sickly sweet
He doesn't sleep as much as he used to. the last seven days of roxas' life.
...
the first day.
...
He wakes with the taste of salt in his mouth.
He has to push the strange feeling away, sitting up in bed and pushing the covers down. It's been a long time since he last went to the beach. Too long. A year, or so? He had went with Hayner, or maybe his parents. It's been so long he can't remember clearly.
He rakes up his hair and rubs at his eyes before he remembers, with a sudden jerk, what he was dreaming about. A boy with brown hair. Some dream-boy shouldn't make him feel so uneasy but he avoids looking in the mirror as he gets dressed anyway.
Last week of summer holidays. What's he going to do? Roxas can't come up with anything at all as he walks out the door with a piece of toast in his mouth, a wave goodbye to his mother.
Maybe he should go to the beach.
...
Roxas thinks he has Monday blues. Probably, as it is his last week, but he doesn't think he's ever felt this down before. He has no reason to, sitting here among his friends. He should be smiling, laughing but... He places a hand against his chest. Maybe he's sick with cough or a cold that just hasn't hit him fully yet. That would explain why it hurt so oddly.
Hayner paces around their meeting place, making loud proclamations about Seifer. Olette looks to Roxas for leadership and he falters, unsure. He works better when there's someone to tell him what to do and where to go. He suggests finding the true thieves. There's a itch under his skin, like he needs a fight.
Then the thieves have stolen a word from his throat, like they've ripped it from his vocabulary, like he's forgotten how to shape his lips to form the word. He traces a finger across his skin of his throat because shouldn't this be strange? Is it possible to not be able to speak a word you knew yesterday? How could someone steal-
He finds his hand pressed against his forehead. Olette shooting him a worried look. He can't remember what he was thinking about.
That doesn't matter. Hayner and the others run off with determined looks on their faces and he follows-
and the world blurs around him -
He's lying in the dirt. He picks himself up, wondering where Axel and the rest are-
Olette looks concerned as she beckons him on. She always does. It's probably because of the homework they haven't done. He shakes his head. feeling curiously... blank. if it was possible to feel like that. There's nothing wrong. Everything is perfectly normal.
They make their way from shopkeeper to shopkeeper but find themselves confronted and misdirected at every turn. It feels like a stalling tactic. The town is strangely empty today. Maybe it's because of the Struggle Cup. He smiles at the shopkeepers and tries to remember when they met when they say oh you're my favourite customer.
Seifer's getting up in Hayner's face with a smirk plastered on his and something just really angers Roxas about him. The annoying arrogance, the way he carries himself, the scar on his face. Roxas wants a fight. So does Seifer.
Kneeling there in the dust, Struggle bats on the ground, he's the calmest he's felt in a long time. The tension bleeds out of his shoulders. He hadn't even realised it was there. When he grabs the bat, a weapon solid in his hands, he feels better. Fighting has been his only constant.
His heart (no wait you don't have-) gives a jolt in his chest as a white, jumpy thing (a Nobody, a rather weak one-) steals Pence's camera. It's fast and motivated and his breathing doesn't falter as he chases it through the woods. Its almost like the time Xi-
...what? He blinks and it's gone and he curses himself. He darts out of the woods and it's just standing there by the ever-locked gate and he runs forward to... to do what?
"We have come for you, my liege."
He isn't thinking as he attacks it. The Nobody slithers around him but he is never going back there, not unless it's to kill them all and this weapon will never work, where is his Ke-
There's a solid weight in his hand which is more familiar to him than the beating of his heart. Roxas is confused' where has this come from, what is it, what is the creature he's fighting? There is no time for further questions as the creature bristles and comes forward.
When he has won, the blade disappears and he feels like a part of him has disappeared too, like he is unbalanced without it. He brings the stolen photographs back to his groups. They figure out that Roxas has someone after him.
One of the photographs is of him and a shopkeeper, after the shopkeeper had taken over the shop. Even as he says those words, it feels false. He cannot remember staring at the camera, or the camera flashing in his eyes. He cannot remember the weather, or what day it was or if he was leaning against the counter or who took the photo.
