Author's Note: So this is my first one shot. It took me all day and night. And I'm kind of proud of it. I'm sorry, if it's a day late. I tried to finish it before midnight, but the story had a mind of it's own. Oh, and for my story, they go on their world tour after Jo comes back from New Zealand. Ok, I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush and I am not profiting from writing this story.
Saying Goodbye
The bright sun peaks through the window and hits Kendall squarely in the eyes, awakening him. He embraces the warmth its rays emit in an attempt to warm the cold sensation that occupies the space where his heart resides. Closing his eyes in acceptance, he thinks about what little happiness this day has to offer him. The solace his slumber had provided is over and now he has to deal with the events of today. Taking one last look toward the sun, Kendall laughs at fate's cruel joke at making such a beautiful day when inside his mind, the weather is more like a torrential downpour. He quickly draws his curtains shut, blocking out the sun, concluding that nothing it provides could quell the cold he feels and choosing to remain in darkness instead.
The knowledge of what today means should be joyous. Big Time Rush will be going on their first worldwide tour, evidence that they have finally succeeded in their dreams and have become a force to reckon with in the music industry. When Griffin first broke the news to the band, the excitement and pride spread through them like a wildfire; even, Kendall had to admit he felt the sparks of electricity course through his body at the words. Their little band of four best friends from Minnesota had made a real name for themselves and people truly believed they could sell out stadiums and bring in profits. For a brief moment in time, he was happy. But then, more and more information came up and he soon realized what a worldwide tour meant.
Six months on the road. Going from city after city. Performing the same show over and over again. Living in close quarters with the same people for six months. However, it isn't what he is destined to expect while on the road that takes away all his happiness. It is the thought of everything he will be leaving behind, more particular a special girl.
His closed eyes tighten as his heart constricts at the thought that consumes his mind - leaving Jo. It had just been a few months ago, when Jo returned to the Palm Woods from New Zealand, turning his world upside down and bringing clarity into it at the same time. The momentary confusion and the lingering feelings he had toward Lucy were no match to the deep connection that Kendall and Jo shared. That was why he was certain of and never doubted his decision to get back together with her. She was his and he was hers again and everything was how it was supposed to be. Until now.
Now, separation threatens to keep them apart once again. He remembers the moment he told her of the tour, the excitement that twinkled in her eye as she heard the words, and the look of hurt when she realized what the word 'tour' meant to their relationship. The words of encouragement and hope were out of his mouth almost instantaneously, even though in his heart, the words didn't ring truth. He had made promises that the separation would just be temporary and that they would call each other every night while he was away. He tried to stay close and, in the month before the tour, they spent any and all the precious hours he had away from the band or she had away from the set, together. Trying to take as much in of each other until it was too late, until today came.
"I don't think I can do this," Kendall whispers, trying to keep his voice low as to not wake up Logan in their shared bed room.
"Me either," Logan says, turning in the bed to face his friend, revealing blood shot eyes and proving he didn't sleep a wink the night before.
It is then that Kendall realizes he isn't alone in his thoughts, that he isn't the only one who has to say goodbye to someone he cares about. Logan and Camille have to face a similar fate as Jo and him.
"Is it me or did this day come too fast?"
"It's just six month, right? Six months and we'll be back to them," Logan says, as if reassuring not only Kendall but himself as well. "I mean, Jo left for New Zealand and she was supposed to be gone for three years, and you guys still -"
The words die on his lips as he remembers what really happened between Jo and Kendall before. Kendall visibly stiffens at the memory. That goodbye had been hard. At the time, Kendall had thought that Jo leaving would be a great opportunity for her, believing that their relationship was just a classic case of puppy love, a juvenile relationship that wouldn't have lasted through the trail and tribulations of Hollywood. But, this goodbye, will be harder. It will pull at his heartstring to be away from her now that the dynamic of their relationship has changed. Now that they know how much they truly mean for each other.
"I should probably head to the bathroom. It will be time to leave before we know," Kendall replies, standing from the bed and passing the suitcases lined up against the door. He pretends not to hear the apology that leaves Logan's mouth.
He quickly showers, lingering only long enough for the warm heat of the water to ease the cold dread coursing through his veins as he prepares for the rest of the day. When he enters into the bedroom, he is relieved to see Logan has left; two depressed people in one room would have been too much for Kendall to handle. He dresses quietly, numbly, his body moving robotically and without command. He doubts he could concentrate on anything other than what he is about to do.
Kendall allows himself a few quiet moments to collect his thoughts, rehearsing the words he prepared the night before and dreading the fact they have to be said. Before he knows it, it's time to leave. Time to say goodbye.
He exits the bedroom, again overcome with a sense of relief. The kitchen is pretty much empty except for his mother, whose presence there has been a staple since she heard the news. She won't be coming along with them, Katie either, at least not for the first leg of the tour. Six month is too much time for Katie to be away from school. His mother and Katie will join the tour as soon as the last two months of the school year are done. However, the fact that she won't be near her son for two months still saddens his mother and she dives head first on a cleaning spree to take her mind off the pain.
Today is no different as she takes her attention off the stubborn stain on the counter at the sound of the open door. Staring at his mother, his heart drops at the sight of her sad eyes and the ghost of a smile that doesn't quite reach them. Nevertheless, he goes to her, pulling her into a close embrace to ease her sadness albeit slightly. They stay like that for a few minutes, each finding solace from their own thoughts, until they pull away.
"You hungry, sweetheart?" His mother says, turning toward the stove to wipe the tears that Kendall knows have filled her eyes.
"Uhhh..." he hesitates, doubting that he could fit even the tiniest piece of food through the huge lump in his throat. But, he knows his mother needs something to do to take her mind off what is going to happen later in the day. So, tentatively he agrees to have her make him something to eat. "Yea, I'm starving. But I have to meet Jo first. I got to - uhh, we have to...say goodbye."
