Invalid
By: LateSleeper
/Fuck it! Will you just shut up!
Tell me you love me first.
Brat! Why would I say that?
Mou…Yuki? Just tell me you love me then I'll shut up.
Damn it! Stop your whining brat.
Yuki!
Fine! If I say I love you would you shut up and leave me in peace?
Hai! I'll shut up and leave you in peace Yuki. I promise!
I love you brat so shut up and leave me in peace!/
That was the last memory I remember before that unfortunate incident. After that there were flashes of lights that blinded my vision for a few minutes, some screeching sounds of tires that was deafening and I felt a pair of hands that pushed me to the pavement.
I really don't know the detail and when I think about it my head hurts and I feel numb inside.
After awhile I learned that some people I don't know had saved me. They said they saw me lying on the pavement unconscious but mildly bruised.
I was wondering why they hadn't talked about Shuichi. Where is that baka anyway?
I heard myself rage at them like a lion ordering to be freed. I launched at them and demanded an answer like I was expecting something important…dreadfully important.
Shuichi…where is that craze baka!
I wanted to hurt someone. My hands were itching to punch someone's face when memories of the tragic event hit me full force.
I remember now…
We had…no, I should have an accident but Shuichi saved me by pushing me away thus in return receiving the fatal blow of the ragging car.
Images of Shuichi's terrified face were haunting me and I could hear Shuichi's scream as he run towards me.
I could remember now that I had hit my head on the pavement but before I passed out I have witnessed with blurry eyes Shuichi's body as it crash to the car.
It was like those on a movie in slow motion. Shuichi's limp body flying through the air, the aftermath of the collision. His head thrown backwards exposing his bare neck, his hands were just hanging on his sides, unable to move nor to protect.
His face caught my whole attention, he had a calm and somewhat happy expression pasted on his face but the shinning crystal of tears that surrounds his body might say another story.
Then all was black. I was consumed in darkness. His face was the last thing I saw.
"I'll shut up and leave you in peace Yuki, I promise."
"I promise."
"I promise."
I gingerly walked towards his room where the kind nurse had secretly told me. I have learned from her what Shuichi's condition.
I walked towards his bed and there he was a quiet angel like the nurses call him. He was there alive physically, but he's lost to the world.
The doctor said that he might have hit a nerve or the shock of running by a car had paralyzed him, the possibilities were endless but the finale is that his whole being had shut down.
Yes, he could still be able to stand, sleep, eat and sometimes walk but that ends it all for his brain is no longer functioning as it should.
He's just there staring, listening…never responding, never talking…just staring.
"I'll shut up and leave you in peace Yuki, I promise."
"I promise."
"I promise."
He had promised me that but I never knew he would keep it. If only I knew this would happen I should have tolerated his yapping and whining.
I rather have his continues screeching than this deafening silence.
"I promise."
Baka! You never were true to all your promises, why now? Why can't you just forget about this damn fucking promise and shriek as loud as you want! SING! YOWL! MOAN! SHOUT! BAWL! OR just talk DAMMIT! Just don't stare off like that.
Come back Shuichi. Just come back…come back and stay.
Stay with me like you used to.
I went near his lying form, he's staring off the horizon, and if it weren't from the entire machine that is attached to him I could have sworn he was just playing a trick on me. For he lay there with serenity on his beautiful face.
I wanted to touch him but his friend Hiro came rushing in and punched me square to the face. I couldn't get what he was saying for I was too caught up with the angry expression he's projecting. He wanted to punch me again and again; I could sense that for his hands twitches from time to time like it was itching to connect with my jaw or my nose.
I was waiting for another blow when nothing came and I was startled to hear him screaming with rage and glaring daggers at me. I heard Tohma's voice, it must be it…Tohma. He is protecting me as always.
I stood up from where I was slumping, a position I found myself after the first blow. I tried to smoothen my clothes that only earned another heated glare from his best bud.
