Summary: For some reason Sheldon keeps thinking that Amy's innocent remarks have something to do with sex. (With a little Lenny on the side.)
a/n: Another story attempt. My writing is even choppier than the other stuff I've written. The first little snippet is from S7E10. The rest are just silly little things I wanted to add.
Disclaimer: The characters herein do not belong to me.
The Mistaken Supposition
"Sheldon, it's a beautiful night. Why don't you and I go for a nice walk together?" Amy had asked.
"Oh, everything is just sex with you, isn't it?"
...two weeks later...
"If you're not busy, I thought you'd like to come over. We can make root beer floats and watch a movie," Amy suggested, her image on the phone granting him a smile.
Sheldon looked doubtful. "Is 'root beer float' the new slang for 'coitus'?"
Amy's smile vanished.
...a few days after that...
Amy sat on the couch beside Sheldon as they drank tea and chatted about their day. "If there's enough in the budget, they'll bring in another monkey for our studies."
"Amy, please. Could we stop talking about sex for five minutes?" Sheldon asked.
Amy furrowed her brow and looked at her boyfriend strangely.
...the following week...
"Please pass the mustard," Amy said.
"All right, get those genitals of yours under control," Sheldon told her.
...two days ago...
"I found this online and I thought you should have it. I know you have a Silver Surfer necktie, but I don't think I've ever seen you with an Incredible Hulk one," Amy said, presenting him with the gift.
Sheldon looked overjoyed at first, but then looked at her, confused. "What's this for?"
"Nothing in particular. It's just that when I saw it, I thought of you," she explained.
Sheldon sighed. "And you expect me to climb into bed with you in return." It was more of a statement rather than a question.
Amy could only face-palm.
...yesterday...
"Should we wait until all of the Hobbit movies are out on DVD before we watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy again?" Amy asked.
"And I suppose next you'll say that we should go to bed together so we can get naughty under the sheets instead," Sheldon replied.
...presently...
"You've been here a lot lately, Amy. I'm starting to think that you should just spend the night," Penny pointed out as she, Leonard, Sheldon and Amy sat around playing Monopoly.
Leonard tried to signal to her to let that particular topic go, but it was too late. They were further down the rabbit hole, never to be found again.
Amy wasn't sure how to respond. "Me? Here? That's probably not such a good idea."
"It's always sex, sex, sex with you people," Sheldon said with an exasperated sigh. He stood and pointed fingers at Leonard and Penny. "You two I can understand. It's all you think about." He gave Amy a disappointed look. "But you...? You should know better." He made his way toward the kitchen.
"What did I do?" Amy asked.
"Well, you just said so yourself," Sheldon said with his hand on the handle of the refrigerator. "You think that spending the night is a good idea."
The other three looked at each other, confused. Finally, it was Leonard who was brave enough to say, "She said the opposite, actually."
"Oh, please, Leonard. I have an eidetic memory—" Sheldon began.
"Yeah, but apparently you don't listen," Leonard told him.
Penny and Amy looked at each other, then back at Sheldon.
"Let me take a crack at this. As a psychology student, I'd like to delve into what's going on here," Penny stated to everyone with a smile. "I think you're just hearing what you wanna hear, sweetie."
Then came Sheldon's patented look of haughty derision. "Why on Earth would I want to hear that?" he asked, still gripping the refrigerator handle.
"I don't know," Penny said, giving up the fight.
Leonard held up his index finger and gave a smile. "Then let me, the child of a noted psychiatrist and subject of her many experiments, elaborate. Long overdue, Sheldon is finally emerging from the latency phase of psychosexual development and is entering into manhood. He doesn't know how to deal with this change and is projecting his own sexual desires onto his girlfriend."
Sheldon looked at his roommate for a long time before saying, "That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard." He finally opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.
Amy had been quiet for far too long, thinking about the accusations Sheldon had been making for the past month or so. She frowned and furrowed her brow. "I don't know if that's the reason, but the fact of the matter is that you have broached the topic of sex a lot lately, even though I haven't even brought it up once."
The taller physicist stood in the kitchen accessing his eidetic files of the past month of interactions with his girlfriend. Sights and sounds of the days prior zipped by like a dream in fast forward, slowing only for moments he thought she'd been referring to sex.
Penny's mouth dropped open in surprise. "So, this has happened before?" she asked her bestie.
"Quite a few times recently," Amy replied.
"Then I stand by my theory," Leonard said, a smug expression on his face as he looked at his roommate who seemed to have powered down in the kitchen.
Her words, simply a collection of sounds outshined by his own train of thought at the time, he was only now piecing together into proper statements. She had in fact not spoken a word about intimacy for a very long time and, therefore, the disturbing implication was that it was he who was having thoughts of intimacy. Even with his eidetic memory he couldn't recall what he was really thinking during those moments, yet when he spoke, he had accused her of sexual intent.
"Sheldon? Are you okay?" Amy asked.
Penny stifled a laugh. "I think we broke him."
"Nah, he just needs a reboot," Leonard told her.
Since they weren't getting a response from the taller physicist, Amy decided to join him in the kitchen. Before she could put her hand on his arm, Sheldon turned his attention to her, so she stopped.
"I shouldn't have accused you of those things when they weren't your intent," Sheldon said quietly, hoping the other two wouldn't hear. "My apologies." He just stood there looking at and fumbling around with the bottle of water in his hands.
"It's okay. Just come back and finish the game with us," Amy told him.