"Ohhh, sweetie," his mother says, realizing the pain that her son must be going through. "Don't think about it as a goodbye, just a see you later."
He knows the words are meant to make him feel better, but it does little to comfort the pain he is feeling.
"I'll be back soon," Kendall whispers under his breath, as he rises from his seat and leaves the room. Closing the door behind him almost makes him lose it, and he has to physically remind himself that he isn't leaving yet. He still has a few more hours left in his little old apartment 2J. Settling his nerves, he takes the familiar walk from 2J to the elevator, taking in the paintings on the wall or patterns on the carpet as little reminders of the Palm Woods. As the elevator makes its descent, his mind is filled with things he is sure to miss in his six month absence.
The ding of the elevator brings him back to reality, and exiting it, the thought of his upcoming encounter again causes his heart to clench in pain. The lobby is deserted as he enters the room, as if everyone knows what this day means to him. He is grateful, he doubts he would be able to stomach the thought of looking at their joyous faces while he was in such despair. His eyes briefly scans the front desk, surprised to see a somber Bitters staring at him. He gives his hand a small wave in his direction, with a small smile on his face. Kendall returns the gesture as a funny thought enters his mind. Bitters actually looks sad, as if he will actually miss the trouble making hockey heads he swears he hates.
However, that thought melts away as soon as he notices the other occupant in the empty lobby. He sees the curls of her soft blond her, smells the fragrance of her vanilla shampoo, and yearns to hear the softness of her gentle voice and touch the smoothness of her golden skin. His feet move on their own accord and within seconds, he is standing in front of the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. She quickly stands in his presence, and it takes all of Kendall's reserve not gasp in amazement.
"Hey," she says, the sadness in her voice evident even in that one word.
"Hey," he answers. The one word response causes them to fall into an uncomfortable and awkward silence, where Kendall gets lost staring into Jo's blue iris. Feeling vulnerable under Kendall's scrutinizing gaze, Jo clears her throat, staring down at the ground to break their connection.
"So...uhhh, what do you want to do? I mean, we have a couple of hours before you... Uhhh, do want to stay by the pool? Or maybe go to Palm Woods park?"
Both suggestions appeal to Kendall, both have played important roles in defining their relationship; the pool where he first laid eyes on her and the park where they spent countless one minute dates. Where they last said goodbye. And in that moment, his answer is clear.
"Let's go to the park," he says. He is welcomed by Jo's wondrous smile and the exit the lobby, walking hand in hand. Their journey to the park is uneventful, their time spent filled with meaningless conversation about the weather and news. Neither dare bring up the reason for their meeting, each hoping to prolong the inevitable for just a little bit longer. They reach the park soon enough and pick a spot by a tall tree. With no blanket at their disposal, they simply rest against the bark of the tree, Jo lying against Kendall, his arms around her in a protective embrace.
"I wish we could stay like this forever," Kendall whispers, as he places a soft kiss on the top Jo's forehead. She accepts the embrace, her eyes closing at the gesture. When they open again, they are wet. "Jo..."
"I don't want to do this," she says, clearly ashamed of herself for crying already and ruining their perfect moment.
"You don't have to cry, Jo."
"No, Kendall. I don't want to do this. I don't want to say goodbye," her voice breaking as she speaks.
"I don't want to either. I wish on every possible thing that we didn't have to say goodbye. But this tour is a big for us," Kendall says, trying to explain to himself as well why this task has to be done.
"I know. And that's why I feel so horrible. This is what you and the guys have worked so hard together to accomplish. And here I am being so selfish, crying because you'll be gone for six months. I should be happy for you and all I keep thinking about is how much I don't want you to go," Jo replies, sitting up to look at him.
"It will be just six month. I'll be back before you'll miss me," Kendall says, failing horribly at his attempts in comforting his sobbing girlfriend. The look of disdain she just gave him at his last comment proof of that failure. "I will write. I'll call. We'll webchat. It'll be like I didn't even -"
"It won't be the same! You won't be here," Jo cuts in, turning herself away from Kendall as the sobs become more forceful. "I won't be able to feel your touch or see that twinkle in your eye every time you smile or come up with a foolish plan, and that hurts. It hurts so much."
"I used to think that the worst day of my life was that last day I spent with you before you left for New Zealand, feeling that the hardest thing I ever did was say goodbye to you. But, the pain I feel right now, doesn't even compare." Kendall replies, letting the words that Jo just revealed sink in.
"And I think I know why," he continues. He uses his hand to turn Jo towards him, and cupping her face in his hands, he tilts his head and kisses her. Breaking the kiss minutes later, Kendall stares into Jo's eyes and mutters the words that have never held more truth than right now. "I love you."
Jo remains frozen in his embrace, either too shocked to say it back or stuck in trying to come up with a nice way to refuse his sentiment. Fearing the latter, Kendall quickly tries to get his foot out of his mouth.
"I-I-I mean I love being with you. So much so that the thought of not being with you, like around you, hurts. I mean, it physically pains me not being near you for long periods of time. So yea, that's why I love being with you... Uhh, I mean, I love having you around, and I love everything about -"
His words are cut short. Jo's hand tightly grasp the back of his head and push him down until his lips make home with hers once more, silencing any other explanation with her kiss. If the first kiss lit fireworks, this one causes explosions to erupt.
"I love you, too, Kendall," Jo says, her eyes bright with tears once again, this time flowing from happiness not sorrow.
Resuming their quiet position once again, the two enjoy each other's company, both glad that their worst day ever has turned out to be their best.
James passes by Kendall and Jo walking outside of the Palm Woods. He thinks nothing of it; he's pretty sure their headed to their spot in the park. Nevertheless, he has more important things to deal with. Today, Big Time Rush will be leaving for their first world tour. They will be singing in front of sold out shows to screaming fans all over the world. The thought of all the girls screaming his name still causes chills to form through his whole body.
