Silver

By: Royal

(This is me, ranting, after playing Tales of Symphonia where the main girl, the "Chosen One", gets herself kidnapped AGAIN! You'd think she'd grow a back bone after the third time but NO! She wants to make friends with her assassins! Well I say let her! One less "Perfect Girl" to deal with.)

(Someone deleted my story earlier. I don't know how they did it or why but I'm guessing it was my brother. Don't worry, he's been taken care of.)

Shot one: Fairytales

Are you tired of the typical fairytale where there's a hero, a princess or some sort of damsel in distress, and some baddie?

The stories start out with a beautiful girl. We'll make the girl a princess in this case. She's ever so fair and kind but sadly that seems to attract quite a bit of attention so she'll get kidnapped by the baddie. Let's make the baddie a dragon. So the princess is now in some sort of distress. The dragon doesn't seem to be interested in eating her though. Nope. Not at all. In fact, she's just going to sit in it's den like a living trophy! Wouldn't you love to have your very own princess?

This is the typical Princess and Dragon relationship:

(Note how it's Princess and Dragon. Not Dragon and Princess)

Surprisingly, she does not die of starvation! Why, you ask? The dragon brings her fresh food everyday and roasts it for her. She's better off then she was at the castle! Too bad she doesn't see it that way. To her, the dragon is a hideous beast keeping her captive so that it can entertain itself by watching her.

What else can you do with a Princess? It can get pretty bad if she starts singing to kill time when she knows darn well that she can't carry a tune. Not to mention she'll want to brush her golden locks for hours at a time. That'll mean shedding. If the dragon had a creative mind it would probably make a rug out of all the hair she yanks out and sell it to some poor sap that thinks it's actually gold.

Where does the princess go to the bathroom you ask? She doesn't have to! Why? Because she the Princess all high and mighty, that's why! Never question the Princess. Ever!

Oh, and she'll also be begging at least three hundred times a day to be released. If she doesn't get her way, she'll cry her eyes out. Wouldn't that be music to your ears? You'll know she's stopped crying when you hear "Hic-hic".

Let's not forget sweet old Dad:

The King will surely be worried about what's to happen to his fair and lovely daughter so he'll go and announce that whoever successfully rescues the Princess will receive her hand in marriage. Then some boy out there will hear of this and recognizes the princess as one that practically glows because she's so pretty and will get his head chopped off for trying to save her. The princess will sit somewhere and screech her head off when she sees him come to her rescue and ends up distracting the poor guy long enough for the dragon to step on him. Nice, isn't she?

And you thought she didn't want to stay with the dragon!

So here and there are the corpses of all the brave, not to mention stupid, men that have tried to free her from the horrible dragon's wrath. That's right, all the men died! Everyone knows that it's honorable to be squashed while trying to save a useless princess! Death to all!

Unless, of course, you're the hero! We'll just make him a prince in this story (rant). He'll be godly handsome and yummier then an ice cream sundae. Why? Because as luck would have it, he always is.

(And by luck I mean the people who write these damn storylines.)

He'll also hear of this drop-dead-gorgeous gift from heaven and will ride to her rescue. Him on his white stallion, wielding a jewel encrusted sword, with the heart of a lion. Brave and courageous till the end! Only he will have the power to single handedly cut the toenails off the dragon while flirting with the princess! After the dragon "Dies" the Princess will go into some sort of hysteria and collapse into Prince's arms while thanking him. The rescue mission is never complete without the riding off into the sunset.

Everyone knows the ending. The poor(?) princess will have to marry the dumb guy who only cares about her pretty face and risked his and his horse's ass to have it because her stupid father had to go around advertising that she was in need of rescuing. Prince Charming will have his, luscious blonde, blue eyed, air headed babe who can't put "Shoes go on feet" together for all the beans on Sam's hill.

Well are you tired of them?

I can offer you the solution! Call toll-free at …I'm just kidding.

If you really want the solution just keep reading my version on how a knight's tale is supposed to be.