"There really is no logical explanation as to why I assumed you were talking about coitus when you clearly weren't," Sheldon went on, ignoring her last statement.
"I just gave you a logical explanation as to why you assumed she was talking about coitus when she clearly wasn't," Leonard called from the living room.
Sheldon frowned and looked at Leonard. "No, you gave me an explanation. There's nothing logical about it."
"Why wouldn't it be logical to assume that your thoughts have been drifting more and more toward sex lately?" Amy asked.
Sheldon shot a glare at her that was more confused than angry.
"Hear me out. 1) Everyone around you is always talking about sex. 2) A few months ago, a lot of our conversations revolved around intimacy. 3) My cheek bones and beckoning pelvis have a certain 'hello sailor' quality," Amy explained.
Sheldon's eyes unconsciously lowered to examine Amy's pelvis. It wasn't his usual brief glance when someone called attention to something. His eyes had lingered longer than he intended.
And everyone in the room noticed.
The neurobiologist blushed and adjusted her glasses. "Sheldon!"
His eyes snapped back to hers. "What?"
Penny slapped Leonard on the arm a few times to get his attention. "Was he just checking her out?!" she asked, barely able to get the words out. "Tell me I didn't just imagine it."
"Ow! That's what it looked like to me," Leonard whispered, trying to protect his abused arm.
Amy wasn't really sure what to say, but she knew she had to say something. "If you look at me that way, people will start to talk."
"Um. Just for the record, people have already started talking," Leonard pointed out.
"Look at you what way?" Sheldon asked, ignoring their friends in the living room.
Again, Amy wasn't sure what to say.
"Like she's the newest Sheldon-approved item on the Cheesecake Factory menu!" Penny shouted.
Leonard tried to shush her, but it was much too late.
"Why are you trying to keep me quiet? You're putting your two cents in where they don't belong too," Penny told her boyfriend.
Leonard thought for a moment, then nodded. "You're right."
In the meantime, Penny's comment brought out a redness in Sheldon's face and caused Amy to redden even more.
"Do you want to talk about this someplace more private?" Amy asked.
Sheldon headed back toward the couch. "There's nothing to talk about. You mentioned parts of your anatomy and I looked at them. In the immortal words of Stan Lee, 'nuff said."
"And 'nuff said explains why you're blushing like a school girl who just met her crush," Penny said with a giggle.
Sheldon quickly did an about-face and gestured toward Amy. "If for nothing more than to escape the annoying clucking of hens, let's talk about this someplace more private."
Amy gave a nod and started heading toward Sheldon's bedroom.
The taller scientist looked over his shoulder at the other couple. "When I said hens, I was referring to you too, Leonard." With that, he stormed off toward his room.
Leonard was left dumbfounded. "What did I say?"
Penny grinned at her boyfriend and pecked him on the lips. "Your two cents."
"Some place more private," Sheldon murmured, but it was loud enough for Amy to hear. "You know this is going to cost us the game, don't you?"
"I think we should talk about this. This is bigger than Monopoly," Amy told him.
"Nothing is bigger than Monopoly."
Amy put her hands on her hips and glared at Sheldon.
"Monopoly has been around since the early 20th—" Sheldon began.
"Sheldon!" his girlfriend nearly shouted. "I think we need to talk about what's been going on between us lately."
"What do you mean? Our relationship is as it ever was. I am the brilliant praying mantis boyfriend and you are the cute lump of wool girlfriend."
Amy sighed and folded her arms across her chest. "And the boyfriend, who insists that ours is a relationship of the mind, has recently been initiating sex talk."
Sheldon's expression was one of amazement and he mirrored Amy's stance. "I have not been 'initiating sex talk'... Eventually you were gonna bring it up again, so I simply initiated preemptive strikes."
There was no way to prove or disprove anything. "And my pelvis?"
Once again, Sheldon's eyes lowered and lingered.
Maybe there was a way to prove or disprove something. "Sheldon."
His eyes met hers again. "Yes?"
"Do you remember when I lied to you about being sick and you spanked me?"
Sheldon rolled his eyes and sighed. "Of course I do. This mind doesn't forget."
"Do you remember when you were drunk during Thanksgiving and you slapped my bottom?"
"...I don't remember that," the physicist said, looking at the floor.
"I think you have a fascination with the lower half of my body," Amy theorized.
Sheldon snorted derisively. "Wrong. I have a fascination with all of you."
...
...
...
...
"Um," was all Sheldon could manage as blood rushed to color his face.
Amy looked away and her own blood-rush matched his. "Oh, my... I had no idea. I guess that answers a lot of my questions." She headed toward his bedroom door.
"Wait. What questions? What answers? We're not done here," Sheldon said, following her toward the door.
When Amy pulled open the door, Penny and Leonard tumbled into the room.
"Oh, hey," Penny said, trying to pretend nothing had happened.
"You two were listening in on us?" Amy asked.
Leonard shook his head. "I was trying to stop her."
The blond gave Leonard an angry look. "Yeah, right. You may have been against it at first, but you joined in of your own free will."
Amy just huffed and walked past them.
Sheldon stood there shaking his head in disappointment. "I hope you two are prepared. My class begins tomorrow evening at seven. Don't be late."
"Awwww!" Leonard and Penny groaned simultaneously.
The End
a/n: All apologies. I just wanted to write something kinda silly (even though just about everything I've written so far has been kinda silly). Thanks for taking the time to read it and please let me know what you think.