There is no denying he is the most excited for this tour. Kendall and Logan are saddened by the relationships they will leave behind and Carlos is a nervous wreck about how serious this concert is to the future of the band. But for James, this is everything he has ever wanted. His dream is finally coming true. He is famous. Famous enough to have a world tour famous. There is no way he's going to take this opportunity for granted. Yes, he'll miss the Palm Woods and all the pretty girls and dates it has offered him, but that isn't enough to squash the excitement this tour brings him.
That was why he woke up so early this morning. His suitcase is already bursting at the seams, filled to capacity, but he couldn't resist getting a few more show stopping outfits for his wardrobe. He hopes Logan will allow him to use space in his suitcase.
Shopping bags in hand, James enters the lobby to see that there is no one there besides Bitters. He grins. They are all probably preparing for the bands "surprise" Bon Voyage party scheduled for later in the day. He passes the main desk and mutters a quick, "Hey, Bitters." He stops in his tracks however, when he hears nothing in reply. He turns to see a sad faced Bitters staring blankly at the wooden desktop, clearly lost in his own thoughts.
"Bitters," James repeats, "I said, hey."
This time, Bitter jolts into attention. "Welcome to the Palm- oh, hey, James."
The sad eyes reveal more than the lackluster hello.
"Is everything okay, Bitters," James questions, genuinely concerned about Bitters unusual behavior.
"Yes, everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be? Why does something have to be wrong?" Bitters replies defensively.
"Uhhh, no reason. Well, I guess I'll see you later," James says as he continues his trek toward the elevator. As he pushes the elevator button, something tells him to stop. Letting the empty elevator close without him in it, he silently tip toes to the wall beside the front desk, hidden perfectly by a tall fake plant.
"He's gone. The coast is clear," he hears Bitters say. He is about to assume it is more party planning secrets when he discovers who the hiding person is.
"Thanks Bitters," Katie says. "I don't think I can face him today."
Katie! The thought of Katie hiding from James seems to hurt him more than shock him.
"Katie, you're going to have to say goodbye sometime," Bitters replies.
"And I will. I'll wave bye when he's already in the tour bus and driving away." Katie seems adamant with that idea, and walks to the lobby seating area with her arms crossed over her chest.
"Katie..."
"I don't want to talk about it, Bitters."
"It's only two months. Two months and you'll fly across the world to see them again."
"Two months is a long time. I mean, a lot can happen in two months. They can forget all about me, have all this fun without me, and then when I do come, I'll just be Kendall's little sister again," Katie says.
"That's not true!" Bitters says adamantly.
"You don't know that," Katie sniffs. "Ugh! I have get out of here. I'm going go see who I can hustle money out of by the park. Text me when they're about to leave."
James stands frozen in his spot absorbing everything that Katie just revealed.
"Katie," he shouts once he's able to form a coherent thought, but its too late. Katie's already outside the door, on her way to Palm Woods park. His outburst does shock Bitters though.
"Jeez, James! You scared me half to death."
"Sorry, Bitters," James mutters, his mind solely on Katie.
"You heard everything, didn't you?"
"I didn't even know. I mean, she didn't even act like she cared about us leaving on the tour."
"It's Katie," Bitters says, matter-of-factly. "She never tells anyone what's going on in her mind."
"Yea, but everything she said, it's ridiculous! She should know we won't forget her. And that she's more to us than just Kendall's little sister."
"Yea, she should know, but the thought of missing someone makes you think and do some crazy things sometimes. Like think that person leaving might forget about you. Or pretend to not know about a certain party for the people leaving is schedule to happen in your hotel lobby. You see, crazy things."
The words take a few minutes to settle in, before James really absorbs the implication of Bitters statement. His eyes double in size at the realization, but Bitters doesn't elaborate much more. He merely clears his throat, gives one last sad smile and mumbles, "I'll be in my office," as he walks away. It isn't until James hears the door click closed that he replies, "I'll miss you, too, Bitters."
The next course of action is clear. Packing the rest of his wardrobe can wait. He has to find Katie. She has to know the truth. With a shopping bags in tow, James runs out of the lobby, heading in the direction of Palm Woods park.
He is nearly out of breath when he reaches the open space, the harsh sun causing his forehead to be sweat soaked. Normally, he would worry that the perspiration would ruin his hair, and pull out his can of Barracuda Man Hair Spray. But frizzy hair forgotten, his eyes scan the park for any sign of the young girl who has occupied a special place in his heart. His eyes hone in on a large group of elderly men in a circle a few yards away, and he walks over suspiciously. Before he's even in Katie line of vision, he hears her voice as confirmation that he's found whom he is looking for.
"Read 'em and weep, boys," Katie says, triumphantly displaying her hand to the shocked faced men around her. James knows very little about poker, but obviously the hand Katie had is extremely rare by the murmurs of disbelief. "Come on, guys! I came here for a challenge. This is too easy." Her hands grab hold of the large pile of chips in the center of the table and pulls them greedily to her. In her victory, she has yet to notice James standing admiringly in the distance.
"I'll play winner," James says, finally making himself known. The look of shock on Katie's face is nearly comical.
"What are you doing here? Don't you have a tour to prepare for?"
"Naw, I'm right where I'm supposed to be," James replies, unfazed by the coolness in Katie's voice. The response does little to soften the hard glare in her eyes, so James continues on his previous attempt at reaching her. "So, how about that game?"
"You don't know a thing about poker, James," Katie says, dismissively, absentmindedly shuffling the cards like a Vegas card dealer. "I'll be basically taking the money out of your pocket."
"Listen to her, sonny. She's cleaned me dry and she'll take the shirt right off your back," one of the previous losers says to James, almost pleading. However, seeing that James remains adamant in playing, he turns to his counterparts, "Ahh, well, it's his funeral. Come on, guys. I have to find an ATM machine for the rematch."