Everything is perfectly normal.
They laugh and it is strange, reverberating through his throat.
...
The sun shines, glinting off a roof into his eyes, and he can't -
...
the second day.
...
He wakes wanting. He wakes wanting so bad, he wants so bad, he wants his island back, he wants his friends back, he wants his life back, he wants his heart-
He wakes wishing for a weapon in his hand, for his Keyblade, for an enemy to defeat and friends by his side. Something simple and normal.
Hayner talks about growing up, about change and giving up and Roxas wants to yell NO! The ice-cream has turned sour, salty on his tongue instead of sweet and his chest is constricted and it takes him a moment too long to identify it as fear.
Hayner rises and spins around and yells out let's go to the beach! Roxas' shoulders relax. The beach. It would feel like coming home.
They pass a Struggle poster and Hayner and him make a promise and Roxas feels safer with that promise chaining him here. It isn't a prison. It's a link.
Roxas does odd jobs to earn money and it is relieving. Something to work towards because really, he has no idea what to do other than working and eating ice-cream.
Hayner and the others enter the station. A guy in a black coat trips Roxas and there's an anger rushing through his veins as he looks at that black coat, those bastards. The money is gone. Those bastards. Hayner and the rest pretend there wasn't anyone and he doesn't know what to think.
...
the third day.
...
He dreams. He dreams of someone he's known before he was born, someone he knew in another life, someone he died with, someone he was born with. He as always known her face, before he even knew his own name. She smiles at him, pityingly.
There'a note left for him at the usual spot. He heads his way there but Olette and Pence have come to meet him. They greet each other and duo walk forward, only to freeze in mid-motion. Not just them, Roxas realises. The world is frozen.
Namine is there. Her smile is full of pity. He doesn't think she knows anything else.
"Hello, Roxas." she says goodnaturedly.
He stares and thinks what if your hair was black and-
"Hi," Roxas says, confused. Who is this girl? "And you are...?"
She stops him with a raise of her hand, "I wanted to meet you," she explains. "At least once."
"Me?"
She nods. "Yes, you."
She leaves and the world resumes.
Olette and Pence talk while he's blanking out. Everything is perfectly normal.
The mansion, he thinks, struck by a sudden desire to go. He must go there. He runs, determined but suddenly Nobodies cross his path. He 's unarmed. He turns and leads them away. There's Struggle bats in the platform area but however hard he swings, the Nobodies are too fast.
A voice cuts through his thoughts.
"Roxas! Use the Keyblade!"
But he can't and he doesn't know who she is and -
He is in another place. A place that shouldn't exist, for Roxas has no heart. He makes the same choice and his Keyblade is back safely in his hand, as it should be.
There is an enemy to fight and a weapon in his hand. Roxas is content.
Don't be afraid, the voice had whispered. Roxas cannot be afraid. He has no heart.
Namine gives him a hand.
He looks around his new surroundings and anger coils in his stomach. He hates these white walls, hates them so much - they looked better with damage and marring from weapons. Wait. He could not even pass Castle Oblivion's first room, what is he thinki-
"My name is Namine," the strange girl says with a smile and Roxas shakes his head. His mind is strangely blank.
"Roxas," she begins -
He wakes up in the dirt. Again. Seifer and his posse's conversation grates against his ears. His real friends are standing over there, looking betrayed and he runs over to them. He would never betray them. Never, ever, ever.
Why does he always say the wrong things?
...
the fourth day.
...
Twilight Town is spread down low before him. She takes a step out, walking where there is nothing, going where he cannot follow. He reaches out for her anyway, crying her name like she'll come back if he's desperate enough.
He can't remember her name, or her face. He can't remember who used to stand with them on the tower.
He has a promise to fulfil.
"What a mess," he mutters to himself.
The Struggle goes well, although Hayner won't meet his eyes while they wait. When they're ready to fight, Hayner raises the bat towards him and smiles. Roxas doesn't want to fight his friend, but he's glad Hayner seems to have forgiven him. He needs more forgiving people around him.
Hayner loses but they laugh and smile and Roxas is so glad Hayner isn't dead.
