What I´ve always wanted to tell you

Written by: Hanja

Contact: agent_dana_scully_x@yahoo.com

Category : Scully POV, Poem

Rating: PG

Spoiler:  Requiem

Short cut: Mulder has disappeared. Scully is in hospital, thinking of Mulder.

Author's note: English is NOT my native language, there may be many mistakes in this story (or poem;-)

I am sorry for that!

                      

                    I' v e always wanted to tell you that I love you,

                               And I' v e always wanted to tell you that I can´ t live without you.

                                                                Somehow I never did.

                                                            So now I´ m telling you that;

                                                               But now you have gone.

                                                       Where are you my friend, my love?

                                                               Can you hear my words?

                                                            And if you can´ t hear them,

                                                                  Can you feel them?

                                                 I´ m telling you that I´ m in love with you,

                                                                 And I´ m glad I am.

Tears are streaming down my face. It isn't easy for me lying there, in a hospital bed, waiting for him. I´m telling the truth if I say that I never felt lonelier and more helpless before.

He wanted to protect me, that's because he didn't want me to come with him. If I was with him, could I have changed the things?

 I start to talk to him again.

It is so easy to tell him what I am feeling when he isn´t there. 

                                         I don't know where you are, my friend, my love.

                                         I don't know what has been happening to you.

                                         And I don't know if you are ever coming back.

                                         But I have still got my hope.

                                         Why did we ever just be friends?

                                         Why didn't we kiss once?

                                         I mean a real kiss.

                                         It was sweet at Sylvester,

                                         It was also nice, whenever my lips touched your face

                                         And when yours kissed mine.

                                         But what I was missing was something passionate.

                                         I wonder what you would think if you could hear my words

                                         Would you be surprised?

                                         Or did you know that I love you?

                                         I really didn´t know what you are feeling `bout me.

                                         And perhaps I will never know

                                         I was your friend, your touchstone, and your confidant

                                         This you told me more than once.

                                         But when we were standing on the floor of your house,

                                         I believed that there was something other, too.

                                        Is it possible that you were just too coward to tell me how you

                                                                                                                                         feel?

                                        You can admit it, because so was I.

Now I ´m not crying anymore.  I´ m lying in the hospital bed and thinking of all kind of moments we have been going trough together. All kind of moments: some were funny, some were sad, some were sweet, some were boring and many - of course- were dangerous. I see his face in front of me, with all kinds of emotions: smiling, laughing, serious, crying, shouting, fearsome and much more. I close my eyes. There´ s just one thought in my mind: I love him.

 I am sure.

The door opens. I raise my head. The man, who enters the room, is Skinner. I do not want to speak to him now, but I want to know what he thinks of Mulder' s disappearance. So I wait for him to start talking...

The end

Well, I don't know why I've written this, `cause I don't think either that it would be possible for Scully to think this. I mean now I know for sure they were more than just friends at the end of season 7, and when I wrote this (it was some time ago, when season 8 came first on TV, I couldn't believe anything else but that Mulder is the father of Scully's child.