"Wait! I take all major credit cards!" Katie yells at the retreating group, but their distance has put them out of earshot and she is left to face James alone.
James occupies the empty seat across from her, waiting expectantly for his hand of cards. "Well, deal."
"Seriously, James?"
"Yes, let's play poker."
"Fine, it's your money," Katie says, no longer interested in saving James some money. She hands out an even amount of chips and deals each a hand, placing a row of cards in front of them. Taking a peek at her hand, no emotion is evident as she pushes nearly a quarter of her hand in front of her. The hand James is dealt means nothing to him and he doesn't even know what the he should be looking for to win this game. Nevertheless, he matches Katie's bet and the game continues. Katie eyes him suspiciously, but says nothing as she places another card in the center.
"So... Wonderful weather today, huh?" James says, hoping to spark a conversation now that the game has begun. However, the bait doesn't take; Katie remains silent as she pushes another fourth of her chips into the growing pile in the middle of the table. Taking that attempt as a fail, he tries another way to get the conversation started.
"Uhhh, how's your day going so far?" He asks as he throws his own chips in, matching her bet once again. Katie continues to refuse to respond to James and chooses to play the game in silence. Placing one last card in the center, Katie meagerly throws in two chips into the pile. James, seeing this as his opportunity to grab Katie's attention, pushes his remaining chips into the pile.
"I'm going to miss you, too, Katie," James blurts out.
"You're bluffing."
"What?"
"There is no way your hand is that good for you to go all in. You're bluffing," Katie responds, her mind totally fixated on the poker game, making no acknowledgement to James's previous statement.
"Katie! Forget about the game! Did you hear what I said?" James says, clearly angry at Katie's attempts to avoid the elephant in the room.
"I heard you! And like I said, you're bluffing. I know you're just saying that and I know you don't mean that."
"What? What do you -"
"The whole month since you guys found about the tour, you all have been focused on your own problems: Kendall and Logan saying goodbye to Jo and Camille, Carlos dealing with his nerves about the tour, and you with your planning and excitement at going on the tour. But none of you guys thought about the people you were going to be leaving behind. I mean, who is going to cause mayhem and wreck at the Palm Woods with crazy adventures? Who is going to bring a smile on my face when I've had a bad day by singing The Turd song? Who is going to protect me from hormone crazed teenage boys?"
"Katie..."
"No, it's okay. You guys are going on tour; you should be excited. But, I'm just going to miss you guys even if you guys won't. I know Kendall will, but he's my brother. He is supposed to miss me. But you, Carlos, and Logan, it's okay if you don't. I am just Kendall's little sister. You don't have to miss -"
"Katie! Stop it! Listen to me. No, you listen to me," James says, cutting into Katie's speech and silencing her when she continues to try to talk. "I'll admit. I was a little self centered when I heard about the tour. I didn't take into account everyone I would miss, mostly because I was afraid of the pain I would feel. Of course, we'll miss you. Heck, I will miss you. How can you think otherwise? I mean, who's going to help us get out of trouble when Kendall's crazy plans don't work? And who's going to drive Gustavo crazy when we need to unwind and we need a distraction? And who do I need just to be my partner in crime? There is no doubt in my mind, that I'll miss you, Katie Knight."
His words are rewarded with a small smile that graces Katie's face. He continues, "And you're not just Kendall's little sister. I know I speak for Carlos and Logan, when I say you are very special to us - to me! And there is no way that I will forget about you."
"Promise?"
"I promise! I'll tell you what? I promise to call you everyday and webchat with you every week. This way I'll tell you all the trouble we'll be getting into without you and you can tell me about all the trouble you'll be causing Bitters without us. Then, before you know it, the two months will be over and our dynamic duo will be reunited once again."
"Seriously?" Katie asks, a bit skeptical.
"Seriously," James answers, grabbing his phone to prove to her that he means business. Pulling up his notifications, he programs his phone. "You see, I'm setting my phone to alarm every day to at 5pm and an alarm for every Saturday at 8pm for the webchat. I'm very serious."
Katie stares back, clearly amazed at James's devotion to his promise. The moment of realization is clear, when Katie stands, approaches James, and wraps her arms around him in a tight hug. James is momentarily shocked by the gesture, until he lets his body relax and returns the gesture.
"Thanks, James. That really means a lot to me."
"Well, you mean a lot to me, Katie. And hey, make sure you let me know about those hormone crazed teenage boys."
"I will," Katie laughs. "By the way, James, you better not tell anyone about this moment of weakness. I'm still hard, tough-as-nails Katie. Got it, buddy?"
She pokes a firm finger into James's shoulder and it takes all his restraint not to rub the sore spot. He quickly agrees, and the two smile at their deeper friendship.
As Katie turns to return to her seat, their game of poker all but forgotten, Katie steals a quick glance at James's hand. "Omigosh, James! You have a royal flush!"
"Is that a good thing?"
"You won the game," Katie replies, showing her hand that holds nothing of importance. James merely smiles, knowing that he won more than just a game today.
Carlos spots James running out of the lobby as he exits the elevator. He calls out to his friend, to question where he would be going in such a rush. But, a quick look at the shopping bags in his hands, Carlos can only assume his quick departure is to buy another article of clothing for the tour.
The tour. Worldwide. For six months. The idea still causes Carlos stomach to turn and forces the butterflies, which have been at bay all day, to awaken. There is no denying Carlos is freaking out about the tour, his normally fun natured personality calmed by the nerves he is experiencing. All the guys are excited, well mostly James. Logan and Kendall are too sad about leaving their girlfriends for six months to be excited about the tour, but James has been happy for all of them.
To be honest, Carlos is happy. The band is succeeding, Griffin is somewhat smiling during their meetings, and even Gustavo isn't yelling as much. All these were things to be excited about. What troubles Carlos is the seriousness of this tour. There is no room for error, for joking around. The pressure to make this tour a success is high. It isn't often that an upcoming boy band gets a worldwide tour after their second CD. They have to make sure they prove to the world they are the real deal with sold out shows and thousands of screaming fans.