I could see his friend Hiro is not too happy by the way Tohma's stopping him but I know for my sake Tohma would never let him go so I was confident enough to get near Shuichi.
I walked towards him. So calm…so serene…so peaceful.
I gingerly touch his face just to assure myself that he is indeed there, still alive. The warmth told me he is definitely is living. I run down my fingers to his nose then gently slid down to caress his cheeks.
It's still soft like I remember it to be. So soft like those of a baby's skin but I could see that it's lacking in color. It's too pale…to pale. It's not Shuichi at all.
I frown at this. "How is Shuichi?" I tried to be as calm as I can be but still Tohma was taken aback by my sudden question.
"How is he?"
This time I couldn't help my tongue from slashing someone. I knew even Shuichi's best bud was stunned by the intensity of my tone.
"He'd be release tomorrow. They say there is nothing more they could do."
Good. Very good Tohma. He's always like that…saying the things I want to know.
I look at his calm face again.
"I'd take him home then. No need to chaperone us. I could drive."
"Home? Do you even know where he lives?"
I looked at Hiroshi with puzzlement. I really don't get what he was saying. Of course I know where home is. I live there.
"He lives with me."
I saw him smirk with sarcasm with my remark I couldn't get his dry humor but the moment he spat those words I knew then that it would forever pierce my heart and soul.
"Lives with you! Since when? Since when did you acknowledge him as your housemate far more as your true lover? When did it ever been a home to Shuichi?"
I wanted to punch him but I know that it was not he I want to hurt. I really wanted to hurt…I wanted to hurt myself more.
Yes, it was never a home to Shuichi. It was my house and I think I made that clear to him with my action; it was mine and mine alone. I think the only place he could call his own is the sofa where he seeks comfort at night when I'm in my bastard self. Why haven't I realized this before…am I that insensitive or just a heartless bastard?
Why do I have to realize this now?
Is it the end?
They say we regret things in the end but I don't want this to be the end. I want another chance. I want him back!
I look at Shuichi once again. Then a sudden rush of determination surge inside of me, I'm determine to make it all turn back to what it was before or at lease make some repair. I'd take good care of my lover as I should have done a long time ago.
"Pack his things Tohma we're leaving tomorrow."
"He doesn't need your pity now…it's useless anyway."
Damn! Another score for Hiro. That hit me full force. Pity, is it really what I'm feeling right now? Maybe, maybe no, maybe yes but I really don't know 'because when I ponder about it my heart hurts.
"He's still living with me. He's still under my care."
"Care? Yeah sure! You were always there when he's in a slump, right? Always beside him when he needs comfort, cleaning his puke, washing him when he's too drunk to do it himself, right? Yeah! Yeah! You were even there when that FUCKING AIZAWA raped him, huh? Huh? Guess what Yuki Eiri-san! It's me! It was always me. I was always there for him. I comfort him when you can't, he'd go to me when he's down, I'm the one who washed every remains of dirt on him, mend his wounds when he was raped!"
If this is a game I had lose with a game of zero, Hiro a whooping score of a thousand. Does he know it pained me to even think about that rape incident? To think that it wasn't me he called. It wasn't me who had held him tight; to comfort him, to wash him, mend his wound, to be the DAMN first one to know. To think that he, Hiro, was the one hugging him, rubbing his back when he screams that night and hushing him to sleep again.
"That's right I wasn't there so I'm here for him now."
I think that silenced him. He didn't object when I kissed my Shuichi's forehead, not even when I escorted my lover the next day.
I readied myself and waited for Tohma to pack all our things and put it in the car. When all was done he signaled me to come and pick my Shuichi on his bed.
I did what I was told. I went to the room and walked over to my silent lover whose still on the world of his own. I wrap my arm around him and tried to pick him up; I was stunned because I wasn't expecting that he weighs like a paper. He wasn't this light before but I guess being unable to eat properly would reduce him to this, but for me it's too sudden…to fast…it was just for a few days…what more if it was a month long. I shudder at that thought.
