Summary: This is an AU/'what if' sort of a thing about Clark's proposal and
Lois finding out his secret.
Author's Notes: I realized after I'd started this that it was very similar to the beginning of "And the Answer Is . . .". Ah, well . . . I love this song and it just seemed to be perfect for Lois and Clark.
Song: "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" by Bryan Adams
Rating: add one part drama and two parts sappy romance, bake for two hours and you get a PG
Feedback: Yes please! I crave attention. Post a review here, or mail me at dragonluvr45@yahoo.com. This is my first attempt at a songfic, so be gentle. Also, it will probably be the last unless this one gets good reviews, so if you want to see more, let me know.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and the respective companies hold any copyrights. I am merely borrowing this song, the title, and these wonderful characters, and I promise to return them when I'm done.
__________
Everything I Do
By OcelotKitten
__________
"Lois, can I come in? I need to talk to you."
Clark stood in the doorway of his partner's apartment with a distinctly uncomfortable look on his face. Lois pulled the door open wider, a look of concern furrowing her brow. 'He looks so nervous,' she thought as she ushered him into the apartment, 'I've never seen him like this, I wonder what's wrong.' He sat down on the sofa in her living room as she followed, and then seemed to sink into a preoccupied reverie. 'Nope, definitely never like this,' she thought, getting more worried. Out loud, she said, "Do you want some coffee?" The sound of her voice seemed to shake him out of his daze, and he looked up at her, with an odd expression, "Oh, no thanks." Lois moved into the kitchen to pour herself a cup, and when she returned, he was sitting in exactly the same position as he had been when she had left the room: large hands loosely interlaced and hanging between his knees, staring at the floor. She moved to the sofa and sat next to him.
Once again, an awareness of her presence seemed to break him out of his introspection, and he looked up at her with an apologetic smile. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" He sighed, and abruptly found a very interesting spot on her floor as he began speaking, "I need to ask you something, but first I need to tell you something and after you hear what I have to say, you might not want to hear the rest of it . . ."
"Clark," she gently interrupted his rambling with a hand on his arm. 'How ironic,' she thought, 'usually it's me that's doing the babbling and he's the one telling me to stop.' She said, "I'll listen to whatever you have to say. What is it?" Clark muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "I doubt it." He heaved a sigh and plunged ahead, "What I'm about to tell you is something that I've had to live with alone for longer than I wanted to. I've wanted to tell you for ages, but at first it was too dangerous, and then it just got more and more complicated." He glanced up at her and she gave him a softly amused look that said, 'Get on with it will you?' He took a deep breath and pulled off his glasses. He looked at her, strangely expectant, and she thought, 'That's odd, I don't think I've ever seen him without those.' As she watched him, waiting for him to go on, it seemed somehow that she had seen him without his glasses before, that he looked very familiar. When it seemed as though he wasn't getting the reaction out of her that he wanted, he squeezed his eyes shut, and seemed to be steeling himself. When he opened his eyes again, he said softly, "I'm Superman." He tensed and waited anxiously for the storm that would inevitably follow.
**********
Look into my eyes, you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
When you find me there, you will search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you
**********
At first, Lois just blinked in surprise and confusion as his last statement sunk in. Clark had the distinct, rather disturbing impression that the hurricane was building. Then, the air in the quiet apartment was split by a resounding, "What?!" Clark winced as Lois yelled, and she jumped up off of the couch to face him. This was exactly how he'd thought she'd react, and was one of the reasons he'd avoided telling her for so long. 'One of the more cowardly reasons,' he told himself bitterly. Her eyes were blazing, but she seemed to be speechless, at least for the moment. He snorted mentally, 'Guess how long that'll last.'
"What?" she repeated a touch softer, but no less dangerously. He looked up at her, and said, "Lois, I . . ."
"No, don't, Clark! Just don't. I don't want to hear that you're sorry," she said, slicing the air in front of her with a cut-off gesture, "I don't want to hear some pedantic excuse for what you did. Which was lie to me, Clark. You lied to me, and you've been lying to me for as long as I've known you." He looked stricken and then his expression became unreadable. "Lois, I know I can't apologize enough for what I did, but I hoped I could explain, and then maybe you'd at least understand why, even if you couldn't forgive me for it."