That might be a little difficult for a person who normally doesn't work well under pressure. But Carlos knows he can't let his friends down. And he is determined to work as hard as he has to to make sure everything goes as planned.
But today is the day for Carlos to say goodbye to his friends at the Palm Woods. After the whole incident with the Fruit Smackers, Carlos became a little bit of a celebrity and has spent the past month telling numerous resident farewell. There are just three more people that remain and Carlos exits the elevator heading in their direction.
On a beautiful sunny Los Angeles day, there is no other place for the Jennifers to be than outside by the pool. Therefore, Carlos is not surprised to see the three beautiful girls lounging in sundresses by the pool. In that moment, Carlos is transported back to the day when they first met, reliving the shy eagerness he displayed at getting to know them. It still shocks him that minimal progress has been made in getting one of them to be his girlfriend.
He briefly checks his outfit, making sure he's neat and stylish, he didn't even put on his helmet for this encounter. Satisfied at his grooming skills, he continues his trek to the Jennifers. They have their heads pointed upward toward the sun and sunglasses in place to protect their eyes from the rays, so Carlos has to make himself known to them.
"Hey, Jennifer, Jennifer, and Jennifer," Carlos says happily.
"Hey, Carlos," the blond haired Jennifer sighs, as if bothered by his appearance. Carlos decides not to let this phase him and continues on his original mission.
"So, I don't know if you know this already, but Big Time Rush will be going on a world tour," Carlos says, hoping his words would spark their attention. It doesn't.
"Really?" brunette haired Jennifer says in a voice that indicates she's clearly not interested in the conversation.
Though it's getting harder, Carlos carries the conversation, "Yea, and we'll be leaving today for six months."
These words seem to be enough to intrigue the curly haired Jennifer who raises her sunglasses in shock. She is about to say something when the blond haired Jennifer sits up and asks, "Do you have a famous opening act?"
"Uhhh, I don't think so..."
"Are you the headliners?"
"Uhhh, I don't know, maybe..."
"Do you have any celebrity's ex background dancers?"
"Yea, that's a no."
"So why are you here telling us about this not so famous tour?" the blond haired Jennifer concludes with a laugh as if she has said the world's funniest joke.
Carlos, in all his innocence, merely replies, "I just wanted to say goodbye and see if you wanted to give any parting gifts. Kisses on the lips and cheek are greatly appreciated."
This doesn't warrant the response he was hoping for as both the blond haired and brunette haired Jennifer laugh at the comment. The curly haired Jennifer appears conflicted, as if troubled with her decision on whether or not to laugh. In the end, however, she falls to the weight of peer pressure and laughs with her two best friends as well, even though the gesture doesn't quite reach her eyes.
Carlos walks away sadly, his head hung low at the fact that he once again failed to get a kiss from any of the Jennifers. To depressed to go back upstairs to 2J, afraid he'll see the equally depressed Kendall or Logan or the overly happy James, Carlos decides to head to Rocque Records. He knows for a fact that Gustavo and Kelly are in last minute meetings all day to finalize the last touches of their tour. He should have the office all to himself.
The usual twenty minute drive to the recording studio takes Carlos more than hour by foot, but he doesn't complain; the walk helps him sort out the troubling thoughts in his head. When he reaches the studio, just as expected there is no one around. The space is quiet and calm. He takes the seat in the lobby, directly facing the poster of Big Time Rush. He stares at the smiling faces of his best friends until his eyes fall on his own.
It's weird to see the joy in that smile for the future, the promise of so many good things to come. James had always said when they were growing up, that when he became famous he would girls, money and power. Well, they all were famous, and while they were paid well for their hard work, Carlos had yet to bask in riches of power and girls. Logan and Kendall both found relationships while here in LA and James could find a girlfriend in his sleep, but he has yet to find someone willing to be his girlfriend. Is there something wrong with him? Does he have some type of quality that just makes no girl want to date him?
Carlos is so lost in finding the answers to those questions, he doesn't hear the door to studio open. In fact, he doesn't acknowledge the fact that he is no longer alone in the room until Kelly is basically screaming his name in his ear.
"CARLOS!"
With a start, Carlos is released from his thoughts and stares at a very worried Kelly.
"Oh, hey, Kelly. What are you doing here?"
"I should be asking you that question since I work here."
"Yea, but I thought you and Gustavo had some corporate meetings to go to today before we left," Carlos asks.
"Believe me, Gustavo can't do corporate for too long. I thought he would melt in that suit and tie Griffin forced him to wear," Kelly remarks with a smile that spreads to Carlos as he imagines how weird Gustavo would look in a suit. "And what about you Carlos? Why are you here and not spending your last few hours in the Palm Woods with your friends?"
"I don't have any one to say goodbye to," Carlos admits. Kelly only stares at him in disbelief, forcing him to delve further into his comment. "I mean, besides Kendall, James and Logan, all of whom I will be going away with, I don't have anyone to say goodbye to. We promised to do a group goodbye with Katie and Mrs. Knight right before we leave. So, right now, I'm alone."
The realization is sad not only in the fact that Carlos says it, but also in the fact that he believes those words to be true. Either way, it stops Kelly in her tracks.
"Come again?" Kelly asks.
"You heard me. I'm all alone. Logan and Kendall get to spend the whole day with their girlfriends and James could pretty much have fun with a plant. But, I have no one. No special someone who will miss me."
"Oh, it's the girlfriend thing again," Kelly realizing it was Carlos's loneliness for female companionship that brought on this somber visit.
"Not again. It never left. Even after Sasha, I still haven't been able to find someone to be my girlfriend," Carlos says, sadly, his arms hanging to his side in defeat. "Why do you think I can't get a girlfriend, Kelly? Is there something wrong with me?
