell into peace.