Harry Potter Meets Discworld
"Phew, I'm glad they're over," said Ron as they exited the classroom.
"I quite enjoyed them," said Hermione.
"Well, you always enjoy the end of year exams, Hermione," Ron retorted, "Harry? What is it?" He added noticing Harry had stopped dead in front of them.
"Have you ever noticed this here before?" Said Harry, pointing to a polished, metallic door on their right.
"No," chorused Ron and Hermione together, "Wonder what's in there," added Ron.
"Only one way to find out," said Hermione, walking up to the door and trying the handle. The door creaked open noisily to reveal nothing but darkness. Hermione took out her wand and held it up in front of her, "Lumos!" She shouted. A beam of light filled the area in which the darkness had been and revealed a dusty stone passageway, leading to another door at the end. Hermione stepped into the passageway, but Ron stopped her, "Do you think this is such a good idea?" He said, "There could be anything behind that door!"
Hermione glared at him, "Well we're never going to find out what's there if we don't look." She continued down the passageway towards the other door. Ron narrowed his eyes behind her and followed reluctantly, while Harry closed the door behind them. The door at the end of the passage led to a dingy room that had a musty, aged smell.
"Well, this is exciting," said Ron, sarcastically, "C'mon, let's go back."
The turned round and opened the door, which creaked just as noisily as the one before it. Instead of coming to the dusty stone passageway they had passed through, the door now led out into a brightly lit corridor with polished flagstones. The air was thick and felt almost… almost greasy. There was a strange taste too that none of them could quite put their finger on.
They suddenly heard voices coming towards them and ducked quickly out of sight behind the door again. One of the voices sounded strange, as if it wasn't human.
"Ook," It was saying. Another voice spoke. This one, however, was human,
"Certainly out of the question," It said.
The voices became louder as the figures approached. A strange leathery- looking foot appeared in front of the door. It was attached to a rather hairy leg, which belonged to… an Orang-utan? Harry turned to the other two, who looked just as confused as he was.
The Orang-utan was holding an ancient book under one arm and appeared to be talking, or rather, communicating with someone else who, currently wasn't visible. The Orang-utan continued past the door and was followed by a human. The human turned out to be a man, around Dumbledore's age, perhaps a few years younger. He had a rather shabby beard and was wearing a dusty, worn-out red robe with yellow stars on it. He had a pointed hat on which had sequins sewn onto it, badly. There was something written on the brim in dull yellow letters, which were also badly sewn on. The word was spelt wrong too. It read, "Wizzard"
'Well,' thought Harry, 'He can't be such a good wizard if he can't even spell the word!'
"I'm going to talk to him," said Hermione suddenly.
"Hermione, wait!" Harry and Ron tried to stop her, but Hermione obviously wasn't taking any notice. She pushed past the protesting boys and strode out into the corridor.
"Excuse me!" She called, walking briskly over to the so-called wizard. The old man stopped and turned to face her,
"Yes?" He said impatiently.
"Er, could you tell us," She gestured to Harry and Ron, who had just emerged from behind the door, "Where we are?"
"Who are you?" Asked the wizard, suspiciously.
"I'm Hermione," said Hermione, " and this is Harry, and Ron."
"Never heard those names before. You must be foreign." The wizard suddenly groaned, "You're not more tourists are you? Well don't expect me to be your guide or anything-"
"Er, no. We just wondered where we were." Interrupted Hermione.
"You're in the Unseen University, Ankh-Morpork. Right, can I go now? Only I've got some business to attend to in the library."
This wizard, whoever he was, was certainly very rude.
"There's a library here?" Said Hermione, with a grin on her face.
"Hermione! Now is not the time to go reading books!" said Ron, sourly, "ankh-Morpork?" He added, turning back to the old man, "Where the hell in England is that?"
"Sorry?" The wizard became puzzled, "England?"
"Oh, God…" groaned Harry, "Look, could you just tell us how to get back to Hogwarts, please? I mean, you're obviously a wizard, so you'll know where Hogwarts is," Harry hesitated, "Won't you? Oh and who are you, by the way?"
"I'm Rincewind," said Rincewind, "And no, I don't know where this Hogwarts place is, so if you don't mind-"
"But-"
"But what?" Rincewind was becoming impatient.
"But we're still lost," said Ron.
"Well that's not my problem is it? Anyway, how did you get in here?"
"I don't know," said Hermione, "We found this secret room in Hogwarts, so we went in and when we came out again, we were here."
"Where is this room?" Asked Rincewind.
"Just over there," said Harry, pointing to he metallic door. Rincewind walked over to it, followed by Hermione, Ron and Harry. He opened the door and walked inside. The others entered the room and the door creaked closed behind them.
"Is this some kind of joke?" Said Rincewind, "Because it's not very funny, I'm very busy, you know."
Before they could say anything, Rincewind walked over to the door and opened it,
"Oh… shit," he moaned. Harry walked overto the door and peered out,
"Hey," he said, looking round at Ron and Hermione with a grin on his face, "We're back! Look, it's that stone passageway we were in earlier."
"Let's see," said Ron, joining them at the door, "Phew," he said, "I thought we were going to be stuck in that, that blind University forever!"
"It's the Unseen University," snapped Rincewind, "and that was my home! I just wanted a boring life, with no more bloody adventures!"
"You're a wizard aren't you?" Said Harry, "couldn't you just disapparate back home?"
"I never said I was any good at it!"
"Well, what can you do?"
"All I'm good at, is running away," said Rincewind.
"How can you be a wizard if you can't even do any magic?"
"Because it's what I am! It was either this or the Assassins guild, and I'd rather stay away from the killing, thank you very much!" said Rincewind.
"Assassins guild?"
"Oh, nevermind," said Rincewind irritably.
"Hmm," said Ron, thoughtfully, "Maybe we could get Dumbledore to send you back," he suggested.
"Who's Dumbledore?" Asked Rincewind, looking suspicious.
"The Headmaster," said Hermione, "C'mon, we'll go and see him now."
Harry, Ron and a very annoyed Rincewind followed Hermione down the passageway and out into the draughty, candle-lit corridors of Hogwarts. The metallic door shut behind them and there was a strange noise, like one of Death's life-timers running out, followed by a small 'pop'.
They all turned round to see what the noise was.
Rincewind swore.
(A/n) well that's it! I wasn't planning to do another chapter, as this was just a fun thing I decided to write, but who knows! I might do another chapter after I've finished my 5-chapter Harry potter fic.