"I understand, Clark. I really do," she said, dropping into a chair, but immediately bouncing back out of it and pacing around the living room, "It was obviously something that you had to keep a secret. When you first met me, you had no guarantee that I wouldn't print it, and then when we started to get closer, it just made things more complicated." He was shocked, 'That was exactly what I was about to say.' Out loud, he said, "And I had to be sure that you would want to be with me for me, and not because of the powers."
"I said I under stood, Clark, and I meant it. But just because I understand doesn't mean that I can forgive it. I've been lied to and used more times in my life than anyone deserves. And I thought that you would be the first one to treat me better than that. I thought . . ." He sat and listened to her and suddenly he couldn't stand it anymore. He stood and was in front of her with a burst of super-speed. Lois looked surprised to find him in front of her so quickly, but the mask of hurt quickly fell over her face again.
"Lois, please. I never intended to hurt you like this. I never meant it to go this far, but I can't change what I've done. But, I want you to know that I would give up being Superman if it meant that you would forgive me. That you would still want to be with me." Clark said. She turned hurt- filled eyes on him, "Leave, Clark, please." A profound sense of panic swept over him, and he said, "Lois, don't shut me out. Please, don't . . ."
"Just leave."
**********
Look into your heart, you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I will give it up, I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you
**********
Lois collapsed back against her front door and slid to the floor. She put her head in her hands, and asked herself miserably, 'What the hell just happened?' Then she chuckled ruefully, 'You know perfectly well what happened! Clark Kent just told you that he's been lying to you since you met him!' A small voice protested, 'He had every reason not to tell you.' Lois gave the voice a stern mental glare, and it retreated, tail tucked firmly between its legs. She sighed, stood up from the floor, and went to the dining room table. When she had told him to leave, a small part of her had wanted him to say she was being silly, and insist on staying. But Clark, ever the Boy Scout, had done exactly as she had asked and left the apartment, but the hurt on his face had been painfully evident. 'What right does he have to be hurt?' she thought savagely, 'He wasn't the one who was lied to, and betrayed, and . . .'
She sobbed, and buried her face in her hands as the tears began to flow. She cried for long minutes, until the tears dried up and she was left feeling drained and more alone than she had felt in a long time. She idly wondered why that was, and then it came to her, 'It's because I just told Clark to get out of here, and I know that hurt him, and why does the thought of that hurt so much?' She realized after a moment's thought that she knew the answer. It was as if, in ordering him out of the apartment, she had ripped out her own heart. At the time, she had attributed the ache in her chest to a feeling of betrayal, but it was the look of anguish on his face that had caused it. That open, honest (a small part of her snorted mentally at this) face that had looked so crushed and hurt at her rejection of him. But why was she feeling this way? Sure he was her partner and even her best friend, but for heaven's sake! She was acting like she was . . .
"Oh, my God!" she cried out, jumping up from the chair, and wiping away her tears, "I'm in love with him!" The more she allowed herself to think about it, the more she realized that it was true. The man who she had once called 'a hack from Nowheresville' had suddenly become as dear as her own life, and as important to her as breathing, and the thought that she might never get to make amends suddenly crushed her chest in a vise. "I have to go see him!" she said, grabbing her coat and heading for the front door.
**********
There's no love, like your love
And no other could give more love
There's no way, unless you're there
All the time, all the way
You can't tell me it's not worth tryin for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
**********
Clark restlessly paced his apartment in unconscious imitation of Lois. He mentally berated himself for telling her his secret in that way. There had to have been a better way to drop that kind of news on her, but he couldn't seem to think of it. All he could think of was that Lois had just thrown him out, and would probably never want to see him again. He felt all dried up inside, as if a tiny breeze could blow him away like so much dust. He flopped bonelessly onto the sofa and scrubbed his hands over his face. "What am I gonna do now?" he wondered aloud. Then, "I have to go and see her. I'll stand outside her door or window until she lets me in." His course of action resolved, he stood and made his way to the front door. He flung it open and stopped dead. Lois stood just on the other side, one hand outstretched to knock on the door. She froze in surprise and then let the hand fall belatedly.
