A different take to my story 'The Hostage' - where Callie is upset about being taken away from the Fosters. She blames Stef and Lena and reverts back to her old self.
(Requested by lostinmymyself - the part in italics is the same as the original story.)
"I'm here to get my daughter." Stef said looking at this elderly woman standing in the doorway of a small, shabby home. All she wanted to do was get her daughter back home and into her own bed with her brothers and sister where she belonged. Her talk with the Judge had gone better than expected and within a couple of hours Elaine was with her and they were on their way to get Callie.
"This is Callie's foster mother. She has been granted custody of Callie." Elaine explained. "Could you please call her."
The woman, Helen, just stood for a moment jiggling a bunch of keys in her hand. The cop in Stef immediately sensed that something wasn't right. "Where is she?" She demanded as the older woman was taken aback.
"I'll go and get her." She said as she retreated further into the house.
A few moments later the woman returned with a very sullen, withdrawn looking Callie.
"Sweetheart!" Stef whispered as she grabbed the girl for a hug. She was disappointed in the rather weak one she received in return. She wasted no time in getting the girl into the car and driving home.
The drive wasn't long but it was silent. Stef could see in her daughter's eyes that something was wrong but she didn't want to get into it right now. She wanted to just get her baby home. She kept glancing over at Callie, looking for any signs of what had happened.
When they finally got home everyone was there waiting for her just as Stef knew they'd be. They had all missed her and were so happy when she had called to tell them that the Judge had finally granted her emergency custody of the girl.
Lena was the first to hug Callie and received a hug much like the one Stef had earlier - week and guarded. The only person who got a real, meaningful hug had been Jude and Stef knew that nothing could ever change that. Jude would always be number one in Callie's life regardless of what they were put through.
Once they had gotten her settled and insisted that she eat something, knowing that she wouldn't have eaten much over the last twenty-four hours they decided that it was time to talk to Callie.
They went to the girls room to find Callie sitting on her bed and Mariana asking a ton of questions receiving head shakes or monosyllable answers in response. This was the Callie that had come to live with them over a year ago. The Callie that had grown to love and trust others was gone and Stef felt the desire to punch any and everyone who had a hand in pushing Callie back into her shell.
"Sweetheart can we talk to you for a while?." Lena asked Callie, not really meaning it as a question.
"I'll go wait downstairs." Mariana offered but was stopped.
"No love, it's late. You get some sleep." Stef told her. "We'll take Callie to our room.
Mariana looked over at Callie knowing that the girl would feel uncomfortable. She gave her sister a small smile to convey both sympathy and strength as Callie was lead out of the room.
Once they were all settled on the double bed they just watched Callie for a few minutes. She seemed to be struggling with herself and they wished that she would just open up to them.
"We missed you yesterday." Stef said gently.
"Mom spent the whole day in the courthouse to get custody of you." Lena added to show the girl that they had fought for her.
Callie didn't respond. She didn't even look at them. For the last year they had promised not to let her down but they did. She wasn't important enough for them to make sure that their license was valid. Even if they were planning to adopt her and hadn't been denied their request they still should have checked just to make sure. They knew how the system worked - you had to always be prepared - unless the kid just wasn't worth it.
"Callie I'm sorry about what happened." Stef said, desperate for some response from the girl. "Please talk to us Callie. Tell us what happened."
But what was she supposed to say? That they had let her down? That in the end this house had been the worst of the lot because it made her have hope and it made her believe in love and then pulled it all away from her. That woman had locked her in a room all night but at least she never pretended to be something that she wasn't.
"Sweetheart." Lena said as she moved cautiously towards Callie. She was hurt when Callie moved away.
She didn't want to be touched. She just wanted to be left alone. She was alone in the world and she needed to continue to feel like it because only then could she cope, just like she had all those years before this home. She never imagined wishing to be in one of those houses again where people were honest about who they were and no one had any expectations of her and more importantly she had no expectations of anyone else.
"I'm tired." She finally said hoping that they would just let her go back to bed. She needed time and space to build back the walls that they had destroyed. She couldn't take the risk of letting anyone in anymore. It was too dangerous.
"Callie please don't shut us out." Stef said, almost in tears.
But Callie just got up and walked out of the room. She couldn't stand to be near them anymore.
"Callie?" Jude said as she entered the hallway.