"Whoa, Carlos. First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with you," Kelly says, taking a seat directly across from him so that he could see she meant every word she was saying. "You are a great catch. You might not believe this but I even told Gustavo, that you will make a lucky girl very happy one day. And I meant it."
While it is nice to hear what Kelly thinks about him, it doesn't do much to make Carlos feel better. Sensing that his attitude remains unchanged, Kelly continues, "Honestly, Carlos, you are the sweetest person that I know. You are fun, funny, a joy to be around, and you make others smile just by your presence. Your personality is killer, you don't look half bad, and you have a heart of gold. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You understand?"
Her voices carries such conviction, Carlos is forced to shake his head in agreement.
"Good, because any girl would be lucky to have you, and if they can't see that then that's their loss. But, I know that there is a girl destined for you, Carlos. A girl I know you are going to make very happy. So, just be patient. It will happen when it's time. Good things come to those who wait."
The feeling of happiness that fills Carlos happens in an instant makes him smile a little and he soon realizes who childish it was for him to be said that he didn't have a girlfriend.
"Thanks, Kelly," Carlos says. "That actually makes me feel a little bit better."
"Only a little bit?" Kelly questions further, eyeing him closely, hoping to find out what else is troubling him through his eyes. It works like a charm, as Carlos quickly averts direct eye contact, looking everywhere else but at Kelly. "What else is bothering you, Carlos?"
"Nothing," Carlos mumbles, the lie sounding horrible to his own ears.
"And I thought Logan was a horrible liar," Kelly says, throwing her hands in the air. Carlos is slightly relieved at the sight, hoping that it means the topic will be dropped. However, Kelly quickly turns to face him with a sly grin on her face. "Fine. Let's play a game."
Suspiciously, Carlos agrees, "Ok. What game?"
"Truth or Dare."
"Oh, great. I love this game," Carlos says, letting his guard down at the news.
"Perfect. You're first. Truth or Dare,"
"Dare," Carlos shouts, already preparing himself for the craziest dares that Kelly could think of.
"Hmmm, I dare you to tell me what's bothering you."
Carlos stares at the smiling Kelly in shock, amazed at the way she tricked him to into opening up to her further. "Ohhh, you are good!"
"Well, come on, Carlos," Kelly says waiting eagerly for his response. "Don't make me double dare you."
"Fine, it's the tour! There is a lot of pressure on the band and I'm worried that I won't do well," Carlos admits.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. I'm not as talented as James and Kendall and I never had any plans on singing professionally. I sing because it's fun. It's a fun time for me and my friends. There is no pressure on numbers, selling seats, and which big bosses we will have to impress. It's just Kendall, James, Logan, and me - four best friends from Minnesota singing because it's fun. But, I'm worried that I'll mess everything up by not taking this tour seriously."
"Carlos, just because the tour is a little more crucial to the grand scheme of things, it doesn't mean, you have to change how you are," Kelly replies.
"I don't want to disappoint anyone," Carlos whispers.
"You won't. Everything you did before in Big Time Rush is why we got this tour. They want you to be you. There is no need to change who you are. They love the fun, unpredictable Carlos, so make sure you bring that on tour. Just be Carlos.
This time, Carlos releases a deep sigh of relief as the ten pound weight that he'd been carrying on his chest is lifted by Kelly's reassuring words. For what feels like the first time all day, Carlos's face graces a genuine smile.
"So, I get to wear the helmet?"
"Yes, but not on -"
She is cutting off by Carlos grabbing a black helmet from out of thin air.
"- photo shoots. How did you get that helmet?"
"I have helmets strategically placed all around Rocque Records, the Palm Woods and in the park. Never know when you might need it," Carlos replies innocently, as he places it securely to his head.
"Only you, Carlos," Kelly says, shaking her head and smiling. "Well, I got paperwork to finish before we head out to meet the others at the Palm Woods. So, I should prob -"
"Wait, you didn't go," Carlos interjects. Kelly appears to need further information which Carlos provides, "It's your turn in the game. Truth or Dare."
"What the heck, dare," Kelly answers.
"Ha, I dare you to play game of table hockey with me. Gustavo put that new one in the lounge."
"Really, table hockey?"
"Yep, I double dare you. And don't worry, I'll go easy on you."
"Fine! Let's go," Kelly says, rising from her seated position to begin the game.
Thirty minutes, Kelly yells in victory as Carlos stares in shock at his boss's personal assistant.
"How did - when did you - I didn't even know you - Best two out of three," he shouts.
"No can do, Carlos," Kelly says as she fixes her wardrobe from the sweat she built in that intense game. She glances at her watch. "We only have one hour to head back to the Palm Woods before the bus leaves. I promise you a rematch on the bus, Gustavo put one in there for you guys."
"Awesome! Whew, I'm starving. You think we can stop off and get some corndogs on the way back?" Carlos asks.
"Mmmm, corndogs. That sound's great."
As they leave the studio together, Carlos is conscious of two things: one - he couldn't have had a better last day and two - he is fortunate not to have to miss someone special while he's on tour; his special person will be right along with him.
Logan still feels guilty for his earlier comment at Kendall. He hadn't meant to bring up Kendall's last attempt at goodbyes when he was already struggling with the current ones, but it had just blurted out before his mind had a chance to filter the thought. Lack of sleep can do that. He had left the bedroom as soon as Kendall had entered the shower, scared of what his reaction might be and promising to apology again once they meet up later. He had been fortunate to find the room empty, even Mama Knight had left her usual spot behind the kitchen counter for a little while. However, before he knew it, a sound to his right told him he wasn't going to be alone much longer and he had to think fast to find a hiding place. Without hesitation, he scurried up the yellow tubing of the swirly slide, remembering how it was Carlos's favorite spot to think.