"Clark, can I come in? We need to talk," she said. He nodded and ushered her in, resisting the urge to grin, despite the circumstances. To put herself in a position where she might have to admit that she was wrong was not Lois's style, and the fact that she had come to see him of her own volition was a good sign. She sat down on the sofa, and took a deep breath. He sat at the other end of the couch, and said, "Lois, I . . ." She turned tearful eyes on him, "Clark, I'm sorry for the way I reacted. After you left, I was still angry at first, but then I realized that I wasn't so much angry, as hurt. And not because you didn't tell me that you're . . . Superman." She offered him a small smile, "Although that is part of it. I realized after I'd thought about it, that the idea of not having you in my life hurt worse than anything I might've felt about knowing that you were Superman. And it was unfair of me to compare you to people who've hurt me in the past. They did it for themselves, and didn't care about me."
Clark felt his heart give a painful twinge, and said, "Lois, I have always cared. It tore me up inside not being able to tell you about this. Lois, I meant what I said about giving it up . . ." She was by his side so quickly that he wondered irrelevantly if she had somehow acquired some of his powers. She placed a gently censoring finger lightly across his lips, and said, "No, Superman is a part of who you are. Besides, the world needs a superhero."
"So, you're not mad anymore?"
"Oh, you don't get off the hook that easily, farmboy!" she said, a trace of her humor overcoming her mood, "You still owe me some explanations, but I understand better now, I think. And something like that is not worth giving up someone like you."
Clark broke into a huge grin and clutched Lois to him. He hugged her fiercely, feeling as if she had rescued him from certain drowning. His heart soaring, he found that tears of joy were running unashamedly down his face.
"Clark?"
"Hmm?"
"What was it you wanted to ask me?"
**********
I would fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you
I'd die for you
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you
**********
Author's Notes: I realized after I'd started this that it was very similar to the beginning of "And the Answer Is . . .". Ah, well . . . I love this song and it just seemed to be perfect for Lois and Clark.
Song: "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" by Bryan Adams
Rating: add one part drama and two parts sappy romance, bake for two hours and you get a PG
Feedback: Yes please! I crave attention. Post a review here, or mail me at dragonluvr45@yahoo.com. This is my first attempt at a songfic, so be gentle. Also, it will probably be the last unless this one gets good reviews, so if you want to see more, let me know.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and the respective companies hold any copyrights. I am merely borrowing this song, the title, and these wonderful characters, and I promise to return them when I'm done.
__________
Everything I Do
By OcelotKitten
__________
"Lois, can I come in? I need to talk to you."
Clark stood in the doorway of his partner's apartment with a distinctly uncomfortable look on his face. Lois pulled the door open wider, a look of concern furrowing her brow. 'He looks so nervous,' she thought as she ushered him into the apartment, 'I've never seen him like this, I wonder what's wrong.' He sat down on the sofa in her living room as she followed, and then seemed to sink into a preoccupied reverie. 'Nope, definitely never like this,' she thought, getting more worried. Out loud, she said, "Do you want some coffee?" The sound of her voice seemed to shake him out of his daze, and he looked up at her, with an odd expression, "Oh, no thanks." Lois moved into the kitchen to pour herself a cup, and when she returned, he was sitting in exactly the same position as he had been when she had left the room: large hands loosely interlaced and hanging between his knees, staring at the floor. She moved to the sofa and sat next to him.
Once again, an awareness of her presence seemed to break him out of his introspection, and he looked up at her with an apologetic smile. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" He sighed, and abruptly found a very interesting spot on her floor as he began speaking, "I need to ask you something, but first I need to tell you something and after you hear what I have to say, you might not want to hear the rest of it . . ."