"Hi baby." She said putting on the brave face she always had for him.
"I'm glad you're back." He said smiling.
"I missed you buddy." She said. The only reason she was glad to be back too was him but she didn't want to tell him that.
He smiled at her and for just a moment she felt happy. Only Jude had the power to always make her smile. There was nothing that she wouldn't do for him. But it made her sad too, there was a wall between them now. He was no longer drifting like she was. He had found his anchor like he said in his speech.
"She's shutting down." Stef said. She and Lena were still sitting on the bed trying to figure out what to do.
"What did that woman do to her?" Lena said angrily. She couldn't understand it - Callie didn't seem to have any physical injuries.
"It's not her." Stef said miserably. "It's us. We're the ones that let her down."
"But we took care of it." Lena tried to deny it.
"But we still let it happen." Stef said. She was pretty sure that's what was causing Callie to revert to her old self.
Lena was crying now. She hated to think that they were the reason for all this but there was some truth to Stef's words. They had let it slip and Callie had paid the price. "What are we going to do now?" She asked.
Stef wrapped her arms around her wife. "We're going to break her walls away." She said gently. "Just like we did the last time." She just hoped that they would be able to because she was positive that this times Callie's walls would be stronger than ever.
"I should have just gone for independent living." Callie told Daphne as they made someone's order.
"It's not as easy as it sounds." Daphne told her.
"I can't wait till I turn eighteen." Callie said with a sigh. "Then I won't have to live by anyones rules."
"I know you're hurt by what happened but that family really loves you." Daphne said as she handed the customer her order. "They made a mistake that's all. The important things is that they rectified it."
"But how did they make it in the first place?" Callie asked almost in tears. "It's not like they haven't done this before. They know the system and they know that they can't afford to make mistakes."
Daphne didn't say anything. She just waited for Callie to continue.
"Mariana sold Jesus' pills and Stef took a bullet trying to protect Jesus but she and Lena were still able to forgive them. Brandon made fake ID's and sold them but he was forgiven. How come I'm the one that slipped under their radar - all they had to do for me was sign a damn piece of paper but that was too much to ask for."
Callie was crying now. She finally admitted that it hurt her that she wasn't as important to them as their other children. They had always told her that even though she wasn't adopted yet she was still a part of their family but as the old saying went - actions speak louder than words - and their actions, or rather lack of actions, spoke volumes.
"That's not how it looked when they came to Girl's United or when I met them at your house." Daphne said. "I think you should just talk to them. Tell them how you feel. They've earned a second chance."
"No, I'm done talking." Callie said as she gained control over her emotions again. "Nothing like this ever happened before this house and I'm not going to let it happen again. I'm only a foster child and I'll be just like I was in the other homes where I was just a foster child. Then they can't hurt me."
Callie got home later than usual from work. She wanted to spend as much time away from the house as possible. She knew that Stef and Lena would be upset that she was late but she didn't really care. They had already called her a few times but she had ignored their calls. They didn't need to know her whereabout at all times - all they had to do was make sure that she stayed out of trouble and the old Callie never caused any trouble unless it was to protect herself or Jude.
"Where were you?" Stef asked as Callie walked through the door well past dinner time.
"There was a rush at the restaurant so I worked an extra shift." Callie said without a hint of an apologetic tone in her voice. She simply answered a question.
"You were supposed to be home hours ago." Stef said.
"Sorry." Callie said. She knew it was the right thing to say but it held no meaning for her.
"Why didn't you call?" Stef asked beginning to get angry now.
"I was busy." Callie answered.
"You can't do this Callie." Stef answered. "I know you're angry about what happened and I'm sorry for that but there are still rules that you have to follow and other people you need to consider before you make decisions."
Those last few words punched Callie in the gut. "Like you did?" She spat. She hadn't meant to let her feelings show but hadn't built her walls strong enough yet and they just came tumbling down.
"Callie please..." Stef said as tears rolled down her cheeks. She couldn't bare to see Callie so hurt by something they had neglected to do.
"No." Callie said as she turn around and ran right out the door. She just couldn't bare to be around them right now. She needed to separate herself from them until she could protect herself.
