Shay2013: The Great Debate
So just who is the hotter Winchester?
Find out here.
Shay2013: Welcome back, guys!
Sam & Dean: (smile and waves)
Shay2013: It's great to have you guys back to settle the latest debate: Just who is the hotter Winchester? Let's get right to it. Sam, what do you do during your down time?
Sam: I like to read. Surf the web. Keep up with the currents.
Dean: More like research. He's a working man all hours of the day ladies.
Shay2013: I didn't ask you Dean but alright. What do you do during your down time?
Dean: I like to—
Sam: (interrupts) He likes to plow the nearest available chick. Like a farm tool. Sometimes with a farm tool. Sometimes just him and the farm tool. Mostly just him.
Dean: (smiling) Thank you, Sam. As I was saying I like to go out and have fun unlike my brother here. (pats Sam's arm and laughs) I like to talk to pretty ladies about life and where this is all going for and if we end up having a little fun later (shrugs) that wouldn't be so bad, right ladies? (winks)
(audience fans themselves)
Sam: How is that any different from what I said?
Shay2013: What are you guys like around your family?
Sam: (thinks) We get stabby.
Shay2013: Stabby?
Sam: Well, they are all dead. The things that came back wouldn't be them, right?
Dean: (sighs) What my brother means is that we'd have to test their blood, make 'em drink holy water, you know the works before we get all cozy and cuddly.
Shay2013: Speaking of cozy and cuddly…You guys share a lot of hotel rooms. I just know that there has to be one time where a motel ran out of twin beds—
Dean: Where are you going with this?
Shay2013: Did you guys ever, you know, share a bed?
Sam & Dean: (exchange a look)
Sam: I guess...as many times as the average man.
Dean: What?! No! (to the audience, chuckling) Me and my brother have never shared a bed, OK? (gets serious)
Shay2013: Obviously Dean's masculinity is a sore subject.
Sam: Yes it is. I mean, please just remind us again how straight you are, Dean. Am I right?
(murmurs of agreement from the audience)
Dean: F- you Sam.
Shay2013: Moving on, Sam, as a kid you were not as handsome as you are now even though you were effing exy-say as a kid. Do you think impaired your relationship meter?
Dean: You mean, why does everyone he eff die? Well Sam here has the cheese touch.
(echoes cheese touch, cheese touch)
Shay2013: What, pray tell, is the cheese touch? (cheese touch, cheese touch)
Sam: (warningly) Dean—
Dean: I'm talking here, Sam. The cheese touch (cheese touch, cheese touch) is a touch like no other. More powerful than cooties, booger picker, and ass finger put together. It has the ability to suck the very life out of the one it touches except the carrier. It will stay with them all their life until the cheese touch (cheese touch, cheese touch) chooses its next victim.
Shay2013: How did Sam get this horrible affliction?
Dean: (whispers) From touching himself!
Shay2013: (in horror) You didn't Sam! You infected yourself?!
Sam: That doesn't even make sense!
Shay2013: Alright let's just get back to the topic. Sam, I understand you have a history with drug abuse, how has that changed you for the better?
Sam: It was hard, having to give it up like that. I just kept going back for more and then it was like I was not even getting a response back. No reaction.
Dean: That's what it's like every time he effs someone. They dead man, just leave 'em alone.
Sam: At least I'm not a man whore! I can't even count how many times you asked Cas to cure you from the latest venereal disease you caught.
Dean: You said you wouldn't bring that up!
Shay2013: Venereal disease? I guess I'm not that surprised after Lisa.
Dean: What about Lisa?
Shay2013: I said it before and I'll say it again. That whore, really? That whore? She had a kid with a random biker, Dean. That's a whore if you'll ever see one. Yep, that is a whore.
Dean: What about Lisa?
Shay2013: Eeeesh….Lets just keep going, OK? What is the hardest thing you ever had to go through?
Dean: That burrito when we were hunting that Wishing Well case. I thought it cracked my ass in half.
Shay2013: Dean!
Dean: I'm serious. It shot out of me like the Apollo 13. For a moment I thought I was giving birth. To a black baby.
Shay2013: Oh god (facepalm). How about you, Sam?
Sam: Jessica.
(audience goes awwww)
Dean: Seriously dude? How many times are you going to milk that? She died 8 years ago. Get over it. Pigs who give birth eat their weakest swine, OK? Every time you bring up Jessica some poor runt is getting eaten. You want that poor dead bastard on your soul, Sam? Your soul?
Sam: F- you Dean.
Shay2013: Ho-kay! Last question. If you had to live under the sea, who would you be? Spongebob or Patrick?
Dean: Spongebob. Spongebob owns.
Sam: Patrick. He's a star. He's pink. He's shirtless all day. Who wouldn't want that?
Shay2013: Well that's all the time we had for today, folks. As always to find out the results of who's the hottest Winchester please vote (review) and we'll tally up the votes!
(camera zooms out and fades)
(LATER IN SHAY2013 DRESSING ROOM)
(flickering lights)
Shay2013: My precious. My precious (strokes the Impala) Dean'll never find you in here.
(busting through the door)
Dean: F- you Shay2013! Give me back my car!
Shay2013: (clutching) No! It's so effing cool!
Sam: You want a piglet to get eaten, huh? Do you? I'll do it, I swear to god, I'll do it.
Shay2013: (shrieks) Nuh!
(blacks out)
Review!