"Clark," she gently interrupted his rambling with a hand on his arm. 'How ironic,' she thought, 'usually it's me that's doing the babbling and he's the one telling me to stop.' She said, "I'll listen to whatever you have to say. What is it?" Clark muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "I doubt it." He heaved a sigh and plunged ahead, "What I'm about to tell you is something that I've had to live with alone for longer than I wanted to. I've wanted to tell you for ages, but at first it was too dangerous, and then it just got more and more complicated." He glanced up at her and she gave him a softly amused look that said, 'Get on with it will you?' He took a deep breath and pulled off his glasses. He looked at her, strangely expectant, and she thought, 'That's odd, I don't think I've ever seen him without those.' As she watched him, waiting for him to go on, it seemed somehow that she had seen him without his glasses before, that he looked very familiar. When it seemed as though he wasn't getting the reaction out of her that he wanted, he squeezed his eyes shut, and seemed to be steeling himself. When he opened his eyes again, he said softly, "I'm Superman." He tensed and waited anxiously for the storm that would inevitably follow.
**********
Look into my eyes, you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
When you find me there, you will search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you
**********
At first, Lois just blinked in surprise and confusion as his last statement sunk in. Clark had the distinct, rather disturbing impression that the hurricane was building. Then, the air in the quiet apartment was split by a resounding, "What?!" Clark winced as Lois yelled, and she jumped up off of the couch to face him. This was exactly how he'd thought she'd react, and was one of the reasons he'd avoided telling her for so long. 'One of the more cowardly reasons,' he told himself bitterly. Her eyes were blazing, but she seemed to be speechless, at least for the moment. He snorted mentally, 'Guess how long that'll last.'
"What?" she repeated a touch softer, but no less dangerously. He looked up at her, and said, "Lois, I . . ."
"No, don't, Clark! Just don't. I don't want to hear that you're sorry," she said, slicing the air in front of her with a cut-off gesture, "I don't want to hear some pedantic excuse for what you did. Which was lie to me, Clark. You lied to me, and you've been lying to me for as long as I've known you." He looked stricken and then his expression became unreadable. "Lois, I know I can't apologize enough for what I did, but I hoped I could explain, and then maybe you'd at least understand why, even if you couldn't forgive me for it."
"I understand, Clark. I really do," she said, dropping into a chair, but immediately bouncing back out of it and pacing around the living room, "It was obviously something that you had to keep a secret. When you first met me, you had no guarantee that I wouldn't print it, and then when we started to get closer, it just made things more complicated." He was shocked, 'That was exactly what I was about to say.' Out loud, he said, "And I had to be sure that you would want to be with me for me, and not because of the powers."
"I said I under stood, Clark, and I meant it. But just because I understand doesn't mean that I can forgive it. I've been lied to and used more times in my life than anyone deserves. And I thought that you would be the first one to treat me better than that. I thought . . ." He sat and listened to her and suddenly he couldn't stand it anymore. He stood and was in front of her with a burst of super-speed. Lois looked surprised to find him in front of her so quickly, but the mask of hurt quickly fell over her face again.
"Lois, please. I never intended to hurt you like this. I never meant it to go this far, but I can't change what I've done. But, I want you to know that I would give up being Superman if it meant that you would forgive me. That you would still want to be with me." Clark said. She turned hurt- filled eyes on him, "Leave, Clark, please." A profound sense of panic swept over him, and he said, "Lois, don't shut me out. Please, don't . . ."
"Just leave."
**********
Look into your heart, you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I will give it up, I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you
**********
Lois collapsed back against her front door and slid to the floor. She put her head in her hands, and asked herself miserably, 'What the hell just happened?' Then she chuckled ruefully, 'You know perfectly well what happened! Clark Kent just told you that he's been lying to you since you met him!' A small voice protested, 'He had every reason not to tell you.' Lois gave the voice a stern mental glare, and it retreated, tail tucked firmly between its legs. She sighed, stood up from the floor, and went to the dining room table. When she had told him to leave, a small part of her had wanted him to say she was being silly, and insist on staying. But Clark, ever the Boy Scout, had done exactly as she had asked and left the apartment, but the hurt on his face had been painfully evident. 'What right does he have to be hurt?' she thought savagely, 'He wasn't the one who was lied to, and betrayed, and . . .'