Callie ran as fast and as far as she could until her legs began to burn and her throat and mouth felt dry from breathing so heavily. She had no idea where she was or for how long she'd been running. She wasn't aware of anything - not her surroundings, the sights or sounds. All she could hear was the blood rushing past her ears and feel her heart pounding in her chest. The words Stef had said wouldn't stop playing through Callie's mind - 'there are other people you need to consider before you make decisions'. How come she had to consider everyone else but it was fine for them to forget about her? She hated to admit it but she had started to feel like she belonged with this family and that they really did love her and that had now made her weak. Before, someone's neglect would never have upset her, on the contrary - it would have made her feel safer - that she was actually under their radar. But here she had learned to let her guard down and allowed her walls to crumble - they had forced her to do that promising they'd be there to protect her when needed. But they had failed, they had lied.
"Why?" Callie said into the night. She wanted to know why she had let them get so close and why they had let her down.
"Why what?" She heard and spun around in fear. She hadn't expected a response and was shocked to see Stef just a few steps behind her.
"You followed me?" She asked, more surprised than angry.
"I wasn't going to just let you run off into the night." Stef said as if it meant nothing.
Again the words hurt Callie. They were words that were supposed to show her that they loved and cared for her but they were just more words, more lies.
"I wasn't running away." Callie said defeated.
"So." Stef said as though that were an answer and was supposed to just clear everything up for Callie.
"So what?" Callie bit back.
"So that doesn't mean that I don't want to make sure that you're safe." Stef explained.
"Why does it matter?" Callie asked.
"Why does what matter?" Stef asked in return. She had a pretty good idea what Callie mean but it hurt her to think that Callie wondered why they wanted her safe.
"If I'm safe or not." Callie said casually. "I'm not yours. If something happens then CPS will take care of it."
Stef just looked at Callie. She didn't know how to answer that question. What could she say? How could she explain to this child just how hurt and broken she would be if something were to happen to Callie. Callie was right - she wasn't theirs, not yet - but they wanted her to be and they were fighting to make that happen. She could see that being taken from them had erased all the progress that Callie had made over the last six months but she was determined to do whatever it took to rectify that.
Meanwhile Callie interpreted Stef's silence as a sign that Stef couldn't argue with her point. So with a sigh she turned around and started walking away.
But Stef caught her. "No Callie." She said softly as she pulled her back.
Callie was too tired to fight so she just stopped and stood waiting for Stef to make the next move. It's what she would have done before she became this new Callie. She'd wait to be told what to do and do it like a puppet.
Stef lead her to a small bench on the side of the road and they sat down in silence for a few minutes. Callie finally had a chance to just look around. She didn't know where she was but it didn't look like a very safe place. It was dark and the few people around were young men smoking or drinking. She was suddenly glad that Stef had followed her. It made her feel safe. But that feeling was immediately replaced by anger - the old Callie wouldn't have been afraid of something like this. She was stronger and braver.
"What are you thinking?" Stef asked drawing Callie out of her thoughts.
Callie remained quiet for a while. She had no intentions of answering but she could feel Stef's eyes on her something about the way Stef was looking at her told her that if she didn't speak Stef would look right through her and see for herself what she was thinking. She knew it sounded strange but something about Stef convinced her that she had that power.
"I used to be stronger." She finally said.
"In what way?" Stef asked.
"I never needed anybody." She answered honestly.
"Callie people make mistakes." Stef said. "Even when they have the best intentions sometimes people make mistakes."
Callie looked at Stef her eyes full of sadness and Stef could see exactly why Callie was so sad. Callie's fears about Stef had been right. Stef could read her thoughts through her eyes - whether it was something she was born with or whether it came from being a cop she didn't know but she could see just how hurt Callie was and why as clear as day.
"We let you down Love." Stef continued. "And we are so sorry about that. We never meant for it to happen. It doesn't mean that we don't love you or care for you - it was just a mistake and unfortunately you ended up paying the price for it."
Callie didn't know what to say. Stef was being so sincere and she could hear the regret in her voice. She was making it hard for Callie to rebuild her walls. She was out of practice now and when she tried to build them they weren't as high or as strong and each time Stef was able to just break through them almost as though they were built of sand instead of the stone that she pictured.
"Please talk to me baby." Stef said as she pulled Callie into her side and gave her a squeeze. "Please give me another chance."