Alas, an hour later, Logan remains in the yellow tubed safe haven as he does just that. He thinks. He thinks about the tour and what it means for the band; there is no doubt about it, Big Time is a success. He thinks about the tour and what it means for him; while he had never saw himself being a singer in a boy band, he can't deny how proud he feels at being a part of Big Time Rush. And he thinks about the tour and what it means for him and Camille; it is these thoughts that find a way to turn his happiness into sadness.
Camille. Just the thought of her makes him smile, makes him long for her even more, and makes him hate himself for having to say goodbye. He dreads this encounter, his heart clenching at the mere thought of Camille's reaction. She had been uncharacteristically calm the whole month leading up to the tour, usually addressing comments of his departure with "We'll see." But, now that the day has arrived, Camille can't doubt him leaving anymore. In a few short hours, he will be gone and away from her for six months.
Six months. Can his heart stand the distance? It doesn't take him long to find the answer to that question. There is not a doubt in his mind that it will be the hardest thing for him to do. Well, the second hardest. He is sure today will be just as painful, his last day with Camille. He had spent the whole night coming up with ideas for the perfect way to express his feelings, to explain to Camille how much he'll miss her. However, nothing came to mind, each idea sounding more far fetched than the one before it. He had given up on sleeping by the time he came up with getting an airplane to sky write "Logan hearts Camille." He didn't think he could do something so cheesy. Nevertheless, he knows he is wasting time by staying in the swirly slide. He understands that he has to face the inevitable sooner or later. With one look at his watch, he knows it is better sooner rather than later.
He quickly slides down the slide, startling an unknowing Mama Knight as she packs a forgotten meal away.
"Logan?! What were you doing in there? Did you sleep in there?"
"No... I was thinking. I just needed a good place to think for awhile," Logan says, as he takes a seat at the kitchen counter. Up close, he can see the dark circles that are on his face, has found a home on Mama Knight's face as well. "It looks like I'm not the only one who had a bad night's sleep."
"Yea, well..." Mrs. Knight replies, not bothering to hid the sleepless night.
"Today is the big day. We're finally going on a world tour. I should be so happy. But, my heart hurts. I don't think I can do this. How can I say goodbye?" Logan blurts outs, the weight on his shoulder so heavy he has to unload on Mama Knight for some clarity on his emotions.
At first, shared sadness is the only thing that Mama Knight has to offer him, and tears tickle the back of his eyes in fear that he'll have to face these emotions alone. But then, he feels a soft pressure on his hand as Mama Knight holds it in comfort.
"It's okay to be sad and it's okay to feel pain. You're going to miss her. That's to be expected. But just know, the tour will only be for six months. It'll be over before you know it. Don't concentrate so much on saying goodbye, just concentrate on how you two feel for one another. Form memories today that will carry you through the time you are apart."
The words surprisingly bring more than comfort. They offer Logan insight in his current situation. As if a light bulb flashed above his head, he comes up with the perfect way to spend his last date with Camille. He quickly jumps out of his seat, his attitude lifting almost instantaneously.
"You're right, Mama Knight. Thanks, you really helped me," Logan says, giving her hug of gratitude. He is glad to see the first genuine smile on her face in weeks. "Do you mind if I borrow those sandwiches?"
He hurries into the shower, now eager to see Camille. Thirty minutes later, he is standing in front of Camille's door. He knocks on the door, and waits patiently for her to arrive at the door. He hears hushed whispers and before he can knock again, Camille is at the door, in a huff.
"Hey, Logan," Camille says, nonchalantly.
"Hey, Camille," Logan replies. "Are you ready to go?"
"Go? Go where?"
"Uhhh, I thought we'd spend the day together," Logan answers, his voice mirroring Camille's confused tone. "Remember, I leave later today for the tour."
"Ohhh, is that today?" Camille says, shocked. Logan can't help but feeling shocked as well by the fact that she has forgotten the significance of the day.
"Yes, it's today. Did you honestly forget?"
"I'm sorry, Logan. It totally slipped my mind," Camille says, sincerely.
"Alright, it's okay. Well, we should probably go -"
"I-I can't, Logan. I'm kind of busy at the moment."
"Busy? Seriously?"
"Yea, I have a big role that I really need to prepare for. This could be my big break. I'm sorry, Logan, I can't go out right now," Camille says.
"But, Camille, I leave to go on tour in a few hours. I'll be gone for six months. Surely, you can spare just couple of hours with me?"
"I really wish I could, but I can't," she says, regretfully. "How about I meet you at the lobby at four and we spend the rest of the day together before you leave?"
"There's no point, Camille. The bus leaves at five. I wish you the best of luck on your audition. I'll see you when I get back," Logan mutters, sadly, all the excitement he had minutes before vanishing in that moment. "Goodbye, Camille."
He pretends not hear Camille scream his name and continues to walk toward the elevator. He is glad when the elevator doors close in front of him, blocking his sadness from the world. That was not the way he wanted to say goodbye to Camille. It was supposed to be special, intimate, they were supposed to hope that this day would never end. Instead, Logan can't wait to be on that tour bus, can't wait to be as far away from Camille as possible. Once the elevator reaches his floor, he is about to step out, when he changes his mind. No, he will not allow this to be the memory to last him through the six months on tour. No, he is going to get the goodbye that he deserves.
He jabs the elevator button forcefully to reach Camille's floor. He waits impatiently for the elevator to stop, and when it does, he is out the door before it fully opens. He reaches the apartment door and is about to knock against the wood forcefully when he hears the sound of voices behind the slightly open door.
"Buddha Bob! You have to help me!"
"Camille! I told you, there isn't going to be a suitcase big enough to fit you but small enough for no one to notice you on the tour."
"There has to be a way. I'm very flexible. I did that gymnastic commercial last year and found I was very limber. I just need to fit into a suitcase long enough so that -"
"Camille, listen..."