I look at his face and I smiled. Although he is thin it didn't affect his beauty…but he is getting paler than usual…but he's still beautiful to my eyes.
I carried him downstairs, to our awaiting car. I instructed Tohma and the rest to stay away from the car and say their good byes beforehand so no one was around us as I gently laid Shuichi on the chair of the passenger seat. When he was nicely seated I took my time to assess myself, my feelings, our future would be, but as my gaze befalls on him all went black. The only thing I could see is his face. His face, his eyes that are focused on the front, his lips, and his hair as the wind gently comb it. He looked like a beautiful painting, there sitting on my car.
I rarely stare at him this close before, awake, eyes open and mouth shut. Maybe because I'm too proud to be caught gawking at my lover. I just can't help but stare at him, stare at his beautiful eyes, his pink lips, and his serene expression. God he's beautiful!
I felt something drawing me more to him, an inner force that even made my heart throb. Then I felt a shiver then warmth and I felt suffocated a bit. All of these…I'm feeling all of these because of him.
I put my hand on his cheek and gently tilted his face towards me. God he's so beautiful!
As I look at his face I realize something…I don't pity him…no, not at all. If there is someone here who should be pitied, it's me. I'm the stupid fool who just realize how much I love the boy who's facing me.
Love.
I smiled at that thought. I stopped the staring game and started to drive home before the sun reached its set. I drove safely and kept checking my silent companion from time to time. Every time I gazed down at him I felt a smile forming on my lips.
I tried a conversation, like the one we did when we were going on our first date although the difference is, I'm the one talking and he just listened. I told him about how the nurses love him, how they patiently waited for him to get well, how they tried to come inside his room for an autograph only to be shoved by a gun point by his crazy manager. I even found myself chuckling a bit. I just hope he's really listening to every bit of it.
We reached home before the sun finally sets in. I hurriedly opened the door for him and wrapped my arms around him and carried him inside.
"Welcome home Shuichi!"
I can't believe I finally said that after all this time. I gently put him on the sofa, as he sat there motionless I held both his hand in my hands and stare at him again. It felt warm.
"Shuichi what do you want to eat?"
I know he'll never answer that…but I felt like asking him. It just felt right to do so. I know he could hear me…I want him to know I've change, I'm not cold, I love him and I'd gonna take care of him.
I rub his hands and raised it to my lips. I planted little kisses on them, how I wished I'd done that a lot when he's still…Damn! Stop thinking about that Eiri…he's still here. He's still alive that's the most important thing here.
I wiped my fallen tears with both our hands and I leaned forward for a kiss, I just really need to kiss him. How I've long for those lips to be in contact with mine. It was just a chaste kiss, our lips just touching but I felt the intensity of it all.
I led him to the kitchen and put him on the chair. I peek inside the refrigerator and grab some decent food to eat. I laid them down on the table and prepare a meal for both of us. I found myself cooking and chatting at the same time as I kept checking Shuichi from time to time. I smiled at myself when I saw the fruit of my hard work…never knew I could be chef someday.
I laid the food on the table. I only prepared a plate…me and Shu-chan would share food. I let him try the first bite. I gently put the spoon of food in his mouth and patiently waited for Shuichi to munch it. I gave a smile when I saw him eat the food…I feel I'm full after watching Shuichi ate the food I've made.
The meal was great…I think I'm very full after that and very satisfied. Never thought I'd ever be satisfied after eating, but eating with Shuichi made the difference. I'm full and tired that I just want to cuddle in bed and sleep.
I pick Shuichi up again and led him to the bedroom, our bedroom.
Every morning I would welcome the day with a smile because I knew that Shuichi is with me. I would then gently prop myself up and look down on him as he sleeps. Sometimes it would take ten minutes of my time just gazing down at him. I just love how his lips quivers as he breaths and how his hair falls on his face and as his eyes flutter to open as I gently brushed his hair off his face and kissed him gently on the nose. I love waking up like this.