Callie thought of what Daphne told her earlier. How it never seemed that they loved her less. Daphne had judged that based on actions not words. If she was honest with herself she had to admit that they had showed her that they loved her. She had just held them to such a high standard that she started to believe that they would never hurt her - the problem was that she couldn't separate intentional hurt from an accidental one. What she should have kept telling herself what that they would never hurt her on purpose.
"I felt so betrayed." Callie finally admitted softly.
Stef's heart broke but she waited. She wanted Callie to get it all out. Even if she couldn't do much to help her she wanted Callie to let go of it instead of holding it all in like she usually did.
"Everyone made such terrible mistakes but you were there for all of them. You forgave Mariana and Jesus even though they got you shot and brandon was selling fake ID's and I got blamed for it. All I wanted was to be adopted but even that didn't happen and I know that's not your fault but I still felt like a part of the family until you let your license expire - that was on you and that's what hurt."
Stef and Callie were both crying now. "We did let you down baby." Stef admitted. "I have no excuse for that. I'm sorry it was a terrible thing for me to do. I can't promise that I won't make any more mistakes but I can promise you that I will always love you and will always try to do what's best for you."
It was Callie's turn to remain silent and wait for Stef to continue but she did lean further into Stef's embrace and rest her head on her shoulder.
"You want to know the truth?" Stef asked.
Callie nodded.
"I feel like I've failed all five of you in some way or another." Stef admitted. "I feel like I failed Brandon when I wasn't able to protect him and I feel like I'm still failing him because I can't decide whether it's better for him to have the surgery or not. I felt like I failed Mariana when she went behind our backs to meet Ana because I felt like we weren't good enough. I feel like I failed Jesus when I thought that his opinion of our family could easily change if he hung out with the wrong crowd. I even failed Jude when I wasn't able to give him the security he needed by adopting both of you."
Callie was looking at Stef in shock. She couldn't picture this woman ever feeling even an ounce of all this weakness. She was always so strong and independent. She was always there for anyone who needed her and she always tried to do the right thing.
"Don't look so surprised." Stef said with a small laugh. "I'm human too." She tried to add some humor to the conversation.
"And Lena?" Callie asked in wonder.
"I've failed Lena so many times." Stef said. "I could never be even half the person that she is and I'm so very lucky that she continues to love me and forgive me each time I make a mistake."
Callie listened to Stef and waited for her to finish even though that's not what she had meant.
"I meant does she also feel guilty?" Callie clarified after Stef was done.
"I know for a fact that she has some guilt of her own." Stef answered.
They sat in silence for a while just thinking about their conversation. Stef continued to hold on tight to Callie and she slowly felt the girl relax in her embrace.
"I'll forgive you if you forgive me." Callie finally said.
"Forgive you for what?" Stef asked.
"For being so mad at you for this." Callie answered.
Stef turned to face Callie and made sure the girl was looking straight at her before she spoke. "Callie you never ever have to be sorry for feeling something. If something causes you to feel so strongly then you have every right to feel it. What you can do is come to us and talk about it so that maybe together we can figure out a solution for it. But you never have to hide the way you feel do you hear me?" Stef said firmly.
Callie nodded again and reached up and gave Stef the first real hug since she got back home.
"Let's go home love." Stef said as she pulled Callie up. "Then you can tell us what exactly happened while you were away."
"Stef" Lena said as she approached her wife.
They were alone in their room after Callie had finally admitted about being locked in the room. Stef had been furious but Callie had assured them that she had never been in danger. 'Technically she had done it to protect me.' Callie had said to try and lighten the mood.
"What is with this system?" Stef finally let out her anger. "A judge who won't allow a girl to have a family, a woman who rips a happy girl out of a perfectly good home to put her in a place where she's locked up like a criminal."
"She's back now Stef." Lena tried to calm her. "She's safe."
"But we hurt her." Stef said.
"We all make mistakes Stef. We just have to keep loving her and fighting for her." Lena hugged Stef as she pulled her into bed. "You found a way to get her back Stef. That's the best that any of us can do. We'll keep fighting until she is legally a part of this family." Lena said firmly.
Stef smiled down at her wife. No one in the world could calm her down as fast as Lena. She pulled Lena closer as they both closed their eyes and thought to herself that she was the luckiest person in the world to have found Lena and her babies. Nothing mattered more than the six of them and Stef knew that what Lena said was true - they wouldn't give up until they got what they wanted - and they wanted Callie.