"No, I will not take no for an answer! Logan is about to leave. He is about to go away for six months without me and I can't let that happen. I can't let him leave me. I need to get a suitcase that I can fit in and I need you to help me find it," Camille says, sadly.
"Camille?"
"Logan!" She cries out in alarm. "How - How long have you been standing there?"
"I'll leave you two alone," Buddha Bob says, awkwardly leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
"How much did you hear?"
"Everything. Camille, I didn't know -"
He stops mid-sentence as his eyes land on the countless suitcases of varying sizes scattered all around the floor of her apartment. The thought of Camille trying to squeeze into a suitcase should be comical, but instead his heart swells in happiness. She hadn't forgotten him, she would really miss him. In fact, she was even trying to sneak along with him on the tour. "You were really trying to sneak on tour with me?"
Camille drops her gaze to the floor in defeat, her silence offering the answer to Logan's question. She walks into the living room and takes a seat on her couch.
"I was. I've been ordering different sizes of suitcases for weeks, hoping I could find one that I could fit in, so that I can get on the tour as one of James's extra bags. That way I could be with you during the six months while you're on tour and we wouldn't have to be apart," Camille says, hopeful and convinced that her plan could have worked.
"And then what?" Logan asks, as he makes his way across the room, hopping over open suitcases to sit beside Camille. At her look of confusion, he continues, "Well, who's to say they were going to keep you on the tour when they found out? They could force you to come back and then what happens?"
"I didn't think that far ahead," Camille admits. Logan can't help the small chuckle he releases. "Don't laugh! I wasn't thinking straight. The only thing that registered was that you were leaving me."
"Whoa, I'm not leaving you, Camille. We'll still be together. We just won't be together and nearby."
"You'll be halfway around the world, Logan. You'll be there and I'll be here. We'll never be truly together. Not for six months."
"Physically, we might not be. But, my heart will always be with you," Logan replies, wiping the trailing tear from her cheek and forcing her to stare into his eyes, to see the intensity of his statement. However, all this does is make the tears fall faster down her face, and she becomes a blubbering mess in seconds. Logan is at total loss for words, totally out of his comfort zone. He had thought he said the right things, but Camille's crying and that wasn't the reaction he was hoping for.
Then a loud smack and hot pain to his right cheek tells him he had said the right things.
"Camille!"
"Oh, Logan, that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," Camille cries, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm going to miss you so much. You promise you'll call?
"Every night I'll sing you to sleep."
"And we'll still webchat?"
"Every day off I get will be devoted to you."
When he pulls away from the embrace, he is glad to see the tears clearing from her eyes and small hint of a smile. "You promise you won't forget me?
Logan stares at her intently, memorizing every angle and contour of her face. He then touches the raw side of his face and whispers, "I couldn't if I wanted to."
He kisses her softly, and everything is right again with the world. It's soft and tender and both get lost in its meaning. It's over way too quick for either of them, but as they lean forward, foreheads pressing tightly together, they are just glad to have this moment.
"How much time do we have?"
"Two more hours," Logan answers. Only 120 minutes left to spend with Camille. The thought is frightening, but he quickly grasps Camille's hands and continues, "Come on. I want to show you something."
"What?" Camille asks.
"I have a surprise for you. Come on," Logan smiles, standing up and pulling Camille out the door. "Keep your eyes closed."
Once he sees Camille with shut eyes, he gives her a quick peck on the lips and leads her to the secret rendezvous he planned earlier with Mama Knight.
"Okay, you can open them."
Logan smiles as he sees the look of shock and happiness on Camille's face at the scene. "We're on the roof?!" She says astonished at the view.
"Yep, a picnic on the roof of the Palm Woods with a pretty girl and a wonderful view. The perfect way to spend my last hours here."
Cozying up on the blanket, enjoying the scene and snacks Mama Knight packed for them, Logan and Camille share memories that will stay in their hearts through their six month separation, both praying that time would stop and the moment would last forever. Alas, the time comes, and it's time for Logan to leave the roof and head down to the tour bus.
"It's time, Camille."
She struggles to keep the tears at bay, but they have a mind of their own. She smiles so he knows that she's more happy than sad. "Don't forget your promises, buddy."
"I won't. And you just get yourself ready. Six months will be over in no time and I expect to see you jumping in my arm when I come back."
"Will do," Camille smiles.
"I guess, this is goodbye," Logan says, closing his eyes and tensing his cheeks to brace for the slap he is sure to get as a farewell, remembering the last time they had to say goodbye.
However, Camille places her lips to his in a long kiss. They express their feelings in that last last kiss, words that were left unsaid are revealed in that moment and when they break away more than just goodbye is shared.
The Palm Woods crowd waves and chants Big Time Rush as the four friends walk through the lobby and outside to the tour bus waiting for them. Passing by Mama Knight and Katie, the boys share a special goodbye with their band family. Promises of phone calls and letters and "I'll see you soon" are made and before they know it, it is time for them to get on the bus.
"Alright, Big Time Rush! It's time to board the bus. Your world tour awaits!" Gustavo yells, as he enters the large vehicle.
Turing one more time at the screaming crowd, Big Time Rush turns to address their friends and fans.
"Thank you, guys, for everything. We'll be back before you miss us!" Kendall yells.
"And free tickets to all at our LA show in March!" James shouts.
"Discounted! Not free, James!" Gustavo yells from the heart of the bus.
"We'll miss you all," Logan says.
"See you in six months!" Carlos shouts.
The four friends take one last look at the Palm Woods, before one by one they enter into the tour bus. First Kendall, whose smile doubles in size as Jo mouths 'I love you' from the crowd. Followed by James, whose phone alarms at five o'clock on the dot. Grabbing the device, he separates himself from the rest to call a very special person. Next is Carlos, who pulls an equally eager Kelly into the tour bus for a rematch of sorts. Last is Logan, whose eyes settle on a pair of brown eyes, and gives their owner a small wave goodbye.
And like that, Big Time Rush is on the road.