She sobbed, and buried her face in her hands as the tears began to flow. She cried for long minutes, until the tears dried up and she was left feeling drained and more alone than she had felt in a long time. She idly wondered why that was, and then it came to her, 'It's because I just told Clark to get out of here, and I know that hurt him, and why does the thought of that hurt so much?' She realized after a moment's thought that she knew the answer. It was as if, in ordering him out of the apartment, she had ripped out her own heart. At the time, she had attributed the ache in her chest to a feeling of betrayal, but it was the look of anguish on his face that had caused it. That open, honest (a small part of her snorted mentally at this) face that had looked so crushed and hurt at her rejection of him. But why was she feeling this way? Sure he was her partner and even her best friend, but for heaven's sake! She was acting like she was . . .
"Oh, my God!" she cried out, jumping up from the chair, and wiping away her tears, "I'm in love with him!" The more she allowed herself to think about it, the more she realized that it was true. The man who she had once called 'a hack from Nowheresville' had suddenly become as dear as her own life, and as important to her as breathing, and the thought that she might never get to make amends suddenly crushed her chest in a vise. "I have to go see him!" she said, grabbing her coat and heading for the front door.
**********
There's no love, like your love
And no other could give more love
There's no way, unless you're there
All the time, all the way
You can't tell me it's not worth tryin for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
**********
Clark restlessly paced his apartment in unconscious imitation of Lois. He mentally berated himself for telling her his secret in that way. There had to have been a better way to drop that kind of news on her, but he couldn't seem to think of it. All he could think of was that Lois had just thrown him out, and would probably never want to see him again. He felt all dried up inside, as if a tiny breeze could blow him away like so much dust. He flopped bonelessly onto the sofa and scrubbed his hands over his face. "What am I gonna do now?" he wondered aloud. Then, "I have to go and see her. I'll stand outside her door or window until she lets me in." His course of action resolved, he stood and made his way to the front door. He flung it open and stopped dead. Lois stood just on the other side, one hand outstretched to knock on the door. She froze in surprise and then let the hand fall belatedly.
"Clark, can I come in? We need to talk," she said. He nodded and ushered her in, resisting the urge to grin, despite the circumstances. To put herself in a position where she might have to admit that she was wrong was not Lois's style, and the fact that she had come to see him of her own volition was a good sign. She sat down on the sofa, and took a deep breath. He sat at the other end of the couch, and said, "Lois, I . . ." She turned tearful eyes on him, "Clark, I'm sorry for the way I reacted. After you left, I was still angry at first, but then I realized that I wasn't so much angry, as hurt. And not because you didn't tell me that you're . . . Superman." She offered him a small smile, "Although that is part of it. I realized after I'd thought about it, that the idea of not having you in my life hurt worse than anything I might've felt about knowing that you were Superman. And it was unfair of me to compare you to people who've hurt me in the past. They did it for themselves, and didn't care about me."
Clark felt his heart give a painful twinge, and said, "Lois, I have always cared. It tore me up inside not being able to tell you about this. Lois, I meant what I said about giving it up . . ." She was by his side so quickly that he wondered irrelevantly if she had somehow acquired some of his powers. She placed a gently censoring finger lightly across his lips, and said, "No, Superman is a part of who you are. Besides, the world needs a superhero."
"So, you're not mad anymore?"
"Oh, you don't get off the hook that easily, farmboy!" she said, a trace of her humor overcoming her mood, "You still owe me some explanations, but I understand better now, I think. And something like that is not worth giving up someone like you."
Clark broke into a huge grin and clutched Lois to him. He hugged her fiercely, feeling as if she had rescued him from certain drowning. His heart soaring, he found that tears of joy were running unashamedly down his face.
"Clark?"
"Hmm?"
"What was it you wanted to ask me?"
**********
I would fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you
I'd die for you
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you
**********