After waking up I'd carry my bundle of joy towards the bathroom and we'd share a bath together. I'm glad that we have a large tub to fit as both in.
I also love to bathe with Shuichi. I love the way my hands roamed his hair as I shampooed him and how his skin feels as I sponge him. It always makes me smile to see suds on his perky little nose that I would then brush with my thumb. Sometimes I would just hug him and savor our closeness.
When bath time is over I would then carry him towards the bedroom still wrapped in white towel and every time I laid him to bed like that I always had an impulse to jump on him for he looks like a lost sheep and I am a bad hungry wolf.
I would then walk towards our drawer and pick some clothes for him and me. I would then dress him and myself before we go to the kitchen and make ourselves some meals.
While preparing our breakfast I would tell my Shu-chan stories, stories ranging from people at N.G., his family who came to visit him, or about Mika's wrath, and even my meeting with Mizuki. I realize that now I love talking, I love talking because I love the noise I create, I love the noise because it kills the silence of the room, without the noise there is quietness and I couldn't help but cry.
When I'm finished with cooking I would lay down our dish and spoon fed my little pink bundle of joy.
There are times when I really need to go out I let Nakano take care of Shuichi. We already mend our differences by the way, although there's no words uttered I know that there is a bond that had form between us and that we understand each other even with just contact of our eyes.
Although I trust Nakano on taking care of Shuichi I still hate it leaving my precious treasure away from me.
I hate being away from him and I hate Seguchi and Mika from being the reason we're apart.
"What do you want?"
"Eiri…you need to stop this."
I glance at Mika for a second and turned my attention at her husband. "I told you to keep out of my business."
"Eiri-san, your health is being compromise here. You really need to stop."
"It's none of your business."
"Why do you keep on going? It's futile! Didn't you hear what the doctors said? Even them, they given up all hope…"
"SHUT UP!"
God forbid me, I wanted to slap Mika but I restrained myself, I still value her as my blood but if she said one more thing about it…I might forget that she's a woman and my blood.
"Eiri-san…just give it up. He's gonna…."
Don't say the word! Oh god, don't let him say the word.
"…Eiri-san…you know he's never going to be okay. He's already an invalid for life. Just give it up and let his family take care of him…"
"AH!"
"TOHMAAAAA!"
I don't care if he was a fucking god and I don't give a damn if he's my brother in law…he's lucky that all he got from me was a broken jaw.
"Say that again and I'm gonna fucking murder you with my bare hands."
"Eiri-san…"
"…if you really care about me…leave me alone…don't take away the only thing that's keeping my sanity intact. Loose him and you'd loose me…"
I opened the door and found Hiro sitting on my sofa as he held Shuichi as he sat on his lap as they watch sponge bob on T.V. Hiro glance at me and stood and carried my Shuichi towards me. I opened my arms and took my lover on my arms. The moment Shuichi's scent filled my nostril I started calming a bit and I stopped from shaking. I snake my hand on his hair and combed it as I laid gentle kisses on his cheeks.
I took a glance at Nakano and mouthed my thanks, he just smiled and nod, and he turn his smile at his best friend and gently rub his back.
"Yuki-san…you better take care of yourself too…if you get sick who would then be taking care of him."
With those words he was gone leaving me with my lover who's sleeping soundly on my chest as I sang him a lullaby. I closed my eyes hoping to all deity of heaven that when I wake up I would still hold Shuichi in my arms.
Just this once, dear god, just this one please hear my plea.
OWARI
LateSleeper: For all those who's going to read this I have a present for all of you. I made a drawing of YukiShu in my LJ. Just check my profile.
LateSleeper: Yes, this burning desire to spread YukiShu love is brought by last Saturday's yaoi convention! Nyahaha spread the love! Promote Yaoi all around!