He fights Vivi, who's surprisingly tough for such a gentle child. He enjoys it until the world freezes. Again. He turns around, half-expecting to find Namine but Vivi turns into three Nobodies and his Struggle bat is replaced by the Keyblade.
He's beginning to get deja vu.
The world is still frozen. What does he have to do? Roxas looks around. A clapping rings out and his heart skips a beat as a voice he knows says his name. As a too skinny hand pushes back the stranger's hood and Axel grins at him. That betrayer and Roxas has never been so happy to see him, not even when he came back from Castle Oblivion-
He doesn't know this guy. He lets out a breath he doesn't understand why he was holding.
"Axel?" Roxas repeats. What a strange name. Has an X in it (just like his).
"Talk about blank with a capital 'B'. Man oh man, even the Dusks aren't gonna crack this one." Axel rolsl his neck and grins. His arms fall down by his side and chakrams appear in his hands and oh no Roxas doesn't want to do this-
Just another enemy to fight.
The world doesn't just keep on freezing, it blurs, it distorts. Roxas is afraid. So he hurls his weapon from him. It appears back in his hand, just like he had known it would.
"Number 13. Roxas." Axel says with a look Roxas can't quite decipher but something settles in his stomach, like a link settling into place in a chain. It feels right.
(golden eyes, silver hair, bronze skin. the only superior. roxas will kill him if it is the last thing he does,)
He fights him and it;s hard. This man knows his movements, how he attacks and somehow, Roxas knows just how this man attacks too. He thinks of a high tower and ice-cream and something is missing-
There are two men now and the world is blurring and he cries out for his true friends, ones that have never betrayed him -
The world resumes.
He has won without fighting but then his friends are there and everything is alright. He fights Setzer and wins. Roxas and his friends sneak up onto the clock tower, Twilight Town spread before them and he feels okay, sitting there in the fading sunset with his friends.
Then he falls.
She did not fall, when she stepped out onto empty air. When he drops down, leaving his stomach behind, he thinks blue eyes-
He asks for Namine-
He gets Kairi and something inside of him rejoices, like a weight lifted off his chest-
he falls
there is a skyscraper, the rain, and he watches riku fall past him, his heart going xion-xion-xion
...
the fifth day
...
He wakes panting, sweat on the back of his neck and heart racing. It must have been a dream. It had to have been a dream. But if that was a dream, what were the real parts?
Hayner, Pence, Olette. Real friends don;t lie to you and they never have.
He sits in the usual spot, in his usual place and stares at their faces. He doesn't want to grow up, to change. He doesn't want to leave them.
The doubt is setting in now. If he can't trust his own memories, what is he supposed to trust?
The Seven Wonders are a welcome distraction, even as everything is falling down around him.
Roxas and Hayner and Pence and Olette are sitting out by the rsilway bridge, waiting for the ghost train.. The grass tickles his face and the sun is warm against his back and even when Seifer shows up to laugh at them, it's nice. It's very nice.
The words Seifer say stick with Roxas. He doesn't have to cooperate with destiny.
This isn't goodbye.
"You were never supposed to exist, Roxas," Namine says gently. Those words have never stopped hurting.
Hayner is waiting upon the tower. They make plans and laugh and this is goodbye.
...
the sixth day.
...
He wakes up thinking he is someone else.
When he reaches for his friends and they don't see him, he isn't really surprised. Hurt, but not surprised.
Anger is his constant companion as he talks to Axel, winds his way through the woods and through the mansion. Anger is second nature when he remembers, when he talks to Namine. He has anger like a beast in its death throes ia angry, If he isn't, there is just defeat left.
Axel tells him he'll see him again. Roxas is tired. He'll be waiting. Both of them.
Standing before the scientist and Roxas is angry again. This man doesn;t know anything. Why does Roxas have to give up his life? Why can;t Roxas live happily with his friends? Why can't Roxas be chosen?
He looks at Sora, and Sora is so lucky.
Xion made her choice. Roxas has only one choice left.
...
the seventh day,
...
Sora wakes up, stretching and yawning like he's overslept. He had an uneasy dream about a golden-haired boy. He opens his eyes and grins.